To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

[luckyinblue]

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable.

Hugs to you! I do totally get it

@luckyinblue When are you planning return to work? If not for a little while then things might be better before then? I'm returning ft in bloody May just as things might start to be opening back up!

urgh, sadly OP you will find it very much is a misery competition on here atm. unless you've lost all your limbs, died or been in one of the world wars you have no right to feel despair at all.

obviously, it's a load of bollocks and some are forgetting how overwhelming and lonely it can feel being a first time mum. my little one is 15 months so was 4 months when lockdown happened. it's scary and its tiring and its not how you pictured it but it does get better as they get older. I know everyone says that but even in a lockdown it does. before you know it you will miss these days. I look at pictures of my one when they were tiny and it makes me feel teary! you will get there. I think you just have to roll with it atm. itll be okay - you're certainly not alone in feeling like this

oh baby is still very young, like others say - the first year is bloody hard, and the first weeks are REALLY hard - you can do this, it wont last forever.

If baby won't sleep in the lounge then have baby awake in the lounge. If a routine isn't working for your family then it's not the right routine for your family at this stage.

It's not about doing things wrong or right, it's about what works for you.

People are trying to help by suggesting alternatives that might work better for you. There's no need to be rude to them for sharing ideas.

I remember how my mat leave was so lonely 13 & 16yrs ago. Of course least I could go to the shops etc but I had no family nearby. Someone I know her husband has taken 12 months too (her mat leave as she has her own business) and I remember thinking how much nicer that will be

I do think that wfh fathers of new babies and children have benefited massively from this situation. I see young dads taking their children out for lunchtime walks, being home for tea rather than long commuting. Being there when they wake up. All these things they would have missed if we hadn’t experienced lockdown.

OP I know how you feel - I have a small baby too (although a bit older than yours) and sometimes just getting through the day is a struggle! Things that have helped me:

-Going for a walk every single day for at least 45 minutes, with the sling or the pram, even if the weather is awful. I put in my headphones and listen to an audiobook.
-online live baby sensory classes (with Baby College). I don't love them but the baby quite enjoys them and it helps to give the day a bit of structure
-NCT mums - I did my classes online too but we still set up a WhatsApp group for chatting and we do a weekly zoom call with the babies
-meeting other people for a coffee/walk - babies don't count so every so often I will meet another mum or a local friend, even if it's just for half an hour it helps.
-It sounds like it's still pretty early days for you for exercise but when you're ready, see if you can get your dh to give you 30 mins to do a bit of yoga or go for a run or have a bath, or have zoom drinks with some old friends.
-even if it's fucking freezing, when it's sunny I take the baby out into the garden in her pramsuit and sit out on a waterproof rug, just for a change of scenery

I go to bed with the baby too at about 8 so I understand not wanting to change that, anyway the days are the worst bits! Sending you best wishes and solidarity

8 weeks? Christ almighty this thread is the worst. I see it so often on here, and covid has made it even worse. 8 weeks is awful, I'm on another thread on the same topic ATM. Some people have easy babies and don't realise it I think. "Why would the baby cry?" I mean, for fuck sake.

It's perfectly normal that OP is going up with her baby. At that age they're starting to get to the stage where their best sleep is from around 7-11, but it won't happen in a room with a TV on and adults chatting. If yours did then fantastic but that was luck, not skill. OP is following all current guidelines by not leaving her baby to sleep alone (guidelines that have been in place for quite some time I'm pretty sure, even if not all posters were aware).

OP, 8 weeks with my first was a real low point. She had silent reflux, only slept on me, was up all night, I was exhausted, she was exhausted, it was awful. It did get better. Hang on in there, it'll get easier.

And yes, moan away about covid. It would of course be easier with groups, family to visit, coffee shops, shops to walk around on the days the weather is miserable etc. It still wouldn't be easy but it would be easier.

Sounds like you need to use this time to sleep train your baby and form some good habits so when lockdown has lifted you can get out and do things!!

I haven’t been rude. I keep saying the evenings work, I don’t really know how else I can phrase it. Why on earth would I make baby stay up crying?

Thank you for the kind posts. One of the sources of sadness is I know I’ll miss it.

@MindyStClaire

8 weeks? Christ almighty this thread is the worst. I see it so often on here, and covid has made it even worse. 8 weeks is awful, I'm on another thread on the same topic ATM. Some people have easy babies and don't realise it I think. "Why would the baby cry?" I mean, for fuck sake.

