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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not going to drop things off at the hospital

820 replies

Hoppinggreen · 13/02/2021 11:38

My mum fell about 10 days ago and was taken to hospital where she has had an op. The hospital is very close to my house and when she has been there before I have been daily and taken food etc (she hates hospital food). I don’t mind visiting under normal circumstances and it’s nice to see her.
However, we have been pretty careful during Covid and stuck to the rules around seeing her. She and my sdad have health issues so are vulnerable but have been out and about more than they should, plus I know my brother has visited regularly. We are healthy but DD has mild asthma and I am overweight, plus DH is SE so if he was ill and couldn’t work it would cost us ££££££.
I dropped off a book and a couple of things my mum asked for last week but despite wearing a mask, using have gel etc I was pretty uneasy about being at the hospital and when DH had a blood test he also dropped off some clean nighties for her, the nurse taking his blood actually advised against it as he said Covid was rife in the hospital and my mums ward was opposite the Covid ward. DH did it anyway
This morning I had a text asking me to take her some more things and some food as the food there was awful, last time she was in hospital I cooked extra and took it in a cool bag to keep warm. I have replied saying I am not going to shops at the moment (thank you Ocado) and in any case I am not comfortable with coming to the hospital. I have suggested sdad do it as he has had both jabs so it’s safer to him. He does have some cognitive issues but can drive, go to shops etc.
I have had quite a nasty text back and now feel guilty - not guilty enough to do it but even so. DH is quite cross my mum would even ask
I am right not to go aren’t I? In an emergency I would go obviously but wanting a sandwich and clean undies isn’t an emergency

OP posts:
FuckingFabulous · 13/02/2021 23:03

@NotAnotherAlias

Did you read what you quoted? My husband was shielding. We've also got other kids and due to Covid restrictions at the hospital, even if he hadn't been shielding, he still wouldn't have been able to come!
My mum isn't elderly or at risk. She works at the darn hospital! She wanted a lazy Sunday were her words.

RootyT00t · 13/02/2021 23:12

@NotAnotherAlias you would be annoyed at the husband who was told to isolate by track and trace....?!

NotAnotherAlias · 13/02/2021 23:12

Oh, missed the self-isolating bit. Sorry! Though if she’s working in a hospital through COVID I can understand she might need time for herself to recover. Unless she’s got a track record, perhaps it’s worth trying to look at it that way (even though I’m sure this must have been hard on you at the time)?

In general though, I can’t believe all the people on this thread who think it’s reasonable to ask people to come to hospital for things that aren’t 100% necessary.

BungleandGeorge · 13/02/2021 23:18

Got to be honest, my mum would never ask me to put myself at risk of getting covid (hospitals have surely got to be the most risky environment) to make multiple trips to bring snacks, books etc. I wouldn’t either. If it was an emergency admission then I imagine I’d be incredibly grateful for one trip with clean clothes and a book but I’d just make do after that!

ohhhhitsme · 13/02/2021 23:19

My grandparent was in hospital last year, and it was an hours drive away from me and my family.
I went every Friday evening to drop off anything he needed, plus treats like cakes. My mum and auntie would also go at other times to take things.l, and it was easier for them as they weren't working full time and didn't have small children.
We weren't allowed to see him but we wanted him to know we were doing what we could. It was heartbreaking leaving things at the ward door for him but not being allowed to see him.
Anyway, I'm glad I did that and he knew I was doing it, because he unexpectedly died after three weeks in there and it would have broken me to think I didn't bother

justcannotwithyou · 13/02/2021 23:32

@IloveFebruary

It does feel a bit hypocritical that your DH can brave the hospital for his own purposes (blood test) but then suggest the risk is too high to drop things off for your Mum.

I appreciate they are probably in different areas and I note your comments about the 3rd floor. However, from your mums perspective there is probably little difference.

Is this a serious post?Hmm Is having clean knickers and lovely snacks really the same as taking a necessary blood test? Is going commando while lying in bed and not having chocolate digestives an actual threat to your health? Jesus.
Mydogmylife · 13/02/2021 23:50

@Hoppinggreen

And I would like to point out I have taken her a couple of books, some nail varnish, clean nighties, snacks, drinks up until now so I’m not totally heartless
So why the sudden change now?
nexus63 · 14/02/2021 00:05

my partner was in hospital and i dropped things off, the hospitals in glasgow you do not go anywhere near patients or wards. it was a volunteer group who had set up at an area away from wards, i would take the things in, tell them the name and ward number, they did not touch anything i brought, they gave me a large bag and told me to tie it and wipe it with hand sanitizer and they deliver to outside the wards on a trolley so they do not touch anything. he was not in for covid, it was a heart attack but got tested every time he was moved to another part of the hospital.

Scrumbleton · 14/02/2021 00:53

Disgracefully selfish - I’d help anyone I knew out if I lived close to the hospital. minimal risk

romiandromi · 14/02/2021 03:55

It's no wonder the uk is fucked really is it.

PopperPet · 14/02/2021 05:43

OT, but barely 2 months since the first jab, 15 MILLION people in the U.K. vaccinated already, and we’re ‘fucked’, @romiandromi? Mmhmm, dream on.

Bookwords · 14/02/2021 05:47

She's been in hospital 10 days, so why are you concerned that she's seen your brother before being admitted?

YABU!

Bookwords · 14/02/2021 05:49

Is this a serious post? Is having clean knickers and lovely snacks really the same as taking a necessary blood test? Is going commando while lying in bed and not having chocolate digestives an actual threat to your health? Jesus.

