friend got job she knew I wanted

[fcekinghell]

It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned but anyway.

I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about 2 years ago and I put myself forward as a means to widen my network, find out about new opportunities etc, especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time.

I got assigned to a woman I will call Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails etc where she gave me some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own.

For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting. Offered to help with my CV and interview skills if I needed it.

Well I got made redundant in Covid. Debbie still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her its my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know. I've now heard that Debbie got the job.

It feels like a real kick in the stomach. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job and jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed whilst she was still working. Plus this job is asking for a particular skill which I do not believe she has.

DH and my DM are telling me I am a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too!

I'm so upset

Genuinely, if I hear at work that a disgruntled ex-candidate is bad-mouthing my new recruit for "stealing her job" (if new recruit there is), someone would be black listed for me, and it wouldn't be the new recruit.

Unless the new recruit stole some work or project and pretended it was theirs, I'd expect a grown-up to handle our decision following face-to-face interviews a bit more professionally.

When you take on the role of a mentor it's not like being a friend - there is a code of ethics which she's seems to have driven a cart and horse through.

@ThereOnceWasANote She hasn't been OP's mentor for years so hasn't done anything wrong in her role of mentor cos she wasn't acting in that capacity at the time.

Let me update you on my original response. I just worked out she now not an official mentor.

However, there is still an element of her being dishonest. Whilst you are friends, you still consider a mentor and I still feel she should have told you.

Yabu, she got the job through her own hard work, she clearly met their expectations, she clearly more qualified than you for the job, being bitter and resentful is not going to change anything.

'Debbie' acted badly, as a human, let alone anything else.

It doesn't sound like an official arrangement though, so was she really a 'mentor' or just a useful contact in the industry?

I feel for you. I think she was unfair to not disclose to you that she was also applying. If she was you wouldn’t have shared your application with her. She may well have mentored you with bad advice knowing it’d make her application look stronger.
As you say, lesson learnt for the future, but still I don’t think yabu given that you trusted her and she let you down.

I think if she had applied for the job regardless of whether it was before or after she knew about your application, she had a responsibility to tell you.

I think this to be honest. Then you could have chosen not to send her your application.

I don't think it really matters that she got the job, other than that you wouldn't have known if she had applied and was rejected. Imagine if you kept asking her for help and all along she was silently applying for the same jobs? It's a bit off.

@Dailywalk

I feel for you. I think she was unfair to not disclose to you that she was also applying. If she was you wouldn’t have shared your application with her. She may well have mentored you with bad advice knowing it’d make her application look stronger. As you say, lesson learnt for the future, but still I don’t think yabu given that you trusted her and she let you down.

The application was fine, it was the interviews which broke it. So no, I don't believe Debbie "mentored" with wrong advice about application.

Maybe Debbie is simply more likeable

I've been a manager and done recruitment. I've come across many people who on paper have the right/more experience but in practice are not as good as younger or less experienced colleagues. Your attitude OP is quite unprofessional and entitled, and like the people I've previously managed and interviewed, maybe that attitude came across? Apologies because I know this sounds harsh, but I think it's worth reflecting on. Good luck with the job hunt.

I get why you are frustrated but she has every right to apply for whatever job she likes. You applied too and they recruited her. There must be reasons. Maybe as for a feedback on your interview.

But since you asked, Yabu, sorry.

This woman by helping you with your application whilst also applying for the job herself has acted unethically & unprofessionally.
As a mentor she should have told you that she was also going for the job & should have refused to assist you with your application.

Anyway what's done is done now.
As she's now got a new job I would ASAP speculatively apply for her old job before it gets advertised.
Make sure your CV is strong & skills based (if it isn't already). Find out who is HoD or who is responsible for recruitment (maybe straight through HR if it's Higher Education)
Email with a good cover letter explaining why you would be a strong fit for the role when it is available.

@RedHelenB

Yabu. How on earth can you be more qualified and experienced for this job than your mentor?

Indeed, I mentor lots of junior less qualified members of staff, no body is mentored unless they have to be.

You sound very bitter OP. You say 'she didn't need the job, how do you know? Maybe this was her dream job too? Maybe she's a single mom and this job had a better pay? Debbie got the job because the employer thought she was a better candidate then you.

I understand why you're cross and upset OP, but the application only got her an interview. The interview got her the job.

She obviously had the right to go for this job, but it does feel somewhat unprofessional of her not to discuss this with you, particularly as she reviewed your CV. IMHO it’s not acceptable behaviour for a mentor - is it possible to discuss this with whoever organised the mentoring.

I wouldn’t get too hung up about who was best qualified or experienced, it’s unlikely this mentoring issue impacted who got the job - they may have been looking at other attributes - ironically this is the sort of thing it would be helpful to discuss with a good mentor!

