Page 9 | Moral Dilema

Loveacoseynightin · 2021-02-14T12:07:59+00:00

Hi, I've got a bit of a moral dilema and asking the good folks of Mumsnet for their opinion on this. I have 2 daughters who will be spending the half term week at their dads. I am in receipt of free school meals vouchers for them. Should I give dad the vouchers or use them for my weekly shop? AIBU to use them for the shop when I haven't got them?

MessAllOver · 15/02/2021 19:19

I'm amazed at some of these answers. The vouchers are to alleviate the food poverty the OP's children face while in her care because she is an extremely low earner. There is no reason why they should face food poverty in their father's care when he earns the amount he does (unless his financial management skills are truly terrible). Whereas one unexpected bill or cost could put the OP in a position where she doesn't have enough money to feed the children. So, even if the food isn't immediately needed, she should keep the vouchers to offset the possibility of her children not having enough to eat in the future. What if she hands over the vouchers and then the heating bills are unusually high due to the cold weather, so there's not enough money for food in a few weeks' time?

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2021 19:20

The current vouchers are to reimburse said parent/parents, who normally receive FSM as part of their support package, for having to now pay for food that the state would be paying for if the bloody school was open.

The bloody school is shut because it's Half Term, so no school meals would be received that week.

nancywhitehead · 15/02/2021 19:21

@MessAllOver

I'm amazed at some of these answers. The vouchers are to alleviate the food poverty the OP's children face while in her care because she is an extremely low earner. There is no reason why they should face food poverty in their father's care when he earns the amount he does (unless his financial management skills are truly terrible). Whereas one unexpected bill or cost could put the OP in a position where she doesn't have enough money to feed the children. So, even if the food isn't immediately needed, she should keep the vouchers to offset the possibility of her children not having enough to eat in the future. What if she hands over the vouchers and then the heating bills are unusually high due to the cold weather, so there's not enough money for food in a few weeks' time?

This is true but the dad is also paying £400 a month in maintenance. We don't know anything about his other expenses or financial situation. The vouchers are for the children's lunches wherever they are, so that's what they should be used for.

threatmatrix · 15/02/2021 19:25

Sorry but no, I would keep them.

kowari · 15/02/2021 19:26

@cherish123

I can't believe you need to ask. Of course- give it to their dad. The vouchers are for your DC, not you.

They are for the children, yes. How would children benefit from vouchers if a parent is on an income where they can already afford plenty of healthy food? They would just be replacing what the parent was already going to spend, saving the parent money. If spent by a parent on a low income then the additional value of the vouchers is more likely to benefit the children not the parent. An additional £30 could provide for better food for the children over the next few weeks.

rwalker · 15/02/2021 19:26

Just text him and offer don't know what your relationship with him is like .could just say do you need FSM vouchers or I will use them to stock up for the kids.

Fuckityfucksake · 15/02/2021 19:27

Agree ! @Jacketpotato84

The nastiness, jealousy and vitriol towards op here oozes out from posts and their posters!
OP if you are sure your dc will be fed at dads then keep the vouchers yourself to stock up or whatever. Your household is in receipt of them so obviously you need them.

kowari · 15/02/2021 19:29

@MessAllOver

I'm amazed at some of these answers. The vouchers are to alleviate the food poverty the OP's children face while in her care because she is an extremely low earner. There is no reason why they should face food poverty in their father's care when he earns the amount he does (unless his financial management skills are truly terrible). Whereas one unexpected bill or cost could put the OP in a position where she doesn't have enough money to feed the children. So, even if the food isn't immediately needed, she should keep the vouchers to offset the possibility of her children not having enough to eat in the future. What if she hands over the vouchers and then the heating bills are unusually high due to the cold weather, so there's not enough money for food in a few weeks' time?

Absolutely.

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2021 19:29

Ultimately the OP just needs to ask her Ex if he needs the vouchers, that would be the first thing. if he doesn't then decide what to do with them then, whether it be keeping them for another week or buying stuff for them to take with them.

SofiaMichelle · 15/02/2021 19:31

Presumably it's £2,500 before tax?

That's more like £1,900 after tax and minimum auto-enrolled pension.

Then £400 off for maintenance, so £1,500 before housing costs etc taken off.

How different is that to your income (considering any housing benefit etc, if applicable) OP?

kowari · 15/02/2021 19:33

How different is that to your income (considering any housing benefit etc, if applicable) OP?
She has two children to provide for out of her income.

Nanuki · 15/02/2021 19:35

@SofiaMichelle Agreed, and if he's in London and renting a two bed place then not much will be left out of that 1500 (if any)

caringcarer · 15/02/2021 19:54

He is paying you reasonable maintenance for children so hand over vouchers for kids go good. He may let you keep them but you should offer as they are for kids lunches in holidays.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/02/2021 19:54

I think I'd use the vouchers for a shop but get things which can be used for them when they come back, toiletries and freezer stuff, cereal etc.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/02/2021 20:02

The father would not be in receipt of such state support if the children lived with him therefore he doesn’t get them.

Definitely this. Therefore I wouldn’t give him the vouchers.

52andblue · 15/02/2021 20:05

My kids get FSM. My exH pays NO maintenance.
Last time he took them for 2 days midweek term time I sent them with 2 days food I'd bought out of their FSM vouchers as they were their vouchers, in my mind.
However, just before Christmas, we met for me to collect the kids and before I drove off I went into Aldi to get some food. I used some FSM vouchers to pay. He was in the queue behind me and asked if he could 'have some of the vouchers for his Christmas, as he was broke'.
I said No. They are for the kids needs, not mine, not his.
OP if your Ex can afford to feed them at his, and esp if doesn't give maintenance, I'd keep the vouchers and use them for the kids benefit when they come home.

AlwaysLatte · 15/02/2021 20:09

Would he qualify also for them in the same way that you do? If so I'd share them but if not then I'd keep them to spend on your children at your house.

Xerochrysum · 15/02/2021 20:21

Does it really matter? The voucher is for the children. So the person providing the meals for the time should get it. Don't understand why you think you can keep them for other times.

MrsCobbit · 15/02/2021 20:23

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SofiaMichelle · 15/02/2021 20:28

@kowari

How different is that to your income (considering any housing benefit etc, if applicable) OP? She has two children to provide for out of her income.

Indeed.

And I'm not suggesting what OP should do - I don't have an opinion on that, either way, as I don't think there's enough to go on.

Just pointing out that the headline figure of £2,500 that so many people have jumped on might well be nothing like that really.

Shadeslayer · 15/02/2021 20:45

If he can afford to feed then easily keep them for a treat for the kids

HoneyComb11 · 15/02/2021 21:27

It is money for your children, so should be spent on your children.

BringPizza · 15/02/2021 21:33

If your ex can afford to feed DC then I would keep the vouchers. Not for stuff for you while they're away- but to stock up on tins, dried and frozen for when they're back.

Boxerdogmum · 15/02/2021 21:33

pick up the phone and offer him the vouchers they are for food for the kids over half term its half term he has the kids.

Livelovebehappy · 15/02/2021 21:36

Surprised you need to ask. They’re for the children. If your DH doesn’t need them, return them.