Page 22 | To send DC to nursery 8am - 6pm?

SnackSizeRaisin · 17/02/2021 19:05

Women in many countries return to work much sooner. In the US and in Europe, it's pretty normal for mothers to go back to work at 3 months pp putting their children into childcare. The UK is very unusual having a whole year of mat leave

Brunt0n · 17/02/2021 19:08

I wouldn’t send my child to nursery and then sit at home no, and I’d think it was unusual if someone did. I’d also wonder why you were having another when you can’t cope with one...

Brunt0n · 17/02/2021 19:09

Obv totally fine for child to go to nursery while you work. It wouldn’t sit right with me to send them to nursery to ‘have a break’

SnackSizeRaisin · 17/02/2021 19:09

There are good nurseries out there. Ones with confident communicative staff who stay a long time.
I would not pick a nursery that was staffed by grumpy teenagers who are reluctant to make eye contact. Go for one where the staff have been there years and they are happy to chat with you.
Perhaps these nurseries are in the minority though?

TeenTitan007 · 17/02/2021 19:11

Do whatever keeps you sane and is affordable. Don't listen to anyone's opinion. Only you know your difficulties and options.

SnackSizeRaisin · 17/02/2021 19:13

Obv totally fine for child to go to nursery while you work. It wouldn’t sit right with me to send them to nursery to ‘have a break’

Have you parented a pre schooler during the pandemic? Literally at home all day every day with just local walks in the rain. It is not easy. I can totally see why some people would want a break. Plus it's nice for the child to get some interaction - remember they also don't get normal life experiences.

Treacletoots · 17/02/2021 19:13

"If you're struggling then I'd look for help from your partner or some other solution, but not this."

Why is it that women are expected to give up their careers to parent their children, yet dad's input is 'helping out'. Why in 2021 are we still perpetuating this gender stereotype that men aren't just as responsible for the care of their own children as the mother?

DH and I split childcare drop offs for mostly full time hours 50/50, same for sick days and the like. DD went full time from 8 months old and is now a confident bright little girl who loves nursery, her friends, the staff and the setting.

Working full time with a baby is a far harder option than giving up work / working full time, long days and almost living to just survive for those first couple of years of mortgage sized nursery fees, but if you don't, chances are your career won't ever recover to the level it was ore children.

I don't want to set an example to my daughter that it's a "woman's role" to sacrifice her career when there are perfectly acceptable childcare options available.

ItsAllBlahBlahBlah · 17/02/2021 19:24

I also think it's odd having days off from your baby. I am at home about to end mat leave with ds2 who's just turned one and his elder brother (3) Its very difficult atm not being able to do anything but walk around the block. But it wouldn't sit right with me to send them to childminder before I return to work to just have a break from them. They're my children. That said, I don't know the rest of your circumstances.
I am going back three days a week. I intend to up to full time when they go to school so I can have as much time with them as possible

HarrietM87 · 17/02/2021 19:29

@SnackSizeRaisin

Obv totally fine for child to go to nursery while you work. It wouldn’t sit right with me to send them to nursery to ‘have a break’

Have you parented a pre schooler during the pandemic? Literally at home all day every day with just local walks in the rain. It is not easy. I can totally see why some people would want a break. Plus it's nice for the child to get some interaction - remember they also don't get normal life experiences.

I totally agree, for a preschooler. I have an almost 3 year old and a baby and am on mat leave. I will be sending my older child later in the year for the reasons you say - it will benefit him. But it absolutely does not benefit a baby to be in childcare at that age. The OP’s child is 8 months old.

Onedaysomedaynowadays · 17/02/2021 19:30

Mine went to nursery 8-6 from 6 months. I heard all the same nonsense you're getting now and it made me feel shit too.
But she's now a happy smiling toddler who asks to go to nursery on the weekends to see her friends. Seems to have worked out fine

Onedaysomedaynowadays · 17/02/2021 19:31

@ItsAllBlahBlahBlah

I also think it's odd having days off from your baby. I am at home about to end mat leave with ds2 who's just turned one and his elder brother (3) Its very difficult atm not being able to do anything but walk around the block. But it wouldn't sit right with me to send them to childminder before I return to work to just have a break from them. They're my children. That said, I don't know the rest of your circumstances. I am going back three days a week. I intend to up to full time when they go to school so I can have as much time with them as possible

Really?! Pre pandemic I lived the dream and worked 3/4 days a week but still sent her in 5 days! 😂

Original poster

FTEngineerM · 17/02/2021 19:33

Going to stop watching this thread now.

