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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think all Mumsnetters are on top of life admin

310 replies

Southern · 15/02/2021 14:32

Just that really, it's been a bit hectic lately and I feel like I have fallen behind on stuff. I read some threads for tips on here and most MN'ers responses were quite scathing towards those who weren't on top of life admin which to be honest, made me feel like a bit of a failure. Is everyone on here on top of everything and always goes on comparison sites to check all their quotes etc? The amount of form filling just fills me with dread and sends me on a procrastination loop (which is why I am here typing this probably)...... for those who are on top of it, when do you do it?

OP posts:
Graphista · 15/02/2021 20:56

I think if you keep on top of things generally it's not too onerous, but I also wonder if those claiming there's little to do are properly on top of things? Some seem to have a very...relaxed? Attitude to things like banking? Reminds me of my ex who was pretty clueless on this kinda thing when we were first together

Direct debits - amounts can be changed by the recipient, there can be mistakes made and I certainly know a fair few in real life who are pretty haphazard with their finances and wouldn't notice if a DD has gone out twice or something and then be puzzled when another payment "bounces" because the funds aren't available. I on the other hand tend to the other extreme and know what's in my account to the penny. This is not a brag it's borne out of spending most of my life on a very tight budget when I NEEDED to know my balance and keep a close eye on it all.

I also know a fair few people who still think that checking and possibly switching suppliers for various services is "too complicated and too much faff" my parents irritate me a bit with this as they insist on remaining with BT for phone and internet and British Gas for energy! For no real reason other than they're familiar with those brands and I know for a fact they're paying well over the odds for poor service yet I've had to accept there's no point discussing with them.

To the pp who said "I've no dc so no school admin" there's FAR more to having dc than school admin ime, it's also (depending on age and stage of child) various clubs and hobbies, internet purchases using parents account, medical admin, tech admin... it's never ending! Mines an adult and left home now and it's meant a huge reduction of all the admin I have to do. She is at the start of getting to grips with it all though and does sometimes call me stressed by it. Not helped by certain companies/organisations (inc govt depts!) telling her utter bullshit to scare her into doing things she doesn't have to.

Personally I have finances, household organisation (I'm housebound so rely on deliveries for everything and I have to manage these a certain way) and medical admin (appointments but also juggling prescriptions which never seem to sync well) that I have to manage

Everyone will have different levels of admin to manage.

As a family of only 2 I had less to manage than someone with more dc but then another family of 2 could have less than me if they weren't having to navigate the overly complex benefits system and don't have the medical and delivery issues I have, inc when dd was home and younger her medical stuff too as we both have disabilities and complex medical histories and there were lots of appointments, prescriptions and equipment to organise.

Doing a little admin each week to keep on top of things means it takes less time and you're not having to deal with a whole load of stuff that's piled up too.

Everyone manages things differently.

Some may also struggle with the skills needed for admin management too. I'm fortunate to be able to not only read but speed read and I'm competent enough at arithmetic/accounts (I've been a bookkeeper and payroll assistant occasionally) to be able to keep on top of that.

I have a few friends with dyslexia and other learning difficulties that find it a struggle. One friend can read ok but really struggles with arithmetic and finds it very hard to manage money based admin. Her mum helps her a lot with this or she gets in a muddle and finds it very stressful.

So for those who find it a breeze, aren't you lucky? Not everyone does.

Organisation begets organisation and likewise disorganisation leads to time consuming evenings spent trying to sort out the late payment fines, and trying to find old paperwork.

Yes I agree with this.

My sister is very haphazard in how she manages things and regularly comes unstuck and parents have to bail her out constantly! And on occasion literally (one thing she's horrendous with is getting parking tickets and not dealing with them)

I think some of you are doing more than you think.

Agree with this too. Certain tasks may only take up a few mins of your time but how many of those are you doing every week? Every month? That's when it adds up.

Also because (like me with time spent on mn!) people usually vastly underestimate the amount of time they've spent eg comparing insurance quotes. Another of my mums tricks, she says just about any task you ask her about "only took 10 mins" but when I've been with her when she's done this kind of thing I've learned her "10 mins" is actually closer to 40-50 mins. It may interest you to time yourselves. I did this once when I wondered how long it really took to do my weekly check of if my expected bank activity matched actual bank activity, I'd have estimated 10-15 mins it was actually 35 mins it took me. Making a gp appointment can take over an hour between being kept on hold and explaining to the receptionist (pre covid) that no, I can't just "pop in".

Dwp forms can take bloody weeks!

These are all two minute jobs!

A - they're really not! Minimum 10 mins for most of them

B - lots of "2 minute jobs" add up. It only takes 5 to make 10 mins, 10 to make 20 mins etc - it adds up.

I think the people that don't ever do admin in a "chunk" on a particular day may not notice how much time they really spend on them.