If she looked at your CV etc and had the intention of applying for the same job, it’s shitty. BUT your attitude is just as bad. You’ve consistently mentioned how much better you are and insinuate that she has effectively lied on her application and has seemingly stolen your job. I wouldn’t want either of you!

I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

I think many posters have overlooked this. It's entirely unprofessional of her, as a mentor, to have done this. Not only was she being dishonest in not disclosing that she was applying for the same job, but she also could easily have seen something in the application that needed correcting, but not have mentioned it, or she could have used it to make her own better, and.

It's appalling behaviour, and if the mentoring programme is set up by the OP's employer, I would be reporting this. It's too late to do anything about Debbie, but they could ensure that when mentors are accepted into the programme, that they sign to agree that they will withdraw if a situation like this arises.

I have been a mentor myself at times, in fact this was her first mentoring role but I've been doing it for about 20 years (and no she's not younger than me in case anyone thinks thats a factor)

And Debbie is still meant to be my mentor. Apologies if I made it sound like it had stopped, it started 2 years ago, but I hadn't heard from her since telling her about this application and getting her feedback.

For clarification, everyone in my industry is advised to be part of a registered body with a code of conduct to follow. Its not essential to be a member but it is very desirable to employers. We were both members at the time we started as mentor/mentee. This body offered the mentoring scheme. Debbie is no longer listed as a member which is another selling point I have which she doesn't.

I am also a member of several other related bodies, and again she is not. I have won awards from this professional body, she has not. I have been published, she has not. So this is the kind of thing I am talking about when I say I am more qualified and experienced.

The employer told me they wanted someone with the relevant qualifications and memberships so on the latter point she definitely lied.

Don't be hard on yourself.

She wouldn't have been able to lie and I'm assuming you sold yourself the best you could. So unfortunately it seems they just thought she'd be a better match. Lots of employers prefer internal recruitment as they know what they're getting.

I'm not sure how she could have got it over you just because you had spoken about the field/job. She still has to back up what she's said.

I would try to let it go, if they wanted you they'd have hired you. It's a tough market out there. Fingers crossed for the next opportunity x

Can you apply for Debbies old job

It was unprofessional of her not to tell you that she was applying for the job as well, and even more unprofessional to look over your application. I applied for a job some years back, was told by the hiring manager that they couldn’t decide between me and another candidate and ended up tossing a coin. The job had as “highly desirable” a very niche language, which I speak fluently. I knew she didn’t. I asked if they had taken the language into consideration. The long and nasty pause at the other end of the phone told me that they hadn’t. The hiring manager then said very defensively “Well we can’t do anything now, we’ve offered her the job and she’s accepted.”

If I had got that job, I wouldn’t have got off my arse and applied for a much better paid and more interesting job in Paris.

YANBU
I think it sounds very underhanded of her.
Lesson learnt - next time be more savvy.

@saraclara

I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

I think many posters have overlooked this. It's entirely unprofessional of her, as a mentor, to have done this. Not only was she being dishonest in not disclosing that she was applying for the same job, but she also could easily have seen something in the application that needed correcting, but not have mentioned it, or she could have used it to make her own better, and.

It's appalling behaviour, and if the mentoring programme is set up by the OP's employer, I would be reporting this. It's too late to do anything about Debbie, but they could ensure that when mentors are accepted into the programme, that they sign to agree that they will withdraw if a situation like this arises.

But being a mentor shouldn't hold you back professionally surely.

I would agree with you had Debbie influenced OPs application; "OP I would omit that" (knowing that it's needed) for example. But OP has to be responsible for her own application. And I'm sure nothing OP told Debbie was secret/privileged info. All Debbie did was let OP submit her own application with no adjustments.

Debbie surely doesn't have to disclose her job search info to every person she mentors.

@fcekinghell

I have been a mentor myself at times, in fact this was her first mentoring role but I've been doing it for about 20 years (and no she's not younger than me in case anyone thinks thats a factor)

And Debbie is still meant to be my mentor. Apologies if I made it sound like it had stopped, it started 2 years ago, but I hadn't heard from her since telling her about this application and getting her feedback.

For clarification, everyone in my industry is advised to be part of a registered body with a code of conduct to follow. Its not essential to be a member but it is very desirable to employers. We were both members at the time we started as mentor/mentee. This body offered the mentoring scheme. Debbie is no longer listed as a member which is another selling point I have which she doesn't.

I am also a member of several other related bodies, and again she is not. I have won awards from this professional body, she has not. I have been published, she has not. So this is the kind of thing I am talking about when I say I am more qualified and experienced.

The employer told me they wanted someone with the relevant qualifications and memberships so on the latter point she definitely lied.

All that and yet she still got the job

Think you just need to move on, there will be something else around the corner far better than this and you'll look back and be glad you didn't get it.