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Original poster

Non-binary pronouns change for my daughter

6 replies

Dollyplum · 16/02/2021 16:30

Hi everyone, I'm new here and after searching, couldn't find any past threads for this.

My daughter now identifies as non-binary and has changed her name to reflect her new identity. She is now asking us to use they/them pronouns and tbh, we're really struggling with this. We don't have any issues with her wanting to be the person she wants to be, but I can't quite explain why we find the pronouns so hard to come to terms with. I guess from an old fashioned perspective, they/them is plural, and we have known her for nearly 14 years as a girl.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this please? Are we just being stubborn? Should be change the pronouns? The name change was welcomed with open arms by our whole family and she is definitely happier that everyone has settled into this without issue. We have changed her name at school, dentist, etc. to her preferred name.

I'm sure other parents here have been through the same thing and any advice would be welcome please. Thank you so much :-) x

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MNHQ

MichaelMumsnet · 17/02/2021 14:24

Hi all. We took this thread down to give us a chance to go through the many reports. We've removed a fair number of posts from this thread that break the Talk guidelines. We've reinstated it now - but please do bear in mind our guidelines on civil debate.

MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 17/02/2021 16:09

Hello

MN is primarily about parents offering each other support and advice. Parents asking for advice about gender issues with their own children will be hoping to receive thoughtful and compassionate responses to help them navigate a new situation. Lots of you did post in this way, so thank you. We've also had to delete quite a few posts that we thought were just really not in the spirit of a thread of this nature.

Parenting is hard and at times we all need a bit of support from people who've been in our shoes or have a constructive suggestion. We'd appreciate it if all MNers would approach these sorts of thread in that spirit.

Thanks
MNHQ

MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 18/02/2021 15:35

@twelly

Am rather confused over my post being deleted - is there somewhere to find out why?
Hi Twelly - your post included the word 'mutilate' referring to surgery sometimes undertaken by trans people, and we think it's just not a usage that's going encourage parents of trans children to seek help and support on Mumsnet.

While we've got you folks could we please ask you to drop the intra-personal battles? It would be great if this thread could actually be a useful resource for parents whose children are NB...

Thanks
MNHQ

MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 18/02/2021 16:37

'We probably wouldn't describe a rhinoplasty or a mastectomy for medical reasons as a mutilation, so the term mutilation is loaded and does imply criticism. It's probably not helpful in trying to progress discussion.' yes this is exactly it @WaltzingBetty

MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 18/02/2021 16:44

@Sofetikal

I didn’t make the mutilation comment.

I said the amount of teens on TikTok transitioning is worrying.

Hello - yes the wording was 'a scroll through TikTok will show how many teenagers are trans now and its very worrying.' Again, on a thread where parents of NB children are seeking and giving support we think the implication that being trans/increasing numbers of children presenting as trans is de facto 'worrying' is out of place - not all parents of trans and NB children see this as being worrying or concerning (in itself) at all, and our concern (at MNHQ) is not to allow posts that make sweeping negative generalisations about trans people or about the experience of being trans.
MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 18/02/2021 17:06

@Impatiens

Again, on a thread where parents of NB children are seeking and giving support we think the implication that being trans/increasing numbers of children presenting as trans is de facto 'worrying' is out of place

@RowanMumsnet - the OP herself/himself said that they are struggling to adapt to the pronouns. They haven't returned to the thread they started at all. No other posters on here appear to be looking for support.

Surely posting in AIBU implies that discussion is looked for? If only support - in the form of uncritical acceptance - is allowed then why wasn't the thread moved to a different board as per usual practice?

If people aren't even allowed to comment that they find something worrying/concerning how are they going to be able to express themselves if that's what they feel/believe? Confused

V good point about moving to a different board - posters often use AIBU for traffic (or don't know other boards well enough to start discussions there). As this is about a NB child the LGBT Parents topic doesn't feel quite right but I'll have a scan through and see if there's a good place to move it to.

In general though and in any board we would like to establish the principle that if parents of trans or NB children post for advice/support that's what they get, rather than lots of people (from all sides) having a barney about different political interpretations

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