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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Given photos to put on our wall

231 replies

MariaK91 · 15/02/2021 10:42

Hi =)
DP's sister and husband had a baby and they've given us two photos to put up on our wall, one of each of us holding DN, they're just a bit smaller than A4 sized and you can't change the photos without destroying the frame.

Is this a normal thing to do without asking people first? It's a lovely gesture but we're not loving the photos they picked of us and the prints and frames are not great quality.

We don't want to offend by not putting them up but we honestly would have preferred to pick the photos ourselves and bought frames that match what we have around the house already :/ not really sure what to do!

AIBU to think its a bit weird to give someone framed photos of your baby to put up on their wall without checking with them first?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 15/02/2021 13:02

Lord, I empathise! My cousin sends me pics of her dc all the time, as did my BFF every time her lot had school/occasion pics done. I have no surfaces downstairs to put anything on, only a very small kitchen table where I’m currently wfh. I loathe being given items to display, I have my own taste, thank you very much.

ancientgran · 15/02/2021 13:02

@IrmaFayLear

I think some people fail to understand that really it is only grandparents who appreciate your dcs as much as you do. Siblings may like or love them, especially if they don’t have dcs themselves, but barely anyone wants pictures of other people’s children on their walls.

I was once given a calendar of dn - 12 photos, one per month. I didn’t put it up, but kept it handy to quickly hang in the kitchen should there be a visit!

Really? As a GP of six I am overrun with photos and frames, I love them but I only have so many walls.

My DD has photos of all her nieces and nephews on display in her house, she loves the, kids and photos.

ancientgran · 15/02/2021 13:03

@BlackCatShadow

Not true. Plenty of childless aunts and uncles would want those photos.

Yeah, I don't believe this either. A guy friend of mine who is single and childless often gets these kinds of presents from his brother and his wife of their kids. I really don't think he is that interested.

That doesn't mean lots of aunts and uncles feel the same as your friend.
therocinante · 15/02/2021 13:05

I would find it v odd if someone gave me a picture of their kid for me to put up, sibling or not.

AfterSchoolWorry · 15/02/2021 13:05

@FuckyouCovid21

You don't have to put them up, stick them in a spare room or something or just put them up if/when they are visiting
Yeah, exactly.
ruthieness · 15/02/2021 13:07

They have not given any thought to your wishes -
just indulged their own -
I suggest you do the same!!
(bin them)!!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/02/2021 13:12

I haven't had any pictures of my children on display in my home since they were toddlers and the pictures were funny. I know what they look like! We have a couple of wedding pictures about, but otherwise paintings or prints.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/02/2021 13:13

And 'nibling' makes me think of sweetcorn. Or squirrels. Awful word.

mootymoo · 15/02/2021 13:13

We put photos all the way up the staircases, we have 2 so plenty of space. Giving photos is normal for us

10kaDay · 15/02/2021 13:18

YABU - they have thoughtfully given you a photo of yourself with the little bundle of joy, & made sure you incur no expense by including the frame.. painting over/sticking it in the window of another frame could be a solution, or just put in a drawer.

As to 'normal': I have photos of my DN's in the house, & my uncles/aunts (many of whom have 2-4 kids & now grandkids of their own) have pics of me either on display or in family albums...

TeamsTruant · 15/02/2021 13:21

Do they have to go on the walls? Most frames can be free standing, which means you can keep them in cupboard unless they come to visit.

MrsAvocet · 15/02/2021 13:22

@IrmaFayLear

I think some people fail to understand that really it is only grandparents who appreciate your dcs as much as you do. Siblings may like or love them, especially if they don’t have dcs themselves, but barely anyone wants pictures of other people’s children on their walls.

I was once given a calendar of dn - 12 photos, one per month. I didn’t put it up, but kept it handy to quickly hang in the kitchen should there be a visit!

Absolutely agree. I give that kind of gift to my MIL because she likes them and has something resembling a shrine to all her many grandchildren in her house. But not to anyone else. I don't even have many photos of my own children on my walls and I certainly don't want anyone else's.
HelloDulling · 15/02/2021 13:23

I don’t have any photos up on walls, and one small beach snap of my own DC on the mantle. No way would I be hanging large photos of anyone else’s children.

