Should I step in and talk to my Aunt

[sassysuspenders]

Okay, this has left me reeling and I'm still uncomfortable. But I'll try and make it make sense.

My Aunt is the youngest of my Dad's siblings, she's in her forties and she has three lovely daughters aged between 8 and 17. She recently met a guy well into his sixties and they all came around yesterday to see me (My Aunt is in my social bubble because my parents are too far away)

My youngest cousin asked if she could go to the bathroom, I said she could - She knows where everything is and off she went, but when she came back my Aunt's partner asked her to sit in his lap. The poor girl said no four times and each time my Aunt said "Dont be silly, sit in his lap and have a cuddle" My cousins are not cuddly girls. At all, they give brief hugs but they like their own independence

I pulled my Aunt's partner aside and said "I dont like how you're so insistent on having my cousin in your lap. Please stop" and he got huffy, he said he was their Dad (He's not, their Dad divorced their Mum a few years back and he sadly passed away a year ago after a battle with Cancer) and that he could do what he wanted, I mentioned how he was old enough to be their Granddad and he got offended

Alarm bells went off in my head with how he was acting and now Im scared for those girls. Especially my youngest cousin

WIBU to talk to my Aunt, or just tell my parents what's going on. My Aunt is more likely to tell my Dad if something is wrong. I can't shake the feeling I have, it's probably because I myself was abused as a child by a friend of the family. I have an uncomfortable feeling in my gut and its making me sad - That and pregnancy hormones combined I'm honestly a wreck

Hope all is ok OP, keep thinking about your poor cousins

She recently met a guy well into his sixties.....my Aunt said "Dont be silly, sit in his lap and have a cuddle"

Your Aunt is going to act all offended and cut you out - the above is hardly a comment from a responsible parent is it?????
I'd actually report him - and her - to somebody who actually gives a shit about childrens welfare..................

Wow! Thank goodness that girl has you to notice and listen to her. That guy sounds dodgy AF, and cheeky with it! I’d be getting SS onto him ASAP. I’m not in the UK, but I know you can run a check on his name and date of birth (wish we could do that here!) and see if he has any prior convictions!

I just saw @IamtheDevilsAvocado has listed it. It’s Sarah’s law. I think these girls are in trouble.

Speaking to your aunt won’t resolve it as she is colluding in his weird behaviour and is unlikely to see anything more sinister going on.

I agree. She is likely to go straight to him with this so he will be better able to cover his tracks. Creepy anyway he designates himself as their "dad".

Oh, and I'm in my 60's and know this is way beyond "normal".

Op you're right to be concerned its one thing to ask because you want to give affection but when told no to demand another three times shows a complete lack of boundaries and respect to your cousin but his reaction when you confronted him set my alarm bells off.

I don't think you should talk to your aunt because clearly she's colluding with him thats another concern. I wouldn't speak to your parents yet either as this may cause a family all out with your aunt cutting contact leaving your cousins even more vulnerable.

I think as other posters have suggested call the NSPCC for some advice. I know some others have suggested he could be on the Sex Offenders register but I'm also wondering if he may potentially be a DV abuser as well judging by his reaction to you when you challenged his inappropriate behaviour that is someone who is clearly controlling and doesn't like to be challenged.

I think you should also speak to the police and give them his name and as much of his details you know, they can run a check via Sarah or Clare's law to find out if he's got a history they won't disclose anything to you though but they will talk with your aunt if her or the kids are in danger and they won't disclose anything about you speaking to them unless they absolutely have to and they'll tell you in advance if they have to disclose you spoke to them. In the meantime OP I would keep a close eye on your cousins and build up your relationship with them even if its just having a catch up or talking about their interests so they know you're someone they can talk to and more importantly look for any changes in their behaviour as that will give you an indicator something is up. Also I'd advise you keep a log of any inappropriate behaviour this man shows towards the girls and your aunt no matter how minor if its inappropriate log it down or if its safe to do so record him because you may well need that in the future.

Lastly OP I'd advise you tread very carefully around this man because now he knows you won't think twice about challenging him he will most likely try and drive a wedge between you, your aunt and cousins so he can make you the bad guy stirring trouble and isolate them its a classic abuser tactic to get control and cut off their support. As hard as this will be act completely normal and pleasant around him so if he does try any manipulative tactics he has no ammunition and your aunt will see that there isn't a problem therefore no family fall out and you get to keep a close eye on him and your cousins.

Tbh, maybe go straight to the police for advice... I bet with signs like this, they’d do a background check pretty damn quick. Also, if they pop around for a chat, I bet he wouldn’t challenge them. They don’t like this guy.