Sorry, another "3rd child" one...

[BlueGizmo]

I know, I know, people are always asking about having number 3, but what if you'll have a big age gap?? I have DS9 and DD7. Does the 3rd feel left out?? Also I'm 36 this year, am I too old?? We have a big 3 bed and if we went ahead we'd either eventually move or convert the loft so not worried about space. We're also well off financially.

Does anyone have experience of having number 3 with this sort of age gap?

Years more of childcare/school runs/ school holidays. I'm happy stopping at two with a 4 year gap.

Do it! I was 36 when dd2 was born with similar age gaps between ds. The elder two absolutely dote on her especially ds who is the eldest and I must say so far it's been far easier. You'll find the elder two help out and you're so much more relaxed/confident after 3.

I have a 10 year age gap between me and my sister and a 3 year one between my I her sister. We all get on fine. She was a blessing to our family and we all got on well, helping each other and supporting each other. It's how you raise them I guess.

I disagree with your casual dismissal of the environmental impact. The time to take action is now. Our children are already going to experience a world of diminished resources, huge implications from climate change and deep uncertainty.

Think of the environment. You've already bred to replacement rate, which is bad enough. Be happy with what you have.

@DesdemonaDryEyes

Thanks for your dismissive remarks *@Worldwide2*

Whichever way you look at it and however much you curb your consumption, 3 will always consume more than two.

That’s ridiculously false. African nations have large families normally and consume way less than the West. Consumption really is down to lifestyle a lot of the time. I hate the population argument for the environment as it’s often then used to sneer at poorer countries with difficulties curbing their population (regardless of whether those countries have a large carbon footprint or not).

A family with just 1 child who take private jets around the world, live in a mansion, and drive everywhere in their monster truck will consume more than a family with 3 children who are environmentally conscious, travel less often and in shared transportation.

It wouldn’t worry me. A sibling can be the odd one out with 2 or 20 year difference with the eldest ( yes I’ve seen that too). Age is no guarantee. Of course you could choose to have two more and close together. That would be the best for companionship

I have 3, but really close together - 3, 2 and 4 months 🥴

BUT my mom had 3, 3 years apart, then 10 years later had 2 more 15 months apart and it was the best thing ever. I was 9 and my next sister was 12, and we loved every second. We were like second and third moms to them, and now we are SO close. They’re now 17 and 18 and the 4 of us are inseparable.

Just wanted to give you a positive story!

Ummm I have three, currently pregnant with no 4 last baby. My eldest is 11, I have no regrets .

@Chunkymenrock

Two children is really enough. Major environmental disasters already happening. Over population/over consumption are the main contributers. The planet doesn't need more people. Why not quit while you're ahead? Life is straightforward!

Without meaning to be rude, this is the sort of comment you have to watch out for when you have more than one child. It's a bit old now but still annoying

I had my third when my other two were 9 and 6. 6 year old Ds has always been really close to his little sister, they played together all the time and her arrival helped end the sibling rivalry between my two DS'. Having my DD really was the most wonderful gift and for me the age gap worked so well if we did it all again I have 5 years between each child !

I have not had this age gap so cannot comment but what I will say is number 3 came as the biggest surprise. I actually started a similar thread years ago. The idea of having my third was devastating. But our third completed something. Very Sufi yet to explain but she was something that was missing that We didn’t know at the time.
Very happy with our decision ❤️

I have 3.
First two close in age and then a gap of 4 years until the last.

I always wanted three and felt my family was complete the minute he was born.

It was amazing to be able cherish all the stages of pregnancy and childhood one last time

My baby boy is now 20 and at university and I tell him that he is my special bonus boy ❤️

I have 3 with that age gap. It’s hard. My 3rd was not planned. He is an absolute wonder. The loveliest, sweetest, kindest, brightest little boy. I cannot imagine my life without him. When he was born his siblings adored him.
BUT he is now 6. The older two increasingly have their own lives and sometimes resent being asked to spend time with him. In the current lockdown I might ask them to get off their Xbox and play with him for a couple of hours so I can work for example. It is extremely difficult sometimes to plan family activities as the eldest have grown out of the things he’d like and he’s too young for things they’d like. It is exhausting having 3 (particularly when homeschooling in a lockdown!) and expensive.
Would I have chosen to have three knowing what I know now? No.
Do I regret for a second having my third? Also no.

@dannydevitoiloveyourart

Exactly!! 👏🏻

I have 3: 11, 7 and 3. It is hard. I have been changing nappies and getting up in the night for over a decade now. When DC3 was a baby it was easier but now she is a toddler it is really exhausting.

