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Original poster

friend got job she knew I wanted

833 replies

fcekinghell · 17/02/2021 17:39

It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned but anyway.

I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about 2 years ago and I put myself forward as a means to widen my network, find out about new opportunities etc, especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time.

I got assigned to a woman I will call Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails etc where she gave me some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own.

For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting. Offered to help with my CV and interview skills if I needed it.

Well I got made redundant in Covid. Debbie still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her its my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know. I've now heard that Debbie got the job.

It feels like a real kick in the stomach. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job and jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed whilst she was still working. Plus this job is asking for a particular skill which I do not believe she has.

DH and my DM are telling me I am a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too!

I'm so upset Sad Sad Angry Angry

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 26/03/2021 11:25

She also commented underneath "well done on the new job, that will be great for restoring your mental health"

This is one of the cuntiest things I’ve ever read, I think you need to accept you’ve an enemy on yout hands, and steer clear. I’d suspect she used your mental health against you at interview, I’m sorry, as in “oh yes, I heard about the job via fh, I mentor her, particularly in areas of poor mental health”, job done,,,torpedoed.

NurseButtercup · 26/03/2021 11:42

trying not to shut her out completely in case we ever do work together in future, but also trying to keep my distance

You are giving this woman way too much of your energy. I'm not understanding how staying connected to her via LinkedIn or any other way, would enhance any future opportunities for YOU.

Block her to preserve your mental well-being.

purpledagger · 26/03/2021 13:46

What buttercup said.

I also think she is possibly trying to pick your brains as she may be struggling with the role.

Original poster
fcekinghell · 26/03/2021 15:47

I can't remember if I said this before but Debbie's job title on linkedin has gone from permanent to temporary which I find strange as it was advertised as a permanent role and I was told by the director it was permanent. I'm in two minds because I would like to work there on a permanent basis so I'm not sure how stable that employer is now but on the other hand, if Debbie's job isn't stable then that's quite satisfying!

OP posts:
LettuceAveIt · 26/03/2021 16:15

Same @fcekinghell

Truly repellent and vile.

Good point about the interview. Given what you’ve shared OP I wouldn’t put anything past this woman. It does not sound unlikely that she didn’t just use the info from your application but potentially even sabotaged you at interview. Hence why something hasn’t added up for you about her being favoured for the role despite you being headhunted and her relative inexperience and unsuitability for the job (particularly in comparison with your stronger application).

Am disgusted on your behalf. It does sound like she might now be ‘looking for other opportunities’ so wonder if they’ve decided not to keep her past probation and she’s saving face. Please keep us updated!

LettuceAveIt · 26/03/2021 16:18

Oops that was meant to say same @Bluntness100 in response to the comment about the cunty LinkedIn post!

billy1966 · 26/03/2021 16:22

OP,

Under any circumstances do not allow her to use you again.

Her MH remark is disgraceful and marks her out as a dangerous bitch.

If you need to block her, do.

But do NOT entertain her.

She wishes you ill and you should have nothing to do with her.

It is strange that the job status has changed.

Sounds as if she may be moving on and is looking for information.

Don't engage.
Don't explain.

Wishing you well.
Flowers

honeybeetheoneandonly · 26/03/2021 17:07

OP, if you are still interested, I would give the employer a ring again, remind them of who you are, thank them again for their time and tell them that you feel that this was the job that got away, so if they have any similar openings to please let you know. If they are cutting down then they might say so and if Debbie is just too shit at her job then they might let you know when it becomes available again.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 26/03/2021 17:12

If it’s gone to temporary is it possible she’s been put on probation? I think you said it looked like she’s claimed to have skills and qualifications that she actually doesn’t - if she’s been found out then it’s possible they’re looking to get rid of her and she’s trying to save face by claiming it was a temporary contract all along.

LettuceAveIt · 26/03/2021 18:03

Exactly @CoffeeWithMyOxygen

billy1966 · 26/03/2021 18:37

@CoffeeWithMyOxygen

If it’s gone to temporary is it possible she’s been put on probation? I think you said it looked like she’s claimed to have skills and qualifications that she actually doesn’t - if she’s been found out then it’s possible they’re looking to get rid of her and she’s trying to save face by claiming it was a temporary contract all along.
I hope so.

Doing as @honeybeetheoneandonly suggested could be well worth a phone call.

Garlia · 26/03/2021 18:38

@Bluntness100

She also commented underneath "well done on the new job, that will be great for restoring your mental health"

This is one of the cuntiest things I’ve ever read, I think you need to accept you’ve an enemy on yout hands, and steer clear. I’d suspect she used your mental health against you at interview, I’m sorry, as in “oh yes, I heard about the job via fh, I mentor her, particularly in areas of poor mental health”, job done,,,torpedoed.

