friend got job she knew I wanted

[fcekinghell]

It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned but anyway.

I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about 2 years ago and I put myself forward as a means to widen my network, find out about new opportunities etc, especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time.

I got assigned to a woman I will call Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails etc where she gave me some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own.

For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting. Offered to help with my CV and interview skills if I needed it.

Well I got made redundant in Covid. Debbie still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her its my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know. I've now heard that Debbie got the job.

It feels like a real kick in the stomach. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job and jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed whilst she was still working. Plus this job is asking for a particular skill which I do not believe she has.

DH and my DM are telling me I am a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too!

I'm so upset

@Binkybix

But the CV gets you in there. The fact that Debbie got the job based on her interview very much suggests that she would not have needed to take anything from another CV to get to the interview stage.

If you lie on the CV or exaggerate it may get you an interview you otherwise wouldn't have got.

You don’t know that she lied. You’re extrapolating wildly based on someone who’s demonstrated on this thread alone that she can’t accept any sort of criticism, can’t take on feedback that doesn’t align with her own opinions, and shows an unhealthy amount of emotional immaturity and a lack of professionalism.

If any of that came across in an interview it’s completely understandable why they didn’t choose her.

OP has no idea how or when Debbie went about getting an interview so randomers on a chat forum certainly don’t know.

If op and the other person both made it to final interview, it clearly wasn't the application and CV that made the difference. Contacting the company would just make op look like a sore loser who was so arrogant as to assume she couldn't possibly have failed to get the job for any other reason than foul play. Reporting to a professional body would raise more concerns about the op than the person she is reporting.

If you lie on the CV or exaggerate it may get you an interview you otherwise wouldn't have got.

We have zero evidence that Debbie lied on her CV.

With every drip drop, I want to hear Debbie's side of things even more.

Hope you have luck with the new applications, OP. I mean that genuinely. But you need to move on.

@OhCaptain

You don’t know that she lied. You’re extrapolating wildly based on someone who’s demonstrated on this thread alone that she can’t accept any sort of criticism, can’t take on feedback that doesn’t align with her own opinions, and shows an unhealthy amount of emotional immaturity and a lack of professionalism.

If any of that came across in an interview it’s completely understandable why they didn’t choose her.

OP has no idea how or when Debbie went about getting an interview so randomers on a chat forum certainly don’t know.

According to OP, she didn't have the necessary qualifications for the job. If that is the case there she lied. People do lie on CVs, job applications and interviews and sometimes they get away with it. You're pretty naïve if you think that doesn't happen.

Ironic that you are criticising me for being a randomer who doesn't know the situation when you seem to think that you know more about the situation than OP herself even though you're a randomer too.

According to OP, she didn't have the necessary qualifications for the job.

I really don’t think the OP is best placed to know any of that.

I doubt she’s in a position to evaluate all of Debbie’s skills or understand exactly what’s ‘necessary’ to the employers.

If sounds to me like she latched on to one thing that isn’t actually that important in the overall scheme of things.

@TheKeatingFive

If you lie on the CV or exaggerate it may get you an interview you otherwise wouldn't have got.

We have zero evidence that Debbie lied on her CV.

OP says that the job required a particular skill that she doesn't believe Debbie has. I sometimes recruit and if an applicant doesn't have a skill or qualification which is considered essential they don't get interviewed. We do test skills and asked to see qualifications once they have the job so catch people out but not everywhere does .We have had people lie about qualifications and one person got the job. When we found out they lied we got rid of them that it was a lot of hassle. People do sometimes lie.

OP says that the job required a particular skill that she doesn't believe Debbie has

As I’ve just said, the OP probably doesn’t have a great grasp on either Debbie’s skill set OR what the company are looking for.

Why the actual fuck would the OP know more about Debbie's skills and experience than:
A) Debbie
B) The people who appointed Debbie, based on her application and interview..?

@TheKeatingFive

According to OP, she didn't have the necessary qualifications for the job.

I really don’t think the OP is best placed to know any of that.

I doubt she’s in a position to evaluate all of Debbie’s skills or understand exactly what’s ‘necessary’ to the employers.

If sounds to me like she latched on to one thing that isn’t actually that important in the overall scheme of things.

Hilarious that you think OP is not the best placed to know about the situation while at the same time you have no problem telling OP what the situation is even though you know even less about it.

^

Exactly

Hilarious that you think OP is not the best placed to know about the situation while at the same time you have no problem telling OP what the situation is even though you know even less about it.

The OP is totally invested in pulling Debbie down, incase you haven’t noticed. Debbie got hired, which makes it clear that the company don’t agree with the OP’s assessment either.

But this sums it up perfectly

Why the actual fuck would the OP know more about Debbie's skills and experience than:
A) Debbie
B) The people who appointed Debbie, based on her application and interview..?

