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Non-binary pronouns change for my daughter

894 replies

Dollyplum · 16/02/2021 16:30

Hi everyone, I'm new here and after searching, couldn't find any past threads for this.

My daughter now identifies as non-binary and has changed her name to reflect her new identity. She is now asking us to use they/them pronouns and tbh, we're really struggling with this. We don't have any issues with her wanting to be the person she wants to be, but I can't quite explain why we find the pronouns so hard to come to terms with. I guess from an old fashioned perspective, they/them is plural, and we have known her for nearly 14 years as a girl.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to handle this please? Are we just being stubborn? Should be change the pronouns? The name change was welcomed with open arms by our whole family and she is definitely happier that everyone has settled into this without issue. We have changed her name at school, dentist, etc. to her preferred name.

I'm sure other parents here have been through the same thing and any advice would be welcome please. Thank you so much :-) x

OP posts:
NoToMisogyny · 16/02/2021 21:58

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BrumBoo · 16/02/2021 21:59

In anecdotal terms , they told me that they fell in love with a woman and a man not due to sexuality but due to falling in love with that person.

@RootyT00t, thats bisexual though. Being attracted to either sex but falling in love with someone based on how much you like them as a person. Or have I missed a memo on how relationships work on top of everything else Hmm? I certainly didn't fall for my husband on the bases of 'well he has a penis and I do quite like those, and I like his penis more than the last vagina I had...'.

WaltzingBetty · 16/02/2021 22:00

@RagzReturnsRebooted you DS is heterosexual (opposite sex attracted) not bi Smile his girlfriend is still female regardless of what she calls herself and it's the opposite sex he's attracted to. He'd be bisexual if he was attracted to males and females (regardless of gender identity)

This is one of the problems in the trans debate - for example lesbians are same sex attracted, calling them 'transphobic' for not being attracted to male bodied trans women is apparently ok, because same-sex attraction is apparently now 'transphobic'

RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:00

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pumpkinbump · 16/02/2021 22:01

If you think a person can be 'cured' by being told to love being a girl, I thank god you have absolutely no understanding of the issue

Yet The Tavistock et al think young gay and lesbian people can be cured by telling them they're trans. Stick them on puberty blockers as gay conversion therapy.

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 16/02/2021 22:01

Ive got plenty of female friends with ‘male’ names so i find names much easier than a pronoun change

RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:01

@BrumBoo

In anecdotal terms , they told me that they fell in love with a woman and a man not due to sexuality but due to falling in love with that person.

@RootyT00t, thats bisexual though. Being attracted to either sex but falling in love with someone based on how much you like them as a person. Or have I missed a memo on how relationships work on top of everything else Hmm? I certainly didn't fall for my husband on the bases of 'well he has a penis and I do quite like those, and I like his penis more than the last vagina I had...'.

Let's save the semantics on yours and I relationships because they're irrelevant. Look up pansexual.
RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:02

@pumpkinbump

If you think a person can be 'cured' by being told to love being a girl, I thank god you have absolutely no understanding of the issue

Yet The Tavistock et al think young gay and lesbian people can be cured by telling them they're trans. Stick them on puberty blockers as gay conversion therapy.

Mmmm.

But I'm not them, am I?

So why is it one or the other?

Because I believe non binary exists, bloody hell shoot me now, im a cult and a ghoul.

RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:04

All of this because a child wants to be known as they.

The desperate lengths peoplehave sunk to , to maintain agendas and cause.

pumpkinbump · 16/02/2021 22:04

No but you buy into it all, pedal it. Which is just as dangerous.

Tiktokersmiracle · 16/02/2021 22:05

@NoToMisogyny

Non-binary IS woo woo. This woman’s daughter is female. That hasn’t changed because as an impressionable teenager she thinks it’s cool to dictate to her parents. She’ll always be female. She needs to be kept away from ghouls and encouraged to love being a girl. Surely everyone who cared about children would want them to be grounded in reality? To learn to love being female rather than living a lie?
Can I ask, and this is open to all, why do you care? What difference does it make to your lives that a parent, myself and the op, are respectfully allowing our children, who we love, to be whoever the fuck they want?

Is it because now it's not acceptable to be homophobic, or racist, or sexist, so this is the next best thing?
Because it really does strike me as similar to when people used to make jokes or say nasty stuff about homosexuals and or different races or religions, that now would be marked down as hateful and needless?

Yes, I'm personal aware it might be a stage. I'm sure most here can say they went though some sort of stage in their teens- mine was thinking of tireless ways to get near Mark from Take That because I was 100% sure in my teenage brain that he would immediately fall in love with me and thus I would definitely end up being Mrs Owen. I laugh at it now. But I was convinced back then. I bet I wasn't alone.

Did it hurt me or anyone else? No. Does DD or anyone elses child saying they wish to be known as they/them hurt anyone? No.

In fact, the more people get angry, unnecessarily angry in fact, and refuse to acknowledge it, the more if it is a stage they will do it. That's how a teens brain works.

