To be cringing at all the look how in love we are valintines posts on social media

[Hahaha88]

Maybe I'm just old and cold hearted but it honestly makes me cringe seeing my social media flooded with posts about how much they love their other half and pics of their cards and gifts for valentines day. Surely no one actually cares or wants to see?! Am I alone in this?
Fwiw I am happily in love with my partner, but I manage to tell him to his face not plant it all over the Internet 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m not saying fbk is a terribly unhealthy thing - for those with low self esteem - yes probably. In saying everyone posts to get a hit for their ego - from the social likes/comments and pretending otherwise is just lying to yourself

If I felt so negatively towards a person, I can't think why I would continue to observe their life via social media ...

So that you could get your validation and ego boost by boasting to MN's millions of users about how above it all you are instead, I suppose.

I'm seeing posters saying that they just feel so sad, so very sad, when they see someone they know to be miserable pretending that they're happy on VD. Yeah, sorrow and utter compassion for the human suffering before you. That's absolutely the emotion that's leaking from those posts.

It's interesting how you would keep someone on your friends list, or continue to follow their content on SM, if you viewed them as an "insufferable boaster with something to prove". If I felt so negatively towards a person, I can't think why I would continue to observe their life via social media ...

It's bizarre that outlining the difference between people sharing nice things and people who gush/boast gets that sort of response.

Threads about social media are always funny because it gets some people really quite defensive.
Posters comment on gushy posts and people get all 'but we just love each other/ we are only sharing something nice!! Some of you are sooo negative and don't ever want to see anything happy'.
Comment that there is a difference between sharing nice, happy things (that most people have no issue with) and the long gushy boasting posts and then that hits a nerve too.

Did you get "long, gushy, boasting posts"? I saw very little about VD on FB. A few people shared pics of cards (mostly funny ones) or flowers, or of themselves with a line saying, "Together X years, I love you Dave". Saw precisely one person do the "questionnaire" thing for a partner and two people do it for their dogs, which I enjoyed.

Absolutely nothing that struck me as OTT. Two couples who I know have been having trouble in lockdown, they didn't post anything. (I asked yesterday if that means all silent couples are miserable, was told I needed to analyse their posts for the rest of the year which clearly I will not do as I'm not completely deranged.)

I'm sure these people exist (and if you attract lots of them when you don't like it, you might like to ask yourself why, or learn to use the mute function), but I can't help but think a number of posters are likely to be exaggerating their presence in much the same way as they accuse others of exaggerating their romantic bliss.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom
I removed some for it as they were work friends or friends of friends that I hadn't stayed in touch with, but there's some people that I get on well with through some of my hobby groups but we don't have much in common beyond that.

There's a couple of people who are quite gushy and I think there is a difference between gushy and sharing something nice.

Social media is just like life. When you do things with DC there's always some parents who can't say 'here's something nice about DC' without turning into a lengthy brag about their child's brilliance. Same with relationships: there's a difference between 'happy valentine's day' and an ode to the world's most perfect husband and daddy.

It's almost like people discussing very over the top sharing, it hits a nerve with some people. Meanwhile most of us totally see the difference between sharing something happy and over the top gushing/boasting.

I think there is a difference between gushy and sharing something nice.

Well, I'm sure the people you're talking about thought they were just sharing something nice. This is the problem with taking one's own subjective judgements and staking them as the benchmark by which everyone else's social media use should follow. Maybe they look at your feed and think it's awful.

I think there was a study that said the more photos & selfies you posted the more narcissistic you became so that's a plus 👍🏼😁

Threads about social media are always funny because it gets some people really quite defensive.

It's weird, it's like any criticism is jumped on but most people know there are valid criticisms of SM.

For some people, SM might be damaging to their self esteem, yes, if their sense of self worth is entirely dependent on feedback from others.

For others, with a healthily balance of interaction in both the "real world" and SM, who don't depend entirely upon feedback from others to feel positively (ie - it's a nice feeling when it happens but they equally feel good about themselves in other contexts) - SM is entirely a healthy way to connect.

I can see the positives of SM as a 30 something who was already a young adult when I started using it & my self worth was developed. I think it's very different for teenagers who are now growing up with SM.