Wife2b · 15/02/2021 13:26

Oh god I hate this. We received photos in a lovely frame were told by DSIL that we must put them up when finished decorating. I love our nephew dearly but I don’t need pictures of him around my house. I’m not really a photos on the wall kind of person anyways, I prefer photos in an album or a gallery wall of say black and white photos of favourite pictures but I feel like they’ve been thrust upon me and now I feel awkward about not having them up 🤷‍♀️

VinylDetective · 15/02/2021 13:27

Put them away and prop them up somewhere when they visit.

katy1213 · 15/02/2021 13:28

Why would you put pictures of other people's kids on your wall? Say thank you - shove them in a cupboard - chuck them out when you get fed up with them taking up space. What's the problem?

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 15/02/2021 13:30

The are intoxicated on a PFB high, and are excited and pleased to share their baby with you and have you as family to their baby.
lean them up at the back of a shelf that is often obscured with flowers or other stuff.

Then after a while replace it with an alternative pic of the baby and you that you do like.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/02/2021 13:40

They're caught up in 'PFB world'. They'll calm down in about a year.

You don't have to put them up.

I also dislike being given 'home decor' things and find it weirdly presumptuous. It's usually as if the other person is trying to impose their taste on my home.

Giving photos is normal - but the kind that stand up, rather than going on the walls.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 15/02/2021 13:48

Yanbu at all op.

I find it odd that people find it odd that people find it odd.

I'll repeat that well-worn phrase "Must be a Mumsnet thing"

Lexilooo · 15/02/2021 13:48

@LindaEllen

I think giving photos is quite common, yes. I agree with what others have said - pop them on the wall when they visit.

I know for an actual fact that my grandma rearranges the photos in her living room depending on who's coming to visit - moving the ones of the visitors to be in the prime position before they arrive. We all know she does this as there's usually photos, as she lives far away so a visit is a rare event really! We all laugh about it together.

I think that is really sweet actually!
Wanderlust20 · 15/02/2021 13:53

I hate when people with kids do this, it's weird and YANBU! My DB and sister do this, every year, for birthdays and Xmas - my mum and dad will receive framed photos (sometimes of the whole family) as gifts, it's a bit of a running joke. As someone else said, it's fine for grandparents but I'd rather decide what I put on my walls - I love my DB but I don't want to look at his family portraits on my walls every day! It took us years to even get our own wedding pics up, never mind pics of anyone else.

I think it's fine to be passed on some professional/unframed baby pics to coo over, as long as there's no pressure to get it framed and on the wall. My other SIL did this and the pic was on the fridge or propped up on a mantle for a while before being put in an album, she never presumed what I'd do with it.

My other SIL tho saw this pic once and had the cheek to complain that I had "other baby's pics up" and not any of her DC! Despite her only sending on pics of the kids via What's App Hmm. At the time, we didn't even have pics of me and my husband up! And as I said, the pic wasn't framed or anything, just stuck somewhere informally. I just wouldn't put anybody else's kids up on my wall and I don't know anybody else who has their nephews or nieces pics up either, photos and other art work etc is such a personal thing.

MoveAsideCherry · 15/02/2021 13:56

A little picture to put up on a unit or console table fine but a hang up on wall picture too much in my opinion! I would hate that!

VinylDetective · 15/02/2021 13:57

I do find it strange that people say “We don’t even have any pictures of us up”. Why would you unless your house doesn’t have mirrors? Our gallery wall doesn’t include us.

MoveAsideCherry · 15/02/2021 13:58

‘ I hate when people with kids do this, it's weird and YANBU! My DB and sister do this, every year, for birthdays and Xmas - my mum and dad will receive framed photos (sometimes of the whole family) as gifts, it's a bit of a running joke. As someone else said, it's fine for grandparents’

Are your mum and dad not grandparents though?

PhotoGift · 15/02/2021 13:58

Name changed for this.

My sister does this for every birthday and Christmas present I’ve had since her children were born.

It drives me NUTS and I’ve asked her to stop but she won’t. I’ve never hung the pictures up.

It started small with framed photos of her first babies (twins), plus photo keyrings, as a Christmas present for the entire family. Put it down to baby haze/PFB but no, it just ramped up for every subsequent child. There’s been calendars, mugs, mouse mats with their photos.
I don’t need to drink my coffee out of my nephew’s head, lovely and all as he is.

For Christmas this year, I got one of those awful quality canvass prints of her, her partner, and the children in coordinating outfits. It’s massive- approx 1m by 0.8m. My brother and mother received the same thing. Mum also got a calendar with a different photo of the children for each month.