@fellrunner85

Why the actual fuck would the OP know more about Debbie's skills and experience than: A) Debbie B) The people who appointed Debbie, based on her application and interview..?

I don't doubt Debbie knows more about her skills and experience than OP. That doesn't mean the person that interviewed her does. They may know considerably less than Debbie's friends or previous colleagues for example.

OP has explained that she is more qualified and experienced for this particular job than Debbie is

OP thinks she is more experienced and qualified for this job than Debbie. However given the fact that Debbie got the job and Op did not, you have to be open to the likely fact that OP is wrong about that.

According to OP, she didn't have the necessary qualifications for the job

Yes according to OP. Not according to the people doing the employing, who are surely in a far better position to judge?

OP says that the job required a particular skill that she doesn't believe Debbie has

Again, as above.

It beggars belief that so many of you are so willing to assume OP is correct in order to be vicious about poor old Debbie. Especially when everything points to OP being deluded and bitter in every aspect of this.

says something about you as people. And its not a good something.

*OP has explained that she is more qualified and experienced for this particular job than Debbie is

OP thinks she is more experienced and qualified for this job than Debbie. However given the fact that Debbie got the job and Op did not, you have to be open to the likely fact that OP is wrong about that.

According to OP, she didn't have the necessary qualifications for the job

Yes according to OP. Not according to the people doing the employing, who are surely in a far better position to judge?

OP says that the job required a particular skill that she doesn't believe Debbie has

Again, as above.

It beggars belief that so many of you are so willing to assume OP is correct in order to be vicious about poor old Debbie. Especially when everything points to OP being deluded and bitter in every aspect of this.

says something about you as people. And its not a good something.

OP I’ve read all your posts but not all the replies

But just wanted to come on and say YANBU for feeling upset about this.

Who knows, maybe she would’ve got the job anyway and it was nothing to do with you BUT yes at the very least she ABSOLUTELY should have told you she was applying.
You should have had the right to choose whether you shared your application with someone who was also applying, you were not in possession of all the facts.
Even if she consciously didn’t take any ideas from you of course it’s an unfair advantage to see the application of another applicant for the job you’re going for!

Giving her completely the benefit of the doubt - at the very least she was unprofessional and should have declared the conflict of interest to you.

@fellrunner85

Why the actual fuck would the OP know more about Debbie's skills and experience than: A) Debbie B) The people who appointed Debbie, based on her application and interview..?

This.

I've read the whole thread. And I have great sympathy for the shit year the op has had

But this is a psychological head fuck. She knows a lot of thing 'for certain' and has stated them as fact here but more worryingly she's spoken to other people in their profession smearing Debbie.

Honestly. Just stop. I find it worrying if she works in a psychological/counselling role that she can't see how destructive this is.

I'm not sure what her governing body would say about her 'confidentially and respect' to colleagues either...

@SheCannaeTakeNoMoreCapt
I agree we can’t be sure on those things
But don’t you think Debbie should’ve been upfront that she was also applying, before looking over OP’s application?

That doesn't mean the person that interviewed her does.

It’s that person’s decision. Not the OPs. They made their choice. If they needed proof of qualifications or whatever, they’ll have asked for that. If they wanted evidence of this hallowed skill set, they’ll have explored that at interview.

Given the insight and perspicacity the OP has demonstrated on this thread, I’d be highly sceptical of her conclusions here, but ultimately it doesn’t matter anyway. Her opinion on who is best qualified isn’t relevant.

With every drip drop, I want to hear Debbie's side of the story even more.

And then if she decided to after - mentioning it?

I think you’re getting a bit of a rough deal on here hell. I run mentoring programmes and I would consider what your mentor did to be bad practice. I think she should have told you that discussing your application was a conflict of interest.

Have you thought about calmly and rationally discussing it with her? It would be interesting to hear her take on why she thinks she acted appropriately.

However, I know it’s difficult but don’t waste any more headspace on speculating why she got the job and you didn’t - this way madness lies.

OP has no idea how or when Debbie went about getting an interview so randomers on a chat forum certainly don’t know.

True, and that means that neither do those of you who are invested in defending Debbie and attacking the OP.

I have noticed on AIBU threads that sometimes a particular viewpoint is taken to be right and those who question it have that particular comment thrown at them. Whereas the truth is that neither side know whether their view of the situation is right.

Yes, the OP is biased and sounds bitter. That doesn't automatically mean she isn't right in what she's saying.

One further point re the interview. When she was being interviewed, she didn't know that Debbie was going to get the job or even apply for it. She was optimistic about it then. So her not getting the job won't be because of her bitterness, that's come since discovering that Debbie had got the job.

It's far more likely that Debbie got the job because she's actually in work and the OP isn't.

But don’t you think Debbie should’ve been upfront that she was also applying, before looking over OP’s application?

She may not have decided to apply at that point though, so its possibly a moot point. Even if she had, she may have a good reason for not doing so.