friend got job she knew I wanted

[fcekinghell]

It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned but anyway.

I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about 2 years ago and I put myself forward as a means to widen my network, find out about new opportunities etc, especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time.

I got assigned to a woman I will call Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails etc where she gave me some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own.

For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting. Offered to help with my CV and interview skills if I needed it.

Well I got made redundant in Covid. Debbie still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her its my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know. I've now heard that Debbie got the job.

It feels like a real kick in the stomach. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job and jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed whilst she was still working. Plus this job is asking for a particular skill which I do not believe she has.

DH and my DM are telling me I am a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too!

I'm so upset

I don’t know what Pollyanna world you all live in. No one needs to reveal their job intentions to anyone and that inc acquaintances

It is unethical to look at someone’s job application knowing you’re applying for the same job without telling them.

You’ve just made that up,there’s no such accepted ethical code

So what is a ‘conflict of interest’ then?

It’s not illegal to have a conflict of interest. You understand that, right?

But you are expected to disclose it, in a professional setting.

So, yes Debbie hasn’t done anything illegal - obviously! But to anyone with a sense of right or wrong, she has behaved dubiously.

There is no conflict of interest .Hurt feelings doesnt constitute COI

It seems quite a few people on here subscribe to the Machiavellian school of thought: the means justifies the ends.

I don’t suppose the OP would be mad if the successful applicant had been Jane of whom she’d never heard - but it was Debbie. Debbie who she’d told about the job and had asked for help from and had shown her application. That’s the difference.

Op has not disclosed the actual nature of the mentoring,who set it up,what was its remit etc
Mentoring is not regulated and there’s no universal code of ethics to refer to. It varies by institutions and individual. Albeit with some commonalities

Again, to anyone with a sense of right and wrong, Debbie behaved dubiously.

And some posters clearly get their employment ethics and law from judge Judy

“The end justifies the means” rather

... while others adhere to the Trump family model of business...

A minor spat about who said what is hardly comparable to trump global subterfuge

I still absolutely believe that every singe person on this thread defending Debbie would have gone ballistic if they found themselves in the same situation

most of us wouldn't be in the situation in the first place, Hands up I have never shared my applications for a new job or a promotion with anyone, apart from a recruitment agency and DH if he's around.

I don't know anyone who discuss these either.

teamdebbievssorelosers
I've discussed applications with coaches, but crucially they were more senior with lots of relevant experience and we had established a professional relationship.

I've also guided mentees/coachees with their applications and helped them reflect, but crucially I was more senior than them and we had an established professional relationship.

As I said I wouldn’t find myself in this position
And yes I’ve applied for same jobs as friends. It happens
Work is work,don’t over personalise it. Colleagues aren’t your best friends
To progress my career I don’t need anyone permission,nor will I consider Someone else preference or sensibilities

Your title says she's a friend, but you clearly feel very superior to you (especially as it sounds like she was actually supportive, despite your superiority complex).

So much of this is a red herring. The bottom line is that you both got through to the interview stage. She was successful, you weren't. They obviously saw something more impressive and assured in her - regardless of her inferior skills/qualifications/awards and your superior, well, everything...

Please move on. Concentrate on improving your interview skills and try to take on board what people are saying on here. You aren't coming across very well here and if you interviewed with that attitude then it may have been a contributing factor to the result.

I have employed people with fewer formal qualifications or slightly less experience than other candidates because they interviewed better. I also have to think about how well they'd fit in my team - and I would rather train up someone who seems like they'd be a good match than someone arrogant or entitled.

maliceorgan, what an appropriate moniker. Barely intelligible post also.

just you DailyCandy!
Interesting personal attack because you don't like a post, when it was mild and full of sense.

teamdebbievssorelosers I'm actually really shocked somebody would be bitchy enough to make their username like yours when the OP, whether right or wrong, is clearly really upset about this. Most people would be. Your cheap crack of a username is about someone's life - it's a job not a parking dispute. Really unpleasant.

Congrats to Debbie!! You just need to move on now xz

@alphabetsoup1980

Congrats to Debbie!! You just need to move on now xz

What I mean is, she got it fair and square. it's hard to accept but being bitter will just make you miserable!!! xx

Barely intelligible post also.

It’s perfectly clear. Do you have issues with reading comprehension?

"you clearly feel very superior to you" ....yeah...

And "so much of this is a red herring"... um which bit?
Makes perfect sense, sure....

26 pages of people entrenched in their positions, basically arguing legal vs. moral. (Also, I bet if Debbie had been Dave a fair few posters would have a different opinion...)

By the interview stage of course it’s a Debbie vs OP contest and may the best candidate win, but surely people can see that if you had told someone about a niche job, showed them your application and then they had applied for that same job without saying a word, you would be pissed off. For the umpteenth time of course Debbie has not committed a crime, but you would have the same “what a cheek!” thoughts if you told Debbie you were going to order the last dress they had from somewhere and then Debbie leaps in and orders it when she had no idea about the dress until you told her.

ThePlantsitter
that's me told I suppose 😂

of course anyone is pissed off when someone else gets the job they wanted,

especially someone they judge as inferior.

Accusing them of lying, faking their CVs and experience, and bad mouthing them around the "niche" industry is a step too far.

IrmaFayLear
If the OP had just been a bit annoyed and thought 'the cheek', I think the replies would have been different.