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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lodger eviction update

229 replies

Hellogoodpeople · 14/02/2021 11:48

I just wanted to thank everyone who gave me advice in my last thread about some lodger issues I'd been having.

This included long running issues with one being generally slightly hostile in the full two years she's lived with me, the second lodger being upset that she doesn't have a full floor to herself (which I never gave the impression she'd have and she's paying a standard room rate, not full floor rent), overhearing general bitching and moaning about me and the cat, and then culminating with one lodger being completely livid (shouting and literally snarling at me) for siting at the kitchen table for a quick chat to a recruiter. (For context I sit there once in the blue moon but she felt this should be space reserved for her and the other lodger due to the fact that I have an additional work from home space and don't pay rent)... While I don't pay rent - in the flat that I own - I obviously pay the mortgage, bills and expenses.

The bitching and moaning about me that I partially overheard was apparently just about me sitting at the kitchen table that one time. But the fact that they were comfortable launching straight into a vitriolic moan about me, made me suspect they've had a couple of conversations like this before. For context, I'd say I'm fairly easy to live with. I don't have house rules and I'm fairly friendly and supportive. It's always been important to me that the lodgers feel comfortable in my home and that it is also their home.

Unfortunately when I posted the thread, someone thought I was a troll (due to someone not believing that one of my lodgers would tell me about being in a deposit dispute with her previous landlord and the reason why) and mumset deleted the thread. They've since realised I'm not a troll (I'm a regular poster but changed my user name for this thread) but I requested for the original thread to remain deleted as it contained personal details.

However, I wanted to post an update and say thank you for the feedback and also to the person who posted the assertiveness booklet which I've been reading and have found useful.

So for my update... a couple of days after I created the thread I did give both lodgers notice. I do feel a bit sad about the second lodger leaving as I mostly enjoyed having her stay. But I'd just reached my tolerance limit with the first one and felt I should ask both to leave especially as they have become close.

It's been a little frosty, especially with the first lodger (the one who told me not to sit at the kitchen table) but so far so good.

There has been a bit of oddness which I'd usually brush off but I'm now reading a bit of an eff-you to me (shutting themselves in the kitchen with loud music, leaving oil or something similar on the kitchen floor, smearing some sort of red paint on the kitchen floor and cat mat this morning, making a bit of noise outside my room first thing in the morning etc...) but I've decided to ignore and count down the days until they go.

When I gave them notice, I didn't mention anything at all about their behaviour as a reason. I kept it all quite positive and told them that unfortunately I need to isolate to help out my sick mum at short notice. This is true, and she is possibly looking at surgery soon. But the fact that neither of them have actually asked how my mum is (especially the one who has been with me for a while and who I've been really supportive of over the years), has also made me realise I made the right decision.

Most of you recommended for me to give them two weeks notice but in the end I have them a month... so hopefully not too much drama over that time.

Anyway, that's my update. I'm not a troll and I've taken everyone's advice. Smile Life is too short of a frosty home environment, especially when you can't actually go anywhere for the foreseeable. But onwards and upwards. Smile

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/02/2021 15:22

PS continue to feel that backbone OP.

You hold all the cards here!! ... Show them YOURE the boss, it's your house, you're in charge of how long the notice period is, you have the power to ask them to vacate immediately... And you have the power to withold the deposit...

Also don't forget with deposits; and its not just payment for damage, it is also if its left in a bad state and you have to (pay someone) to clean it... A friend was so fed up with lodgers moving out and leaving their rooms in a shocking state that would take hours of cleaning and the carpet would need a full shampoo where lots of viel stains accumulated....

She included in their agreement:

rooms should be returned in a clean /repaired state...

Any holes /stains on walls and from pictures /posters had to be made good.

After a while she got wise to it... Not just the 50p worth of paint she would use to make good blu tack stains...

She used to get a professional cleaning company to quote for returning the room to a pre tenancy state (rentable) ...and deduct this from the deposit.

Its really NOT up to you to make good their mess.... (save usual wear and tear-do look this up!).

Make sure they know this in writing....

I'd actually say something like

'further to our exchange re you vacating the front room and top room /whatever.

Your absolute last date of possession is x. You are able to leave earlier if this suits. Please advise in writing and I will reimburse any rent owing.

Please be aware, I expect your room to be returned in the state in which it was first rented to you... For example

All carpets vacuumed /shampooed if dirty. Dusted. Windows cleaned.

Please also ensure that any holes made in the walls, are filled (with pollyfilla) and made good (painted over), also included are any marks from blu tak and the like...

If you don't wish to do this yourself, we can arrange to have cleaners /handymen do this. This will be a minimum of £100 which will be deducted from your deposit.

Mia184 · 16/02/2021 15:45

@Hellogoodpeople

Are the nurses still there?

Hellogoodpeople · 16/02/2021 16:07

Thanks for the advice. Yes both are still here and apparently staying until the last day.

I've been asked to write a reference for one and was so, so tempted to write something very truthful but in the end sent a slightly strained confirmation that rent was paid on time.

There's still a bit of a strained atmosphere. I don't think the grumpier lodger realised she'd need me to write her a recommendation so I'm looking forward to getting that question from her. Grin

They are moving into the same new houseshare together so the fact that I haven't been asked to write the second reference yet means she's obviously dreading asking.

I'm still a bit sad and disappointed at how things have ended. Looking back I think they worked each other into a tizz about me having an extra work from home space and things got a bit out of control.

But looking forward to living in a less strained home...

OP posts:
Mia184 · 16/02/2021 16:17

@Hellogoodpeople I’m glad that there haven‘t been more spills or damages and that they haven’t harmed the cat. I hope things stay that way until they but I’d keep an eye on them.

rawalpindithelabrador · 16/02/2021 16:35

I'd have kept the contact details for that reference and then sent them another letter or contacted them and told them what type of lodger they are. I'd want to know if I were taking them on.

