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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Given photos to put on our wall

231 replies

MariaK91 · 15/02/2021 10:42

Hi =)
DP's sister and husband had a baby and they've given us two photos to put up on our wall, one of each of us holding DN, they're just a bit smaller than A4 sized and you can't change the photos without destroying the frame.

Is this a normal thing to do without asking people first? It's a lovely gesture but we're not loving the photos they picked of us and the prints and frames are not great quality.

We don't want to offend by not putting them up but we honestly would have preferred to pick the photos ourselves and bought frames that match what we have around the house already :/ not really sure what to do!

AIBU to think its a bit weird to give someone framed photos of your baby to put up on their wall without checking with them first?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 15/02/2021 12:00

@RaspberryCoulis

I don't like photos on walls at all. So even if it was the most beautiful photo in the world, it wouldn't be going on my wall.

And what the fuck is a "nibling"?

It means niece or nephew
Ohdoleavemealone · 15/02/2021 12:00

It think giving you the photo is fine, either digital or print.
Not sure why they have framed it though and used the words "for your wall" as though they expect it to be displayed.

I wouldn't put a photo like that on my wall. Maybe if it was in a little frame to go on the mantel piece or sidetable etc.

Ikora · 15/02/2021 12:01

We gave grandparents photos of us with dc but none to our siblings. It would have been too expensive for starters. We have a zoom meeting with MIL every Sunday, I can see the photo in the background. I’m now wondering if it’s shoved in a draw in the week :)

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 15/02/2021 12:01

actually i saw yanbu otoh i would love it if somebody went to the trouble, do they have to go up? can they go on a mantlepiece?
i have received frames in the past and i cannever decide what phot

ShirleyPhallus · 15/02/2021 12:01

Nibling has been around since the 50s. Are you all very offended at using the gender neutral term of “sibling” too?

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 15/02/2021 12:01

and i end up not using the frames.

stackemhigh · 15/02/2021 12:01

What a weird thing to get annoyed about. This is one of those “only on mumsnet” things I think.

You can think something is a bit weird without being annoyed by it.

thecatsthecats · 15/02/2021 12:02

My Gran in Law painted us an A3 scene as a wedding gift. She is a very talented painter.

Except both the subject matter and the style are just horrible to me. There's nothing like them in our house. She's done other paintings that are in the style of other things we have in our house. My MIL spotted it in its somewhat obscure location in our house and raved about it, but to me, I'm left with a "why would you want to look at that" feeling every time I see it.

She is a nice woman and with effort I appreciate the gesture.

But I'm with you on the whhhhhhhhhhy feeling OP. I give people things based on known likes (and usually not a decor item anyway) and wouldn't dream of getting something like that for someone else.

RuthW · 15/02/2021 12:02

Perfectly normal. Up to you whether you put them up or not.

NailsNeedDoing · 15/02/2021 12:03

It’s weird. Framed photos as presents should be limited to parents/grandparents, or on request only.

Cadent · 15/02/2021 12:03

@thecatsthecats

That reminds me of an OP, something about full size portraits of the woman owner on most walls of the house... Can’t recall the details.

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 15/02/2021 12:04

it was probably a deal op, kind of BOGOF

Rupertbeartrousers · 15/02/2021 12:04

@majesticallyawkward

It's an odd choice of gift, giving anyone something to display in their home is risky if you've not discussed with them first- particularly photos.

I think first time new parents can get a bit caught up or over excited. I agree it's usually only really the parents and grandparents who would appreciate this type of thing. I've never forced photos of my dc on anyone, wouldn't dream of gifting db and sil framed pics of them and equally don't expect them to do it to us when they have their first baby in a few months (as much I will be happy to be involved in their baby's life and will adore it!). I can imagine DBs face if I handed him a framed A4 photo 😂

I think a polite thank you and then never quite get round to hanging it is enough.

