To send DC to nursery 8am - 6pm?

[FTEngineerM]

DF has put his opinion out there last night and I ended the call really upset. So then he left a guilt tripping voicemail about how I’ll live to regret this and it’ll be the worst thing I do.

I love my job. I love my child. But it’s been so hard parenting him in a pandemic we’ve decided to send him 2 days a week for 12 weeks until the end of my maternity then up to 5 days a week when he’s 1 and I’m back in FT. So that’ll be some point between 8am and 6pm 5 days a week, not always the whole time, probably 8:30-5 majority of days.
He’s 8m old and started this week, loved it, left smiling and went in smiling at the key worker on the second day. Lots of photo updates throughout the day.

Then I pointed out to DP that everyone has said something about the subject actually not just DF, he was just sharp with his words. All we’ve heard is ‘oo, that’s a long day, he’s so tiny’ ‘ I didn’t know they took babies that small’ ‘ why are you working full time Mr FTEngineerM earns more than enough for you to go part time or quit’ ‘you’ll regret it’ ‘it’s awful to be away from your baby for that long’ ‘think of the bond’

I’m a lot more emotional that usual being pregnant, but we’re taking a barrage of comments from people who firstly don’t have babies right now or at least certainly didn’t have them in a pandemic.

Am i BU to enjoy working and want to work full time when he’s 1? And do 2 days a week until that point? Am I really being selfish for wanting to go to work all day? I’m fed up of every parenting decision we make being scrutinised having to go through ‘the committee’ like we can’t make our own choices. I’ll be back off on maternity leave when DC is 15m old until he’s over 2yo.

@Chewingle that's hilarious!! Great detective work!

I’m really sorry but I do think it’s a bit unreasonable.
It’s fine to love working, but I can’t help but wonder - if you and your partner both want to prioritise work (which is perfectly valid) then why did you have a baby?? I know that sounds harsh, and I’m sorry, but that if what I think, and you did ask.

@Newnameagain111

I’m really sorry but I do think it’s a bit unreasonable. It’s fine to love working, but I can’t help but wonder - if you and your partner both want to prioritise work (which is perfectly valid) then why did you have a baby?? I know that sounds harsh, and I’m sorry, but that if what I think, and you did ask.

Oh ffs....we've got another one. Please just stop.

@Frazzled99 Sorry haven’t rtft. Guessing I am repeating what others have already said. Still, she asked for opinions so I shared mine 🤷‍♀️ Sorry you didn’t like it.

@Chewingle you’ve made my evening, I actually laughed at those comments. Great detective work.

@Bookwords so if you are so very proud you managed to complete the WHOLE of your maternity leave with no outside help to look after your DC, how many days/weeks was it?

3 months probably if we assume the age of your children as fully fledged adults now because that was the norm a few decades ago. So yes.. the OP has done that, almost 3 times over.

There is no competition, you’re making it one be saying ‘well I managed just fine for the WHOLE of my maternity leave’ woohoo.

We don’t know anything about the baby either, OPs baby could be a total nightmare or a dream. It’s a bit silly to use the logic: I was fine so therefore it’s stupid and/or unreasonable for anyone who’s not to ask for help.

Is @Newnameagain111 actually @Bookwords in disguise?!

Under normal circumstances I would say 5 days a week for a 1 year old is too much.

BUT you're talking about 4 months here! That's nothing. 16 weeks. He'll likely be off with the initial coughs and cold a lot during that time anyway. Could your husband take annual leave also to break it up a bit?

Presumably the benefit of going back full time means you'll get a better maternity leave package 2nd time round as well, which benefits the whole family.

If you keep him in the 2 days while you have your newborn I think that's the best of all worlds. Then he will be over 2 before you need to worry about all this again.

you and your partner both want to prioritise work (which is perfectly valid) then why did you have a baby??

So, by this logic, doctors/consultants cannot have children?

Police officers/firefighters/paramedics can’t have children?

Teachers can’t have children?

That’s not an exhaustive list.

Where does that end, any worker who needs to give a level of care and devotion to their job cannot have children.

Quick question: have you told them this? Was the out of hours A&E care you received suddely worthless because the person was a parent?

@Ileflottante Nope! However I can see I have strolled right into the middle of a bunfight, so at this point I will leave you to it! Carry on!