LookItsMeAgain · 16/02/2021 16:38

@Hellogoodpeople - can you say to the grumpier lodger that if they are looking for a reference you will provide one directly to the new landlord - as in something that the grumpy lodger wouldn't have an opportunity to review or edit before it goes to the new landlord, or can you withhold the reference until the day that they are leaving maybe and your reference will be based on how they carry on between now and then?
Is that possible to do? I'm not 100% up to speed on when you would need to hand over a reference or if you can pass it directly to the new landlord bypassing the tenant the reference is about.

Pemba · 16/02/2021 17:10

It sounds like they don't realise that you are actually the owner of the place? Could they be that dim? Comments they made about you not paying rent make me think this. Did you ever thrash it out with them and get things straight?

Their behaviour has been extremely bizarre! (as well as really unpleasant, obviously).

You sound lovely, but I think you have been too nice. I would have given them a few days notice, not a month, considering their behaviour.

Oh well, not long to wait now. Good luck!

BrownFootStool · 16/02/2021 17:24

Crazy. You own the place. They have no grounds to moan about what you do in your house.

Please don't give this other one a reference, not even a strained one-- or provide a truthful one direct to the new landlord.

I am furious on your behalf with the way they have treated you in your own home!

Hellogoodpeople · 16/02/2021 18:04

Did you ever thrash it out with them and get things straight?

Yes when I tried to talk to the grumpy one to find out if anything had upset her, that's when I got the nonsensical rant about them being furious that I took a call in the kitchen one time (and that I don't have a right to sit there).

I told the other one about this conversation but instead of offering any explanation, she tried to make it seem like it was a personal issue between me and grumpy lodger.

OP posts:
hannayeah · 16/02/2021 20:55

Which one is grumpy? They both seem like witches.

MiaowMiaow99 · 16/02/2021 21:31

Im so pleased you've asked them to leave! I was worried you'd put it off. They do sound a horrible pair when they are together, which I felt could have become sinister if allowed to gain momentum.
Well done 👏

Mara2021 · 17/02/2021 00:43

When are they going? Agree with hannayeah, they both sound like absolute witches. I think they're in for a rude awakening in an actual shared house though. (Evil cackle on your behalf as you're evidently much too nice to even contemplate it!

(I bet they're a joy to work with too - not! I'd hate to be one of their patients, or for my elderly relatives to be in that position. I'd also have checked by now if they are actually registered with the NMC...)

(Days to go, days to go....you have got the locksmith all lined up, haven't you?!)

TaraR2020 · 17/02/2021 01:49

Ooh I'm so glad to read your update! Congratulations!

On another note, I'm relatively new to MN and beginning to wonder if they ever check threads out before deleting when they get a report Hmm

VillaMia · 17/02/2021 02:02

I didn’t see your original thread. You sound completely lovely though and well done for giving these two women notice. Feeling safe and comfortable in your own home is vital. Do hope your mum is ok. Flowers

AnotherKrampus · 17/02/2021 02:06

Don't give the other grumpier and badly behaved one the reference till she actually moved out! It will be far more of an inventive to not be a cunt.

AnotherKrampus · 17/02/2021 02:06

*incentive I had a bit of wine Grin

StarCat2020 · 17/02/2021 02:13

I am shocked at what I just read.

I know this goes against the grain but if OP doesn't give them a reference then they may not leave,

She has to look after herself here.

AnotherKrampus · 17/02/2021 02:23

OP said that she has already given a reference to the shorter stay lodger. She doesn't need to give them a reference until they have actually left though. They have no choice but to leave and why should the OP endure all the current crap and make it easier for them to take the piss? I would leave it closer to the day they meant to leave to ensure the grumpier one doesn't escalate her behaviour.

Sapho47 · 17/02/2021 02:34

"you have the power to ask them to vacate immediately... And you have the power to withold the deposit..."

both of those would be illegal

justilou1 · 17/02/2021 02:52

I think in any reference, I would write that rent was paid on time and should any further clarification be required, please don't hesitate to call me on xxxx number or email. That would freak the bitches out.

Bythemillpond · 17/02/2021 04:10

Take care of yourself and your cats. If I remember correctly you mentioned in the first thread your 1st lodger doesn’t like cats so take extra care of them. I wouldn’t let them out if my sight till they have gone.
But there again I do have a very low opinion of people who act like bitches

justilou1 · 17/02/2021 04:23

I would also remind them that any damage will be paid for from their bond - including any accidents made while moving their stuff out. You need to be there when they go. Make sure the cat is locked inside your room, and change the locks when they leave.

ByeByeMissAmericanPie · 17/02/2021 06:17

@Hellogoodpeople

Great to get an update from you, and am going to follow in your footsteps and read up on assertiveness. I think I’m very similar to you!

Very generous to give them a month to leave. Be careful...

Deathraystare · 17/02/2021 07:15

You really should warn them that damages will be charged for, and/or you can change their notice terms to 'immediate' if they're damaging your property.

This, absolutely!

RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder · 17/02/2021 07:18

You mentioned that you didn’t have any rules for lodgers, Op. I think that was a mistake - especially if they haven’t lodged before and we’re expecting a houseshare away from the landlord.

Next time write a document explaining communal spaces and making it clear that you will have full use of your home excluding their rooms, add your expectations for their visitors, how you expect communal rooms to be left, what they’ll need and what they can use etc.

No rules isn’t necessarily kind because it means people come up with their own expectations and then get angry when they’re not right.

Not that these two were anything less than hideous in their actions. I’m so glad you found the strength to ask them to leave. This is your home and they are guests in it. You have a right to feel safe at home.