Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To throw in towel on TTC after 2 months

170 replies

TTCnum1 · 14/02/2021 17:25

I don't mean to offend or upset anyone with this post and I know there are people who go through TTC for years and years of fertility treatments but I'll start by saying I'm in awe of how you can all carry on.
I'm two months in of tracking, DTD on certain days, taking all of the vitamins under the sun etc and I just can't mentally do it anymore. I've wanted children for about a year and I've been planning this for so long but if it doesn't happen when I'm doing everything perfectly then what's the point. I don't think IVF and adoption etc are what I'd want to do as I don't think I could deal with the stress if I can't even deal with it for 2 months. I just want to stop now before this consumes anymore of my time.

OP posts:
icklepiglet · 14/02/2021 18:44

After 6 years of TTC (including pregnancy loss) and still no baby, I find your post frankly insulting. It's been 2 months, barely a drop in the ocean. If you want a baby badly enough, you will do anything to make it happen. If you don't, well there's your answer.

Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst · 14/02/2021 18:44

2 months

Oh get over yourself there's been people trying a whole lot longer than that!!!

Have a word with yourself and consider those who've been trying a couple of years or more

EllasAuntie · 14/02/2021 18:45

Two months?
Two cycles?

It's really no time at all.

Loads of good advice here.

I was no spring chicken when I had my first (but under 35), and it took 8 months but one possible very early miscarriage (later, heavier period very early on.)

Second was much quicker.

Advice from GP was wait 12 months (if under 35/36) and then seek medical advice is nothing has happened by then.

Just relax.

Marghe87 · 14/02/2021 18:46

I understand how you feel. Months seem to be incredibly long when ttc, I felt the same. BUT, it is perfectly normal for it to take months so maybe try to switch your focus on to something else if you can (something you can control), it will help you going through this time.
FWIW it took me 7 months to conceive DD.
Good luck!

Original poster
TTCnum1 · 14/02/2021 18:48

Thanks for all of the replies! No reason for starting so militantly...I just thought that's what people did and that's what you're supposed to do?! Having never been pregnant before I essentially read MN for advice and everyone seemed to track so I thought that's how people got pregnant.

I totally agree with everyone who implies that if I can't deal with two months of TTC then I shouldn't be a parent...the same thoughts crossed my mind when I was thinking about writing the post.

Been off hormonal contraception for 6 months prior to TTC to give things time.

I agree I'm probably overreacting, hence the AIBU :-)

OP posts:
DoloresOnTheDottedLine · 14/02/2021 18:49

This is such goady nonsense. You are not for real.

Original poster
TTCnum1 · 14/02/2021 18:50

I just want to say again that my post wasn't intended to upset or offend anyone who has suffered fertility problems. It is simply to explain how I'm feeling and seek out advice.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/02/2021 18:51

Yes, give up all the fuss and relax. That’s when it’ll very likely happen.

Viviennemary · 14/02/2021 18:51

Stop all the tracking stuff. I'd say that was only for people finding it difficult to conceive. Nevertheless how will you cope with a new born if this stresses you out. Maybe it's not for you.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 14/02/2021 18:52

I didn't do any of that stuff. Think it was the third month and we only did it once in the window of opportunity, l was gagging for it that day. Ahh the memories 💕

Viviennemary · 14/02/2021 18:53

I thought thats how people got pregnant. Er no.

AliceinBunniland · 14/02/2021 18:54

I think the issue is you are over planning. You don't need to be taking "every vitamin under the sun" Make sure your are taking folic acid or a multivitamin and dtd as often as you feel like.

If you're finding it too much after two months it's because of what you're doing and you're also unreasonable to assume it should happen immediately for you. You wanted children for a year but expected it to happen the moment you started trying?

There is an element of luck involved and even if you do everything "right" and at the right time it can still take months

HTH1 · 14/02/2021 18:55

You’re being a bit ridiculous. Just have unprotected sex for a few months like everyone else and don’t even think about worrying unless it still hasn’t happened after, say, a year (maybe six months if you’re close to 40).

