Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend got job she knew I wanted

833 replies

fcekinghell · 17/02/2021 17:39

It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned but anyway.

I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about 2 years ago and I put myself forward as a means to widen my network, find out about new opportunities etc, especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time.

I got assigned to a woman I will call Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails etc where she gave me some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own.

For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting. Offered to help with my CV and interview skills if I needed it.

Well I got made redundant in Covid. Debbie still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her its my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know. I've now heard that Debbie got the job.

It feels like a real kick in the stomach. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job and jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed whilst she was still working. Plus this job is asking for a particular skill which I do not believe she has.

DH and my DM are telling me I am a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too!

I'm so upset Sad Sad Angry Angry

OP posts:
WhoStoleMyCheese · 20/02/2021 22:23

@fcekinghell am on your side 100%

rawlikesushi · 20/02/2021 22:37

I've only read op's posts, so it has probably already been said, but if op and Debbie are connected on LinkedIn then headhunters may well have contacted her too. They may even have contacted her first.

OP, it is a crushing disappointment not to get the job, and must feel like a huge betrayal by Debbie. I think most of us would be cross and ranting away, if it happened to us. FWIW I think that Debbie was perfectly at liberty to apply, but really ought to have told you that she was going for it too. Being kind, maybe she thought that there was no point causing tension if she ultimately wasn't offered it.

I know you feel more deserving - being unemployed, having children, being in ill health. But who among us has even turned a good job down because someone else needed it more?

Lesson learned I guess. I hope you find something even better.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/02/2021 22:43

It’s really naive to say one needs someone else permission to make a job application
Applying for a job is not a shared endeavour, it doesn’t require anyone else approval
I would not seek someone else permission to apply for a job nor would I consider their sensibilities or preferences

IthinkIm · 21/02/2021 09:43

I'd be fucked off too OP.

I hope you find something even better.

Original poster
fcekinghell · 14/03/2021 19:27

update: I have another job but its a 6 month contract.I am enjoying it and its going well although its less money than the dream job.

I mentioned new job on Linkedin and Debbie has friended all my work contacts, despite not knowing them or working for that organisation. It is a niche field though.

She also commented underneath "well done on the new job, that will be great for restoring your mental health"

So something I had confided in her as part of the mentoring is something she's bloody made public now.

Also mentioned in one of my posts that I was looking forward to an event that was specific to my employer but she commented that she's signed up (its on eventbrite for anyone to sign up to although the description says staff only....eventbrite isn't the best way to organise the event TBH but I didn't organise it so can't fix that problem.

I feel like I'm being stalked and Debbie is obsessed with me and copying me or something. I know I could block her but there's a chance an opportunity could come up at her place again and I don't want to damage my prospects or have awkward encounters as I really do want to work there. It will be hard to work with her though.

I am trying to be professional and take all comments on board and rise above it and keep my mouth shut but it's hard not to (privately) feel pissed off.

If nothing did come up with her employer, then I definitely would block her. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep my distance and avoid any discussions. I've unfollowed her on social media so I can't see her posts. They were annoying me with all the lies about her skills and experience but we are still connected and it seems she can see what I post. There's no way to stop this without blocking her but as I said, I am trying to be professional now.

I just wanted a moan more than anything. I can't seem to stop her getting to me. They do say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but not when it costs me a job.

OP posts:
cerseii · 14/03/2021 19:32

Can you restrict her access on linkedin?

Either delete her comment or say something passive aggressive in return, like “thank you, your new role seems to have helped your mental health too”

Original poster
fcekinghell · 14/03/2021 19:40

I can't see a way to block her access without blocking her completely and to do that could lead to questions if we ever cross paths again. Easier if there is no prospect of ever working together but I've heard the company may be recruiting again in a few months (potentially a different job than the dream job though).
I could delete her reply though and feign ignorance if asked maybe.

OP posts:
XelaM · 14/03/2021 19:41

She sounds like an awful unethical b...

I would block her and remove her from your linkedin

XelaM · 14/03/2021 19:42

I would also post a review of her "monitoring" if at all possible. Why play nice when she clearly isn't?!

XelaM · 14/03/2021 19:42

Mentoring*

Thehop · 14/03/2021 19:44

Delete her comment immediately and keep her at arms length as much as possible.

Labobo · 14/03/2021 19:50

She should never have written that in a public forum. Is she actually a member of any counselling body? If so I would raise concerns with them about her professionalism. When you first posted I thought you were not acknowledging that a job vacancy is open to anyone who wants to apply, but the more you explain, the more devious she seems. I'd be very wary of making public anything she might use to her advantage not yours.

cerseii · 14/03/2021 19:50

smallbusiness.chron.com/block-someone-accessing-linkedin-profile-44357.html

Something here might work

Movinghouse2015 · 14/03/2021 19:51

I would delete her reply, if she asked I would be honest and say your mental health is personal and not up for discussion on apublic forum.

Knitterbabe · 14/03/2021 19:51

Is there any way of getting her comment re. Mental
Health removed?

Original poster
fcekinghell · 14/03/2021 20:05

the more she does, the more hurt and annoyed I feel. She's definitely devious. Our industry isn't counselling but related. To say exactly what would be very outing but yes we do have two professional associations and most employers expect you to be a member of one. I'm a member of both, she was a member of one, but can't find her on their register anymore. I think I mentioned that earlier. I could report her but if she's no longer a member I can't. (she says she's a member though which is another reason I get annoyed by her posts!)

I'll have a look at that linkedin guide in case there's anything I can do without straight blocking her, which a PP guessed could probably make things worse. (but I will definitely block her if I didn't get a job there next time it comes up this year).

OP posts:
RollingRosie · 14/03/2021 21:46

She's a sly one and not to be trusted. Tread carefully and distance yourself and if a chance comes to report her with no come back for you etc - do it!

FrenchBoule · 14/03/2021 21:50

OP, cease you contact with Debbie for your own benefit.
Nothing good came out of you telling her stuff.
Restrict her access on all platforms.
She’s not your friend

Blyatiful · 14/03/2021 21:55

Delete the comment about your mental health. I’d also email her and tell her that it is unprofessional behaviour.

Original poster
fcekinghell · 15/03/2021 08:22

the event is today, albeit on Zoom. I'll be seeing her virtually, even though she doesn't really need to be there (its organised by my employer and she should really be working with her own employer!)

Pretty sure she'll be bombarding the host with questions to look important whilst I'll be grinding my teeth. But saying and doing nothing, will try to be professional, might put my camera off and do "the vickys" to the screen Grin

OP posts:
rookiemere · 15/03/2021 08:31

Bloody hell OP, just skim read thread, she sounds awful.
Is there any way you can get that post about your mental health deleted? That's such a horrible thing to do to someone.

At least you see her for what she is. Can you set your profile to private for her so she can no longer access your contacts?

rookiemere · 15/03/2021 08:33

Regarding the event, message her and say that the event is for your company only, apologies for it being on Eventbrite, but it's not appropriate for her to attend.

Lessthanaballpark · 15/03/2021 08:36

Good luck today OP. I followed your thread way back and thought her behaviour to be highly unprofessional. Now it’s verging on harassment. Don’t let her get you down. I would do the zoom then block her and delete the comment.

Original poster
fcekinghell · 15/03/2021 08:41

you can't make LinkedIn profiles private, you can make a post 'only you' or 'connections only' but she is a connection.

As I said upthread, I'm not going to block her (yet) in case another job comes up with her employer who I still really want to work for (rumours they may recruit again in the summer).

I did post a reply saying "sorry, I think its only for our staff" to which she replied "I had no problems signing up and it said 'all welcome'" - which is true so I don't really have a counter as I'm not the organiser. I'm pretty sure the host was meaning all staff though.

I posted about it on LinkedIn to make other colleagues aware - I mentioned the employer and tagged several colleagues so I would have thought that was obvious enough.

I'm not sure I would call it harassment, but its definitely uncomfortable behaviour now.

I did delete the 'mental health' comment.

Going to log in to work now. Will report back later as zoom event is this afternoon.

OP posts:
fellrunner85 · 15/03/2021 08:46

Pretty sure she'll be bombarding the host with questions to look important whilst I'll be grinding my teeth

Well that wouldn't look good for you, would it? If you're in a new job, you need to impress. Listen, engage, ask questions. Don't grind your teeth, and completely ignore Debbie.