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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be cringing at all the look how in love we are valintines posts on social media

545 replies

Hahaha88 · 14/02/2021 12:53

Maybe I'm just old and cold hearted but it honestly makes me cringe seeing my social media flooded with posts about how much they love their other half and pics of their cards and gifts for valentines day. Surely no one actually cares or wants to see?! Am I alone in this?
Fwiw I am happily in love with my partner, but I manage to tell him to his face not plant it all over the Internet 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Hubblebubble75 · 16/02/2021 15:32

@LouJ85

Also who said anything about hating people on sm, I just referenced most aren’t proper friends.

How are you able to judge whether everyone's SM contacts aren't "proper friends"? They might not be on your SM. But you're not the same as everyone in the world.

How many people are on your Facebook? when I was on it 300 odd, other people’s all average 200 plus. Everyone just adds everyone, random requests from people you meet once a lot if the time or friends of friends. Go and have a look at yours now and see how many people you consider a friend. You are probably unique of course and will say ‘oh all of them’
LolaSmiles · 16/02/2021 15:33

I realise it's not very British to publically celebrate one's own successes and social media has brought about changes in what's socially acceptable at quite a rapid pace but actually I am learning to appreciate that it's a good skill to have - to be able to say "I am really happy/proud/pleased about something" without shame or fear of ridicule . It's surely a healthier response to think "good for them, perhaps I can aspire to that too" rather than "what a show off, I bet it's all lies and they are crying into their pillow really"

I think the issue is that it is totally possible to talk about nice things without bragging. Most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at someone sharing something nice, just like offline they wouldn't bat an eyelid at someone saying something nice.

There was a thread recently about parents being braggy and the thread seemed to divide along two main lines:
Camp 1: Bragging and boasting isn't pleasant and makes us roll our eyes. It's nice to hear positive things and there's ways to share happy moments without bragging.

Camp 2: Some of you are so miserable that you have an issue with people being proud of their children. As if you think nobody should ever say anything nice about their child. I'll have you know that I will continue to post about my child on social media because I'm just sharing nice things with people who care and love them. Maybe you're just not very good friends if you think parents should never say they are proud of their children.

It was abundantly clear that the people who were annoyed at people criticising bragging were likely to be guilty of bragging and boasting.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 15:42

Everyone just adds everyone, random requests from people you meet once a lot if the time or friends of friends.

Do they? I certainly don't! My SM contacts are carefully selected - I don't like to share details of my life with just anyone.

Take home message? Don't generalise, we're all different.

Nnameechanged · 16/02/2021 15:46

@LouJ85

Everyone just adds everyone, random requests from people you meet once a lot if the time or friends of friends.

Do they? I certainly don't! My SM contacts are carefully selected - I don't like to share details of my life with just anyone.

Take home message? Don't generalise, we're all different.

Same here, it's only people I know and like in "real life", I won't accept anyone I've never met (or who I don't like!). I hardly post, but what I do share, I don't want to be seen by anyone and everyone.
dinglehopper1 · 16/02/2021 15:53

I think the issue is that it is totally possible to talk about nice things without bragging. Most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at someone sharing something nice, just like offline they wouldn't bat an eyelid at someone saying something nice.

Yes it's strange that they get conflated. I have a friend who married into serous money, never braggy at all. I love to celebrate my friends successes & achievements surely thats an obvious part of a friendship. Although having said that I wouldn't need to check FB for that info because as friends we talk & where possible face to face.

It was abundantly clear that the people who were annoyed at people criticising bragging were likely to be guilty of bragging and boasting.

You may to be on to something here.

it's very normal, more common, to have it open to a wider bunch. It's no longer a weird new thing. You know how it works, stop pretending it's 2005

I would have thought it was the other way round & in 05 it would be open to all but nowadays more people are aware of online safety/privacy & keep their contacts tighter.

Silenceisgolden20 · 16/02/2021 15:56

But it is attention seeking
Massively.
It's nice once in a while to see a nice photo, lovely, but the constant need for it is weird.
Look at me all the time. All the time not just once in a while.
Reason I came off SM.
Is nothing private in relationships anymore?

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 16/02/2021 15:56

it is totally possible to talk about nice things without bragging

And who is the authority on the definitions?