Unsure33 · 14/02/2021 18:55

It took me 2 1/2 years with first . Three months with second .

Never tracked .

We were going to go for tests but luckily it happened just before we had to.

Maireas · 14/02/2021 18:56

It could take you months. It could take you years. It may never happen. Or it could happen next month.
What people are surprised by is that you've gone down a very medicalised/technical route from the get go, and not after a year or so.
You still haven't told us your age, maybe that is a factor.

Wimpeyspread · 14/02/2021 18:57

@mootymoo

How about just see what happens. We didn't have trackers, monitors etc 20 years ago - we just had sex, the babies followed. In a year if it hasn't happened, that's when to look at scientific approaches. Ttc should be fun, not stressful
This! Never did anything like this, just stopped taking the pill and carried on having sex, and waited to get pregnant - I think it took me 6 months for the first, much quicker for the others. All this stress sounds counter-productive
WhySoSensitive · 14/02/2021 18:57

We needed treatment and knew we would, but still went into the first year just having regular sex and tracking my cycles.

Going into it at that level of strict regime is going to make it the worst process there is.

MuddyPawPrintsEverywhere · 14/02/2021 18:57

If it's stressing you, I'd temporarily stop all the "extras" and just see what happens if you leave it to nature and chance. The stress can't be helping.

Propercrimboselecta · 14/02/2021 18:57

2 months is absolutely no time at all. YABVU.

Hankunamatata · 14/02/2021 18:59

Never tracked. Took 6 months to fall each time which is tiny for ttc

ShortColdandGrey · 14/02/2021 18:59

It tool us 7 years before I could finally carry our DD. So maybe give it a bit longer than 2 months before you give up, or wait until you are ready for a baby.

StanfordPines · 14/02/2021 19:01

I started tracking after 6 months and it does drive you insane.
Doing this rather than just stopping contraception is a sure fire way to leave you stressed and remove any enjoyment from sex.

Walkacrossthesand · 14/02/2021 19:04

I have to say, as someone who had children 30 years ago, when you bought an (expensive) pregnancy test when your period was a few days late, I am open-mouthed (and not in a good way) at the amount of POAS obsessing on threads here, before a period is even due.

How will knowing about a pregnancy 2 or 3 weeks earlier, make any difference if youve already cut out alcohol & are taking your folic acid?

Shouldn't the 2nd half of your cycle be the 'I wonder...' time, trying not to think about it too much in case this month isn't the month? You can't make it happen by obsessively POAS post-ovulation - just make sure the deed happens mid cycle, and leave the rest to nature.

The medical interventions are there if nothing happens after many months. Enjoy the unprotected sex - one of the few times in your life it can be stress-free!

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 14/02/2021 19:04

Hi OP

I can kind of see where you are coming from. I personally really struggle without planning things and not knowing if I'd be pregnant or not, being unable to plan holidays, or things at work etc I actually found very stressful. There is not much in our lives any more that we completely leave to chance and have absolutely no control over other than health things I guess. Planning things in detail helps me feel better mentally and I found not being able to do that with ttc was very difficult.

Bear in mind the average is 6 months. that's an average so most people will still be significantly over this or significantly under this, and a year is not unusual, its completely normal.

No one would consider you for IVF after not trying for just a few months unless they were really unethical and trying to get your money over anything else. No one would consider you for adoption either I suspect at the moment. I dont at all think it means youd be a bad parent though, I don't think I am! I'm not trying to plan out my childrens lives or anything like I try to plan mine!

I'd suggest sticking with it, but relaxing a little. Really try and get in tune with your body to know when you are ovulating etc through different types of discharge etc, then it will just be something you notice rather than something you have to actively check like calendars or temperature etc. Good luck

StanfordPines · 14/02/2021 19:05

I think part of the problem is that for good reason young women are told that if you even so much look at a picture of a penis you’ll be instantly pregnant and when you discover that it doesn’t work like that it’s very frustrating.