friend got job she knew I wanted

[fcekinghell]

It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned but anyway.

I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about 2 years ago and I put myself forward as a means to widen my network, find out about new opportunities etc, especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time.

I got assigned to a woman I will call Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails etc where she gave me some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own.

For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting. Offered to help with my CV and interview skills if I needed it.

Well I got made redundant in Covid. Debbie still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her its my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know. I've now heard that Debbie got the job.

It feels like a real kick in the stomach. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job and jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed whilst she was still working. Plus this job is asking for a particular skill which I do not believe she has.

DH and my DM are telling me I am a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too!

I'm so upset

I can appreciate you are disappointed to not have the job that you wanted but with every post I lose a little more sympathy for you.

Debbie does sound like she is in way over her head!!!

Who criticises others publicly like that 😳

OP, contacting her employer about potential future employment could be a really good move for you, particularly now, when Debbie may be starting to unravel, and I think it would only backfire if you use the wrong language.

I really would avoid giving the impression it was your dream job and how sorry you were not to get it though, as that sounds needy and as if they owe you something.

Keep it more casual and upbeat and just let them know that you're now working for Xx in a Xx role, but that you'd still be very interested in working for them in the future as you think your skill set is particularly suited to Xxx, or words to that effect.

I've been in HR long enough to see this shit numerous times and never once have I known the Debbie-type involved end up better off long term.

Fortunately, ethical behaviour, and not being a dick to others do matter in many businesses. Going for the same job is all very well but looking over your application without disclosing her own personal interest just wasn't cricket.

Sounds like your Debbie is self-destructing. You don't need to do anything other than stand back. And if you want the job, get in touch with the hiring manager and make yourself known. Good luck

You know you’re through the hard bit dont you? She’s in too deep and wants to tap into your knowledge to help her out. This is the reason she wants to catch up hoping you’ll spill the beans and help her out!

Just have that in the back of your mind when she contacts you again. They can be quite manipulative- and over friendly to get you to talk.

I would anonymously email the HR department with her LinkedIn profile so they can read her negative comments. Then she can be let go as most companies do not want people expressing their views on social media. In life you have to not tell people your goals or dreams as they either get snubbed or someone else gets jealous and tries to grab the opportunity.

P.S Cease all contact with Debbie, she can't be trusted.

Agree with PP - send a light and pleasant email to employer just reiterating how much you enjoyed the interview process and to keep you in mind should any new opportunities come up as you’d love to work for the company. They may ignore it, but they also could be glad to know they can still rectify their mistake.

I think you have remained admirably calm.considering what a snake she is.

The MH remark is shocking.

I'm glad that @carlycornwall has posted this.

I believe she was utterly dishonourable in what she did and I certainly do not believe hers are the actions of anyone who wants to get ahead.

You can be very driven and ambitious and not behave like dishonest scum.

She is looking for something, most likely information and help.

Give the witch neither🤣
Keep posting.

I agree with @carlycornwall.

The only industry where a 'Debbie' could flourish is in film and television, which is another planet where morals and ethics are concerned!

Thank you for the kind messages, they are keeping me going and making me feel better. I was angry and hurt way back at the start of this thread but I've pulled it back and I'm trying to stay calm and professional, especially as there may be an opportunity coming up at this employer.

I did email them, just to ask how things were going with the project the role was in and to reiterate my interest should they receive more funding and be recruiting again.

The director replied quite quickly saying they've indeed applied for more funding, not sure how good their application was as the timescale was too tight to get it perfect, thanks for my good wishes and they will keep in touch with me.

Well done for reaching out, making your interest known will only have been seen as a good thing.

Debbie is an absolute bitch. You've done the right thing in unfollowing her. Her comment about mental health - unforgivable, especially from someone you thought of as a mentor. What a cow.

Great idea to contact that company again. Good luck!!

Who recommended her as a mentor, is it some sort of "official" thing? I say this because that person needs to know that Debbie is NOT suitable to be a mentor - she broke to our confidence in a very public and inappropriate way.

@RandomMess

Who recommended her as a mentor, is it some sort of "official" thing? I say this because that person needs to know that Debbie is NOT suitable to be a mentor - she broke to our confidence in a very public and inappropriate way.

I really agree with @RandomMess

I would so want to get what she did back to those that recommended her.

Even if it means waiting in the long grass for the right moment 🤨😁.

Well done for reaching out to the Director.👏

basically a network we are in was matching mentors based on what skills we wanted to develop or particular paths we wanted to follow.

Basically, you can do our job in the private, public or third sectors. I worked in one sector, she worked in another sector and the job that we both went for was in the last sector. So she was mentoring me, giving me tips on how to move into her sector when that job came up in a different sector. As I said we both went for it, but she knew I was going for it and didn't say a thing.

Hope that explains our mentoring relationship a bit more but that's obviously ended, I am not going to renew it, even though she seems to be trying to. We spoke about work but also spoke about our kids a bit too. She seemed nice. She wasn't.

You appear to have learnt an important lesson from this event: in the current economic climate, "colleagues" may show different sides of their personalities. Adopt Sir Winston Churchill's
motto. KBO. Keep B***ing On! Good luck. 👍

update, have spoken to the director just to reiterate my interest if anything else came up, if they got more funding etc.

Director replied to say "I don't think we'll be recruiting again this year. To be honest, demand for [service] has not been as expected and we don't have enough work for our existing staff. If things pick up we will be in touch".

Not sure if true or if they are just giving me the brush off but it's made me feel a bit better. Seemingly it wasn't my dream job after all and the job might not have lasted very long either.

Current temporary job going okay although I'm still looking for something more permanent. I won't be posting again, promise, just giving a final update.

After your update, I think I’d be thanking your lucky stars!
KBO!!

You kept your dignity OP and remained professional throughout this all. That speaks volumes about your strength of character
Good luck with finding your dream permanent job

I think you behaved with great calm and strength in the face of awful behaviour.

Really hope something permanent comes up for you.

Never hesitate to come back and give an update.
Always lovely to read.

It sounds like it has actually worked out well for you. That old saying ‘things happen for a reason’ seems to be at play here.

I hope you find a permanent position soon

I for one appreciate your update, no need to assure us that it's the final one I've followed this from the start and I'm pleased to see that it sounds as if you are doing well.

youse are all lovely. I'll maybe let you know if I get something permanent but until then, I'll be quiet. Thanks for calming me down etc throughout the thread.

Oh yes I do hope something permanent turns up for you, I think you did have a lucky escape in the end.

Keep on