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Original poster

Sorry, another "3rd child" one...

155 replies

BlueGizmo · 17/02/2021 20:36

I know, I know, people are always asking about having number 3, but what if you'll have a big age gap?? I have DS9 and DD7. Does the 3rd feel left out?? Also I'm 36 this year, am I too old?? We have a big 3 bed and if we went ahead we'd either eventually move or convert the loft so not worried about space. We're also well off financially.

Does anyone have experience of having number 3 with this sort of age gap?

OP posts:
gwenneh · 18/02/2021 14:11

We had a third when DC were 7 and 10 (and yes, I was older than you!)

The reality is that we had worries before DC3 arrived. Space, money, emotions, energy...we worried about it all, and it all worked out.

TwilightSkies · 18/02/2021 14:40

You'll not regret having another baby but will regret not having 1.

Why do people keep saying this? There’s threads on here all the time from people regretting having their child and how much more stressful life is now and they wish they had stopped at 0/1/2 etc.

Think about what is best for the family as a whole, not just your own wants and urges.

SomethingOnce · 18/02/2021 15:01

My older DC are 11 and 7 and the tiny addition has been fantastic for all of us. And I’m quite a bit older than you, OP.

Tbh, from the number of two-child-plus-barely-trained-dog families round here, I’d say a few people regret not having a third.

(Overpopulation isn’t being driven by births, so much as extended lifespans. We have an ageing population, so you could say it’s better on balance to increase the birth rate a bit and crack on with number three Smile)

SomethingOnce · 18/02/2021 15:09

it’s also bad for the planet to do more than replace yourselves on it.

In order to more or less replace at population level, some people need to have more to balance those who have none. So yeah, but no.

cinammonbuns · 18/02/2021 15:25

@SomethingOnce people in non Western countries are more than already compensating for that, just saying,

jerometheturnipking · 18/02/2021 15:45

Tbh, from the number of two-child-plus-barely-trained-dog families round here, I’d say a few people regret not having a third.

What? Getting a dog is a completely different thing from having a baby. We'd like to get a dog in the future because we'd like a dog for a pet, not to replace a third baby that we're choosing not to have.

SomethingOnce · 18/02/2021 16:20

Getting a dog is a completely different thing from having a baby.

Until recently, I’d have said the same.

SomethingOnce · 18/02/2021 16:27

SomethingOnce people in non Western countries are more than already compensating for that, just saying

My understanding is that birth rates are falling across the world, a trend that is likely to continue.

And I’m not clear what bearing the existence of less aged populations in non-Western countries has on the issues arising from ageing populations in Western countries.

Pyewhacket · 18/02/2021 16:37

@Nettleskeins

It could be twins! I had twins at 36....As did my cousin
Good grief, I couldn’t think of anything worse.
DollyParton2 · 18/02/2021 16:52

Nearly due with third here. Other DC are 7 & 5. I always wanted 3, generally really excited about it, as our kids and DH and think I’ll definitely feel “done” once he arrives!

FredaFlintstone · 18/02/2021 17:13

I have exactly that gap op...my dc are now 12, 10 and 3.

We're also in a 3 bed house but I have 3 boys. The oldest 2 share the largest double, dh and I have the next biggest and ds3 has the single.

I love the age gap so far. My oldest 2 are incredibly close but I wouldn't say ds3 felt left out at all. The oldest ones are lovely with him, happy to play with him and let him join in. He even has his own small tub of toys that they keep in their room (at their suggestion) as there's more floor space in their room and they're happy for him to be in there with them and play.

I also love how having ds3 has kind of 'extended' ds1s childhood. You know all those things you kind of secretly still want to do at 12/13 like climb big soft play stuff, playgrounds etc, but you feel a bit too old? Ds1 has the perfect excuse now so he can 'watch ds3 for me' on the playground, help him in feeding baby lambs at the farm park or whatever it is Grin. But in case any of his mates see him doing uncool stuff, he has the get out clause of 'oh I'm just watching my brother' 😂

SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt · 18/02/2021 17:25

Quite. It never seems to factor into anyone's thinking which is very sad

Because I don't see how it makes the slightest difference if I have 3 instead of 2 children?

Pumpkinpied · 18/02/2021 18:19

Slightly different scenario but our eldest was 9 when DC2 arrived after struggling to conceive for years. It then felt like we had created two only children despite them being full siblings, hence DC3. Had we had our first two close together in age like you I wouldn’t have planned a third to be so much younger.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 18/02/2021 20:31

@SomethingOnce

Africa’s population is aging and it needs social protection

How Does Japan’s Aging Society Affect Its Economy?

