Non-binary pronouns change for my daughter

[Dollyplum]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and after searching, couldn't find any past threads for this.

My daughter now identifies as non-binary and has changed her name to reflect her new identity. She is now asking us to use they/them pronouns and tbh, we're really struggling with this. We don't have any issues with her wanting to be the person she wants to be, but I can't quite explain why we find the pronouns so hard to come to terms with. I guess from an old fashioned perspective, they/them is plural, and we have known her for nearly 14 years as a girl.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this please? Are we just being stubborn? Should be change the pronouns? The name change was welcomed with open arms by our whole family and she is definitely happier that everyone has settled into this without issue. We have changed her name at school, dentist, etc. to her preferred name.

I'm sure other parents here have been through the same thing and any advice would be welcome please. Thank you so much :-) x

@saraclara

The poor OP.

Seriously, this subject has already taken over the feminism branch, why on earth bring it over here, where the OP is asking for advice, not a discussion? You don't have to vaunt an opinion on trans/non-binary in order to give advice on how to get into the habit of using new pronouns.

I only hope she finds a more reasonable and empathetic audience elsewhere.

So do I 💖

I hope the OP has secured real world common sense help else where.

[quote BrumBoo]@rootyT00t what precisely have I misunderstood about pansexuality? To be pansexual means that your attraction is based on gender.

And as for not thinking its all 'evil woowoo', I mean I didn't use those words. I do agree that believing in gendered existence is the equivalent of believing in a god, or a flat earth. Trying to have a discussion with gender believers is certainly akin to debating with flat earthers at least.[/quote]
No it doesn't. To be pansexual means your attraction is based on nothing. Not gender, not sex, not identity. Just the person.

Precisely the opposite.
The sexuality equivalent of non binary, if you will.

But see statements like the last sentence are helpful, are they?

I've come across some right militant nasty horrible women on the other 'side' and I think their version of feminism is abhorrent but I don't think everyone was and I don't not believe in feminism .

But anyone who believes in non binary is akin to a flat earther.

See the problem?

@RootyT00t

Sam Smith is non binary. I personally think they are a fantastic role model for youngsters and I couldn't give a rat's toot what the angry brigade thinks of that.

What does he do exactly that's any different to any person who doesn't buy into gender at all ?

@Sheleg

Back with this ridiculous analogy, I see.

It made no sense the first time, and has no place on anywhere except the militant threads, where I'm sure they will love it.

@RootyT00t

Sam Smith is non binary. I personally think they are a fantastic role model for youngsters and I couldn't give a rat's toot what the angry brigade thinks of that.

Really? I much prefer Harry Styles. Brave enough to wear and do whatever the fuck he wants without hiding behind a label. He's far braver and much more of a role model for young people, than someone who thinks they have 'thighs and breasts like a woman' (whatever the fuck that means) and can't wait to appropriate the term 'mummy' one day.

@midgedude, with the greatest of respect I remember our last interaction and the rabbit hole I fell into and was absolutely torn to shreds and really quite personally insulted by yourself. So I don't think il risk that again.

@saraclara yes, agree.

It's a bit easier to do that as Harry Styles who already has a massive unconditional fan base whatever he does, than a wean in secondary school with views like PPs though, isn't it.

I assume Harry doesn't have to face daily views like those on here and if he does has enough positive support to balance it out.

@saraclara

The poor OP.

Seriously, this subject has already taken over the feminism branch, why on earth bring it over here, where the OP is asking for advice, not a discussion? You don't have to vaunt an opinion on trans/non-binary in order to give advice on how to get into the habit of using new pronouns.

I only hope she finds a more reasonable and empathetic audience elsewhere.

THIS

Stay on your boards!

@RootyT00t

No it doesn't. To be pansexual means your attraction is based on nothing. Not gender, not sex, not identity. Just the person.

What just 'just the person' mean? We have gay/lesbian which used to mean same sex attracted, straight for different sex attracted and bi for attracted to both sexes. Obviously, within that context, people actually have to like the person they want to have a relationship as well. So if pan means neither sex nor gender attracted, it's a rather meaningless terms, isn't it to be attracted based on 'nothing'.

Quite, @Cartwheelingchloe

They enjoy a wee trip over to tell us we are all mental, make offensive comparisons , and don't care who is collateral in that.

I went over to theirs once and barely got out alive. Never again. And they wonder why we can't listen to and understand their views, not that they want us to. We are all too stupid.

Why they don't stay on their boards whooping each other on how fantastically clever they are I don't know.

@cartwheelingchloe no. If you want an echo chamber on gender beliefs, ask for your own board. AIBU is for every side of a discussion.

[quote BrumBoo]@RootyT00t

No it doesn't. To be pansexual means your attraction is based on nothing. Not gender, not sex, not identity. Just the person.

What just 'just the person' mean? We have gay/lesbian which used to mean same sex attracted, straight for different sex attracted and bi for attracted to both sexes. Obviously, within that context, people actually have to like the person they want to have a relationship as well. So if pan means neither sex nor gender attracted, it's a rather meaningless terms, isn't it to be attracted based on 'nothing'.[/quote]
In your style,

Mate, I didn't make the rules.

It's a term for people who want to base their attraction on the person. It came in to allow for transitioning if you will because of idiots who insist you are one or the other

I know a pansexual person. They've had relationships with both sexes. They are not bisexual. They are pansexual

Quoting a stonewall source is an odd choice for someone who doesn't believe in gender.

But my definition is right.

Whether it seems meaningless or not is not the point.

[quote BrumBoo]@cartwheelingchloe no. If you want an echo chamber on gender beliefs, ask for your own board. AIBU is for every side of a discussion.[/quote]
AIBU is, but OP asking for advice is not a welcome invitation for the hordes to arrive calling it evil and telling OP she is harming women. That's not what OP asked.

My original response was purely my advice on the pronouns. It should never have derailed the way it did. Chloe is right.

Incidentally even though AIBU isn't known for its kind welcome I wouldn't send anyone who is a parent of a trans or non binary child over to those specific discussion boards. It's brutal. So why bring the vitriol here.

*saraclara

The poor OP.

Seriously, this subject has already taken over the feminism branch, why on earth bring it over here, where the OP is asking for advice, not a discussion? You don't have to vaunt an opinion on trans/non-binary in order to give advice on how to get into the habit of using new pronouns.

I only hope she finds a more reasonable and empathetic audience elsewhere.*

People can post where they like about what they like! Who are you? The mumsnet board police?

I assume Harry doesn't have to face daily views like those on here and if he does has enough positive support to balance it out.

Harry Styles gets a huge amount of abuse that those that label themselves don't, because he's dressing up 'like a woman' but refusing to play the social part of one. People like him are the true gender breakers of this world, he knows (well so far) that he's male and that the clothes he wears or anything else about himself doesn't stop him just being a bloke who likes things that are in no way actually male or female just because others have been brainwashed into thinking they are.