To think my boyfriend is mocking my financial situation

[Veronica65]

Or maybe just being insensitive.
I have had debt issues over the last couple of years which I was honest about with him.
Anyway I now have a DMP and work full time and meeting the monthly payments which is great, the debt is going down and i have a budget.
I cut my credit card up which I was advised to do by a debt advisor, it prevents you from spending in shops.
When my boyfriend found out I had cut it up he said that "wasn't what proper adults did" and was sneering at it really.

Next my boyfriend has a credit card himself which he offered to name me on and I thought that was very kind and it would to rebuild my score.
I asked him if there was a way for me to put a limit on it for myself to cap the amount I could spend, as this would help me stick to a budget and help me be responsible.
He seemed to find this hilarious and also scary in the same breath and again questioned why on earth I would do that as if it were some ludicrous idea.
So I haven't done it and again for some reason he started laughing about it last night.
Am I being overly sensitive, or is be being insensitive and unhelpful. Thanks

Op I have just read your updates re him being on benefits etc. It seems to me that he may be taking on cards to feel better about himself - and watching videos on you tube to make himself feel more in control than he is.

I’m still not convinced he’s trying to deliberately sabotage you - but from what you say I think he may not be that bright?

Anyway - get shot. He’s not a helpful person for you.

@Veronica65

Oops I ment to say mocking

The vindictive part of me wants to tell you, if he is going to be such a spiteful prick, you should accept that second card on HIS account and run up a couple of grand worth of debt. It's his account so he is legally the only one responsible for paying it back as the second card is actually still his. It just has your name on it but it is still his. Let him find out what you're going through first hand. That would wipe the smile of the smug bastards face.

But no, my sensible side says you are planning to do the right thing. Carry on and tell him to stick his card and laughter up his arse.

@Veronica65

My score is just under "fair" now so getting better which is Great. Used to be very poor.

That's great

In the nicest possible way, I would advise that you ditch him and also that you simplify your life a bit. I bet he costs you money too.

Don't look at credit apps or things like that. Just pay what you can and never link your finances to anyone else.

You can rebuild credit later, just concentrate on paying what you can.

If you are partners and not married

I would keep your finances totally separate
Get your own bank account
Get your own credit card
Get your own savings account
Get your own pension
Keep an eye on all your finances closely
No need to combine with anyone else

Ok, disclaimer: I’m an embittered old witch (in every sense of the word) so take the following advice in that tone.

However, is this an isolated incidence of twattery? Does he ‘make jokes’ about anything else that he persists in making in spite of you finding them about as funny as, well, a pandemic? Isolated incidence in otherwise good behaviour, you may wish to make the effort to rehabilitate him. Generalised twattery? Life is too short. One reason a grade A twat might want you on their credit card is dependence.

[quote TatianaBis]@Eckhart I’ve seen loads of posters advised to LTB over debt and excessive spending even with a debt plan. Leopard doesn’t change its spots etc.

Personally I would run a mile from someone who needed a cap on a credit card.[/quote]
Oh, right. You must be right then. After all, your experience and what you would do is the authority on whether something is fact or opinion.

Do you really think you should have to explain to someone that's supposed to love you that it's not nice to sneer at you!

You had financial trouble, you are talking steps to fix it.

Just because we are adults doesn't mean we have perfect self control, I don't keep certain foods in the house as I had a BMI of 40, it's now 30 and I know how damn easy it would be to slip back there.

My husband supports me, you deserve someone who will do the same.

At worst he is being sneery, at best he has no empathy.

He sounds like a twat OP. You are getting it sorted and being responsible which includes knowing your own limitations and following advice. Good on you.

@AtrociousCircumstance

He sounds nasty. Never stay with someone who sneers at you or mocks you.

Well done on taking responsibility for your debt. You’re taking the intelligent path.

Dump.

This.

Your boyfriend should not mock you over anything. Full stop.

This is the thin end of the wedge. The operative word is boyfriend. Please leave him while you can. He is not a keeper.

I'm seeing the OP very different but then we can take the piss.
OP gets in debt her boyfriend laughed a bit he can see she is sad as credit makes her happy he offers to share his card, she asks about a limit, he laughs again half scared realising you want to start spending and expect him to give a cut off so you can control yourself.
The last thing you should be doing is taking on more debt I'd be laughing nervously too.
I do it with DP he is overweight he throws out the sweets takeaway menus he is taking control but looks miserable, I take the piss and say he can have some of my sweets if he wants, it is hard seeing a partner sad for their fix.
He could have gave you shit for getting in debt like a previous OP's partner, he tortured her emotionally and left her to struggle for her debt.

OP I'm very good with money EXCEPT credit cards. I overspend, blow my budget with them. So I only have one tucked in a cupboard that I dont know the pin for online purchases. Your bf is a twat

You're an adult! Get a grip! It's not difficult
Your boyfriend is completely right

@blue25

Not being able to manage your own finances isn’t great to be honest. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone on a DMP. Sorry.

Lucky for you, you don’t have to be. And neither does the OP’s partner, but he’s choosing to be. And he’s choosing to sneer at her about it. The more ‘adult’ thing for him to do would be to decide that the relationship isn’t working for him, no?

OP - you have acknowledged your problem, and you are taking steps to deal with it.
You ARE the adult.
Your boyfriend is an unsupportive dick.
You will come to see that for yourself before too long.

@Winterplant

You're an adult! Get a grip! It's not difficult Your boyfriend is completely right

Wow. Are you in 100% control of everything in your life, and always have been? Never eaten or drunk too much, lost your temper, had a relationship that wasn't great for you?

If you're not perfect, what qualifies you to make this kind of statement?

Yes. Run very fast.

Make sure you deal with the removal of your name on the card yourself and ask for confirmation in writing, addresses to you. If you don't then it will lead to all sorts of problems.

Regarding his job applications, tell him to contact the job centre.

Then dump him.

@Veronica65

Do you mean the card with him? It was just a way to rebuild my credit, I don't use my own card any more or any other.

The PP is right, you having a second card on his account won’t improve your credit record. It won’t even appear on your credit report as the account is his, not yours. Apart from that he sounds like a dick.

You know you're not great at managing your finances so you've cut up your card and you're paying it back. Good for you, you're headed in the right direction.

So why would you think it's okay to use your boyfriend's card ? You already know that using a credit card causes you problems.

His sneering definitely isn't helping at all. It's nasty and has given you an additional problem. Deal with paying off your card as the main priority then deal with his odd attitude.

Thanks for the replies, most posters have been great and honest.
However a couple of sneery "Your an adult!!" Type ones.
Sounds like you've never had an issue managing money, or for that matter, anything. Congratulations.
However you never know what life can throw at you whether that be unemployment, sickness, death etc.
Just look at all the people who've gotten into debt because of the pandemic.
Don't make sneery judgements about people with debt issues because you have no idea what people have gone through.

He's a twat. He's undermining your success in managing a debt issue. He's also lying & sabotaging you by offering to put you on his card. Prob because if you run up debt on that you will feel beholden to him. You are an adult, you managed your debt & have learnt from it. He's emotionally abusive & manipulative. Take this as a heads up that he has not got your best interests at heart. He wants you in financial distress & therefore, vulnerable & dependant on him.

Why are you with this horrible man?