Well, I'm sure the people you're talking about thought they were just sharing something nice
Maybe, and maybe the parents who sit around offline with their lengthy tales of their child's brilliance think they're just sharing nice things and anyone who considers it boastful behaviour are obvious meanies who hate anyone sharing anything nice.

I don't know why people scramble to argue that anyone questioning gushy posts/boasting online is a sign that everyone hates people sharing happy things, unless they are prone to doing the very behaviour people are commenting on.

@sammylady37

In my experience, the more gushing the social media post, the less secure/successful the relationship! It’s the modern day equivalent of the curse of Hello magazine.

I've always thought this too but don't know why I think it. I think the same about people who endlessly post photos of themselves having cocktails and leaping about on bridges over rivers. Can't help thinking they are forgetting to actually enjoy themselves because they are working so hard at proving they are having 'fun'. But no real basis for thinking this.

I don't know why people scramble to argue that anyone questioning gushy posts/boasting online is a sign that everyone hates people sharing happy things

In the real world it's a legitimate thing to be turned off by people who boast or brag etc & they are not considered good traits. But apparently its ok on social media, mixed messages!!

Can't help thinking they are forgetting to actually enjoy themselves because they are working so hard at proving they are having 'fun'. But no real basis for thinking this.

For me it's the same people who go to a concert & record the entire damn thing as opposed to just watching the show.

@LolaSmiles

Well, I'm sure the people you're talking about thought they were just sharing something nice Maybe, and maybe the parents who sit around offline with their lengthy tales of their child's brilliance think they're just sharing nice things and anyone who considers it boastful behaviour are obvious meanies who hate anyone sharing anything nice.

I don't know why people scramble to argue that anyone questioning gushy posts/boasting online is a sign that everyone hates people sharing happy things, unless they are prone to doing the very behaviour people are commenting on.

Well, the thread was started by someone who wanted to criticise the posts, and that's certainly been the overall tone of it, as is usually the way for these things, with massive amounts of judgement and denigration of others which, whatever else they might be, aren't really a feature of the soppy VD posts that are apparently such a plague on the feeds of so many people who hate them.

So if you wanted to do some critical thinking about the behaviour that people "scramble" to do, the judgemental and superior behaviour on threads like these would seem to be the more relevant choice. But it isn't. I'm sure you have your reasons.

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

If I felt so negatively towards a person, I can't think why I would continue to observe their life via social media ...

So that you could get your validation and ego boost by boasting to MN's millions of users about how above it all you are instead, I suppose.

I'm seeing posters saying that they just feel so sad, so very sad, when they see someone they know to be miserable pretending that they're happy on VD. Yeah, sorrow and utter compassion for the human suffering before you. That's absolutely the emotion that's leaking from those posts.

This.

Comment that there is a difference between sharing nice, happy things (that most people have no issue with) and the long gushy boasting posts and then that hits a nerve too.

You entirely missed the point.
If I personally viewed anyone on my social media account with such negativity as you have described, I'd simply unfriend or unfollow them. So why don't you do this? It's an option after all.

@Figarill

For some people, SM might be damaging to their self esteem, yes, if their sense of self worth is entirely dependent on feedback from others.

For others, with a healthily balance of interaction in both the "real world" and SM, who don't depend entirely upon feedback from others to feel positively (ie - it's a nice feeling when it happens but they equally feel good about themselves in other contexts) - SM is entirely a healthy way to connect.

I can see the positives of SM as a 30 something who was already a young adult when I started using it & my self worth was developed. I think it's very different for teenagers who are now growing up with SM.

Agreed.

That's why I differentiated between those who rely entirely on SM for their sense of self worth, and those who are psychologically in a healthier place than this.

Adolescent brains are less emotionally and socially mature and therefore much of the source their self esteem comes from SM and "likes" etc. As a mum to a teen girl myself I see first hand what that does when it's not positive feedback my daughter receives.

But my point was - not all adults who post about their lives on SM are emotionally and psychologically damaged and/or desperately seeking validation or an "ego boost".

I don't know why people scramble to argue that anyone questioning gushy posts/boasting online is a sign that everyone hates people sharing happy things, unless they are prone to doing the very behaviour people are commenting on.

