In not going to drop things off at the hospital

[Hoppinggreen]

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

NotAnotherAlias No I was not self isolated because if I did that I wouldn't be able to go to work. I took all the required precautions of wearing full PPE, sanitising my hands and changing out of my work clothes to go home. I refuse to live in fear.

@NotAnotherAlias I took that to mean that @lagerandblack was working alongside covid in a place where it was prevalent, not that they went into work whilst they themselves had covid!

@lagerandblack

NotAnotherAlias No I was not self isolated because if I did that I wouldn't be able to go to work. I took all the required precautions of wearing full PPE, sanitising my hands and changing out of my work clothes to go home. I refuse to live in fear.

So you had to go to work? I’m assuming you mean you were working with Covid patients not that YOU had Covid We both wfh and don’t go out unnecessarily as per the guidelines. I didn’t consider going to the hospital necessary as my Mum had what she needed immediately and I arranged for someone else (who hadn’t followed guidelines and was vaccinated ) to go instead

I'm gonna go against the grain and say the OP's stepdad would do it.

Would a man with a wife ever be texting his son to bring supplies to hospital?

This post is bully of bullies.
Your all the reason why covid is out of control.
The OP was scared at the hospital, it was effecting her mental health, and could has massive monetary implications for her family.
OP you are not being unfair.
Your not allowed to go to hospitals for a reason.

I'm concerned about the stepdad driving, what are the extent of his cognitive problems? Should he be driving at all?
If fear of Covid is so debilitating for you, pay a taxi company to drop off the items. Taxi drivers often courier things to the ward where I work.

YANBU I work in the NHS and loads of visitors and staff have caught covid from visiting even briefly. It just isn't safe.

These are not normal times and exposing yourself to a risk of death for a sandwich and some undies is not reasonable in my opinion.

This post is bully of bullies.
Your all the reason why covid is out of control.

What a ridiculous statement! 🙄

@Bookwords that poster has made no end of ridiculous statements on the thread.

@Serin

I'm concerned about the stepdad driving, what are the extent of his cognitive problems? Should he be driving at all? If fear of Covid is so debilitating for you, pay a taxi company to drop off the items. Taxi drivers often courier things to the ward where I work.

He can drive, his issues are long term memory. Before the latest lockdown he drove 2 hours for a weekend away with my mum. He can manage 10 minutes to the hospital on a very easy and familiar route.

Shops are shut, because people can't be trusted to stay home, the same for pubs and public events.
Hospital visiting has been stopped because of infection spreading.
Yet according to everyone here going to the hospital is the right thing to do.

I find it really strange how awful posters have been to you on here. My expectation if it was me in hospital is that my husband would do anything like that where possible and then if for whatever reason I would hope my parents or kids would.

The fact he can, he's vaccinated and also part of her household means it makes complete sense that he does it. I don't understand why you are getting such a hard time.

You have said several times you have done it previously and that you would if SDad was unable to.

No one should be going into hospitals unless they really need to, worrying your DH will catch it and can't work is a valid concern IMO. Some people couldn't afford to have their partner lose their income.

Take risks if you absolutely need to but surely it makes sense for just one person who is part of her household (her husband FFS) to do it.

I think people have been a bit harsh. I can’t speak for Hopping’s family dynamic, but Covid has brought about a massive change in mine, and I can assure you that it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about them!!!

In my family I am default doer of absolutely everything. My dm was in hospital for a week early last year prior to Covid, and I visited every day. I took dm everything she needed, I also stayed with her the night before her admission and collected her when she was discharged. I was more than happy to do so.

I should mention that I live 1 1/2 hours away from dm and my dsis lives 5 mins away. I was working and had to take leave, dsis was on mat leave. Dsis visited once. I visited every day. When dm was in hospital previously and dsis was working and I had a toddler and baby, I was still the one to do everything as dsis couldn’t possibly take time off. This isn’t a complaint, just to illustrate differing expectations within my family.

Covid happens. Dm and dsis in a bubble. Dm still rings me for anything that needs sorting out, including losing garage key, needing items ordering online and being fed up. I love and miss her loads, but I do resent being the default for everything, particularly when I am feeling quite down myself and am have accepted that I am unable to see her as dsis needs her more. Usually I would rush over to help but in the current circumstances I’m terrified of being stopped by the police and breaking rules. Dm is very upset when I tell her to ask dsis but I don’t think it is at all unreasonable while all this is going on.

I can’t imagine why anyone would think it is preferable for op to either have to order new underwear, wait for its arrival then drop to hospital, or make a special trip to collect existing underwear from dsf, then take to hospital rather than just ring dsf to drop off. This is exactly like my dm who would sooner ring me to do this than my dsis who lives nearby, works pt and has a key to her home. Op and her dh have helped previously, it should not be down to them to shoulder the entire burden even if dm would prefer that.