Various research institutes have studied this kind of thing and most of the time people vastly underestimate the time spent on everyday tasks. Applies to housework too. My mum couldn't understand why she was so sore on days she'd done a thorough hoover as she was thinking "it only takes 5 mins" next time she did that task I said to her "time it, see how long it really takes you" 90 mins (awkward house layout) it took her - she's in her mid 70's no wonder she was knackered! (And yes we all keep trying to get her to accept help either from us or paid or whatever and she has thus far refused!)

My way of doing things saves me time and stress at other times, eg I always know if I can afford a larger purchase without having to check bank account and think what bills are due out that week because years of doing things this way means I know this already. Same applies to certain meds I've been on many years, sometimes a new gp cos mine is off or a new pharmacist will say something like "are you sure it's due?" And it doesn't throw or panic me as I'm well used to how it's scheduled and so can confidently say "yes, I've only a weeks worth left"

My memory is bad for things that aren't regular like infrequent appointments so I use my phone calendar AND a diary AND a wall planner cos I know what I'm like with those so a few reminders help a lot!

Tip - there is a clever little thing called a comparison site that will compare insurance prices for you in a couple of minutes. They’ll even email the result to you.

Not always that simple. Eg I've very much noticed that the quality and coverage of insurance can differ greatly you really need to check the details before committing, plus not all insurance companies sign up to being available to comparison engines and they may have a better deal for you. It's worth putting in the effort to get the best deal.

@squirrelfan definitely worth taking the time to learn how to do a spreadsheet and it's not as difficult as you may think. There are lots of free online courses. Learning this honestly made my life so much easier

On passwords all my passwords are different BUT follow a self created "formula" and that includes the usual stuff they all seem to insist are included these days for a "strong" password - capital letter, lower case letter, number, symbol, x min amount of characters... the way I do it means even if I haven't used a site for ages I can make a good guess at the password I likely created and it's usually right - not sure I'm explaining that well - but it works for me

greeneyedlulu · 15/02/2021 21:13

In fairness, how hard is it? Online banking, direct debits, standing orders, emails when things are up for renewal, garage calls for MOT booking. I don't go chasing extra crap to do. Am I missing something here?

LucasLeesEyebrows · 15/02/2021 21:27

@greeneyedlulu

In fairness, how hard is it? Online banking, direct debits, standing orders, emails when things are up for renewal, garage calls for MOT booking. I don't go chasing extra crap to do. Am I missing something here?
Nope. Though apparently that means we have boring, pointless, uneventful lives —or else we’re just getting on with things with minimal fuss and fanfare— 🤷‍♀️
SteveBrexit · 15/02/2021 21:39

Am I missing something here?

again
kids/school/childcare/clubs/currently homeschooling/ clothes/uniforms/ supplies for whatever "day" (blue, yellow, spotty tshirts or whatever they need that week)
holidays
birthdays/weddings/christening cards and presents
basic shopping
and the various bills, and basic orders of everything
Health appointments, vet, cars...

I don't find any of it HARD, or even difficult to manage. But it does take time! And the list is pretty endless.

I am not sure why stating that there IS a long list means you are making a fuss? Confused

It remind me of people who frantically spend 4 hours cleaning their house and smile "excuse the mess, I didn't have time" to visitors Grin

If you have nothing to do, good for you. Why is it so hard to accept that others have, and that some people - generally women - struggle and life admin should be a shared task, and the "mental load" shared.

just because life admin is a stupid name doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

SteveBrexit · 15/02/2021 21:40

or else we’re just getting on with things with minimal fuss and fanfare

so you do have things to get on with after all? Hmm

XjustagirlX · 15/02/2021 21:40

I think a lot of people here who only have 2 minute life admin either don’t bother with a lot of the stuff other people do or they are massively underestimating their time.

Everyone has the normal cleaning, food shop etc.

In my eyes life admin consists of things that are either a one off or annual. Here is my current life admin list
Moving money around to cover bills, and savings
Sorting pension
Analysing my spending to budget and keep to a savings target
Chasing hospital appointments as they keep messing up my appointments (3 separate hospitals)
Researching a new car as mine has died (will also need to sell my car next month)
Sorting my new glasses as they messed them up (5 trips to fix the problem)
Emergency dental
Emergency vet appointment
Helping with the parents finances for their business
Doing all finances/bills for parents
Helping sibling find a house
Finding a new house for me (temporarily on hold)
Remortgaging and chasing up myself as broker did the application wrong
Birthdays cards and presents for a very large family
Fixing bits around the house
Decorating the house
Organising the loft
Planning holidays (not yet but this takes so long on a normal year) flights, hotels, transfers, restaurants, sightseeing, packing
Dealing with hmrc for parents
Power of attorney issues for a family member
Ordering passports for family members

Basically as I am organised I get given my entire family’s life admin to do onto of my own.