I was going to say I think yabu as you're on maternity leave (not when you go back to work though) but actually I think new parents have a really tough time in the current pandemic. In the years I gave birth to ds and dd I had family nearby who were only too willing to give me a few hours off to take care of them, which was so appreciated when they weren't sleeping through (dd was waking every single hour for 3 weeks and it nearly killed me as I was ebf her). These aren't normal times, grandparents, aunts and uncles etc cannot help and being a new parent is so full. I can't blame parents for their choices at all right now.

And as others have said, if you were a man going back to work full time nobody would bat an eyelid. As a parent (and especially a mum) you will be guilted and shamed for a whole host of reasons and decisions you make. Well, it's time it stopped. If your child is loved, well cared for and provided for, it will work out just fine. And I say this as a mum who returned to work ft when my ds was 1yo. Ds is the most wonderful, grounded, loving and confident young man you could ever meet. And because both dh and I have worked throughout we've never had the kind of money worries that can drive families apart. I dropped down to a 4 day week last year when dd was 3 in order to spend more time with her, that was my choice having worked myself into a position that I could afford to do so.

Good luck op, you and your family will be fine, because you'll make sure it's fine.

OP this is now directly to you if you come back to this post.

Please do send your DC to nursery 2 days a week for the remainder of your maternity leave for whatever hours suit you both. Maternity leave during a pandemic is bloody draining, I'm doing it too it's hard. It will do your DC the world of good to settle in before your return to work. Also it will give you some time to sort life admin and time for yourself, YOU'RE IMPORTANT, before you return to work. And of course you still have FIVE days a week for quality time!

• When DC2 comes along (congrats btw!) I would advise leaving DC1 in nursery for some of the days while you adjust to 2 especially if still in lockdown. Again will benefit all 3 of you. Don't post about it on here as you'll get all the usual suspects telling you how awful you are. If you can afford it, do it. I have two 16 months apart and could not do half the things the CM does with DD1 at home with a new baby. She loves it and it keeps the place open for when I return from my second maternity leave.

Please ignore anyone who tells your you're unreasonable. Please ignore anyone questioning why you had children. Don't waste your time on even responding to these people.

Good luck and feel free to message me about anything, it seems we are in a very similar position x

I almost feel for @Bookwords

To give so much and then leave with tail between legs

I have nothing to add here except a virtual round of applause for @Chewingle

😂😂😂

I’d say that’s a bit of a long day for a child of his age. My DS is 22 months and goes 9am-5pm, 4 days a week.

However, as you’re only sending him two days a week I think it’s alright in the scheme of things. I find it sad when parents have DC in nursery all week for very long hours- the poor child will be exhausted, and you’ll barely see them before bedtime. I appreciate not everyone has a choice about doing this though.

Mine both went 3 full days from about 8.30 to 4.45 from seven and a half months - both loved it. With DC1 that was 20 years ago. Occasionally it was after 5 when I picked them up - DC2 especially had to be prised away from whatever they were doing.

@Chewingle just popped back on, I've no tail between my legs!

But you keep on stalking and bullying weirdo

BTW I'm not a perfect dog owner, I'd actually need a dog to be so

@Chewingle I'm on annual leave tomorrow, I think I'll stalk you for a few hours .... fuck all else to do during lockdown!

@Chewingle boarding school for your child..... how unsurprising!!

Yeah go for it!!

Boarding school scholarship for my 13 year old son
He can’t wait!
But I’m not surprised you are going to pour scorn over it!

I’m smiling because you’re back... Welcome back

Name change fail.
Again.

@Bookwords seriously, spend a moment before you post!

Boarding school scholarship for my 13 year old son
He can’t wait!
But I’m not surprised you are going to pour scorn over it!

Congratulations to your son (and you) - what a great achievement!

@Karmakarmachameleon

Boarding school scholarship for my 13 year old son He can’t wait! But I’m not surprised you are going to pour scorn over it!

Congratulations to your son (and you) - what a great achievement!

Thanks so much!

@Bookwords you sound jealous now.

That’s a genuine great achievement for a teenager. Or anyone actually.

But one poster will think I’m neglecting him or... well, who cares really

She’s been good for a laugh

Now I genuinely do need to get dinner on the table!

[quote Streamlinerose]@Bookwords you sound jealous now.

That’s a genuine great achievement for a teenager. Or anyone actually.[/quote]
What are you talking about?

The 13 year old son with the boarding scholarship is MY son!