I don’t think people here are being over-harsh. They’re annoyed by what was a pretty callous original scenario, which OP has repeatedly doubled down on since. That makes quite a few of us MATI.

OP asked AIBU, the majority of responses were ‘yes you are, here’s why’ - and OP has pretty much argued with every single one, spelling out over and over why, no, she’s actually being totally reasonable here, and anyone who disagrees - her mum, other family members, MNs - are all wrong. Nothing here has been about OP being unsure about herself, she’s even sorted it out already & made her step-dad do the visit.

Which begs the question: why post here in the first place, OP? Was it to rehearse your excuses to your mum & others in future? Or was it just a jolly good troll?

@PopperPet

I don’t think people here are being over-harsh. They’re annoyed by what was a pretty callous original scenario, which OP has repeatedly doubled down on since. That makes quite a few of us MATI.

OP asked AIBU, the majority of responses were ‘yes you are, here’s why’ - and OP has pretty much argued with every single one, spelling out over and over why, no, she’s actually being totally reasonable here, and anyone who disagrees - her mum, other family members, MNs - are all wrong. Nothing here has been about OP being unsure about herself, she’s even sorted it out already & made her step-dad do the visit.

Which begs the question: why post here in the first place, OP? Was it to rehearse your excuses to your mum & others in future? Or was it just a jolly good troll?

Quite. It's followed that kind of pattern. The original post and interaction was feeble excuse after excuse , and now that later posters who won't have rtft have arrived OP is dripping about the relationship with the mother and the step dad not following guidelines. Classic.

No, I won’t be making any excuses to anyone at all so no rehearsal needed.
I told my Mum I wasn’t visiting shops and wasn’t comfortable coming to the hospital again and I would arrange for sdad to do it.
popper are you accusing me of being a troll then?

I have come to the thread later, Haven't RTFT but read all OPs posts. I still stand by what I have said, SDad is capable of doing it but I guess an old fashioned view is that its women's work which is probably why OP was called.

If SDad was capable (which clearly he was as he has done it then he should be first port of call). It wasnt that he wouldn't, it was that he wasn't actually asked.

The OP has stated that she would do it if she needed to. Minimising the risk at hospitals is really important. I'm not sure why people think its a good idea for different people to be visiting unnecessarily.

The OP did get shitty with people but some of the posters were pretty awful.

@Bookwords

Is this a serious post? Is having clean knickers and lovely snacks really the same as taking a necessary blood test? Is going commando while lying in bed and not having chocolate digestives an actual threat to your health? Jesus.

I think clean knickers is essential! Whilst you're taking the clean knickers, a packet of digestives wouldn't go amiss!

Clean knickers is nice to have. I would certainly never ask someone to literally put their lives at risk in order for me to have some though. Having a blood test to make sure your medication is still working is essential though in a very literal sense.

I think I was asking you a simple question, @Hoppinggreen. And I think you’ve already answered it, thanks. 8/10, tolerable effort.

Wow, is this what it's fine to now? People not even prepared to help their own mind. Yes there are other people available but it's been nearly 2 weeks so it seems fair to split the load a bit and not put too much on an elderly and vulnerable man. Im absolutely gobsmacked!

@PugInTheHouse

I have come to the thread later, Haven't RTFT but read all OPs posts. I still stand by what I have said, SDad is capable of doing it but I guess an old fashioned view is that its women's work which is probably why OP was called.

If SDad was capable (which clearly he was as he has done it then he should be first port of call). It wasnt that he wouldn't, it was that he wasn't actually asked.

The OP has stated that she would do it if she needed to. Minimising the risk at hospitals is really important. I'm not sure why people think its a good idea for different people to be visiting unnecessarily.

The OP did get shitty with people but some of the posters were pretty awful.

I don’t think I got shitty with anyone actually I did say someone who called me fat was a cunt but that was it. I haven’t called anyone (else) any names or anything like that, I have calmly stated my reasoning many times. Over 60% of people don’t agree with me and I have concluded that based on that I have BU. My Mum is speaking to me again now and is doing well and we are hoping she will get sent home soon - where if she needs anything I will be happy to drop it on her doorstep.

@midnightstar66

Wow, is this what it's fine to now? People not even prepared to help their own mind. Yes there are other people available but it's been nearly 2 weeks so it seems fair to split the load a bit and not put too much on an elderly and vulnerable man. Im absolutely gobsmacked!

I have been once, DH has been once and sdad has been once That’s splitting the load

To be honest somebody needs take the poor woman her knickers. If you were my relatives I'd feel pretty fucked off. Get a grip.

@Casschops

To be honest somebody needs take the poor woman her knickers. If you were my relatives I'd feel pretty fucked off. Get a grip.

If only there was some way for you to find out whether the 'poor woman' has 'her knickers'. Perhaps you could, perish the thought, read the thread?

Well, I still couldn't have made my 80 year old stepdad do it when I was perfectly capable of doing it myself but I guess that's just me.