Should I step in and talk to my Aunt

[sassysuspenders]

Okay, this has left me reeling and I'm still uncomfortable. But I'll try and make it make sense.

My Aunt is the youngest of my Dad's siblings, she's in her forties and she has three lovely daughters aged between 8 and 17. She recently met a guy well into his sixties and they all came around yesterday to see me (My Aunt is in my social bubble because my parents are too far away)

My youngest cousin asked if she could go to the bathroom, I said she could - She knows where everything is and off she went, but when she came back my Aunt's partner asked her to sit in his lap. The poor girl said no four times and each time my Aunt said "Dont be silly, sit in his lap and have a cuddle" My cousins are not cuddly girls. At all, they give brief hugs but they like their own independence

I pulled my Aunt's partner aside and said "I dont like how you're so insistent on having my cousin in your lap. Please stop" and he got huffy, he said he was their Dad (He's not, their Dad divorced their Mum a few years back and he sadly passed away a year ago after a battle with Cancer) and that he could do what he wanted, I mentioned how he was old enough to be their Granddad and he got offended

Alarm bells went off in my head with how he was acting and now Im scared for those girls. Especially my youngest cousin

WIBU to talk to my Aunt, or just tell my parents what's going on. My Aunt is more likely to tell my Dad if something is wrong. I can't shake the feeling I have, it's probably because I myself was abused as a child by a friend of the family. I have an uncomfortable feeling in my gut and its making me sad - That and pregnancy hormones combined I'm honestly a wreck

Tricky. What is the lesser of two evils? To raise an unfounded suspicion or to prevent prossible abuse? I wouldn't/couldn't keep silent. Maybe start by talking to the children, ask other family members if they have seen anything

Good for you for calling him out on this wildly inappropriate behaviour.

Unless he’s moved in with her, surely she can’t bubble with you now?

@TestingTestingWonTooFree , the question is about possible child abuse, not about covid policing.

I would talk to your parents and keep communication open with your niece.

I agree that your Aunt's partner sounds dodgy, especially if he has only recently become part of the family

I'm sure someone with more knowledge will be along soon to give more advice

If you are in their bubble and see them regularly then can you try to discuss with your young cousins how they are feeling and make sure they know they can speak to you if anything is worrying them?

And see what record he has. Potentially let Social services know so if something else happens there's a picture building.

No she's encouraging the child who has repeatedly said no to sit in his lap she's part of the problem here.
You need to speak to social services they can check the sex offenders register. At the very least you could speak to the local.police of you give his name and mention he is living with children they can check the database. They will not tell you anything but they will act on it if he is on the sex.offenders register.

Speak to her and your mum and report

Know it's not the point but I'm off to find myself a social bubble! Hooray! Ffs

I don’t blame you. At the very least he is not respecting his girlfriends daughters personal autonomy and at worse he is borderline /actually abusing her.
You did the right thing.

By the sounds of your description he hasn’t been in their lives very long so can’t claim to have a long-standing relationship with them.

@MrsSkeffington

Speak to her and your mum and report

Know it's not the point but I'm off to find myself a social bubble! Hooray! Ffs

Is that meant to be sarcasm?

I think you need some time playing with your cousins and listening to how they are feeling and a call to social services.

Could you perhaps approach your 17 yr old cousin, the sister/brother of the younger ones the man seems to like, and see what their take is -- whether they've noticed anything?

I would spend as much time with them as possible, so that the girls know they can talk to you if they need to. If there is no previous abuse history then the 17 year olds senses will be tingling if something untoward is going on, but she may not know what to do about it. She may not expect to be believed.
You know them best so decide a way to say "I will believe you and I will protect you".

Very dodgy. I'd tell your dad. Can you have your cousins over without your aunt so you cant talk to them, ask them if they like him and see if they mention anything?

@MrsSkeffington

Speak to her and your mum and report

Know it's not the point but I'm off to find myself a social bubble! Hooray! Ffs

Don’t be so fucking ridiculous. Maybe pick another subject to hijack? This one seems a little too serious, no? 🙄

@sassysuspenders honestly I’d rather do something and be wrong than do nothing and allow something to happen.

Perhaps he’s just over-enthusiastic but there are red flags all over this!

If you don’t feel able to speak to your aunt then yes, get your parents to.

But I certainly wouldn’t leave it lie.

So when challenged he said he could "do what he wanted"? Bloody Hell OP that made me cringe.
Yes, please speak to your Aunt, what on earth is she thinking. It beggars belief that people still fail to safeguard their kids.

ohcaptain has elaborated much better than I did, ignore that derailing of MrsS.
Would Sarah's Law cover this?

I would speak to both your parents explaining what happened and the very real red flags he showed. Also that your Aunt was minimising it. Then they have the back up if your Aunt tries to draw them in to her side.

Once I'd briefed my parents, I would then speak to my Aunt and explain that his behaviour is not acceptable and that her actions in minimising were taking away her daughter's voices and she was showing she prioritised him over them which is very concerning.

@itallworkedouthorribly

I would talk to your parents and keep communication open with your niece.

I agree with this.

I agree. whilst it's not good for someone to be falsely accused, I'd rather risk falsely accusing an adult than not doing enough for a child.

Follow your gut OP

I would talk to your Aunt and your parents. Do you think your Aunt would listen if you told her about bodily autonomy for children, and that it is unfair of her to force her DD to sit on a mans knee.

Although I also agree that his insistence is strange. She is quite old to want to sit on anyones knee anyway.
It is concerning.

I really think you need to talk to your dad and your aunt, instincts are rarely wrong but if a child or adult says no once that should be enough and I can’t imagine any adult I know ( I hope!) insisting a child sits on their or someone else’s lap let alone four times, it’s wrong even if it is innocent what is it teaching the child? that they have to give in because of someone’s persistence, one no should be enough for everyone. I would question why he said he was the dad as well. I think in your position I would speak to the eldest niece and ask how she felt about them as that will also tell you a lot.

You need to speak to your parents
Don’t expect anyone to take it well, including your Aunt but sadly your relationships aren’t as important the safety as these children. You May get gaslit and called a trouble maker (bitter experience) but stick to your guns
Whatever is/isn’t going on no child should have any physical contact with anyone against their will

I think speak to your dad, her sibling. It doesn’t sound good to me.

Speak to your aunt directly and the eldest daughter. This bloke sounds dodgy as hell.