What I'm seeing, over and over, is people setting their own subjective decisions on this and morally castigating those who fail the test by having a different view of what's acceptable. The earlier poster who gave me the completely hyperbolic, made up example of 1000 diamond tipped roses on a Bentley deliberately gave an unrealistic, fictitious "example" because she knew that if she shared what she REALLY saw on FB, a lot of us would quite honestly say we didn't see the problem. Then she would have to ask herself why she is so determined to see the worst in everyone when it comes to VD posts, and I can imagine she wouldn't like the answer.

You can of course think what you like about these posts, but I would actually bet my house that the majority of posts that got most people on here into such a sanctimonious, mean spirited and hypocritical collective spite-fest were absolutely bog standard for VD expectations on FB and could very easily be seen as merely nice sharing, if you don't have an agenda about it.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 15:57

Same here, it's only people I know and like in "real life", I won't accept anyone I've never met (or who I don't like!). I hardly post, but what I do share, I don't want to be seen by anyone and everyone.

Yep. Exactly the same. I rarely post but when I do it's because I want to share something positive with my family and friends. And I honestly don't see how that can ever be perceived as a negative thing.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 15:59

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

it is totally possible to talk about nice things without bragging

And who is the authority on the definitions?

What I'm seeing, over and over, is people setting their own subjective decisions on this and morally castigating those who fail the test by having a different view of what's acceptable. The earlier poster who gave me the completely hyperbolic, made up example of 1000 diamond tipped roses on a Bentley deliberately gave an unrealistic, fictitious "example" because she knew that if she shared what she REALLY saw on FB, a lot of us would quite honestly say we didn't see the problem. Then she would have to ask herself why she is so determined to see the worst in everyone when it comes to VD posts, and I can imagine she wouldn't like the answer.

You can of course think what you like about these posts, but I would actually bet my house that the majority of posts that got most people on here into such a sanctimonious, mean spirited and hypocritical collective spite-fest were absolutely bog standard for VD expectations on FB and could very easily be seen as merely nice sharing, if you don't have an agenda about it.

Nailed it yet again.

Hubblebubble75 · 16/02/2021 16:00

Yes I believe you - You only have your closest friends and family on there - ok 20 people then? You might as well just do a family photo album and come off Facebook if that’s the case.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 16:02

@Hubblebubble75

Yes I believe you - You only have your closest friends and family on there - ok 20 people then? You might as well just do a family photo album and come off Facebook if that’s the case.

Firstly - I am a stranger. How do you know how many people make up my family and who I consider friends?

Secondly - have you ever asked yourself why you're so bitter and het up about what others share online?

unmarkedbythat · 16/02/2021 16:02

@Hubblebubble75

Yes I believe you - You only have your closest friends and family on there - ok 20 people then? You might as well just do a family photo album and come off Facebook if that’s the case.
Facebook works just as well for small friends lists as large ones. There's no rule saying you have to have 100+ connections you barely know. Most of the older members of my family who have facebook have fewer than 30 contacts- shall I tell them all they're doing it wrong and should come off?
dinglehopper1 · 16/02/2021 16:08

Nailed it yet again

Nailed what?

dinglehopper1 · 16/02/2021 16:08

I don't want other people are reading in some of these posts 😆

Hubblebubble75 · 16/02/2021 16:10

@LouJ85 I’m not bitter. I’m happier , much happier off social media. I don’t agree with advocates of it or those who pretend it isn’t for self validation or an ego boost. I find those people are lying to themselves and they annoy me. SM had caused more harm then good and I regret my dc have to grow up with it in their faces

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 16:10

@unmarkedbythat

Yes you should probably tell them all to come off immediately, how dare they use social media in a different way to others?

Also - what is this obsession with "just use your phone to talk to people"?! SM is so much more that that. It has support groups / forums that many people (myself included) find useful; it's a way of contacting businesses during lockdown if they aren't contactable by phone; it's a way of buying and selling things... I could go on. FB is more than just a place where you tell your family and friends how great your life is (Hmm).

dinglehopper1 · 16/02/2021 16:12

but I would actually bet my house that the majority of posts that got most people on here into such a sanctimonious, mean spirited and hypocritical collective spite-fest were absolutely bog standard for VD expectations on FB and could very easily be seen as merely nice sharing, if you don't have an agenda about it

sounds like it touched a nerve then, soz!

