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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lodger eviction update

229 replies

Hellogoodpeople · 14/02/2021 11:48

I just wanted to thank everyone who gave me advice in my last thread about some lodger issues I'd been having.

This included long running issues with one being generally slightly hostile in the full two years she's lived with me, the second lodger being upset that she doesn't have a full floor to herself (which I never gave the impression she'd have and she's paying a standard room rate, not full floor rent), overhearing general bitching and moaning about me and the cat, and then culminating with one lodger being completely livid (shouting and literally snarling at me) for siting at the kitchen table for a quick chat to a recruiter. (For context I sit there once in the blue moon but she felt this should be space reserved for her and the other lodger due to the fact that I have an additional work from home space and don't pay rent)... While I don't pay rent - in the flat that I own - I obviously pay the mortgage, bills and expenses.

The bitching and moaning about me that I partially overheard was apparently just about me sitting at the kitchen table that one time. But the fact that they were comfortable launching straight into a vitriolic moan about me, made me suspect they've had a couple of conversations like this before. For context, I'd say I'm fairly easy to live with. I don't have house rules and I'm fairly friendly and supportive. It's always been important to me that the lodgers feel comfortable in my home and that it is also their home.

Unfortunately when I posted the thread, someone thought I was a troll (due to someone not believing that one of my lodgers would tell me about being in a deposit dispute with her previous landlord and the reason why) and mumset deleted the thread. They've since realised I'm not a troll (I'm a regular poster but changed my user name for this thread) but I requested for the original thread to remain deleted as it contained personal details.

However, I wanted to post an update and say thank you for the feedback and also to the person who posted the assertiveness booklet which I've been reading and have found useful.

So for my update... a couple of days after I created the thread I did give both lodgers notice. I do feel a bit sad about the second lodger leaving as I mostly enjoyed having her stay. But I'd just reached my tolerance limit with the first one and felt I should ask both to leave especially as they have become close.

It's been a little frosty, especially with the first lodger (the one who told me not to sit at the kitchen table) but so far so good.

There has been a bit of oddness which I'd usually brush off but I'm now reading a bit of an eff-you to me (shutting themselves in the kitchen with loud music, leaving oil or something similar on the kitchen floor, smearing some sort of red paint on the kitchen floor and cat mat this morning, making a bit of noise outside my room first thing in the morning etc...) but I've decided to ignore and count down the days until they go.

When I gave them notice, I didn't mention anything at all about their behaviour as a reason. I kept it all quite positive and told them that unfortunately I need to isolate to help out my sick mum at short notice. This is true, and she is possibly looking at surgery soon. But the fact that neither of them have actually asked how my mum is (especially the one who has been with me for a while and who I've been really supportive of over the years), has also made me realise I made the right decision.

Most of you recommended for me to give them two weeks notice but in the end I have them a month... so hopefully not too much drama over that time.

Anyway, that's my update. I'm not a troll and I've taken everyone's advice. Smile Life is too short of a frosty home environment, especially when you can't actually go anywhere for the foreseeable. But onwards and upwards. Smile

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 17/02/2021 07:20

@MzHz

Your home... bloody autocorrect

Damn you Steve Jobs! I know it was you!

Steve Bloody Autocorrect Jobs.

He does it to me, too.

Re Lodgers, @Hellogoodpeople, I had them years ago.... Never again!
A couple were lovely, one I know still, years later, but being made to feel uncomfortable in your own home is not on.

Snarling?

Get the Hellcat out of there asap!

for goodness sakes, deposits only given back when nothing is damaged.

Well done!

justilou1 · 17/02/2021 07:21

They both think you are spineless as custard and can and will walk all over you. I think it is worth putting it in writing that you expect them to understand that for them to receive a full refund of their bond, you will do a full inspection of the flat once empty of their things. Any damages incurred (even done due to moving of furniture or bags upon exit of the building) will be paid for with the deposit. (*I can totally see them deliberately slamming walls and doors, and even breaking windows on their way out, with bags, scratching floors, etc. Doing anything they can to vandalise your place.). You will provide a video inspection of their rooms as you enter them with a running commentary. You will of course be fair regarding "NORMAL wear and tear".

justilou1 · 17/02/2021 07:22

Ooooh, and get them to sign it as a condition of exit... sorry. Do that this week, so that they fully understand that you are not going to just give them the cash to go.

oakleaffy · 17/02/2021 07:28

They did both pay deposits but I think any small issues in the communal areas I'll just have to live with as I won't know who did what

@Hellogoodpeople

This made me have a wry laugh...
Reminded me of finding dog sick in the hall and having two dogs and not knowing ''Whodunnit'' {so I could keep an eye on them}

''Small issues in the communal areas'' reminded me of this...