I don’t think it’s a full time job but it dies take a lot of time if you are trying to get the best deal or if you are trying to improve your situation (budgeting/pension etc).

I also bullet journal and it’s so good to help keep stuff out of your head.

My advice would be to write everything down with approximate dates next to every task. Then transfer to a seoerate list the tasks you need to get done that week. That way you are not overwhelmed by a massive list.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/02/2021 21:45

Basically as I am organised I get given my entire family’s life admin to do onto of my own.

You are not just getting that. Hope your parents pay you for working in their business, because that's what it is.

TatianaBis · 15/02/2021 21:45

Ach I love my spreadsheets and box files they make me feel like I'm in control.

SteveBrexit · 15/02/2021 21:45

Everyone has the normal cleaning, food shop etc.

In my eyes life admin consists of things that are either a one off or annual.

I disagree, even daily things are "life admin". Where else would you put food shopping for example? I do mine online, but I still need to sit down, book the slots and make the order. takes a lot more than 2 minutes!

(and during the first lockdown just booking the slot was more than time consuming Grin)

LucasLeesEyebrows · 15/02/2021 21:46

@SteveBrexit

or else we’re just getting on with things with minimal fuss and fanfare

so you do have things to get on with after all? Hmm

Well I am a functioning adult so, yes. I just don’t make out that running the average family home is akin to a full time job Confused
LucasLeesEyebrows · 15/02/2021 21:50

@XjustagirlX

I think a lot of people here who only have 2 minute life admin either don’t bother with a lot of the stuff other people do or they are massively underestimating their time.

Everyone has the normal cleaning, food shop etc.

In my eyes life admin consists of things that are either a one off or annual. Here is my current life admin list
Moving money around to cover bills, and savings
Sorting pension
Analysing my spending to budget and keep to a savings target
Chasing hospital appointments as they keep messing up my appointments (3 separate hospitals)
Researching a new car as mine has died (will also need to sell my car next month)
Sorting my new glasses as they messed them up (5 trips to fix the problem)
Emergency dental
Emergency vet appointment
Helping with the parents finances for their business
Doing all finances/bills for parents
Helping sibling find a house
Finding a new house for me (temporarily on hold)
Remortgaging and chasing up myself as broker did the application wrong
Birthdays cards and presents for a very large family
Fixing bits around the house
Decorating the house
Organising the loft
Planning holidays (not yet but this takes so long on a normal year) flights, hotels, transfers, restaurants, sightseeing, packing
Dealing with hmrc for parents
Power of attorney issues for a family member
Ordering passports for family members

Basically as I am organised I get given my entire family’s life admin to do onto of my own.

I don’t think it’s a full time job but it dies take a lot of time if you are trying to get the best deal or if you are trying to improve your situation (budgeting/pension etc).

I also bullet journal and it’s so good to help keep stuff out of your head.

My advice would be to write everything down with approximate dates next to every task. Then transfer to a seoerate list the tasks you need to get done that week. That way you are not overwhelmed by a massive list.

This is absolutely in no way comparable to the average person’s ‘home admin’ (but I suspect you know that) I hope your family are paying you a fair wage for a PA
Sugarandteaandmum · 15/02/2021 21:51

@greeneyedlulu and @lucasleeseyebrows I agree those things you mention aren't much. They don't seem much to me. But people above in the thread have talked about medical stuff to sort, multiple children or properties which mean different responsibilities that they've taken on, elderly relatives, living on low income so that "changing to the cheapest insurance" is a task you absolutely have to do, not a nice to have. And they've mentioned people without skills like Excel or other apps etc that make some of it easier.

I also remember before I had children I actively enjoyed sorting my tax return all nicely, and filing things. I looked forward to getting a new phone and setting it up. Taking the cats to the vet was something of an event.

When you're at full stretch already, those admin things can be the last straw and suddenly you're drowning.

So no need to be all defensive- nobody says your life is boring but you might have a lighter load than some others.

79andnotout · 15/02/2021 21:52

Yeah I have an office job so get all my life admin done while I'm working. It does eat a bit into my mumsnet time, but hey ho Grin

timeisnotaline · 15/02/2021 21:54

I hate hate hate life admin. Last night I filled out information form for specialist doctor
And sent it, and enrolled in the new accounting system for childcare, pages of entering details. I need to confirm in our govt account the after school care my child is enrolled in to receive teh support, check all income confirmations are up to date for the childcare system. I need to call the bank to tweak an account, as spent a couple of hours on the budget on the weekend and setting up new accounts after we refinanced our mortgage which took many forms and ages, dh needs to follow up on signatures for passport renewal forms he has completed, I need to send my cousin my bank dets for transferring, and that’s just the immediate do today items, I’ve been researching asthma for my child’s medical appt. have decided against looking at holidays, no time... I hate it.

