friend got job she knew I wanted

[fcekinghell]

It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned but anyway.

I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about 2 years ago and I put myself forward as a means to widen my network, find out about new opportunities etc, especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time.

I got assigned to a woman I will call Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails etc where she gave me some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own.

For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting. Offered to help with my CV and interview skills if I needed it.

Well I got made redundant in Covid. Debbie still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her its my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know. I've now heard that Debbie got the job.

It feels like a real kick in the stomach. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job and jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed whilst she was still working. Plus this job is asking for a particular skill which I do not believe she has.

DH and my DM are telling me I am a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too!

I'm so upset

The more you post the more understandable it is that you were passed over. Honestly, you're just refusing to hear what the majority of posters are saying.

Sometimes it's not just about qualifications. If you're difficult, and it sounds like you are, then they're probably thinking you might not get on with people!

You know an awful lot about her skillset and experience, yet you only exchanged a few Skypes and emails and didn't even work together or for the same organisation?

This thread is more and more unfair on "Debbie"

and helps to understand better and better why the OP didn't get the job and Debbie did.

She sounds a thoroughly unscrupulously character. Hopefully she is in over her depth and will be found out sooner than later. I feel pity for her new colleagues as it appears Debbie will end up taking the credit for their achievements and will whatever it takes to get ahead

Projecting much? You know nothing at all about Debbies skills, except OPs bitter ramblings, which are hardly useful.

Why the fuck would "Debbie" change her LinkedIn to copy OP's after she'd already gotten the job?

Seems unbelievable, doesn't it?...

Members are expected to declare conflicts of interest and regularly participate in CPD and networking.

So, hypothetically, who would you report her to for breaking this ‘code’?

And what would happen then?

I hope that helps with everyone's understanding as to my anger.

You just come across as very immature. I understand you’re frustrated you didn’t get the job, but ultimately they thought she was the better candidate and you need to get over that and move on.

with regards to the headhunting comments - the director contacted me directly and said to me "we really want you to apply" and told me where it would be advertised - on their website. They are a small charity
That sounds like they know you have the skills and knowledge they were looking for and wanted you to form part of a field, not that they were offering you a job.
Since my OP, Debbie's LinkedIn has been updated and is almost identical to mine now, including mention of skill she didn't have before (and I still don't think she has). She's suddenly an XYZ champion - something I've actually won awards for, she hasn't.
If she can't do these things then it will be apparent.
People update their LinkedIn to reflect their work and the areas they move into.

Seems unbelievable, doesn't it?...
doesn't it just...

Seems unbelievable, doesn't it?

Drip, drip, drippity drip.

Good old Debbie not to blabbing too much to the OP, and let her patronise her with her "superior" status, experience and awards...

I bet Debbie is a Mnetter and done exactly as advised:
"nod and smile"
and ignore

She's snakey but, unfortunately, people are and life is.

Debbie and I both work in a psychology/counselling/support field...There is definitely a code of conduct that the two registered bodies most of us sign up to are expected to follow...Their codes of conduct include an expectation that members will be impartial and transparent in their practice and show a duty of care to their clients and colleagues. Members are expected to declare conflicts of interest and regularly participate in CPD and networking.*

Ah ok, I see. I have worked in a related field and been a member of a professional body similar to that which you're describing. I know how intensely competitive the job market in these fields can be, and that permanent posts are hard. But having said that OP, I'm sorry but I think you're really clutching at straws with your interpretation of the code of conduct because it fits your narrative. Similar 'mental gymnastics' have been evident in your responses throughout the thread. Unfortunately, I think that whatever anyone says you will remain fixed in your belief that Debbie cannot possibly deserve this job and you have personally been 'robbed' and that cannot possibly be helpful to you, either personally or professionally.

You just seem absolutely determined to believe that she had to copy you to get the job when - with respect - if you were as strong a candidate as you say you are, they would have offered it to you. Also, it’s really common in small, niche professions for them to contact people about job opportunities. That’s absolutely no guarantee that you’ll get the job.

@SteveBrexit

Good old Debbie not to blabbing too much to the OP, and let her patronise her with her "superior" status, experience and awards...

