Non-binary pronouns change for my daughter

[Dollyplum]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and after searching, couldn't find any past threads for this.

My daughter now identifies as non-binary and has changed her name to reflect her new identity. She is now asking us to use they/them pronouns and tbh, we're really struggling with this. We don't have any issues with her wanting to be the person she wants to be, but I can't quite explain why we find the pronouns so hard to come to terms with. I guess from an old fashioned perspective, they/them is plural, and we have known her for nearly 14 years as a girl.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this please? Are we just being stubborn? Should be change the pronouns? The name change was welcomed with open arms by our whole family and she is definitely happier that everyone has settled into this without issue. We have changed her name at school, dentist, etc. to her preferred name.

I'm sure other parents here have been through the same thing and any advice would be welcome please. Thank you so much :-) x

"@RootyT00t Arghhh!! I've apologised three times now. It was the comment you QUOTED. NOT YOU. I tagged you by accident."

Alright chicken, calm your pants! I accept your apology.!

[quote ElizabethofpeanutYorkies]"@RootyT00t Arghhh!! I've apologised three times now. It was the comment you QUOTED. NOT YOU. I tagged you by accident."

Alright chicken, calm your pants! I accept your apology.! [/quote]
Do chicken wear pants? Or does it depend on their gender?

Don't ask this lot, theyl lose their minds.

Ah here we go, the FWRs have got hold of something slightly related to trans and they're going to make the OP feel like their child is some kind of hideous, disappointing freak. I wish they'd keep to the FWR boards. They don't talk my feminism.

@cartwheelingchloe

Ah here we go, the FWRs have got hold of something slightly related to trans and they're going to make the OP feel like their child is some kind of hideous, disappointing freak. I wish they'd keep to the FWR boards. They don't talk my feminism.

Best thing I've read this week 👏👏👏👀

@AnnieLobeseder

I will raise my hand at this point and re-iterate that I'm a gender abolitionist radfem - not been on MN for a few years (and not sure why I popped back today) and have the 'usual' MN FWR issues with so many aspects of trans ideologies.

But since DC started identifying as non-binary, I absolutely have gone along with it and won't just ignore their preferences about their own life just because it doesn't line up with my own opinions. My mother has always done this to me - refused to see me for who I am and told me how my choices will ruin my life. We have a terrible relationship.

So, while DC knows my views on a number of trans issues, they also know that I love them fiercely and absolutely accept who they are, and have their back while they try this on for size. I'll talk with them honestly about the risks, dangers, the peer-pressure angles and make sure they aren't falling too far down any rabbit holes. But I will also call them by any name they choose for themselves and use their preferred pronouns too. Because it would just be really rude, arrogant and 'mother knows best' of me not to.

If DC can't trust me to support them in this minor thing, why on earth would they turn to me if things got more serious and the darker trans propaganda came their way? I'm choosing my battles, and this is not where I choose to make my last stand.

This. 100% this.

No wonder people like OP who genuinely want to understand get put off, because the 'feminists' arrive to cause trouble and further widen the divide (and the kids they claim to care about are collateral).

"@RootyT00t It was Bob Dylan's comment I had the issue with."

Bob Dylan is on Mumsnet ??

"For the times, they are a-changin"

@RootyT00t

Having read the full thread, in disturbed by the usual mention of trans kids being exploited and being against feminism etc etc etc.

Non binary is not trans.

@RootyT00t

Non-binary is part of the trans umbrella and to say otherwise is transphobic (not goading, just stating the facts as they sociologically stand).

@cartwheelingchloe

Ah here we go, the FWRs have got hold of something slightly related to trans and they're going to make the OP feel like their child is some kind of hideous, disappointing freak. I wish they'd keep to the FWR boards. They don't talk my feminism.

I'll bet.

It may be part of the umbrella, ie LGBT, but trans and non binary is not one and the same so there is no reason to talk about trans or sexuality here.

Also, pansexual is completely irrelevant.

Again, wrong I'm afraid. Pansexuality is the official term for being 'gender attracted', as opposed to sex attracted (though sex-attracted terms are being erased).

@RootyT00t

It may be part of the umbrella, ie LGBT, but trans and non binary is not one and the same so there is no reason to talk about trans or sexuality here.

No, not LGBT umbrella. The specific 'trans' one. Also see drag queens. I'm afraid you're not very ip to date on what is considered trans, @RootyT00t.

@BrumBoo

Also, pansexual is completely irrelevant.

Again, wrong I'm afraid. Pansexuality is the official term for being 'gender attracted', as opposed to sex attracted (though sex-attracted terms are being erased).

I know what pansexuality is, thanks - although it appears you've read up wrong.

Pansexuality is the complete lack of limitation to sex gender or identity. They are gender blind, meaning that they are attracted to the person and not the sex or gender

Which is the complete opposite of gender attracted.

But that's by the by.

I'm just wondering why PP felt the need to mention how many pansexual children there are in her daughter's class and what that has to do with OPs non binary child.

@BrumBoo

Mmm.

I'll stick to not comparing trans and non binary, thanks. For many valid reasons. That might not fit your agenda but we will need to struggle on regardless.

They’re not pansexual. That’s the whole point. It’s a CRAZE.

[quote RootyT00t]@BrumBoo

Mmm.

I'll stick to not comparing trans and non binary, thanks. For many valid reasons. That might not fit your agenda but we will need to struggle on regardless.[/quote]
Its not my agenda, quite the opposite @RootyT00t. You can get as angry with me as you want, but you will just end up offending a gender nonconformist with your view I'm afraid.

From Stonewall directly:

TRANS

An umbrella term to describe people whose gender is not the same as, or does not sit comfortably with, the sex they were assigned at birth.
Trans people may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including (but not limited to) transgender, transsexual, gender-queer (GQ), gender-fluid, non-binary, gender-variant, crossdresser, genderless, agender, nongender, third gender, bi-gender, trans man, trans woman,trans masculine, trans feminine and neutrois.

Interesting enough Misogyny (apt username) I'm not projecting, what makes you say that? And I agree that gender needs to 'get in the bin'.