I’ve had some fantastically logical responses and some completely illogical unthoughtout responses.

Lots to think about. Thank you to those who’ve taken the time, some are loooong and would have taken ages to write.😀

I’m not sure how someone can take (maximum) of 100 hours of child care.. in a year(!!) to be a sign of not coping? That’s not even a week. Well actually add to that the two nights DC stayed at MIL. So out of 8760 hours in the year he’ll have been alive 100 of those (at absolute most) would have been in a nursery.. don’t you see how totally unreasonable that is to suggest. Is anyone asking why my DP wanted another when he’s worked 40+ hours a week since Dc was 6 weeks old. Oh gasp, he’s missed out on so much, gaspssss louder. What a horror, get the snip now.

To those asking why I’m having another firstly I’m not telling you but: What level of martyr do I need to achieve before I’m able to upgrade to 2 or more children? How much must I damage my mental health/financial health/physical health before being allowed to expand my family? What are we saying to the women who fought for world class maternity leave and to be able to return to work? They don’t matter? I don’t matter?

There have been some, but very few, who have been concerned with my own mental health as ‘mum’. Is everyone supposed to be an attachment parent that feeds their children nothing but home grown organic vegetables from the garden in the Home Counties? With the pressure put on mother’s, as evidenced here, there’s no wonder we have ‘mum guilt’.

The thread wasn’t to ask if I am deserving enough for another or whether I’m BU to have a few days to myself sorting out things before going back to work after a rough year, it was if 8-6 is a long day for a 1yo. Is there anything I might not have thought about? I’ve got those answers .

OP posts:

SenoraSurf · 17/02/2021 19:34

I feel guilty that I don't send my son to nursery more, all his needs are catered for there, he absolutely loves it and he does way more fun stuff than he does when he is on his own at home with me.
I work full time but my son is only at nursery three days a week as other family members have him on the other days.

It's absolutely fine in my opinion.

ladybirdlamp · 17/02/2021 19:37

I also think it's odd having days off from your baby. I am at home about to end mat leave with ds2 who's just turned one and his elder brother (3) Its very difficult atm not being able to do anything but walk around the block. But it wouldn't sit right with me to send them to childminder before I return to work to just have a break from them. They're my children. That said, I don't know the rest of your circumstances.
I am going back three days a week. I intend to up to full time when they go to school so I can have as much time with them as possible

Where I live it's really normal for SAHMs to send their kids to nursery anything up to a couple of full days a week (sadly not me as I need to work, but I think this would probably be my ideal set up!)

Not saying you don't find it odd of course. Just that it's actually pretty common.

Odile13 · 17/02/2021 19:43

I find it mind blowing that so many people think you shouldn’t send a child to nursery to have a break. I really am shocked.

Brunt0n · 17/02/2021 19:44

@SnackSizeRaisin

Obv totally fine for child to go to nursery while you work. It wouldn’t sit right with me to send them to nursery to ‘have a break’

Have you parented a pre schooler during the pandemic? Literally at home all day every day with just local walks in the rain. It is not easy. I can totally see why some people would want a break. Plus it's nice for the child to get some interaction - remember they also don't get normal life experiences.

Yes, I have a 2.5 year old. She’s at nursery 2 days a week while I work. I personally wouldn’t choose to send her an additional day while I sat at home. Maybe OP should consider returning to work early on a part time basis?

Katjolo · 17/02/2021 19:45

Do what's right for your family OP. Some very nasty comments on this thread.

