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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be blindfolded?

156 replies

Chocstrawb · 14/02/2021 22:14

NC.

I've spent a nice evening with my OH. We exchanged gifts, had a nice meal and watched a film together. He ran me a bath and lit candles. All very romantic.

Whilst I was in the bath he sent me a text which i read afterwards, he was suggesting he gives me a full body massage using oil with me blindfolded.

I'm not comfortable with that for multiple reasons, I'm self conscious for one thing and just wouldn't relax laid there naked unable to see him/his expression but also because I have a history of trauma that means I don't like feeling vulnerable in that way (I think he has unintentionally failed to consider that)

I thanked him for the offer and said a massage would be nice but I'm not wearing a blindfold because it'll have the opposite effect and I'll not be able to relax.

He's clearly disappointed because the suggestion was for him and not me, now he is notably less upbeat than he has been all afternoon.

AIBU / prudish?

OP posts:
LouJ85 · 14/02/2021 22:41

A pervert? Because he suggested something other than missionary with the lights off? Lmao
Wow didn’t realise we were in 1930 when showing ones ankle to the chimney sweep was the sign of a Jezebel!

🤣

comedycentral · 14/02/2021 22:42

Have you had an open conversation about what you like/ do not like in the bedroom? I'm not keen on this but I love this... Type of talk.

SylviaPlath1984 · 14/02/2021 22:42

@LouJ85

*A pervert? Because he suggested something other than missionary with the lights off? Lmao Wow didn’t realise we were in 1930 when showing ones ankle to the chimney sweep was the sign of a Jezebel!*

🤣

This tickled me too 🤣🤣
Original poster
Chocstrawb · 14/02/2021 22:44

@SylviaPlath1984

I find sometimes that men can feel very subtly entitled and sure that their plan can't fail, build it up in their heads and fail to think it through from the other person's perspective... then when they ask (fully expecting to get the green light they've already given themselves) and it's a no.... they sulk like children. It's a strange phenomena.
Absolutely this.

It's like with oral sex.

I enjoy it and want it 6 out of 10 times we have sex, for example, but when I say I don't want it because I haven't showered yet or I'm just in the mood for a quickie or whatever, he still pushes for me to let him do it because he enjoys doing it.

He seems to think that because he wants to do whatever, on whatever occasion, that I must do too.

OP posts:
Chocomel · 14/02/2021 22:45

Accept the massage and ask him to be blindfolded. So you both the the feeling/touching excitement?

Original poster
Chocstrawb · 14/02/2021 22:47

@comedycentral

Have you had an open conversation about what you like/ do not like in the bedroom? I'm not keen on this but I love this... Type of talk.
I have yes, he knows what I enjoy and what I don't, that's partly why I'm surprised he'd ask for this tonight as he should've already known the answer.

We haven't had a completely vanilla sex life and we've done things plenty more raunchy than wearing a blindfold, but I have boundaries and my firmest one is that I don't like being made to feel vulnerable. Tied up etc.

OP posts:
SylviaPlath1984 · 14/02/2021 22:49

@Chocstrawb oh honey...

I know exactly the type of person you mean and yet I can't quite find the words to describe them! Childlike is as close as I can manage but in a very specific sulky sort of way, that sort of age where you can't possibly fathom that not everything goes your way and that you aren't the centre of the universe and really pout about it when you don't get your way. Thankfully most of us pull out of that stage by around 14-15?

Is he spoilt in general? As in overly attentive parents who think he's wonderful? The person I'm thinking of who sounds just like your partner is a real mummy's boy who still hasn't figured out that adults other than his mother don't think the sun shines out his bum.

Holothane · 14/02/2021 22:50

No your body your choice.

Griselda1 · 14/02/2021 22:51

First rule is that you should never do anything you're uncomfortable with.Well done for standing up for yourself

LubaLuca · 14/02/2021 22:52

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. I'd probably feel differently if it was a spontaneous suggestion, but making arrangements in advance knocks any fun out of it and would make me feel pressured.