This, 100%.
Cam2020 · 26/03/2021 18:46

It does seem like a bit of a conflict of interests on Debbie's part, however you don't really know what she wants out of her career. At the end of the day, you both went through the same interview process and they preferred her. Sorry, I know that's not nice to hear. The number of times I've got down to the last two candidates to be told the other person was a better 'fit'. It sounds like such a cop out but in reality the right person, not just the right skillset, is so important. Maybe the job wasn't what you thought it would be in reality - you'll find your place.

Original poster
fcekinghell · 26/03/2021 18:51

its really strange because the director gave a magazine interview recently where she says she prides herself on a company where all staff are permanent, on the living wage, able to work flexibly etc. Its a very small company too, about 16 staff but well respected in the field.

So all v strange that Debbie now has 'temporary' on her profile.

So watching closely, staying professional, not giving in to my temptation to tell her what a cunt she is and/or report her and keeping my distance but not blocking her (yet) in case we ever do end up working together. I have unfollowed her though so I don't see her lies posts on LinkedIn

OP posts:
SecureYourself · 26/03/2021 19:12

@ThePlantsitter

This is a real blow and I would be devastated too, but it's not Debbie's fault. Nobody makes career decisions for someone else's benefit and I'm sure you would have done the same in her shoes.

Sucks though. Flowers

I agree with this. I think I would be hurt too if I were in your situation but as someone who is not emotionally invested in your situation I can see that it was nobody’s fault. As you said this was an opportunity that doesn’t come up often for a really great job. Debbie was your mentor, not your best friend or your sister. It’s not a pair of shoes that there was one left that you both wanted, it’s her career and her life. It doesn’t matter that you were unemployed because it wasn’t about you. What if Debbie really wanted to apply but she didn’t because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings and then someone else got it entirely? Who wins there?
ElderMillennial · 26/03/2021 19:14

If anyone had seen the comment on your mental health, whilst you were right to delete it, it would have made her look like a twat tbh more so than making you look bad.

SecureYourself · 26/03/2021 19:15

She’s not a cunt, OP. If you wouldn’t have done the same in her shoes you would be managing your career quite poorly. Stop worrying about temporary or permanent or what someone said in an interview. It doesn’t matter. You will feel better if you move on. Congratulate debbie nicely and ask her to alert you to the next opening.

Mittens030869 · 26/03/2021 19:17

The thread has moved on from that job, haven’t you realised that? Didn’t you notice that Debbie made a public comment about the OP’s MH battles?

Mittens030869 · 26/03/2021 19:18

The OP has another job now!

Mellonsprite · 26/03/2021 19:53

@fcekinghell

its really strange because the director gave a magazine interview recently where she says she prides herself on a company where all staff are permanent, on the living wage, able to work flexibly etc. Its a very small company too, about 16 staff but well respected in the field.

So all v strange that Debbie now has 'temporary' on her profile.

So watching closely, staying professional, not giving in to my temptation to tell her what a cunt she is and/or report her and keeping my distance but not blocking her (yet) in case we ever do end up working together. I have unfollowed her though so I don't see her lies posts on LinkedIn

Good, but whilst she can see your profile, articles and likes, she can use your information and interests to bolster her position. Honestly I’d just remove and block her, she’s used you in the most devious way and cost you a job.
ChaToilLeam · 26/03/2021 20:02

This Debbie sounds like an absolute snake. Grey rock is definitely the way to go. Hopefully she has bitten off more than she can chew in the new job. Stay distant and classy, OP!

Ineedaduvetday · 27/03/2021 06:23

Do most jobs not have a probationary period now? Maybe that accounts for the 'temporary' title.

LannieDuck · 27/03/2021 12:59

@honeybeetheoneandonly

OP, if you are still interested, I would give the employer a ring again, remind them of who you are, thank them again for their time and tell them that you feel that this was the job that got away, so if they have any similar openings to please let you know. If they are cutting down then they might say so and if Debbie is just too shit at her job then they might let you know when it becomes available again.
I like this idea. Nothing to lose.
LettuceAveIt · 27/03/2021 13:22

I’m way too invested in this thread. I woke up today like

F*** Debbie

Original poster
fcekinghell · 27/03/2021 13:30

I'm not sure if contacting the employer would make me sound a bit too desperate or pathetic or jealous or all three! Not sure if I should make contact or what exactly to say.

Debbie is on LinkedIn and criticising the posts of those who are much more experienced than her. its a very niche field so most people do know each other. It seems whilst I've unfollowed her, I've only stopped myself seeing her posts but I can see what she comments on? She's acting like she knows better than those more qualified. I'm just sitting back and hoping it will all backfire on her (please god) but saying and doing nothing myself.

OP posts: