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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend got job she knew I wanted

833 replies

fcekinghell · 17/02/2021 17:39

It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned but anyway.

I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about 2 years ago and I put myself forward as a means to widen my network, find out about new opportunities etc, especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time.

I got assigned to a woman I will call Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails etc where she gave me some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own.

For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting. Offered to help with my CV and interview skills if I needed it.

Well I got made redundant in Covid. Debbie still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her its my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know. I've now heard that Debbie got the job.

It feels like a real kick in the stomach. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job and jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed whilst she was still working. Plus this job is asking for a particular skill which I do not believe she has.

DH and my DM are telling me I am a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too!

I'm so upset Sad Sad Angry Angry

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 20/02/2021 10:20

@IrmaFayLear sure, but that’s not what’s happened here.

ElderMillennial · 20/02/2021 10:23

Debbie sounds like a bitch

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/02/2021 10:54

@DailyCandy

maliceorgan, what an appropriate moniker. Barely intelligible post also.
That post was 100% intelligible! If you didn't understand it then the issue is definitely with you I'm afraid!
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/02/2021 10:55

Well thank good you turned up with that incisive well observed précis @ElderMillennial

viques · 20/02/2021 11:59

@Ijustknowitstimetogo

It's far more likely that Debbie got the job because she's actually in work and the OP isn't.

It’s tough but that is likely to be a big factor.

Not to mention that if this job is so very niche in a very niche industry it is very likely that someone who has heard of Debbie, knows she is well thought of to the extent of being an experienced mentor to other employees, knows her work record, experience and qualifications actually gave her the heads up about the job and told her her application would be well received.

Not that we will ever know.

Original poster
fcekinghell · 20/02/2021 12:16

I've reported that username. It isn't necessary and is very unkind considering my mental health has been poor this past year and the situation I describe has knocked my confidence even more.

OP posts:
2021namechanger · 20/02/2021 12:27

Bloody hell Op - you came back to say that?

Plutoh · 20/02/2021 12:49

I know it's hard OP, but you should remember:

You got shortlisted and made it to interview, no small feat at the moment!

You have the professional qualifications needed, so when another job comes up you have the credentials to apply.

At the moment stuff is crap for everyone, let alone with everything else. It sounds like despite being in a challenging place, you still navigated the application process. Once covid is 'over' you might find more jobs are advertised as being WFH where things have changed. If not, perhaps it will lead to a job you have not considered before, but still utilises your skills.

You've learnt that however 'nice' someone is, and however helpful, they are unfortunately always potential competition in the workplace if they have similar skills etc.

SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt · 20/02/2021 13:13

I still absolutely believe that every singe person on this thread defending Debbie would have gone ballistic if they found themselves in the same situation

I would never find myself in such a situation, and if I did I would be far too busy being mortified at myself to be ballistic at someone who had done nothing wrong.

teamdebbievssorelosers · 20/02/2021 13:42

@ElderMillennial

Debbie sounds like a bitch
user name makes perfect sense...
Binkybix · 20/02/2021 14:52

I still absolutely believe that every singe person on this thread defending Debbie would have gone ballistic if they found themselves in the same situation

I would be really embarrassed that someone had got the job over me (incidentally the reason I never really tell people of I’m applying for something), but ballistic? No. I genuinely don’t understand this.

IrmaFayLear · 20/02/2021 16:37

Pompous, much @SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt ?

I think your sympathy skills need a bit of work for a start! How lovely that you have never been disappointed or pipped at the post for a job, let alone shafted. The fact that you have banged the drum for Debbie constantly whilst being rather scathing about OP says something...

teamdebbievssorelosers · 20/02/2021 17:28

I genuinely wonder if some posters have a senior role, or even the slightest clue about professional roles and how the work place and recruitment really works.

Some replies are incredibly naive .

Or maybe they are amazing and never experienced rejection like some of us have?

IrmaFayLear · 20/02/2021 17:34

Ha ha at username !

I’m picturing Debbie as Sigourney Weaver in Working girl....

teamdebbievssorelosers · 20/02/2021 18:14

Hedie Carlson in Single White Female would probably be more accurate

Porcupineintherough · 20/02/2021 18:17

@Binkybix that says so much more about you than it does anyone else on the thread.

OhCaptain · 20/02/2021 18:25

@fcekinghell

I've reported that username. It isn't necessary and is very unkind considering my mental health has been poor this past year and the situation I describe has knocked my confidence even more.
Come on, people!

Surely you get a whiff of it now?

Porcupineintherough · 20/02/2021 18:29

@Binkybix Blush

Sorry, sorry ease ignore my last. I read the quote as you. And yes, I'd feel exactly as you would.

ScreamingBeans · 20/02/2021 18:37

I would never find myself in such a situation, and if I did I would be far too busy being mortified at myself to be ballistic at someone who had done nothing wrong.

You think there's nothing wrong with agreeing to take a look at someone's CV when you are competing with them for the same job to which they are sending that CV?

There's really nothing wrong with misrepresenting yourself as a neutral party in a matter in which you have a vested interest?

I think that's a pretty low standard of behaviour TBH. I hope it's not widespread.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/02/2021 18:47

The op cv being read by Debbie is irrelevant. It’s a moot point
Cv gets you Shortlisted, interview performance gets you the job
Debbie clearly performed well and has the attributes the employer wants

SmallPrawnEnergy · 20/02/2021 21:48

@ThePlantsitter

teamdebbievssorelosers I'm actually really shocked somebody would be bitchy enough to make their username like yours when the OP, whether right or wrong, is clearly really upset about this. Most people would be. Your cheap crack of a username is about someone's life - it's a job not a parking dispute. Really unpleasant.
It does say more about their sad little troll life than anything else though.
Mittens030869 · 20/02/2021 22:01

ThePlantsitter
teamdebbievssorelosers I'm actually really shocked somebody would be bitchy enough to make their username like yours when the OP, whether right or wrong, is clearly really upset about this. Most people would be. Your cheap crack of a username is about someone's life - it's a job not a parking dispute. Really unpleasant.

It does say more about their sad little troll life than anything else though.*
*
There has been some real nastiness towards the OP on this thread. It's become playground bullying in the case of that particular poster. It's made worse by the fact that the OP clearly isn't in a good place mentally and has even said that she's been suicidal.

Yes, I agree that she's unreasonable to blame Debbie for her not having been offered the job. But in the state she's clearly in, it isn't exactly surprising that she's reacted in that way.

SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt · 20/02/2021 22:12

How lovely that you have never been disappointed or pipped at the post for a job, let alone shafted

Of course I have! But I have never blamed anyone else but myself, and certainly not to the extent of badmouthing the winner or trying to find some way to bring them down. Who does that?

Some of the people on this thread (and MN in general) are riddled with malice and paranoia, everyone is out to get them and everything is someone elses fault. Thats not how people behave unless they have serious issues.

teamdebbievssorelosers · 20/02/2021 22:19

SmallPrawnEnergy

Easy to call someone a "troll" when you disagree because they call out people calling someone "a bitch", "nasty" and the long list of expletives you find on this thread

Who's the real troll here?

teamdebbievssorelosers · 20/02/2021 22:22

Encouraging someone to try to damage someone's professional reputation by spreading lies is bullying. It's not acceptable, and there's not guarantee it won't backfire badly either. My point stands.

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