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Original poster

friend got job she knew I wanted

833 replies

fcekinghell · 17/02/2021 17:39

It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned but anyway.

I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about 2 years ago and I put myself forward as a means to widen my network, find out about new opportunities etc, especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time.

I got assigned to a woman I will call Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails etc where she gave me some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own.

For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting. Offered to help with my CV and interview skills if I needed it.

Well I got made redundant in Covid. Debbie still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her its my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know. I've now heard that Debbie got the job.

It feels like a real kick in the stomach. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job and jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed whilst she was still working. Plus this job is asking for a particular skill which I do not believe she has.

DH and my DM are telling me I am a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too!

I'm so upset Sad Sad Angry Angry

OP posts:
fellrunner85 · 15/03/2021 08:53

Also, something I've learned in various leadership courses throughout my career... you can't control someone else's behaviour. But you can control your response to it.

Have a think about that instead of immediately letting her bring you down. The only person potentially stopping you being the professional, respected and classy one here is you; not Debbie.

WhoWants2Know · 15/03/2021 08:58

Do you know the event organiser? I'm just wondering if you can give them a heads up that someone who doesn't work for the company has joined and seems to be stalking you.

That might help them moderate so a non-employee is able to dominate the chat.

JingsMahBucket · 15/03/2021 09:07

@fcekinghell you need to notify your co-worker who’s hosting the event and tell them a non-staff member has registered so the host can de-register her. This is likely a breach and your company would want to keep the information to themselves. Notifying them would likely play well for you. Don’t just sit back and take the abuse and harassment from Debbie.

rookiemere · 15/03/2021 09:14

Are you sure you'd actually still want a job with original organisation OP? With Debbie working there is gives her a great opportunity to step things up a notch. For whatever reason she feels threatened by you, and I'd hesitate to put myself in a position where I'd have daily contact with her.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 15/03/2021 10:04

Could you not follow someone else in that company on LinkedIn OP, maybe whoever interviewed you if they're on there? That way you still have a contact in there and you can give Debbie the boot.

Original poster
fcekinghell · 15/03/2021 12:41

I do follow some people in the company who I knew before Debbie.

I will give the event organiser a heads up as the event organiser is a nice colleague. Will leave it to them to decide if Debbie can still take part.

OP posts:
fellrunner85 · 15/03/2021 12:48

I will give the event organiser a heads up as the event organiser is a nice colleague

Don't. In the nicest possible way, it makes you look nuts. Why would you be policing the guest list of an event? And why would you then flag it, other than to try and make yourself look like either a) a brown-noser or b) someone with an axe to grind about Debbie?

More strategic thinking and decision making required here OP - do your new job, do it well, and make yourself known that way. Don't make yourself known as some bitter oddball.

TheKeatingFive · 15/03/2021 12:56

Oh, this is still going Confused

Block her OP. Follow the organisation if you want to hear about jobs. Or check their website regularly. Take back control.

TheKeatingFive · 15/03/2021 12:59

Don't. In the nicest possible way, it makes you look nuts

Take this advice please. If she was allowed in by the event organiser it’s on their head, absolutely nothing to do with you. Ignoring people on zoom isn’t so tough.

AdultierAdult · 15/03/2021 14:39

You really have to let this go. She sounds nasty and strange but also sounds like she is unravelling you a bit. Can you take a step back from LinkedIn for a while and concentrate on your new role and stop replying to her messages? I think it's probably for the best!

JingsMahBucket · 15/03/2021 14:44

@fellrunner85
Don't. In the nicest possible way, it makes you look nuts. Why would you be policing the guest list of an event? And why would you then flag it, other than to try and make yourself look like either a) a brown-noser or b) someone with an axe to grind about Debbie?

Are you not reading what the OP is posting? Debbie is trying to attend the internal company Zoom event as an interloper from a completely different company. That’s likely not prohibited and the event organizers should be notified to delete her event registration.

XelaM · 15/03/2021 14:58

It is DEFINITELY not "nut" to police the guest list of your own company's event!!!! People who suggest anything different have clearly never worked in a corporate environment.

You can absolutely exclude her form the guest list

XelaM · 15/03/2021 14:59

Nuts*

JingsMahBucket · 15/03/2021 15:02

@fcekinghell I’d also connect with your interviewer from the lost job opportunity and then delete Debbie from LinkedIn. She’s already harvesting your contacts at the new place.

Tangogolf55 · 15/03/2021 15:03

She’s a complete bitch. What a cow.

fellrunner85 · 15/03/2021 15:04

Are you not reading what the OP is posting? Debbie is trying to attend the internal company Zoom event as an interloper from a completely different company

Yes, I am reading what the OP is posting. Sigh. And I have worked in a corporate environment, in a senior position, for several years.

The OP has presumed people from different companies aren't allowed. She has also presumed that the organiser/person who set up the Eventbrite doesn't know Debbie is from a different company. And she has then presumed the organiser will want a new member of staff - ie the OP - to flag this with them.

Some leaps of logic there from the OP. And that's before we get onto her assumption that Debbie will be "bombarding" the host with questions.

The event has been set up so anyone can sign up. If this is an error (again, the OP is presuming this), it's not the OPs issue. It won't do her any favours to go bleating about Debbie signing up to the event - it'll just make her look very petty. Which is not the look you want in a new job.

If Debbie is indeed as much of a pain in the arse in the meeting as the OP presumes, she'll get noticed and removed within about 5 minutes anyway. All while the OP - if she has any sense - acts calmly and professionally rather than getting involved.

PatchworkElmer · 15/03/2021 15:16

Don’t flag her up as attending the event OP, they’ll notice on their own if non employees are an issue. I’m sure the organiser will review the attendee list beforehand as the company is small anyway. I’m not sure that sharing invites to internal events on LinkedIn is a great idea tbh- it’s literally inviting this sort of thing

Roszie · 15/03/2021 15:32

She sounds unhinged.

JingsMahBucket · 15/03/2021 15:41

@fellrunner85
The OP has presumed people from different companies aren't allowed.

No she hasn't. She knows it's a staff/company-only event. She's already stated this.

ErickBroch · 15/03/2021 15:44

OP says she thought it was internal only but it doesn't actually say that anywhere.

ErickBroch · 15/03/2021 15:45

I think you sound absolutely obsessed with this woman IMO and after how the thread went before, I think there is some stretch to what you are saying.

If you are genuinely concerned you are being stalked then remove her as a connection. Even better, block her. Then she won't be able to find you if she searches. Either of these will stop literally all of these problems and help you move on.

P.s I am really glad you got a new job.

Mittens030869 · 15/03/2021 15:50

The one thing that really is clear is that Debbie shouldn’t have mentioned the OP’s mental health on a public forum. That was completely out of order.

TheKeatingFive · 15/03/2021 16:01

She sounds nasty and strange but also sounds like she is unravelling you a bit

A bit?!?!? 😵

Original poster
fcekinghell · 15/03/2021 16:35

She wasn't in the event. All attendees were staff. I didn't say to the host after some of you said not to. It seems the host was checking emails anyway.

As for Debbie, she's not blocked but I've unfollowed her so I can't see what she posts and I have hidden my connections list now too.

I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with her, I think its the opposite and it makes me uncomfortable. I am trying to be professional and ignore her as much as possible.

OP posts:
RollingRosie · 15/03/2021 16:47

Sounds like you've handled it well. If she contacts you or you have to see her, just grey rock it. People like that are very tricky so give her least amount of attention you can - they thrive on drama.

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