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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To throw in towel on TTC after 2 months

170 replies

TTCnum1 · 14/02/2021 17:25

I don't mean to offend or upset anyone with this post and I know there are people who go through TTC for years and years of fertility treatments but I'll start by saying I'm in awe of how you can all carry on.
I'm two months in of tracking, DTD on certain days, taking all of the vitamins under the sun etc and I just can't mentally do it anymore. I've wanted children for about a year and I've been planning this for so long but if it doesn't happen when I'm doing everything perfectly then what's the point. I don't think IVF and adoption etc are what I'd want to do as I don't think I could deal with the stress if I can't even deal with it for 2 months. I just want to stop now before this consumes anymore of my time.

OP posts:

SoulofanAggron · 14/02/2021 21:10

A PP posted an NHS link which was great and included-

Some couples may try to time having sex with when the woman ovulates (releases an egg). But guidance from the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) advises that this can be stressful and it isn't recommended.

We've all heard anecdotes of the effect TTC/timing has on relationships and sex.

So it's best to avoid that and just have sex regularly if you can.

Rhiannon13 · 14/02/2021 21:20

Is tracking a new thing? I've never heard of this. We just took folic acid, stopped all contraception and had fun. Took about nine months.

Thislittlefinger123 · 14/02/2021 21:20

If conceiving is too much effort I'd certainly give some thought to whether you're ready to be a parent!

This! If tracking and having lots of sex for 2 months feels like too much effort/stress then yes, it doesn't sound like being a parent is for you

WineInTheWillows · 14/02/2021 21:24

Just DTD every other day and do away with all the tracking nonsense. It's unnecessary for the vast majority of people- the human race did manage to procreate without OPKs for quite a long time.

gonerogue · 14/02/2021 21:24

I took 14 months, including a miscarriage, for me to get pregnant with my first. We didn't to the sticks, but did track temps and cervical mucus. Towards the end we almost laughed at the idea of having sex because it was getting us nowhere.
with my second I fell pregnant on the 3rd time of asking- which like a pp was nearly too quickly but we didn't want a repeat of the first time.

I did have a friend who, when she announced she got pregnant, was talking to me about the disappointment of getting a period when ttc. "Oh" I asked, "how long were you trying?"" 2 months" she said. smh

deste · 14/02/2021 21:29

It took me 6 years the first time and nearly 8 the second time although I had given up the second time.

deste · 14/02/2021 21:30

I forgot I had a miscarriage as well but fell again after 6 weeks.

Benjispruce2 · 14/02/2021 21:31

Unless there is a reason, why are you trying so hard? Just stop using contraception!

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2021 21:37

I have 6 kids. 2 were surprises, 3 took a few months, one took several months of Clomid.

Turn off the your tracking app, try and have sex on the middle week if you can but dont worry if you cant, and then see what happens.

Darcy86 · 14/02/2021 22:56

I didnt start tracking till probably 6 months in, and ended up getting pregnant on the 7th cycle. 2 months is no time at all, I would try to take a step back and chill out! All this stress and pressure isn't going to help matters.

balloonsintrees · 15/02/2021 01:18

2 months is nothing, given how few days you have been fertile in that time.
5 years, 15 miscarriages then a further 10 years before number 2. No IVF, no tracking, just waiting
Stop obsessing, and just wait for it to happen

SleepingStandingUp · 15/02/2021 01:27

How old are you @TTCnum1? Unless your 40 odd, can I suggest chucking all the tracking stuff in the bin and having sex when you both want to? If in 12 months nothings happened,then look at tracking.

You're expecting to perfectly time the release of an egg that has a variable departure date with a shot of sperm thrown at it, hope that one penetrates and that it then does the multiplication thing right to create a healthy zygote (is it zygote first??).

V few people concieve on the first few tries

user1473878824 · 15/02/2021 01:32

@TTCnum1 I mean this in the nicest possibly way and not in an angry way but do you actually really want a baby? I just find it slightly odd that if you do you’d so happily throw in the towel after two cycles.

Hilarias · 15/02/2021 07:46

Our DS took one year to conceive - we weren’t trying that hard, just seeing what happened really. Then I did work out my ovulation dates using a calendar and made a bit more of an effort on those dates and I got pregnant the first month. So unless your cycle is incredibly irregular, work out your 5 ovulating dates and have sex those days. Relax the rest of the month

FossilisedFanny · 15/02/2021 07:50

How sad that TTC seems to have become such a military operation for some. Let nature take it’s course Op and give it time.

Porcupineintherough · 15/02/2021 08:14

First, it's fine to change your mind and stop ttc for any reason at all. It's also really easy to become obsessive and that can be a total mindfuck, so I dont blame you for not wanting to engage with that at all.

But, if you want children, then 2 months really isnt that long Certainly not long enough to conclude ivf/adoption may be on the cards. So you could just stop using contraception, start taking folic acid and wait and see what happens.

Sceptre86 · 15/02/2021 08:18

If you are willing to throw in the towel after 2 months you do not want a baby and should stop trying. It is perfectly normal for the average couple to take a year to conceive so 2 months is nothing.

Also why go in with such a militant regime and not just have unprotected sex ever other day after your period ends and see how you go? I could understand the need to use ovulation sticks and measure your temp if you were over 35 or had struggled to previously get pregnant but it doesn't make sense to me if this is your first.

You are sucking all the joy out of ttc when it should be exciting. Maybe sit down with your oh and discuss if this is something you actually want to do. Also stay away from the conception boards unless you are struggling, there are women on there who have had several losses or been trying for years and their posts are often intense ( understandable) but if you are not in their position or going through similar circumstances it can increase anxiety. Best of luck.

LuaDipa · 15/02/2021 10:51

You don’t need to do any of that. I had no concept of my fertile period was until after I had my two kids when I was actively trying to not have a child! Folic acid and fun is absolutely fine!

Walkaround · 15/02/2021 10:55

@TTCnum1 - That’s a totally weird way of ttc. Why act as though you are sub-fertile from the start? Most people just stop using contraception and see what happens, especially as it is completely normal for completely healthy, fertile people to take a year of unprotected sex to get pregnant, so getting uptight about it after only 2 months is pointless and unhealthy. Do you have a problem with perfectionism, where everything has to go perfectly or you go out of your way to ensure it doesn’t happen at all? Or have you just misunderstood fertility and human reproduction?

Rillington · 15/02/2021 11:28

You sound totally over the top. Just have fun. There is absolutely no reason to be like this after two months . It took us two years to conceive our first.

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