The mental workload of meeting such different needs is exhausting and we have had 3 years of broken sleep at night and early wake ups whilst older DCs want to stay up later leaving DH and I feeling really squeezed.

I adore my kids but if I knew then what I know now, I would have stopped at 2.

A family with just 1 child who take private jets around the world, live in a mansion, and drive everywhere in their monster truck will consume more than a family with 3 children who are environmentally conscious, travel less often and in shared transportation.

Nonsense. Three western children will always consume more than one. Don’t use straw man scenarios to convince yourself otherwise.

I think on here you often get the message 'oh don't do it, it's going backwards, you're at such a good point now....etc' but if like me, you like the baby and toddler phase then go for it!! I have 6 years between my 2, we couldn't afford a 2nd before then and it's been wonderful, I am loving having a little cuddly baby/toddler back again, doing all the bedtime stories and nappy changes and nursery rhymes again. I would have a third if we had the money/space and I wouldn't mind another larger gap. People worried me when we thought about another once ds1 was a bit more grown up, but it's the best thing I've ever done!

This is lovely.

"That’s ridiculously false. African nations have large families normally and consume way less than the West. Consumption really is down to lifestyle a lot of the time. I hate the population argument for the environment as it’s often then used to sneer at poorer countries with difficulties curbing their population (regardless of whether those countries have a large carbon footprint or not).

A family with just 1 child who take private jets around the world, live in a mansion, and drive everywhere in their monster truck will consume more than a family with 3 children who are environmentally conscious, travel less often and in shared transportation."

Where is your data coming from on that? All the stats I've seen don't agree. There is a disparity in terms of consumption rates between western countries and poorer countries that's true. But to use that as an argument to dismiss environmental impacts of a poster considering another child who is western is baffling. It is complex but the more population there is, the more consumption of the worlds resources there is.

Also, why don't people consider what kind of life that child might have? Food shortages, displacement (ie from fire/floods) are all likely to be faced by the next generations.

The truth is inconvenient. I'm fed up of the denial on here about it to fit people's own agendas.

That’s almost the exact age gap between me and my DBs. We are now 30, 28 and 22. As adults older DB and I are in very different stages of life to younger DB but we all make the effort with each other. As kids I remember loving having a little brother and being old enough to help look after him. DBs were brilliant friends as children even though 8 years between them.

I always think you will never regret having a child but can regret not having one.

I have seen many threads on here over the years that show this is absolutely not the case.

You are definitely not too old.

In terms of age gaps, my partner has a wider age gap with his siblings and is extremely close to them.

When they moved out, leaving him to be the only child at home. Well he was suited, he got a bedroom to himself

Thanks @Whoopsies! The thought of "going backwards" doesn't really concern me, I'd love to do that again, even with the sleep deprivation!

@PurplePeach83 pointed out there could be unforeseen health complications with the pregnancy or more generally and that does play on my mind. Also I have to think of childcare as DH and I both have very good jobs and would want to carry on working, at least PT. I imagine we'll continue to have the same circular discussions until we either go for it or scare ourselves into leaving well alone!

Anyone fancy starting a population control thread so those posters can thrash it out amongst themselves over there??

@BlueGizmo we have two aged 5 and just turned 8 and I'm 25 weeks pregnant. Always wanted a third so decided to leave it for a few years to see if the feeling will go away. Like you I had my kids in my twenties and at 34 I'm close in age to you.
I know I will regret not having a third and my kids were very demanding so this is the right time for us. They are super excited and cannot wait.

We don't have to make major changes as our house is a 4 bed but the kids share as they've always liked sleeping in the same room.

We have two hatchbacks but as kids are older they are in high back boosters (currently isofix, but will be belted when baby is born) and baby will be in the middle.

Regarding sleep they never really slept tbh and still wake up early.

Holidays will just have to be paid for as will childcare. I figured with our two being close childcare now will never be as bad as it was when they were younger. We were paying nearly 2k monthly at one stage.

I'm an only child so maybe I'm trying to compensate for not having a sibling. And I would have been delighted with twins (my friend with similar age gap kids had twins last year haha).

Career will have to take a back seat for the next 2-3 years and hopefully when baby is in playschool I can look to step up in work. Until then family is priority for me and although they are hard work I really enjoy them.

And finally this has been a slightly tough pregnancy considering I enjoy being pregnant. I also never wanted to have kids too close in age as I want to enjoy and give time to them individually and I think if school and university fees as well. Good luck with your decision.