Would those of you being so rude about it say the same about being gay? Probably not.

I would much rather support my DD so they know that when it came to it, they could rely on me to support them, to have an open discussion. We have discussed powerful females. I'm not particularly girly myself and we dont really sit with gender roles in our house in that I was (until covid) the main breadwinner, I'm chief of DIY at home and DP is far more likely to be cleaning and cooking than me. So they've not grown up in a house where I was repressed.

They're exploring their world and how they want it to be and actually, I think this generation will take far more responsibility than ours. Where we had social media first, we used it for what? Naff all of merit. They use it to get together globally to say no to oppression of minorities and to sign up for Trump rallies and then not turn up to cause shenanigans (DD included). They speak out. I think they will change stuff for the better and whether they do that as she, he , they or it, that's cool!

It doesn't frighten me in the slightest.

HmmSureJan · 16/02/2021 22:05

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WaltzingBetty · 16/02/2021 22:06

I think the thing I struggle with is that the term non binary is a definition of absence so not an identity as such. - isn't it just someone saying 'I don't fit a gender stereotype'

In reality how many people do? Why make it one of your defining characteristics?

RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:06

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RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:07

@pumpkinbump

No but you buy into it all, pedal it. Which is just as dangerous.
So I am equatable to people feeding puberty blockers even though you know nothing about my views on this?

Righto.

WaltzingBetty · 16/02/2021 22:08

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RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:09

@WaltzingBetty

I think the thing I struggle with is that the term non binary is a definition of absence so not an identity as such. - isn't it just someone saying 'I don't fit a gender stereotype'

In reality how many people do? Why make it one of your defining characteristics?

Because space cadets like previous PPs scream about being a woman so much that it further increases the divide, confuses young people further and pushes them into that world because they certainly don't want to be in that one.

I feel glad I am confident in my gender and sexuality and old enough to Don my tin hat because I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere near those guys at 18.

RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:09

@Tiktokersmiracle 👏👏👏👏👏👏💓

HmmSureJan · 16/02/2021 22:10

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WaltzingBetty · 16/02/2021 22:11

Because space cadets like previous PPs scream about being a woman so much that it further increases the divide, confuses young people further and pushes them into that world because they certainly don't want to be in that one.

I'm not an expert but I'm reasonably confident that the MN FWR posters aren't the driving force behind the rise of gender ideology.

Thanks for your reasoned response though

pumpkinbump · 16/02/2021 22:11

@Tiktokersmiracle

I care GREATLY because I don't want my daughter to be a victim of this insidious ideology, where one day she comes home from school proclaiming she's trans because that's what she's been taught, that she wants breast binders, puberty blockers and to sign up for a lifetime of medicalisation. 90% of children having gone through puberty desist. To research this and publish the findings is very much frowned upon and people have even lost their jobs over it. Why? Seriously, I don't understand these types of questions. None of this is harmless. You either don't know that yet, or you do know and just don't care.

RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:11

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BrumBoo · 16/02/2021 22:12

Let's save the semantics on yours and I relationships because they're irrelevant. Look up pansexual.

They're not irrelevant though, that's the point! What you've described is just being bisexual. Bisexuality is not just 'I like both sexes so I have a wide variety of choice', it means that when it comes to sex you are attracted to both but a relation even just sex it's will always come down to if you like or connect with another person on a higher level than just their sex organs. Pansexuality means you don't care for gender but are open to any of those as well. Bisexuality doesn't include gender attraction.

RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:13

[quote pumpkinbump]@Tiktokersmiracle

I care GREATLY because I don't want my daughter to be a victim of this insidious ideology, where one day she comes home from school proclaiming she's trans because that's what she's been taught, that she wants breast binders, puberty blockers and to sign up for a lifetime of medicalisation. 90% of children having gone through puberty desist. To research this and publish the findings is very much frowned upon and people have even lost their jobs over it. Why? Seriously, I don't understand these types of questions. None of this is harmless. You either don't know that yet, or you do know and just don't care.[/quote]
Did you read the bit about her own daughter? She does care. Greatly. About her own daughter.

I presume yours trumps hers. Shock.

I think you need to do some research on how many of these children take puberty blockers. You are obsessed with this issue and it's colouring your view.

People should lose their jobs for vocalising the types of views seen in these threads. Absolutely. It's here speech.

RootyT00t · 16/02/2021 22:13

@BrumBoo

Let's save the semantics on yours and I relationships because they're irrelevant. Look up pansexual.

They're not irrelevant though, that's the point! What you've described is just being bisexual. Bisexuality is not just 'I like both sexes so I have a wide variety of choice', it means that when it comes to sex you are attracted to both but a relation even just sex it's will always come down to if you like or connect with another person on a higher level than just their sex organs. Pansexuality means you don't care for gender but are open to any of those as well. Bisexuality doesn't include gender attraction.

I'm wasting my time here.

I didn't come up with the concept.

You can rubbish it if you want , but it is there.

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