To send DC to nursery 8am - 6pm?

[FTEngineerM]

DF has put his opinion out there last night and I ended the call really upset. So then he left a guilt tripping voicemail about how I’ll live to regret this and it’ll be the worst thing I do.

I love my job. I love my child. But it’s been so hard parenting him in a pandemic we’ve decided to send him 2 days a week for 12 weeks until the end of my maternity then up to 5 days a week when he’s 1 and I’m back in FT. So that’ll be some point between 8am and 6pm 5 days a week, not always the whole time, probably 8:30-5 majority of days.
He’s 8m old and started this week, loved it, left smiling and went in smiling at the key worker on the second day. Lots of photo updates throughout the day.

Then I pointed out to DP that everyone has said something about the subject actually not just DF, he was just sharp with his words. All we’ve heard is ‘oo, that’s a long day, he’s so tiny’ ‘ I didn’t know they took babies that small’ ‘ why are you working full time Mr FTEngineerM earns more than enough for you to go part time or quit’ ‘you’ll regret it’ ‘it’s awful to be away from your baby for that long’ ‘think of the bond’

I’m a lot more emotional that usual being pregnant, but we’re taking a barrage of comments from people who firstly don’t have babies right now or at least certainly didn’t have them in a pandemic.

Am i BU to enjoy working and want to work full time when he’s 1? And do 2 days a week until that point? Am I really being selfish for wanting to go to work all day? I’m fed up of every parenting decision we make being scrutinised having to go through ‘the committee’ like we can’t make our own choices. I’ll be back off on maternity leave when DC is 15m old until he’s over 2yo.

I think some are saying I’m going to send DC1 whilst off with DC2 may leave. No - DC1 will be full time from 1yo to when I’m off on mat leave again so 3-4m depending on when I drop.

Please don't second guess yourself because of comments on an internet forum OP!

Return to work full time, it'll be the best thing you ever did.

We have a very happy family, and would never consider going part time because of what other people thought! Be brave enough to be happy!

Your children will be happy too.

Yab naive.
Do what you want and what is best for you.
You are going to have to manage what you tell other people and how you react to them much much better.

That's a lot of time away from you , I feel a young child should be with their mother as much as possible within reason, but I appreciate that's not always possible And you need to send your child to childcare for that long because of financial reasons then that's what has to be done.

It's your child so your choice though.

would it be for me? no, I dont want my little one in nursery yet but I am not pregnant and have the privilege of working from home.

if it works for you and you're all happy with it then it's completely up to you.

I looked after my two from birth. I now look at my friends with careers and senior job positions and think "I've missed out". We can't have it all, everything is a compromise, no one is raising a child in a utopia.

You're definitely doing no lasting harm! I wish I'd thought to send mine in for a bit before I went back to work, it would have helped them adjust to the nursery environment and I would have got a nice rest.

It's infuriating that no one ever says to men, who go back to work FT after 2 weeks: you are missing out on the majority of the child's life, are you worried about the bond, your wife earns enough for you to go PT etc. It's sexist, guilt tripping claptrap. Ignore them! Ask yourself, would a man feel bad about this

It's a hard one. It's so hard leaving a young baby especially when they crying for you 🙁 I don't think little ones get much out of going to nursery but well we have to work don't we!

My two go to nursery. My eldest went 1 day a week and it was really hard for her to settle in as was too long a period between going I think she forget it from one week to the next. Also if she was ill etc it was 2 weeks or sometimes 3 weeks if we went on holiday.

My youngest is 14 months, she started at 10 months old and went 2 days a week. She settled really quickly and after a couple of weeks wasn't crying at drop off.

My 3yr old loves nursery she really does. I'm not sure babies get the same out of it as the older ones do but they get used to it. I think the days are long for little ones and I usually drop them about 8.15-8.30 and pick up about 5. It is what it is. I know many mums that had their kids in 5 days and I don't believe they all needed the money. Even my 3yr old that loves it I think would complain about going 5 days a week though. It's only for a short period of time too and baby will not remember it!