I think clean knickers is essential! Whilst you're taking the clean knickers, a packet of digestives wouldn't go amiss!

SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/02/2021 08:38

@romiandromi how is the U.K. ‘fucked’? From people performing a low risk activity like taking essentials to someone in hospital? Confused

Jeremyironseverything · 14/02/2021 09:07

Hospitals - minimal risk? You are having a laugh. Of course they are not minimal risk.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/02/2021 09:16

Why not? If OP wore gloves, mask (yes I KNOW it doesn’t protect the WEARER but everybody else in masks too) doesn’t touch anything she doesn’t have to or her face, doesn’t use lift with anyone else (can take stairs?) drops package at relevant ward desk, then out ASAP and sanitises hands then YES that is low risk!

But as I said before, some of us have been out in the world getting on with it every day and have not been able to be safely cocooned at home, we’ve just had to get on with it and weigh up risks sensibly instead of being terrified about covid leaping out of every corner at us.

Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 14/02/2021 09:32

@nexus63

my partner was in hospital and i dropped things off, the hospitals in glasgow you do not go anywhere near patients or wards. it was a volunteer group who had set up at an area away from wards, i would take the things in, tell them the name and ward number, they did not touch anything i brought, they gave me a large bag and told me to tie it and wipe it with hand sanitizer and they deliver to outside the wards on a trolley so they do not touch anything. he was not in for covid, it was a heart attack but got tested every time he was moved to another part of the hospital.
That system sounds great and I would have been very happy to go in that case
OP posts:
Original poster
Hoppinggreen · 14/02/2021 09:36

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Why not? If OP wore gloves, mask (yes I KNOW it doesn’t protect the WEARER but everybody else in masks too) doesn’t touch anything she doesn’t have to or her face, doesn’t use lift with anyone else (can take stairs?) drops package at relevant ward desk, then out ASAP and sanitises hands then YES that is low risk!

But as I said before, some of us have been out in the world getting on with it every day and have not been able to be safely cocooned at home, we’ve just had to get on with it and weigh up risks sensibly instead of being terrified about covid leaping out of every corner at us.

The point is at the moment I don’t have to go out apart from to take the dog for a walk. We both wfh and get everything we need delivered luckily and until further notice the dc aren’t at school either. I appreciate that but everyone can do this but we can and unless going out is absolutely necessary we prefer not to, therefore I didn’t think it was unreasonable for people who have a different attitude to risk as us and who have broken guidelines from the beginning to go to the hospital instead of me.
OP posts:
bobbiester · 14/02/2021 09:42

The OP was not being unreasonable - and I know this from experience of visiting one of the hospitals in the UK with the most experience of dealing with COVID.

I needed to drop off a bag of stuff for someone on a non-COVID ward, not even on the same floor as a COVID ward.

I was not even allowed through the front door to the reception desk. A security guard called the ward, I had a to leave the bag, and a nurse came down to collect it.

This is a hospital that really knows how to deal with COVID - and their medical experts have decided this is the procedure that should be in place.

I think the view of of the medical experts and hospital managers on the risks and appropriate procedures has rather more credibility than the "MN jury".

gamerchick · 14/02/2021 09:43

@Jeremyironseverything

Hospitals - minimal risk? You are having a laugh. Of course they are not minimal risk.
I know right?! Grin sometimes I think people just post before thinking about it.

OP you don't have to keep explaining, faceless strangers are very good at assessing risk for something that doesn't affect them at all.

GiBlues · 14/02/2021 09:44

My grandad went into hospital after fall and had a hip op, my dad, despite living 45 mins away and having diabetes and 2 heart attacks took his dad a cooked dinner every single day. He dropped it at the ward door and didn’t even see grandad.
A week later grandad caught COVID on the ward and died 3 weeks after that, none of us ever saw him in Hospital and he died alone and scared, something that haunts us every day.
It brings my dad comfort to know he still looked after his dad from far doing the one thing he know my grandad would have liked and appreciated.
I think you’re being very unkind to your mother and quite frankly even though she only in there for “something routine”. She could be gone very quickly if she does bath something in there.

But maybe my judgement is clouded by what happened to us.

gamerchick · 14/02/2021 09:54

But maybe my judgement is clouded by what happened to us

We all tailor our responses based on our own experiences. If your dad had caught covid and died from doing that kind thing, yours might have been a different post.

It's the nature of the beast

lagerandblack · 14/02/2021 10:09

I'm so glad I have not been taken over by this fear. Ive been here, there, and every where, worked with covid and just got on with my life as normally as possible.

NotAnotherAlias · 14/02/2021 10:33

@lagerandblack but surely you can see, by going here, there and everywhere and then catching COVID, that maybe that wasn’t the right thing to do given we’re meant to be trying to reduce case numbers?

And if you were clinically vulnerable in any way then the consequences of COVID may not be as positive for you, so you might prefer to live life in a way that avoids catching it at present.

I do also hope when you were working with COVID you were doing so while self-isolated.

NotAnotherAlias · 14/02/2021 10:37

@Bookwords

Is this a serious post? Is having clean knickers and lovely snacks really the same as taking a necessary blood test? Is going commando while lying in bed and not having chocolate digestives an actual threat to your health? Jesus.

I think clean knickers is essential! Whilst you're taking the clean knickers, a packet of digestives wouldn't go amiss!

Pants and biscuits are not essential if you’re recuperating in a hospital bed.

Besides, the hospital has both pants and biscuits available for patient use already.

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