friend got job she knew I wanted

[fcekinghell]

It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned but anyway.

I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about 2 years ago and I put myself forward as a means to widen my network, find out about new opportunities etc, especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time.

I got assigned to a woman I will call Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails etc where she gave me some tips and advice on how to move into employers like her own.

For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting. Offered to help with my CV and interview skills if I needed it.

Well I got made redundant in Covid. Debbie still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her its my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought, was there anything missing. She told me it was 'perfect' and 'good luck'.

Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know. I've now heard that Debbie got the job.

It feels like a real kick in the stomach. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job and jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed whilst she was still working. Plus this job is asking for a particular skill which I do not believe she has.

DH and my DM are telling me I am a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too!

I'm so upset

We only have op account of this,and well she feels aggrieved and hard done by
Men don’t tippy toe about when there are promotions,they don’t expect colleagues to stand aside for them
Sure op is disappointed but as disappointing as it is,they chose another candidate

In my younger days I didn’t go for a job because my work mate was a shoe in for the job due to length of service, happy days. On paper I was more qualified than her

She didn’t get the job and we ended up with an idiot in charge of the team. I’ll never stop myself applying for jobs now

I don’t think she’s done anything wrong

It's entirely possible this role was advertised other places OP doesn't know about. Its possible Debbie was approached by an agency on the company's behalf because they found her cv online/linkedin/she is known in the industry/ word of mouth

Good points @Leaninghouse
Debbie May have been invited,directed to the role

@EarringsandLipstick

I'm wondering if it's libraries and if you're a member of CILIP and she isn't.

In my experience, employers will say that CILIP membership or chartership is important, but they're happy to be flexible on that for the right candidate. If you found her on the organisation's website originally, it might be a simple process for her to rejoin, even if she let her member/chartership lapse. If it's not a legal requirement to do the job, I think that's probably what happened.

Well, if it is libraries, I'll double-down on what I said originally, as this is my field too (though in academia).

I agree re chartership etc but would repeat - it's absolutely not a question of rote knowledge. Such roles are competency-based around scenarios (I know this very well as both interviewee & interviewer) so for OP to imply an advantage gained by Debbie seeing her CV is nonsense.

I agree. Rote knowledge is fine, but interview is about more than that. I've beaten more qualified candidates before because I'm more experienced.

Another part of interview is also them trying to work out if they'd like to work with you, realistically. Even if you were totally matched on qualifications and skills, if she just got on with them better on the day, they would choose her, surely.

I just don't think that it's as simple as 'she saw my application and used it against me' because I don't see what good it would do her - unless you think she did a side-by-side comparison with your application and hers (which seems a bit unlikely, let's face it)?

How do you know she got the job?

She should have said there was a conflict of interest.

Not sure what you can do but if feel the same op. She was really underhand.

I believe in karma though. It will come good.

YANBU, can't believe all the people saying you are. Debbie sounds like a prize bitch.

She should have said there was a conflict of interest.

What was the conflict of interest? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can completely understand how you feel. This is totally unfair on you and not what you deserved, given the pressure you're under. However (and I hope this helps you), I have been equally upset about not getting a job I desperately wanted, only to find out that rejection was really protection. Things would come to light later that made me very glad it wasn't my destiny. Sometimes not getting what you want can be a wonderful stroke of luck...I know this isn't how you feel now at all, but I'm hoping this might help you. :-)

I know she got the job cause she updated her LinkedIn

I sent her a LinkedIn message saying "well done, I didn't know you were also applying" to which she replied "thanks, good luck in your continued job hunt"

No acknowledgement that she looked over my application, no acknowledgement that she never told me, no apology, just kind of rubbing it in that I am still looking.

I tried to be professional in my reply but I think she's being even more of a bitch. AIBU?

I would be more accepting of her getting the role if she'd just been honest. Okay I may be unfair on the qualifications and experience aspect but my anger and upset is probably getting the better of me.

It’s not underhand to pursue a post you want,esp in the covid recession
There’s no code,no rules, that say one must prioritise a friend before yourself
This is all veering into the nonsense of girl code. An affectation of manners that only keeps women in their place. Emphasising nice girl behaviour

Well it all sounds very underhand from OP’s account but I’d be interested to hear the full timescales involved in Debbie reading OP’s application, the interviews, the OP finding out who got the job?

I appreciate your disappointment op but it’s time to move on,stop griping

I tried to be professional in my reply but I think she's being even more of a bitch. AIBU?

Yes.

Her reply was fine. Professional. Which you are not being.

I'm sorry - my posts are quite harsh, and I feel for you, looking for a role, but this attitude will come across in your applications & interviews so you need to get over it.

I'm sorry I find this laughable!

You got to interview stage. It was yours to lose (if we are to believe you!)

Any application is second to the actual interview. You were both up for interview and she got the job.

You don't know for sure how she found about the job even if it was from you she may not have told you BECAUSE of conflict of interest. Ie. She is free to go for the job but NOT to discuss it with you.

I'm with Debbie on this one you are just bitter

YANBU OP.

Gutting.

Your confirmation is her non acknowledgement of what you wrote.

Keep your powder dry is the best advice.

In very small professional circles, you really never know.

That is shit for you. I imagine you feel like a mug but be kind to yourself. Before sending her the application did you even consider she might want to put herself forward for the role? If not, be kind to the with hindsight. You did what you did and expected professionalism from your mentor. That's not an unreasonable expectation. I feel for you though as that would feel like a kick in the guts for me.

You seem to have a misplaced entitlement,maybe that skewed your judgement & performance op
You’re convinced you were the better candidate, clearly not. They didn’t pick you

If she has lied about her qualifications and membership of professional bodies, this will soon come out, and presumably the job offer will be withdrawn.

I understand that you're upset, but from the information you have given us, I can't see how he's broken a code of conduct.

Yes, honestly OP YAstillBU.

Your cv got you to interview so it was clearly fine. I guess Debbie just performed better on the day or her mix of skills was just more to their liking. It really would have made no difference to the outcome if she'd told you she was applying, or had refused to look over your application.

expected professionalism from your mentor.

She really wasn't her mentor.

OP describes her as such but it doesn't sound remotely like a formal or informal mentoring process.

All of this handwringing and exclamations of unfair,gutting.Its misplaced platitudes
In the real world,people, can and do go for what they want without worrying if an acquaintance is gutted

Something along these lines happened to me, only it was an actual friend not a mentor. Like you I was incandescent at first, but I calmed down and realised that it’s a bit like saying you like a popular boy in college and no one else can have him. It wasn’t your job, it was a job and even if she heard it from you she was entitled to apply.
You don’t really have a leg to stand on here I’m afraid. It does feel shot though

Your confirmation is her non acknowledgement of what you wrote.

How so?

Debbie is not required to justify her application. She wished OP well. That's fine.