Maybe {Like with dogs} say ''WHOOOOO Did This?'' and see who gulps and yawns?

oakleaffy · 17/02/2021 07:31

Re Deposit....Only give it back once they have left and you have checked everything.
This is normal.

BreatheAndFocus · 17/02/2021 07:48

Good! I’m glad they’re going! Do watch out for any last minute ‘accidents’ by them though eg things left on, left open when they shouldn’t be, shoved down sinks, left behind radiators, partly unscrewed joints so that there’s a slow leak, etc, and any acts of sabotage that might not be immediately apparent. Have a really good check around.

They are right cows and you’ll be well rid of them. I feel sorry for their next victims.

ThePoetsWife · 17/02/2021 08:06

Please do tell us that you're not going to be a doormat and return their deposits?

They're already causing mess and damage.

Tell them all cleaning etc will be paid out of their deposits.

And FFS get some assertive training.

ThePoetsWife · 17/02/2021 08:08

And deposits to be returned at least a week after they've moved out and you've had a chance to check everything i.e heating, behind furniture etc.

lottiegarbanzo · 17/02/2021 08:35

Good decision about the very limited reference. I'd do the same for the other. If the new ll wants to know more, they can call you. Not that I think you should spill your feelings in a grudge-holding way. I'd only respond, factually, to any questions they ask.

PussGirl · 17/02/2021 08:46

I'd try & find a reasonable excuse not to return the whole deposit, just to make a point. Even a 10% cut would say something to them.

ZenNudist · 17/02/2021 08:54

Sounds like you have dealt with it all with good grace. I hope you dont have any more trouble. I'd be tempted to decline to write a reference for grumpy one. You dont owe her anything.

Cadent · 17/02/2021 09:08

Op, if they make any more mess, call them up on it.

Don't make this month harder on yourself.

ThePoetsWife · 17/02/2021 09:52

Yes do call them on any mess they make - remind them that you expect them to leave the property clean when they leave.

Chickychickydodah · 17/02/2021 10:02

I’m glad you did it and can get your life back. Good luck 👍🏻

Janus · 17/02/2021 10:11

I remember your first post! So very pleased you’ve given them notice, they deserve eachother!
I hope they stay out of your way for a while, I’d be so tempted to give her a bad reference for the new house but I guess she may do something in retaliation? You can always give hints without saying anything I guess? The whole reference could be ‘X paid a deposit, for which I’m grateful, and paid her rent on time’!
Good luck with the rest of the month.

GreenlandTheMovie · 17/02/2021 10:16

I call it jealous lodger syndrome. I had a horrid one once. A woman slightly older than me with a professional job but she got more and more nasty and bossy. She also collaborated with the nice lodger and they were both being awkward sods by the end. I gave them both notice after receiving a text from her on boxing day demanding that I arranged a plumber to fix a dripping tap in the kitchen while she was away over Christmas, so she wouldn't be disrupted. It was the final one of a series of rude, demanding requests from her over very minor issues - she once complained of a "smell of paint" in her room and demanded a gas inspection on case of carbon monoxide poisoning. It turned out a neighbour had been painting his bedroom. There were many such complaints.

After they had gone, she reported me to every authority you could imagine. I know that because some if them write to me saying there had been a complaint about x, y, z but they did not propose to take any action. The authorities weren't ibterested. Eg she reported me to CORGI for not having a gas certificate, which I dud, and which I had shown to her. She was just a vile person, with really unfortunate character traits.

I really hope the gruesome twosome do move out OP but I also think you need to be more assertive. They have some very strange ideas about renting.