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 16:15

[quote Hubblebubble75]@LouJ85 I’m not bitter. I’m happier , much happier off social media. I don’t agree with advocates of it or those who pretend it isn’t for self validation or an ego boost. I find those people are lying to themselves and they annoy me. SM had caused more harm then good and I regret my dc have to grow up with it in their faces[/quote]
Oh you're not bitter?

Sorry, I seem to have made an assumption there about how you're coming across based on your posts on an online forum. And I was incorrect, was I?

Funny because ... this whole thread is based on others' (including your own) assumptions of those who post online, and the emotion and psychology that underlies it (they're "doing it for validation and attention" and so on).

So - if I've inaccurately interpreted the emotion and motivation behind your posts on here... it's possible then, is it not, that the assumptions you and others have made of "showing off", "seeking validation" and being "desperately unhappy beneath all the gushy posts" are also inaccurate assumptions, and that some people have no motive other than to share / connect socially (an entirely normal thing to do).

Or... are your assumptions spot on, whereas mine are wrong? 🤔

dinglehopper1 · 16/02/2021 16:17

Also - what is this obsession with "just use your phone to talk to people"?! SM is so much more that that. It has support groups / forums that many people (myself included) find useful; it's a way of contacting businesses during lockdown if they aren't contactable by phone; it's a way of buying and selling things... I could go on. FB is more than just a place where you tell your family and friends how great your life is

I mentioned talking to my friends via the phone. Buying/selling, contacting brands etc doesn't fall under that.

dinglehopper1 · 16/02/2021 16:20

I don't think @Hubblebubble75 sounds bitter, they just disagree

Funny because ... this whole thread is based on others' (including your own) assumptions of those who post online, and the emotion and psychology that underlies it (they're "doing it for validation and attention" and so on).

Do you think no one posts for attention or validation then?

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 16:20

@dinglehopper1

Also - what is this obsession with "just use your phone to talk to people"?! SM is so much more that that. It has support groups / forums that many people (myself included) find useful; it's a way of contacting businesses during lockdown if they aren't contactable by phone; it's a way of buying and selling things... I could go on. FB is more than just a place where you tell your family and friends how great your life is

I mentioned talking to my friends via the phone. Buying/selling, contacting brands etc doesn't fall under that.

I was referencing what a different poster had repeatedly said about "why don't you just come off SM then". I was explaining why I wouldn't do this even if I had zero friends on there to interact with - because I use if for other things. It wasn't even directed at you. 🤷‍♀️

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 16:24

@dinglehopper1

I don't think *@Hubblebubble75* sounds bitter, they just disagree

Funny because ... this whole thread is based on others' (including your own) assumptions of those who post online, and the emotion and psychology that underlies it (they're "doing it for validation and attention" and so on).

Do you think no one posts for attention or validation then?

Read further back I've made multiple comments and aired my views on "validation" and the psychology behind it quite articulately already, I'm not repeating them. You'll have to scroll back if you're interested in my answer to that.

It's interesting because - just as you don't think that poster sounds bitter and I do; you might think a person is "attention seeking" on FB whereas I might not. Again (as I've said previously on this thread), individual perception has a huge role here. We aren't always correct about how others are feeling deep down, based on what they post online.

dinglehopper1 · 16/02/2021 16:24

I can't scroll back, too lazy & I don't have the premium thing.

LolaSmiles · 16/02/2021 16:25

And who is the authority on the definitions?

What I'm seeing, over and over, is people setting their own subjective decisions on this and morally castigating those who fail the test by having a different view of what's acceptable.

You keep saying this, and yet when it comes to offline life people manage just fine to identify when people are boasting. Why would social media be different?

It sounds like you're still trying to pretend that bragging/being boastful is just people saying something nice with the wide eyed 'but who says what it is to boast?'

Most adults can spot bragging and boasting a mile off, except adults that have form for it who will tend to find it a touchy subject and deflect by trying to pretend boasting is nothing more than saying nice things, or accusing people of hating on anyone who says anything nice (even though nobody has an issue with nice things).

dinglehopper1 · 16/02/2021 16:26

We aren't always correct about how others are feeling deep down, based on what they post online.

Of course not but sometimes we are.