China’s Aging Population Is a Major Threat to Its Future

It’s not as simple as just not having babies.

These all relate to economics though, not the environment.

We can't have exponential growth to service an ever ageing population. The whole economic model will need to change.

PetraRabbit · 18/02/2021 22:09

I think 3 children is the ideal so I say yes.
A gap between the first two and the baby sounds great too. I know families who've done it and it's brought the older two together.
I'm jealous. I'm 45 with two children under three and realistically a third is close to impossible at my age. I wish I was a youngster of 36.

Tink2007 · 18/02/2021 22:11

We had our third DD in September. I’ll be 36 this year.

Our children are DD1 - 15, DD2 -7 and DD3 6mths. The age gap works well for us. Have never regretted it.

MaLarkinn · 18/02/2021 22:21

I have 4, they are 12, 13, 14 and 15 and honestly, I think you'd be mad. Put everything into the two you've got as when they get a bit older it will be full on.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 18/02/2021 22:52

I’m 40, my kids are 10, 8 and 1. We are so happy we did it. We did buy a bigger car, we had a spare room so stayed in our house.
Yes, it’s hard to coordinate activities. My husband takes the big kids and I take the bubba. Or we get childminding for Bubs on holidays. Yes that’s inconvenient/harder.
BUT the dynamics of our family have changed for the better. She really completes us. The older two can bicker, but everyone loves the baby! She’s a circuit breaker. It’s shown me a gorgeous side of my 10 year old son. He dotes on her!
It helps that she’s a darling. Our school is K-12 anyway, so the argument of high school and kindergarten doesn’t matter - it will still be one drop off.
I’m for it, as long as you can afford some extra help, which minimises the compromises the older kids need to make.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 18/02/2021 22:55

@FredaFlintstone

I have exactly that gap op...my dc are now 12, 10 and 3.

We're also in a 3 bed house but I have 3 boys. The oldest 2 share the largest double, dh and I have the next biggest and ds3 has the single.

I love the age gap so far. My oldest 2 are incredibly close but I wouldn't say ds3 felt left out at all. The oldest ones are lovely with him, happy to play with him and let him join in. He even has his own small tub of toys that they keep in their room (at their suggestion) as there's more floor space in their room and they're happy for him to be in there with them and play.

I also love how having ds3 has kind of 'extended' ds1s childhood. You know all those things you kind of secretly still want to do at 12/13 like climb big soft play stuff, playgrounds etc, but you feel a bit too old? Ds1 has the perfect excuse now so he can 'watch ds3 for me' on the playground, help him in feeding baby lambs at the farm park or whatever it is Grin. But in case any of his mates see him doing uncool stuff, he has the get out clause of 'oh I'm just watching my brother' 😂

This is us exactly. My ten year old got out his train tracks “for the baby” and then played with them for an hour. 🤣
LaBellySausage · 19/02/2021 11:25

I wish people would shut up about the environmental impact of 3.

In parking threads nobody is shrieking that you shouldn't have a car in the first place.

In holiday threads no one is wailing that you should be camping at the bottom of the garden to save on jet fuel.

In recipe threads no one is saying "I can't believe you think veganism is environmentally friendly when those avocados have been flown in from Peru!"

In domestic violence threads nobody says "don't leave! 2 households has twice the carbon footprint!"

The OP has already pointed out that she is qualified to make an educated decision about her environmental impact, and is in fact part of the solution for a sustainable future.

This ONLY ever comes up in children threads and it is a massive bore.

So in summary: fuck off!

ShopoholicIn · 19/02/2021 11:52

I have 2 with a 7 year age gap and I am older than you.

Idontbelieveit12 · 19/02/2021 11:55

Mine are 4, 13 and 14. Feel like my 4 year old is an only child sometimes as the big two are not interested in him. Wouldn’t swap him for the world though he’s fab!

Mishmased · 19/02/2021 13:19

@LaBellySausage class 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sola123 · 19/02/2021 21:29

@Chunkymenrock

Two children is really enough. Major environmental disasters already happening. Over population/over consumption are the main contributers. The planet doesn't need more people. Why not quit while you're ahead? Life is straightforward!
The birth rate is falling worldwide and in the uk, it's already below replacement rate.

The global population is predicted to start falling within the lifetime of the DC being born now, so I don't think individuals in the UK need to worry really about overpopulation.