Moral Dilema

[Loveacoseynightin]

Hi, I've got a bit of a moral dilema and asking the good folks of Mumsnet for their opinion on this.

I have 2 daughters who will be spending the half term week at their dads. I am in receipt of free school meals vouchers for them.

Should I give dad the vouchers or use them for my weekly shop?

AIBU to use them for the shop when I haven't got them?

Interesting moral dilemma. I didn't think schools gave shopping vouchers for half term though?

Interesting thread

Mums should always keep vouchers as they’re “for the kids” as dad is well off and doesn’t need them

Dads should always pay maintenance as it’s “for the kids” even if mum is well off and doesn’t need it

@Sapho47

Actually wait these are free school meal vouchers.

So ask yourself, in normal times if the DC went on holiday with DF in term time would you feel entitled to walk into that school and say "I'm here for my free school meal"?

Or would that be a thread about the epic CF parent who went into school wanting the FSM their dc wouldn't be getting that week?

Good point. It’s exactly the same thing.

Some people just don’t want to accept that these vouchers are to replace free meals at school instead of a top up to their benefits.

@ImaginaryCat

I'd offer them to him. If he's a half decent human being and you have a reasonable relationship, he'll tell you to keep them. If he's an arsehole who'll take them despite not needing them just to cause you problems, then he's probably the kind of arsehole who'll use the fact you kept them as a stick with which to beat you in future arguments, and you don't want to hand him ammunition on a plate.

Are mums who take maintenance from skint dads even though they don’t need it arseholes too?

Offer to send food with DC?

Support should be provided each week for benefits-related free school meal pupils at home during the national lockdown and school opening restrictions, from the week beginning 4 January to the week beginning 8 February. It will restart again for the week beginning 22 February.

No vouchers this week op. Dilemma has solved itself for you.

[quote StarCourt]@NailsNeedDoing is it? Your version isn't what I understand when reading the OP. She'd be doing the weekly shop anyway, nowhere does OP say she'd be using the vouchers on herself [/quote]
Your right, it doesn’t spell out that she’d be using them on herself. But it doesn’t say she’d be spending them on the children either. Shes specifically asking if it’s ok for her to spend them while the children are away, it’s ok to assume that whoever she decides to spend the vouchers on, it won’t be for food for people who aren’t there.

I don't think it's okay to assume that she won't be spending them on food for the children just because they are not there this week. There is plenty of food she could buy that lasts longer than a week. Even if she used them on food for herself then the money saved she could then spend on the children when they are back.

@Hankunamatata

Offer to send food with DC?

That's a good compromise actually.

@BillMasen pretty sure nobody has said that

@BrumBoo some do, some don't and some come from the local authority instead

[quote StarCourt]@BrumBoo some do, some don't and some come from the local authority instead [/quote]
They're all government vouchers, are they not? And the government aren't giving out vouchers for half term. Local authorities do give alternative food packages for those struggling, but that's a separate application that I'm sure the OP didn't need to consider due to the children being at their father's.

@BrumBoo I'm afraid you are incorrect. My daughter receives FSM and I have had an emailed voucher specifically for half term

His income allows him to feed his children. Your income allows for FSM and for vouchers currently. Use the vouchers to stock up on pasta, tins, freezer foods tof feed them when they are back home.

If you have a decent relationship just ask him - he may say keep them because he knows you struggle and spend more on the kids than him, but equally he may be struggling and be really grateful

Do the right thing. They're specifically for lunches during half term. So use them for this purpose. I gladly pay my taxes to make sure children don't go hungry. Please don't take the piss by not making sure it goes to the right place.

@CommanderBurnham

Do the right thing. They're specifically for lunches during half term. So use them for this purpose. I gladly pay my taxes to make sure children don't go hungry. Please don't take the piss by not making sure it goes to the right place.

This.

I don’t understand why this a moral dilemma.

The vouchers are for the children’s food so they should go with the children. Presumably whilst the children are away you’ll have less expenses and can buy food with your own income. If parents use them it won’t be long until the vouchers are stopped completely, with the reason being ‘ they’re not being used for the children’

I honestly do think people here are interpreting the vouchers as being "for the kids' lunches" too literally.

The aim of FSM is not in itself to provide free lunches for children. It is to stop children going hungry and FSM is the vehicle used to deliver that.

So the vouchers should be used in whichever household the children face the biggest risk of food poverty and hunger.

@CommanderBurnham

Do the right thing. They're specifically for lunches during half term. So use them for this purpose. I gladly pay my taxes to make sure children don't go hungry. Please don't take the piss by not making sure it goes to the right place.

You pay your taxes because you have to. Not so you can tell people in need how to spend a support allowance/voucher. Op is not unreasonable at all to spend on her shop. Simple as that really.

Can you afford a week without them?

@MessAllOver

I honestly do think people here are interpreting the vouchers as being "for the kids' lunches" too literally.

The aim of FSM is not in itself to provide free lunches for children. It is to stop children going hungry and FSM is the vehicle used to deliver that.

So the vouchers should be used in whichever household the children face the biggest risk of food poverty and hunger.

I agree.

The vouchers are part of your overall package for looking after the children.

I don't think you need to give them to their dad unless he's struggling financially then I probably would.

@CommanderBurnham

Do the right thing. They're specifically for lunches during half term. So use them for this purpose. I gladly pay my taxes to make sure children don't go hungry. Please don't take the piss by not making sure it goes to the right place.

The father is feeding them during half term. They aren't going hungry. The vouchers do not have to be used this week anyway. The OP can use them to feed her kids when they are back home and indeed could use them to stock up with dry goods if she did need to use them this week.

@BillMasen those two situations are different, partly because it's an ongoing financial arrangement to support your child rather than a short term government benefit to address poverty. A closer comparison would be child benefit and yes, if dad was 50:50 carer but earned a lot less, but mum demanded the CB just to screw him over and not because she needed it, I'd think she was an arsehole.
If you want the best for your children you support their other parent to provide for them if they're struggling.
The OP hasn't actually clarified but if dad were to demand the vouchers purely to fuck her over and get a perverse sense of satisfaction from doing so, he'd be an arsehole. I'm not sure why you think that's a judgement specific to either sex.

Do you give him your weeks Child Benefit? No, then keep the vouchers