Brunt0n · 17/02/2021 19:47

And no, your question wasn’t ‘is 8-6 a long day for a 1 year old’ it was ;

Am i BU to enjoy working and want to work full time when he’s 1? And do 2 days a week until that point? Am I really being selfish for wanting to go to work all day? I’m fed up of every parenting decision we make being scrutinised having to go through ‘the committee’ like we can’t make our own choices. I’ll be back off on maternity leave when DC is 15m old until he’s over 2yo.
^
That was what I was answering

Re 8-6 yes it’s a long day for them but they do get used to it fairly quickly although you’ll need to watch out for them falling asleep on the way home ☺️

Frazzled99 · 17/02/2021 19:47

Also to add to my earlier post, for those criticizing, I think it's important to add most of us with new babies in the pandemic and pre-schoolers have literally had no support from anyone! Not even 30 minutes where someone else holds or watches your baby. It's constant 24/7. Nurseries/CM are the only legal break we can have! Mum's sanity so she can parent her baby is essential. I jad a babg 20 months ago, went to all the baby groups, had support from my mum and other family, went swimming, met with friends, could meet other mums for lunch etc etc. I had DD2 4 months ago and by god is it depressing. I've ended up on ADs from it due to the isolation and loneliness. Sending my eldest to her CM so she has interaction and socialises and allows me some head space while I navigate being a new mum again has been invaluable. So while it 'doesn't sit right' with some of you, nor does a mother being at her wits end to me.

phoenixrosehere · 17/02/2021 19:51

*Obv totally fine for child to go to nursery while you work. It wouldn’t sit right with me to send them to nursery to ‘have a break’

Have you parented a pre schooler during the pandemic? Literally at home all day every day with just local walks in the rain. It is not easy. I can totally see why some people would want a break. Plus it's nice for the child to get some interaction - remember they also don't get normal life experiences.*

I sent my oldest back to nursery for a break when we moved to a new town in the start of winter. It was just me, a 2 yo and a 3 mo while my husband was at work. No family to help out or take over for a an hour or so, husband gone from 8 am-8 pm as well as husband having to fly out to do a week long business trip and little sleep since I was doing the night feeds. I couldn’t sleep when baby slept since toddler was awake and was still getting used to being in a new place and having a new sibling. That month nearly broke me and once my oldest was in nursery, it was great for all of us. He walked right in and it helped him settle into a new environment and be around kids his age. I was able to sleep when baby slept and do errands with one instead of two in tow as well as sort out things at home. It was 10 hours a week but we all looked forward to it.

shenanigans5 · 17/02/2021 19:52

Two days at nursery will be brilliant for your DS’s development. It transformed my DS.

Sooverthis1 · 17/02/2021 19:57

@Frazzled99, I agree that its so ,so hard with the lack of anything at all being open, no baby groups, no centres, no pools for parents to meet others and babies /children to interact. However lots have experienced lack of support I lived abroad when I had my first, knew absolutely no one and had no break and was v isolated walking the same walks, there were virtually no groups or any playgroups where I was. likewise when I moved back to my home country, my family are totally hands off, I've never had any of my dcs minded for even ten minutes by family no matter what the circumstances.

My dh and I have always swapped over to give each other a break. But I was totally alone with newborns and toddlers and know exactly what that is like and I know I'm not alone there. I think people assume too much that everyone in normal times whose family is around gets help, definitely not at all in my case.

Karmakarmachameleon · 17/02/2021 19:59

I find it mind blowing that so many people think you shouldn’t send a child to nursery to have a break. I really am shocked.

Yes, there’s a subsection of people on MN who get very, very angry about the idea of a mother getting a break. It’s textbook misogyny.

I sent my baby to nursery 2 half days a week from 10 months old until he started FT at just over 12 months. In part for me to have a break before returning to work and in part to ensure he was well settled and had built up bonds with the staff by the time he started full time. It was great. I went to the gym, got my hair done, got my nails done - just some of the things I hadn’t been able to do while tied to an EBF baby.

It was great and I enjoyed myself. I know, a mother enjoying herself! Burn the witch.

I think it’s a great idea to start them

Karmakarmachameleon · 17/02/2021 20:00

...a bit before you return to work so that they’re settled by the time the end of your mat leave comes round.

DenisetheMenace · 17/02/2021 20:09

Hotzenplotz

“What a revolting post. confused”

Isn’t it just. Just look at the user name, though. Self-assessed and annointed such, presumably 🙄