To throw in towel on TTC after 2 months

[TTCnum1]

I don't mean to offend or upset anyone with this post and I know there are people who go through TTC for years and years of fertility treatments but I'll start by saying I'm in awe of how you can all carry on.
I'm two months in of tracking, DTD on certain days, taking all of the vitamins under the sun etc and I just can't mentally do it anymore. I've wanted children for about a year and I've been planning this for so long but if it doesn't happen when I'm doing everything perfectly then what's the point. I don't think IVF and adoption etc are what I'd want to do as I don't think I could deal with the stress if I can't even deal with it for 2 months. I just want to stop now before this consumes anymore of my time.

Why have you decided to put such unnecessary pressure on yourself and jump in and start planning with military precision as if you’ve been trying for years?

Just stop trying not to have a baby and see what happens, like normal people do.

Are there reasons why you are having to track your cycle and time sex from the beginning? Do you or your partner have medical conditions that mean that you could have problems conceiving? What age are you?

This seems an odd way of approaching things, unless medical advice has been to take this approach from the start.

If there are no medical issues, just don't use contraception, and have sex when you feel like it. Stop "trying".

Totally up to you but if doing what you say you're doing is too much you might want to do a bit more research into what having a child involves in terms of workload

Why don't you just shag your fella and see what happens??

@MaliceOrgan

If you think that is time consuming then stop for good.

Bringing children up will be a lot more time consuming and not something you can opt out of after a couple of months.

Wow. That was a bit much. I am pretty sure the OP is feeling the stress of TTC suddenly being something she has to track and make happen. It's a very different thing to the stress of actually having kids.

We carried on cause being a parent was the one thing that mattered more than anything else in the entire world and no amount of time TTC, stress, heartache, failed IVF cycles etc made us change how we felt. If you want to be parent you do everything you can and exhaust all options, regardless of the stress it causes. A short break here and there to protect our mental health but never willing to throw the towel in. Took us 6 years and 4 cycles of IVF and it was worth every single second we waited.

YANBU OPC, 11 months of ttc, three chemicals and one miscarriage later all I can say is yes the whole process f*cking sucks! I too am doing ALL THE THINGS because I am old and don’t have time to ‘let nature take its course’...

What I will say is that a lot of people saying ‘just have fun, don’t track’ are talking from a position of privilege because they were fertile enough to do this and get away with it. Those of us with issues need go take supplements, monitor ovulation etc etc because unlike the lucky ones, we can bathe in sperm for months on end without a sniff of a bfp. Some women just have to be in the same room as the stuff one day in a blue moon and they’re pregnant, we aren’t all that lucky!

Having had my rant, two months is not a lot of time in the scheme of things though, so don’t worry yet. You might the lucky one who conceives in month 3 or 4, plenty do. If you are young, chill for a year before worrying, 6 months if you are over 35. Do what gives you a sense of control, like opks or supplements but dump whatever stresses you out, e.g. daily temping/apps etc. The important thing is to stay sane (or as sane as you can be anyway...). If all of it is triggering, suggest stepping away for a bit, avoiding MN conception boards and maybe talking to someone. But yes, you aren’t unreasonable to be fed up!

I never wanted to track etc, and I didnt...but whenever I saw cervical fluid I couldn't leave it because that was a clear sign that this is a good time. I almost wish our bodies gave us either an unmistakable klaxon with "DO IT IN THE NEXT X HOURS AND IT'LL BE POINTLESS AFTER THAT" or just absolutely no frigging sign at all.

What I will say is that a lot of people saying ‘just have fun, don’t track’ are talking from a position of privilege because they were fertile enough to do this and get away with it. Those of us with issues need go take supplements, monitor ovulation etc etc because unlike the lucky ones, we can bathe in sperm for months on end without a sniff of a bfp. Some women just have to be in the same room as the stuff one day in a blue moon and they’re pregnant, we aren’t all that lucky!

I get what you are saying but there's nothing in the ops post that says she is older or having difficulties, just that she has tried for 2 months and it hasn't happened. Which is normal for most pregnancies.

Fertility issues suck but not falling pregnant within 2 months of trying does not necessarily mean problems.

This can’t be for real it’s not normal to feel like that after eight weeks. I’d suggest taking a break from TTC whilst you work on yourself and dealing with your emotions.

I think giving up the tracking and timing is the way to go, unless you have reason to believe it may be more than normally difficult for you to conceive. It's stressful. It took DH and me 7 months for me to fall pregnant with DD1. We didn't track, do temperatures or anything like that, it just took that long. I had one very late period, and that was heart breaking. I understand that feeling of wanting a baby so intensely, but if it's breaking your mental health, giving up the intensity of it is a useful first step.

Perfectly healthy couples have a 1 in 3 chance of conceiving each month. I think you need to lower your expectations a bit.

Why are you obsessing after 2 months - stop tracking and just have bloody unprotected sex see what happens

Parenting is a constant stream of having your patience tested (with nice bits thrown in!) You probably should stop TTC and work on overcoming your need for instant gratification.

I just came off the pill and that was it although I did obsess over pregnancy tests.

There's no need to do all of this, try to relax as much as possible (easier said than done I know).

I never understand why people with no health conditions/irregular cycles bother to track things. Just have sex regularly. Why do people make a chore of TTC? I don’t know anyone who has conceived quicker this way than couples who have just had unprotected sex (range of ages). In fact in my circle the exact opposite has happened. I do know that 2 months is absolutely nothing in terms of trying to get pregnant, so maybe try the fun approach!

What made you go down the tracking route first off? Is there a specific reason you feel that it may be difficult for you?

I just think that that is a lot of pressure if there’s no particular reason for it. I say this as someone who was completely stressed that it took me three months with my second.

I wonder whether the stresses of parenthood are for you, if you’re wanting to stop after two months. Unless there’s some underlying thing that you’re not saying, then you’re being completely unrealistic in your expectations.

Why don’t you give yourself some time off and stop putting pressure on yourself.

Just have sex; surprise yourself.

Chuck all the paraphernalia, turn off the apps, relax. Why on earth are you doing all that malarkey from the get go?

2 months?? Do you realise how ridiculous you sound? Surely this can't be real...

How old are you and your partner op? That’d affect my advice tbh.

That aside, some people like tracking/temping/feeling a sense of control over the process, and some people aren’t swinging from the chandeliers regularly / one or the other works away so the “oh just have lots of sex” advice doesn’t always fly.

I do have a wry smile at OP’s view of the stress of IVF, from the viewpoint of 2 cycles.

Was my IVF easy? No.

Was it a fuck of a lot less stressful than the previous 3 years of TTC, and was it a fuck of a lot less stressful than living with the knowledge I’d possibly never conceive?

Well, compared to both of those - actually IVF was a walk in the bloody park.

So with respect OP, dial it down telling us how stressful IVF would be for you 🙄

@dandelionbayts

I just came off the pill and that was it although I did obsess over pregnancy tests.

There's no need to do all of this, try to relax as much as possible (easier said than done I know).

Do you not know about fertility problems?

Great that you didn't have any problems but millions of women struggle for years with conceiving, no one tell if the OP will be one of them

this is really over the top OP.

took me 11 months with my miscarriage, then a further 4 months with the pregnancy I carried to term.

yabu to be fed up already, although I do remember the obsession once I'd decided I wanted to have a baby. it's horrible every month it doesnt happen but for most it does eventually. good luck.