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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be cringing at all the look how in love we are valintines posts on social media

545 replies

Hahaha88 · 14/02/2021 12:53

Maybe I'm just old and cold hearted but it honestly makes me cringe seeing my social media flooded with posts about how much they love their other half and pics of their cards and gifts for valentines day. Surely no one actually cares or wants to see?! Am I alone in this?
Fwiw I am happily in love with my partner, but I manage to tell him to his face not plant it all over the Internet 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
MammaSchwifty · 16/02/2021 12:29

it's so weird when people post pictures of their gifts and cards. They were given to them as personal things to read and enjoy and display at home, in private... why post pictures of them for other people to look at? It's so weird, sort of childlike showing off.

Figarill · 16/02/2021 12:32

Equally, I don't know why people start threads about and scramble to argue that the people who share their lives in however they wish to online are psychologically unhealthy with damaged relationships

I think there can be some interesting discussion around it sometimes & because I don't post it can be a way of hearing from those that do. If I didn't have dc I would have zero interest though but I need awareness for them.

Figarill · 16/02/2021 12:34

That very much depends on you personally define "boasting and bragging", though.

I think most people can tell the difference & it's not about individual perception just like they can in real life. And again in real life it is frowned upon.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 12:35

@Figarill

But my point was - not all adults who post about their lives on SM are emotionally and psychologically damaged and/or desperately seeking validation or an "ego boost".

Not all but definitely a fair few are.

If they are so emotionally and psychologically vulnerable, then, and that's your conclusion.. why is the default response not empathy and pity? As opposed to "this is so cringey / attention seeking etc". If someone is in that place in their lives, they've likely been through a lot of upsetting shit to get there, right? If I felt someone was so desperately sad and alone that they needed to find validation via SM, because I'm an empathic person, I'd just feel sad for them. I wouldn't label them as any of the unpleasant things on this thread.

That said - the fact remains that you can in fact be a regular SM poster and be entirely psychologically and emotionally healthy.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 12:39

I think most people can tell the difference

Of course! That's why I said - I can tell the difference and for me, boasting and bragging occurs when a person's aim is to bring me or others down in relation to their own superior position. In a comparative sense, eg "I have this and I bet it's better than what you have" type messages. Those people win no empathy from me because of course it's an unattractive quality.

But - "I love X so much - he's my world - happy Valentine's Day" with a photo. Is that person aiming to bring others down? I doubt it. Hence why my (and your) perception of the intent behind it is so critical in how you interpret it.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 12:41

And again in real life it is frowned upon.

What would call a wedding or anniversary celebration, then? It's a "real life" event, right? Purely and simply focussed on the celebration of others' love. Are people who have big weddings and anniversary parties also "bragging"? Do you frown upon your friends who do this? I see it as no different. Others' happiness makes me happy, however it's expressed.

Figarill · 16/02/2021 12:43

I don't know everyone who posts for validation on SM so I don't know all of their motivations. Some of it is cringey or attention seeking though & I believe in personal responsibility. Some I will feel sorry for no doubt, others like Luke Magnotta, no couldn't give a shit.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 12:43

it's not about individual perception

Absolutely everything we perceive and have an opinion on in life, is about individual perception. That's where difference of opinions come in, otherwise we'd all be walking, walking carbon copy robots of each other.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 12:44

@LouJ85

it's not about individual perception

Absolutely everything we perceive and have an opinion on in life, is about individual perception. That's where difference of opinions come in, otherwise we'd all be walking, walking carbon copy robots of each other.

walking, talking* carbon copies that was Grin
Figarill · 16/02/2021 12:44

I disagree

LolaSmiles · 16/02/2021 12:45

I think most people can tell the difference & it's not about individual perception just like they can in real life. And again in real life it is frowned upon
I 100% agree with this.

Most people can tell the difference between 'happy valentine's day' with a cute photo and gushy posts about the best, most perfect hubby to have ever walked the earth. I suspect the only people who pretend there's no difference fall into the second camp.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 12:46

@Figarill

I disagree
With basic psychology? 🤔
Branleuse · 16/02/2021 12:48

I hate that on mothers day and fathers day I have seen more posts in recent years talking about how difficult this day is for other people than posts actually celebrating it.
You have people who cant talk about having a baby in case it upsets someone. Valentines day is apparently cringey too and insensitive to single people and widows.

