To not want to be blindfolded?

[Chocstrawb]

NC.

I've spent a nice evening with my OH. We exchanged gifts, had a nice meal and watched a film together. He ran me a bath and lit candles. All very romantic.

Whilst I was in the bath he sent me a text which i read afterwards, he was suggesting he gives me a full body massage using oil with me blindfolded.

I'm not comfortable with that for multiple reasons, I'm self conscious for one thing and just wouldn't relax laid there naked unable to see him/his expression but also because I have a history of trauma that means I don't like feeling vulnerable in that way (I think he has unintentionally failed to consider that)

I thanked him for the offer and said a massage would be nice but I'm not wearing a blindfold because it'll have the opposite effect and I'll not be able to relax.

He's clearly disappointed because the suggestion was for him and not me, now he is notably less upbeat than he has been all afternoon.

AIBU / prudish?

@adventurealice Everyone's allowed to feel disappointment or whatever. The problem with men who think they're entitled to sex acts whether their partner wants them or not is that they act out their disappointment into an atmosphere, and it's not just disappointment it's anger, because their partner didn't do what they wanted, and their wants should trump a woman's in their mind. It's repulsive.
^this is spot on

Yeah, if I suggest something and DH says no, I might be hugely disappointed.

However I don't sulk about it, judge him for it, or give him the silent treatment. That's the not-okay bit.

After reading all your posts OP I can only build up a picture of this man from your descriptions. He sounds utterly dreadful on so many levels. Unfaithful, sex obsessed, entitled, a sulker, refuses to verbally communicate as an adult and lastly dull as dishwater.
Creating an atmosphere by ignoring you is such a common tactic with these men. Its designed to make you feel anxious and keep you on the back foot. Its designed to make you seek his approval again to stop the source of your anxiety. Its all just about you being in the wrong again and you feeling as if you can't cope with an unfriendly atmosphere. I hate to be brutal but if you can't even cope with a frosty tone from him for a few days then you will forever be in this situation. He knows exactly how to play you to keep you doubting yourself. If you let this horrible man keep you dancing to his tune then nothing will get any better. If you leave him you will have a chance of peace and happiness with your children. Their mother should not have to live like this.

@Zerrin13

After reading all your posts OP I can only build up a picture of this man from your descriptions. He sounds utterly dreadful on so many levels. Unfaithful, sex obsessed, entitled, a sulker, refuses to verbally communicate as an adult and lastly dull as dishwater. Creating an atmosphere by ignoring you is such a common tactic with these men. Its designed to make you feel anxious and keep you on the back foot. Its designed to make you seek his approval again to stop the source of your anxiety. Its all just about you being in the wrong again and you feeling as if you can't cope with an unfriendly atmosphere. I hate to be brutal but if you can't even cope with a frosty tone from him for a few days then you will forever be in this situation. He knows exactly how to play you to keep you doubting yourself. If you let this horrible man keep you dancing to his tune then nothing will get any better. If you leave him you will have a chance of peace and happiness with your children. Their mother should not have to live like this.

This.

Stay with him and the misery, sadness and anxiety that fill your posts will be your life and the life of your poor child.

He is not a decent man.

Accept it, make plans and get yourself and your child out of this toxic home with this creepy cheater.

You are too good for him.

There’s no reason to feel you’ve been unreasonable with something you’re not comfortable with
And no reason to worry about whether or not anyone thinks it’s vanilla, kinky, perverse etc

With a previous girlfriend, she was keen on experimenting as she had only been in one sexual relationship before and wanted to see what she had ‘missed out’ on

On one of our early tries she started to cry - because having began she wasn’t comfortable with it, but was also worrying about saying to stop which just made her feel even worse
On other occasions we went ‘more kinky’ then something that could have been just mild, but at that time we weren’t really ready and if it’s just not right then you shouldn’t do it

OP, the sooner you get away, the better.