Agree with this
Standrewsschool · 15/02/2021 12:05

Giving you a photo of you with baby - perfectly normal

Expecting you to put them on your wall - not normal, unless you already have lots of family photos up

Pinkfreesias · 15/02/2021 12:05

I would maybe give someone photos, but I wouldn't frame them. I'd leave it up to the recipient if/how the pictures would be mounted and framed.

Do the frames have dual stands so you can put them out on a table or mantelpiece if they are due to visit?

Quartz2208 · 15/02/2021 12:06

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

Sorry *@Quartz2208* but place mats with a Child's face on it made me laugh, mine would you have gravy or ketchup smeared all over their "faces" all the time Grin
They arent used they are displayed at my parents house!

But yes looking back (she will be 12 next month) it is funny how completely over the top we were.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/02/2021 12:07

I'd LOVE to have a framed photo of my DN. It would save me the hassle of doing it myself. I also don't know how to figure out what kind of frame suits my house. I didn't know that was a thing!

SweetShopSurprise · 15/02/2021 12:07

Haven’t read all the replies but am going to go against the grain for the ones I’ve read on page 1.

We get this, from both sides of our families (we don’t have any children of our own yet) it drives me batty tbh as I think it’s incredibly entitled.

It’s gotten ridiculous now as we have about 14 photos in total, all framed so we can ‘put them on our walls’ of other people’s kids! I adore DN’s on both sides don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing against them it’s just none of the frames ever go with our decor and WTF do they think we’re going to do with all these photos? We’d run out of wall space if we put them all up. I’ve put a couple up upstairs in the spare rooms, 1 in the utility room and there’s 1 in the living room but I draw the line at anymore (it’s our house FGS, perhaps we’d like to display oh I dunno, photos of us in places we’ve travelled, our wedding photos, photos of us and friends etc) I just feel like it’s not really thought about.

So anyway, I know what you mean OP. I’d re-frame and display if you think it’ll cause problems if you don’t.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/02/2021 12:08

"but barely anyone wants pictures of other people’s children on their walls."

Not true. Plenty of childless aunts and uncles would want those photos.

Timpeall · 15/02/2021 12:09

@SweetShopSurprise have you been given any hard stares and asked why one child was deemed living room worthy whilst the other was bunged up on the wall of the utility room?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 15/02/2021 12:10

Ah I thought they were food place mats @Quartz2208 I was gonna say I couldn't imagine plonking a plate on your child's face every day 🤣 and yea so funny the things we do with our PFBs!

I remember getting a canvas print done from someone on FB when DD was a few weeks old. The company posted it to their FB page as a bit of an advert. I was REALLY shocked and pissed off that there weren't 400 comments (or even 1 comment) saying who is that baby she is gorgeous. Like I was genuinely confused as to why strangers didn't fawn over my gorgeous PFB 🤣 those pictures still hang in my house and honestly I look at her 8 years later and she's very much a run of the mill potato baby

Gwenhwyfar · 15/02/2021 12:13

"Nibling is niece or nephew of a sibling"

Eh? Your sibling's niece or nephew is either your child or also your niece or nephew, unless it's your sibling's niece or nephew through marriage or your sibling is actually a half-sibling.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/02/2021 12:14

@Standrewsschool

Giving you a photo of you with baby - perfectly normal

Expecting you to put them on your wall - not normal, unless you already have lots of family photos up

Yes, but what can someone do with just a photo? They're most likely going to want to frame it so then they have to go themselves to buy a frame, so it would be great to receive it framed.
Timpeall · 15/02/2021 12:16

I'd rather receive an unframed photo. So I can pop it in a photo album and not have it framed and on display.

abc31 · 15/02/2021 12:17

I'd probably get one of those wire stands that you can put framed photos on and stick it on a chest of drawers somewhere (or put out when they come to visit).

I've only ever given photos of our kids to grandparents if they've asked for them. In fact, I'm not sure I have any photos of my nephews up, I have one of my nieces on a table. I wouldn't expect anyone to put a photo of my kids up so I'd not take offence if you didn't put up the pictures.