I found out during an horrendous work 'team building' exercise that I don't like the feeling of vulnerability that comes with being blindfolded. I was very uncomfortable and embarrassed, and then made to feel like a spoilsport. Dickheads Hmm.

LunaHeather · 14/02/2021 22:52

OP "He seems to think that because he wants to do whatever, on whatever occasion, that I must do too."

Sorry, this sounds very crap. How long have you been together?

LannieDuck · 14/02/2021 22:53

Interesting that you feel the whole day was a build up to this - like he knew you'd need to be convinced into it. So he probably knew it was something you wouldn't want to do, and tried to convince you anyway?

SylviaPlath1984 · 14/02/2021 22:54

@LubaLuca

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. I'd probably feel differently if it was a spontaneous suggestion, but making arrangements in advance knocks any fun out of it and would make me feel pressured.

I found out during an horrendous work 'team building' exercise that I don't like the feeling of vulnerability that comes with being blindfolded. I was very uncomfortable and embarrassed, and then made to feel like a spoilsport. Dickheads Hmm.

100% dickheads. Those team building exercises rarely end with a closer team... just a team that have found more ways to dislike each other 🤣
Original poster
Chocstrawb · 14/02/2021 22:54

We've been together nearly 5 years and have DC

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocstrawb · 14/02/2021 22:56

I fucking hate team building exercises aswell Grin

OP posts:
DuzzyFuck · 14/02/2021 22:59

Following your later replies OP I'm sorry he's like that. My EXH was a big sulker if he didn't get what he wanted or felt he was somehow entitled to and it was a miserable way to exist and has even had a knock on effect on with my current (lovely and non-entitled) DP who unfortunately gets the brunt of me occasionally over-reacting to his entirely innocuous comments.

How long have you been together? What's he like in other parts of life?

LunaHeather · 14/02/2021 22:59

@LubaLuca

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. I'd probably feel differently if it was a spontaneous suggestion, but making arrangements in advance knocks any fun out of it and would make me feel pressured.

I found out during an horrendous work 'team building' exercise that I don't like the feeling of vulnerability that comes with being blindfolded. I was very uncomfortable and embarrassed, and then made to feel like a spoilsport. Dickheads Hmm.

Oh god, how awful.
LunaHeather · 14/02/2021 23:00

@Chocstrawb

We've been together nearly 5 years and have DC
I wasn't expecting that

Time for a serious chat about respect for boundaries I think.

Nith · 14/02/2021 23:00

@alexdgr8

sounds like a pervert. i'd run for the hills.
FFS, this is ridiculous
WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2021 23:04

@LannieDuck

Interesting that you feel the whole day was a build up to this - like he knew you'd need to be convinced into it. So he probably knew it was something you wouldn't want to do, and tried to convince you anyway?
Yup. And that's why he is being one unreasonable arsewipe.
Dddccc · 14/02/2021 23:06

Hmm see read most your comments ever though you had body issues and he is trying to prove to you that he finds you attractive anyway, also sound like everything regarding sexual stuff is based off your needs not his as well, but is you are not comfortable ie with a blind fold he could see it as a lack of trust between the 2 of you, see the way I see it you could have easily said I am not comfortable with it but I can try it and if I don't like it I will remove the blind fold

Menora · 14/02/2021 23:09

I have felt this way before and something you said in the OP struck me, that it was for him and not for you. That’s why you feel rubbish. It wasn’t for you in the first place. Plus now he’s slightly sulking about it. Pleasure in a mutual sense should not just be what you get out of it but what the other person gets out of it too.

Rogmc · 14/02/2021 23:12

Maybe he has taken it as a lack of trust in him and actually feels hurt?

OhioOhioOhio · 14/02/2021 23:16

I'm not making him out to be a pervert. What I suggested is a totally feasible possibility.

Menora · 14/02/2021 23:16

No if the idea of having a blindfold on would make you feel horrible you shouldn’t just try it anyway (to confirm how much you don’t like it) and you shouldn’t do things you don’t want to do to show someone you trust them either. Those things are all about the other persons experience and not the person who is having to put themselves in a vulnerable situation. The person being asked to do something should be allowed to say no for any reason they wish to