I bet Debbie is a Mnetter and done exactly as advised:
"nod and smile"
and ignore

I hope so. And I really want her to come and say her side.

@fcekinghell

Wow, I really find it hard to imagine you’re as experienced as you say as you sound like you have no clue how getting a job works. Yes she may not have the exact other skill you have but she may have others that the company thought were more valuable.

Yes she should have told she was going to apply. That’s it. Nothing else. Move on.

I'm calling BS on this now. The OP hasn't got the response she'd hoped for and is now morphing Debbie into the monster she wants her to be.

In the 1st post Debbie was someone the OP had "had a few Zoom calls, emails etc with where she gave some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own."

Then she was someone the OP confided all of her troubles in and was meant to not only support her in her career but personally and emotionally too.

And now she's someone who's copying the OPs LinkedIn and publicly stealing her skills after cheating OP out of a Job.

I'm half expecting the OPs next post to reveal that Debbie is also nazi who enjoys kicking puppies in her spare time.

It's all getting a bit Single White Female, but not in the way the OP thinks...

I'm half expecting the OPs next post to reveal that Debbie is also nazi who enjoys kicking puppies in her spare time.

are you?

I was more waiting for a "try to steal my husband" kind of thing...

It’s human to feel gutted when you didn’t get a job you wanted and believed you were a good fit for. I’m sure we’ve all had some experience of finding out who got a job we went for and thinking “huh” to ourselves. But you just need to pick yourself up and move forward. Dwelling on what ifs is torturous and always best to react professionally and courteously.

I think YABU in your ire about Debbie going for and getting the job. But YANBU to react as you have given her role as mentor. She should have disclosed her intention to apply and refused to mentor you during that process and/or review your application.

I could sympathise with the OP if Debbie was her mother or sister.

There's still time I suppose,

@SteveBrexit

I'm half expecting the OPs next post to reveal that Debbie is also nazi who enjoys kicking puppies in her spare time.

are you?

I was more waiting for a "try to steal my husband" kind of thing...

Or both. Maybe.... Maybeee Debbie was trying tonconvert him to her evil ways

How would knowing beforehand make a difference anyway? Presumably Debbie knows OP at least to some extent, maybe she was concerned something would be said at interview?

@fcekinghell commenting a second time as I've read the updates and have worked in a similar field/role.

my 2 cents - it isn't against the code of conduct. It seems sneaky yes, but it isn't unethical to go for a job, even one a colleague or someone you know goes for, nor first tells you about. I've had a mentor and been a mentor, I am certain at any point during that time we could have gone for the same positions. In fact, someone my colleague mentored is now in a very very senior role in the north (responsible for a whole region) and in truth while we haven't worked together in 10 years and no one else went for that role (different area), it was a shock she got it. Everyone else is degree educated, most to postgraduate (MSc and/or PhD), have ample experience in junior and senior roles and have worked in policy development. She has GNVQ's, worked as a nursery nurse and was in the department in a supportive capacity, not in any way even a standard role, very very much a junior role 'support' to key roles. She had many great skills, but not leadership nor policy development. She also had some very questionable personal beliefs that were often in direct opposition of the work we do. Yet, she's now head of that for a whole section of a LA (very very large one) and regional base. Everyone wished her well but no one can understand it. She met a fraction of the essential skills or education - the roles are standardized so a senior level in one area is the same as another.

I don't think these things always come down to who is most well qualified. And sometimes the most well qualified isn't the right person for the job because they are also looking for other skills.

I'm sure it remains hard, I think moving on is a gift you can give yourself. I really hope this year improves for you.

I think that a lot of this is about the OP's depression. She sounded like she was in a very bad place yesterday evening. When you're feeling low, there is a tendency to think that everyone is against us. Or that everything is about us.

Whereas in reality, there was nothing personal about this. Debbie just liked the sound of the job and decided to apply herself.

I don't think Debbie was unethical to go for the same job as the OP, she had every right to do that and she also had every right to withhold the information that she was doing so, from the OP.

Where I think she was unethical is in agreeing to look at the OP's CV as though she was a neutral, disinterested party when she wasn't. I can't see that there's no problem with that.