Equally, I don't know why people start threads about and scramble to argue that the people who share their lives in however they wish to online are psychologically unhealthy with damaged relationships. 🤷‍♀️

In the real world it's a legitimate thing to be turned off by people who boast or brag etc & they are not considered good traits.

That very much depends on you personally define "boasting and bragging", though. A post that says how much you appreciate and love your partner, to me, doesn't meet that definition. A post that says "look how much more money I have than you, look how much better my life is than you... I'm so above you all and I love to let you know how narcissistic I am". That would get someone unfriended / unfollowed on my SM.

I don't however view expressions of the happiness of others as "boasts". I view them as something nice in their lives that are choosing to share. It's all about individual perception.

I really don't care. Whatever works for other people.

Last year and the year before I stayed off social media the days leading up to and just after Valentine's Day because my marriage was in such a fucking mess that I was resentful and upset (totally unreasonably) just seeing other people couples look happy walking down the road and knew I would go into a total slump seeing Valentines stuff all over Facebook and the like. But it was up to me to manage that, not to get pissy that others were in a different place and wanted to broadcast that to the world. This year I just felt like I didn't care. If anything I felt a bit judgy of those of my friends who made posts talking about how Valentine's Day was just another day and how they loved their partners 365 days of the year and felt no need to do anything to mark this one... because why did they feel the need to make a point of saying so? If people feel loved and like their relationships are going well and they want to have a bit of romance, more power to them, I wish I also felt the same tbh!

*Well, the thread was started by someone who wanted to criticise the posts, and that's certainly been the overall tone of it, as is usually the way for these things, with massive amounts of judgement and denigration of others which, whatever else they might be, aren't really a feature of the soppy VD posts that are apparently such a plague on the feeds of so many people who hate them.

So if you wanted to do some critical thinking about the behaviour that people "scramble" to do, the judgemental and superior behaviour on threads like these would seem to be the more relevant choice. But it isn't. I'm sure you have your reasons.*

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

Spot on.

Anais Nin said that we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.

I'm sure there are some truly egregiously self-congratulatory FB posts out there (and frankly a lot of the posters on this thread should know about that), but I can't help but feel their nature and number are being somewhat exaggerated. Did you really see a huge number of "wuv my snufflebunny, everything is so perfect, we are the greatest love since Romeo and Juliet" posts out there? Or did you see stuff that was fairly par for the course, and for some reason perceived it as bragging and boasting and everything designed to make you feel bad?

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

Anais Nin said that we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.

I'm sure there are some truly egregiously self-congratulatory FB posts out there (and frankly a lot of the posters on this thread should know about that), but I can't help but feel their nature and number are being somewhat exaggerated. Did you really see a huge number of "wuv my snufflebunny, everything is so perfect, we are the greatest love since Romeo and Juliet" posts out there? Or did you see stuff that was fairly par for the course, and for some reason perceived it as bragging and boasting and everything designed to make you feel bad?

I personally saw lovely, brief displays of love, which warmed my heart. Because those people are my friends after all. So their happiness makes me feel happy, too. As I've said, I wouldn't keep anyone on my SM accounts of whom I had such a negative perception as has been described on here. Why would I? What purpose would that serve? So I could sneer at them on MN? Nah. Not for me.

@unmarkedbythat

I really don't care. Whatever works for other people.

Last year and the year before I stayed off social media the days leading up to and just after Valentine's Day because my marriage was in such a fucking mess that I was resentful and upset (totally unreasonably) just seeing other people couples look happy walking down the road and knew I would go into a total slump seeing Valentines stuff all over Facebook and the like. But it was up to me to manage that, not to get pissy that others were in a different place and wanted to broadcast that to the world. This year I just felt like I didn't care. If anything I felt a bit judgy of those of my friends who made posts talking about how Valentine's Day was just another day and how they loved their partners 365 days of the year and felt no need to do anything to mark this one... because why did they feel the need to make a point of saying so? If people feel loved and like their relationships are going well and they want to have a bit of romance, more power to them, I wish I also felt the same tbh!

Refreshingly honest. And really highlights the point about how where we are in our lives ourselves influences so much of how we perceive things (in either a positive or negative direction) that we see on SM.

But my point was - not all adults who post about their lives on SM are emotionally and psychologically damaged and/or desperately seeking validation or an "ego boost".

Not all but definitely a fair few are.