Just let people bloody have a nice time please and stay off the internet on certain days if you find it upsetting

Figarill · 16/02/2021 12:49

It's VD on FB

couple 1: post a family photo
couple 2: post a wedding throwback of parents
couple 3: posts a picture of 1000 red roses with diamond tips & a huge cake on the top of a red Bentley.
couple 4: one person writes a thesis on why their partner who isn't on FB is so amazing.

I think most people using their "individual perception " will be able to identify the cringey/boasting posts. We have to agree to disagree though.

Figarill · 16/02/2021 12:51

we'd all be walking, walking carbon copy robots of each other.

There's a ton of them on insta, they even pose the same!

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 12:51

Here's an example... I've just seen a post on my SM by a friend who's said how proud she is of herself for making it through some difficult uni exams and passing with flying colours despite being up against the odds with various health issues. I instantly felt so happy for her.

Is she bragging, by your definition? The mention of "flying colours" might be perceived by some as this, right? But because of my own individual perception of her and her life situation, as well as knowing how much that means to her, my interpretation is bloody good for you! I'm so pleased you did that.

Similarly, I saw friends posts' on VD about their relationships and, knowing the context of what they've been through in the past with abusive and shitty relationships, I feel nothing but happiness for them.

That's why I can't imagine having someone on my SM who I saw as "attention seeking" or "boastful". I wouldn't be friends with them in the first place. This is what I'm struggling to get my head around with some of these comments.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 12:52

@Figarill

It's VD on FB

couple 1: post a family photo
couple 2: post a wedding throwback of parents
couple 3: posts a picture of 1000 red roses with diamond tips & a huge cake on the top of a red Bentley.
couple 4: one person writes a thesis on why their partner who isn't on FB is so amazing.

I think most people using their "individual perception " will be able to identify the cringey/boasting posts. We have to agree to disagree though.

You think that absolutely every person in the world would agree with your definition of boastful / cringey?

If you're saying that's genuinely what you believe, there's no point engaging any further as I find that astonishing.

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 12:54

Just let people bloody have a nice time please and stay off the internet on certain days if you find it upsetting

👏🏻

Figarill · 16/02/2021 12:54

You think that absolutely every person in the world would agree with your definition of boastful / cringey?

Did you miss the most?

I mean look people think the virus is because of Bill Gates so you can't assume for all.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 16/02/2021 12:54

couple 3: posts a picture of 1000 red roses with diamond tips & a huge cake on the top of a red Bentley.
couple 4: one person writes a thesis on why their partner who isn't on FB is so amazing.

And people do this with great frequency on your FB, do they?

There is a place for hyperbole, but not when we're trying to make a genuine distinction between "nice" and "too much", because we're trying to look for the real life difference. This just reinforces to me that the entire issue is that there often is no absolute objective difference. It's just people using their subjective perceptions as the benchmark and looking down on anyone who sets the bar in a different place.

I bet anything that many of the posts that have been sneered at on here for being boastful and braggy and generally inferior wouldn't have raised an eyebrow for people who don't have strong moralistic feelings about VD Facebook stuff.

Figarill · 16/02/2021 12:55

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom so you have identified them!! thank you

Figarill · 16/02/2021 12:57

Are you still astonished @LouJ85?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 16/02/2021 12:59

I don't personally understand why people don't keep this between themselves and their other person rather than telling everybody about it. I find it a bit tacky but, each to their own.

Know though that when you put something in writing for public consumption, not everybody is going to like or appreciate it and many will wonder why the need for something that ought to be private, is in the public domain.

Bah humbug... not just for Christmas!

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 16/02/2021 13:00

[quote Figarill]@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom so you have identified them!! thank you [/quote]
Identified who? Your made-up hyperbolic examples of thousands of roses and Bentleys? They don't exist! You can't use them to make a point!

LouJ85 · 16/02/2021 13:03

@Figarill

You think that absolutely every person in the world would agree with your definition of boastful / cringey?

Did you miss the most?

I mean look people think the virus is because of Bill Gates so you can't assume for all.

Ok. You implied^ that most^ people would agree with your hierarchy of "cringe / boastful" that you laid out there. I personally find that arrogant.