Andrea87 · 17/02/2021 15:08

You need to feel at home in your home and not tip toe around others. I would suggest you take photos of any damage they do when they have left so when they get only some of the deposit back you have evidence of why.
Maybe even keep a diary of loud noises etc and how they made your life intolerable.
Good luck and hope it will become a happy home again

SoulofanAggron · 17/02/2021 15:28

"you have the power to ask them to vacate immediately... And you have the power to withold the deposit."

both of those would be illegal

@Sapho47 Not at all. Lodgers have very few legal rights, not the same as private tenants. A homeowner can pretty much decide they no longer want someone living in their home at any time, especially given their unacceptable behaviour towards her in her own home.

The deposit could be withheld in that situation based on the messes they made in the kitchen, arguably.

SoulofanAggron · 17/02/2021 15:31

@GreenlandTheMovie I find it bizarre. I've been a lodger. Anyone with a brain knows the person could pretty much chuck you out at any time, at least if you (as is usually the case for a lodger living in someone's home) don't have a written contract.

So you have to treat them decently and not mess up the place etc.

Still1nLove · 17/02/2021 16:52

I read your original thread and I’m glad it’s working out for you.
No one should feel uncomfortable in their own home.
Ranting about you having extra space and using the kitchen when you don’t pay rent is really bizarre, you are the person paying the mortgage.

Come back if you been any moral support

Cadent · 17/02/2021 17:31

They are ganging up on you because it's 2 against 1. It's all a bit Lord of the Flies isn't it? (Sorry if that's not the right analogy).

Hellogoodpeople · 17/02/2021 17:56

@GreenlandTheMovie

I call it jealous lodger syndrome. I had a horrid one once. A woman slightly older than me with a professional job but she got more and more nasty and bossy. She also collaborated with the nice lodger and they were both being awkward sods by the end. I gave them both notice after receiving a text from her on boxing day demanding that I arranged a plumber to fix a dripping tap in the kitchen while she was away over Christmas, so she wouldn't be disrupted. It was the final one of a series of rude, demanding requests from her over very minor issues - she once complained of a "smell of paint" in her room and demanded a gas inspection on case of carbon monoxide poisoning. It turned out a neighbour had been painting his bedroom. There were many such complaints.

After they had gone, she reported me to every authority you could imagine. I know that because some if them write to me saying there had been a complaint about x, y, z but they did not propose to take any action. The authorities weren't ibterested. Eg she reported me to CORGI for not having a gas certificate, which I dud, and which I had shown to her. She was just a vile person, with really unfortunate character traits.

I really hope the gruesome twosome do move out OP but I also think you need to be more assertive. They have some very strange ideas about renting.

Oh gosh, that sounds stressful and slightly similar to my situation with one stirring up I'll feeling with another.

My grumpy lodger also actually had the equivalent of about 6 weeks paying no rent or bills at all during a building project (paying a tiny amount over a longer period) that turned out, surprisingly, to be very minimal disruption for us in the end. And I've had her grumpy friends and family also staying here rent free.

And she's still stewing at me.

But honestly, because she's been so strange, both before and after getting notice, my gut feeling tells me she's cooking something up. So I wouldn't be surprised if I'm also reported for odd things after she moves out. But there's nothing I can think of to report me for, so I wish her luck with that!

OP posts:
islockdownoveryet · 17/02/2021 18:10

I’m glad you came back and updated. I was a little surprised when thread got deleted but I didn’t think you was a troll and I often do think a lot are . Anyway they both sound so entitled and I’m glad you gave them notice it was the best thing to do . You sound very nice and obviously they aren’t , hopefully they will be very happy together in their new house share .

theotherfossilsister · 17/02/2021 18:49

Another one saying please look after your cat. Cats are beautiful and irreplaceable and the scenarios listed by a poster unthread are terrifying and heartbreaking.

Our lodger loved out cat and our only problem bead retrieving him from his room. Then again our lodger was a nice respectful person.

QueenoftheAir · 17/02/2021 18:56

But honestly, because she's been so strange, both before and after getting notice, my gut feeling tells me she's cooking something up

It's an odd mix of resentment and entitlement. I'm glad for your sake, that you've given them notice.