LucasLeesEyebrows · 15/02/2021 21:54

[quote Sugarandteaandmum]**@greeneyedlulu* and @lucasleeseyebrows* I agree those things you mention aren't much. They don't seem much to me. But people above in the thread have talked about medical stuff to sort, multiple children or properties which mean different responsibilities that they've taken on, elderly relatives, living on low income so that "changing to the cheapest insurance" is a task you absolutely have to do, not a nice to have. And they've mentioned people without skills like Excel or other apps etc that make some of it easier.

I also remember before I had children I actively enjoyed sorting my tax return all nicely, and filing things. I looked forward to getting a new phone and setting it up. Taking the cats to the vet was something of an event.

When you're at full stretch already, those admin things can be the last straw and suddenly you're drowning.

So no need to be all defensive- nobody says your life is boring but you might have a lighter load than some others.[/quote]
Going by some of the posts I do have a lighter load than others but I also have two young children, elderly parents, a job (with a longish commute pre-Covid) and a husband with MS. I guess I just live my life in the simplest terms where ‘life admin’ is concerned

XjustagirlX · 15/02/2021 21:54

@SteveBrexit maybe I wasn’t clear. I agree food shop and cleaning etc are still life admin but I was just trying to separate out the normal weekly life admin with other bigger life admin.

I think a lot of people are thinking about weekly or daily life admin and saying well that’s just being an adult. But it definitely takes up time dining that.

I was just wanting to give some examples of larger life admin.

Southern · 15/02/2021 21:55

Thanks for the views everyone, like some of the posters here, none of these things take me 2 mins, for example like a pp said here I wouldn't just go on one comparison site, I want to read the small print and make sure I'm not buying something that's not right and then have more hassle later (if you actually follow what Martin Lewis says to do then it's couple of hours work). If you're changing a contract and have to call someone, that's 40 mins on hold. By life admin I mean stuff that takes away time from what I actually want to do (in that it feels like work rather than fun). In the last few weeks it's been Virgin Media install issues, today an Amazon scam I had to help someone navigate through, last week switching phone sims and then 3 days ago I got an insurance quote and they've upped the price but I haven't acted on it yet and know I need to but haven't had time to do it. I'd actually forgotten it was renewal time so it caught me by surprise hence the question of is everyone else on it or do you just sometimes let things go and actually spend the time doing something more enjoyable

OP posts:
brownet · 15/02/2021 21:56

I don't find any of it HARD, or even difficult to manage. But it does take time! And the list is pretty endless.

Yes not hard but can be boring & takes time.

Sugarandteaandmum · 15/02/2021 21:56

I just don’t make out that running the average family home is akin to a full time job

literally nobody is making out it's akin to a full time job. Why are you arguing that it doesn't exist or take time just because it doesn't take 40 hours a week? There is one straw man earlier in the thread saying that people being SAHM say it enables them to do more life admin. It probably does. What of it?

brownet · 15/02/2021 21:59

Well I am a functioning adult so, yes. I just don’t make out that running the average family home is akin to a full time job

Who's actually said that though?

XjustagirlX · 15/02/2021 21:59

Also no me and DH don’t get paid for being a PA. our families are very helpful to us in other ways so we just see it as family assistance that has to be done. It can be very annoying though when I have my own stuff to deal with. But I things get too busy I just tell my family they will have to wait.

brownet · 15/02/2021 22:02

I guess I just live my life in the simplest terms where ‘life admin’ is concerned

Good for you. Why does matter if people don't do it in the simplest terms?

Tomcullenisahero · 15/02/2021 22:07

As someone else said, it's manageable if you can keep on top of it. All major bills are Direct debits but most of the insurances need renewed around the same time of year so I spend one evening with a cuppa sorting it out. Electricity keypad gets topped up on payday for the month and everything else gets sorted as and when needed. For example I noticed this evening that my prescriptions need renewed so I'll phone the GP on my lunch tomorrow to request more. Letters get read when they arrive and are dealt with or put straight into the fire basket if a load of crap.
Someone else mentioned holidays but to me that is fun, booking a holiday, researching the location shouldn't be seen as a chore or 'admin'.

riotlady · 15/02/2021 22:10

I vastly prefer fannying around with admin tasks to actual cleaning, and still get to feel productive when I do it, so yes I am on top of things but don't look under my sofa xD

SteveBrexit · 15/02/2021 22:12

Someone else mentioned holidays but to me that is fun, booking a holiday, researching the location shouldn't be seen as a chore or 'admin'.

definitively not fun for me at all (the holiday itself is fine Grin )

and you have to add the passports (5 years come quickly with kids!), travel insurance, possible jabs, planning and organising the "supplies" for the trip (you don't fly with just a book and a credit card when you have young kids!)
Absolutely worth it, but time consuming.