Wow I’m really surprised by the comments on here and now have massive mum guilt..
My DD went 8am-6pm 4 days a week from 8 months. I’m a lone parent what am I supposed to do just not work and live off of fresh air?!
She is 8 years old now- is a happy, healthy child and we have a great relationship. She still goes breakfast/afterschool clubs 4 days a week and it’s just never been an issue..

Crack on!

Enjoy your life.

Congrats on pregnancy

You are a good mum

🌼

Nope, to answer PPs nobody is asking DP to reduce hours or quit his job. Not one person has asked him if he’s going to do part time.

Have you asked him that OP?

Absolutely sick of people berating women like this .. bet he doesn't say to yo ur partner think of the fucking bond . I remember when I was talking to MIL about returning to work and using a nursery she said to me " you don't want to pay for someone else to bring up your son" funny that as she never said that to her son who ironically I earn 10k more than per year!

Funnily enough I went back part time just because it was expected of me and I must have been anxious or weak to stand up to people.

I think sending lo in for 2 days to get used to nursery makes complete sense, I'd probably do one full day (for Kit) and two half days though personally if that was possible. The days are long but you already know you're going to be home again when it's time for your next maternity leave.
I think it comes down to how your lo copes and no one will know that until you go full time, as he sounds like he's enjoying it already I would concentrate on that. It's about him, you and his dad (who no one seems to be telling to stay home) and no one else.

In answer to your question your baby will be fine , he will enjoy it and you will feel better in yourself

Nope, to answer PPs nobody is asking DP to reduce hours or quit his job. Not one person has asked him if he’s going to do part time.

And many other posters haven’t said anything about it either and seem to believe it should be on the mum to do all the bonding and added headspace yet other threads asking about fathers being involved, is mainly pull him up, calling him lazy with LTB thrown around with good measure.

I did this op and have a happy well adjusted dc. They also have a good understanding of the different 'types' of work mums do, from sah through to ft work.

I had to go back to work at 2 weeks I had a salon I took my son for 6 months with me he then was in FT nursery 8/6 5 days a week. So many people had opinions on this.
Let me tell you by the time he’s 17 like my son now it will all be a distant memory and you will all be fine - if you want him in nursery while you’re on Mat leave crack on

In addition to what I wrote upthread, I am a teacher and when my children were in nursery I would still send them when I was on holiday. I send my children to summer holiday camps now.

I grew up in a household where my parents didn’t work - at all. I was the ‘benefits’ kid. I may have had my parents at home 24/7 but it was a miserable existence - they were always sad/angry, we didn’t have day trips, we didn’t have many toys at home.

To give the childhood I want my children to have, DH and I need to work full time. But that’s what we want. Happy parents, happy children.

@WhateverJudy

Nope, to answer PPs nobody is asking DP to reduce hours or quit his job. Not one person has asked him if he’s going to do part time.

Have you asked him that OP?

Yes.. well.. after the conversation with DF yesterday DP said ‘ why is it always you, my mum your mum, work ‘ everyone assumes you give up everything that made you FTEngineerM before having DC.’ Which led onto a looooong conversation. DP comes from a strong DM that worked and has had senior positions, it’s just his normal.

As an aside: I do not have a senior position or earn 100k, I don’t earn much at all actually but it’s a niche complex job that I love. Taking three years out after qualifying is a terrible idea career wise IMO.

I think it's fine if it's what you want to do. Baby will be fine. Ignore others.

I would consider keeping them in nursery 1 or 2 days a week when the new baby is born. Gives you time to bond with the new baby, gives you a bit of a break and keeps the continuity of nursery going for the older one. My DS kept going to nursery 2 days per week when I was on mat leave with number 2.

You need to do what you're happy with and be confident in your decisions. A lot of people will have opinions (especially if you invite them), but none of those people are you and will have to manage. We all have different stresses, aspirations, needs in our lives - if you need two days to yourself at the moment, then take them. If you want to go go back to work full time, then do it.

Your choice, only you know your circumstances and what’s best for your family

I must admit, whenever I see a post saying "you'll never get those early days back, you know" my reaction is "but why on earth would I want them back...?"

It's been so hard parenting 1 child in a pandemic (not denying that) but yet you are pregnant again and no one really knows what the year ahead of us holds so you could end up with 2 children in a pandemic ?