It's perfectly normal that OP is going up with her baby. At that age they're starting to get to the stage where their best sleep is from around 7-11, but it won't happen in a room with a TV on and adults chatting. If yours did then fantastic but that was luck, not skill. OP is following all current guidelines by not leaving her baby to sleep alone (guidelines that have been in place for quite some time I'm pretty sure, even if not all posters were aware).

OP, 8 weeks with my first was a real low point. She had silent reflux, only slept on me, was up all night, I was exhausted, she was exhausted, it was awful. It did get better. Hang on in there, it'll get easier.

And yes, moan away about covid. It would of course be easier with groups, family to visit, coffee shops, shops to walk around on the days the weather is miserable etc. It still wouldn't be easy but it would be easier.

maybe if the OP had shared the age of the baby (as asked in the 4th post) she would have got a more sympathetic response...?

@MindyStClaire to be fair it took ages for people to actually know how young the baby was!

And you’re taking posts out of context. Most people were trying to be helpful.

So if the baby was 5 months it would've been ok to change her moan into a catalogue of all she's doing wrong?

OP, I was just reflecting - my dad died last month and losing a parent to cancer mid lockdown with a 7 month old (easy) baby and a toddler is genuinely easier to me than the first few months of a silent reflux baby were.

Op your baby is so very young. I couldn’t get out of the house for 6 weeks as I had a CS. Just embrace the time. Ask your partner to look after the baby whilst you go for a walk. Take the baby and walk to a costa and get a coffee and walk back with a friend. But don’t think that out of Covid mums were out all the time seeing friends etc. Most were not. Just enjoy this peaceful time with your baby. Before you know it you will be out visiting loads of people and family. It isn’t long.

I think what's happened here is something very common. You just wanted to share your understandable difficulties and be heard and reassured that you're not somehow wrong in finding it hard.

Some people have recognised that, offered reassurance and empathy, where others (including me) have jumped into problem solving mode. That wasn't what you were looking for, if you wanted to change things you would, you just wanted recognition of how tough it is.

It is tough. Plus it's unusually tough right now. You're doing really well just getting through it all. That's all you need to do right now. The days will get lighter, activities will start up again, you will have the opportunity to hang out with friends and spend time with your partner. Just hang on in there. You've got this.

im really shocked at the people who are on here saying 'it ls hard, covid or not'.

c'mon, surely its not beyond your imagination that having nowhere to go and no one to see makes it so so much worse.

honestly, you and all the mums of babies in lockdown are doing a great job. the situation sucks. just hang on in there, you'll be out and about soon. xx

I didn’t find it very helpful to repeatedly be told others had it worse, I must admit. I’ve been sat in the back of the car repeatedly putting dummy back in a baby’s mouth. I honestly don’t see why people would be rude to the mum of a 5 month old day but nice if they knew he was 8 weeks. Maybe I missed something.

I’m really not being nasty but people are suggesting a change at bedtime and you said you’re fine with how that is and people are suggesting going for walks but you say it’s too cold (which it is) and people are suggesting forming a support bubble but you say you can’t - that’s pretty much the only things possible at the minute surely? I know you say you don’t mind bedtime but even having a couple of hours in the evening will make you feel better. Get a monitor put the white noise on and enjoy some down time. Not sure what to suggest during the day unfortunately

@MindyStClaire

So if the baby was 5 months it would've been ok to change her moan into a catalogue of all she's doing wrong?

OP, I was just reflecting - my dad died last month and losing a parent to cancer mid lockdown with a 7 month old (easy) baby and a toddler is genuinely easier to me than the first few months of a silent reflux baby were.

Wtf are you on about? You’re the one who made an issue out of the baby only being 8 weeks old as though other posters had ignored it!

I know bringing up babies is subject to all sorts of fads, but when did it suddenly demand mums to be with them 24/7. Wherever you read that, bin the book. Babies have been left to sleep in their cots for 100s of years whilst mum eats sleeps and gets a break. If you are that worried get a visual baby monitor.

How on earth did my 18 and 20 year old survive!!!

ask your partner to have the baby while you go for a walk LOL if I die and go to hell my personal hell will be one long walk.

Yes I also had a c section. I’m not sure why that changes the current situation though.

I’ve no idea what’s happened on this thread seriously

mindy I’m sorry for your loss

Ah OP it’s really rough at the best of time. No wonder you’re finding things hard. I feel immensely for you. Sending hugs. I hope things settle a bit for you soon.

Its hard, my baby is 6 months, I was pregnant before covid even was whispered about. Things are getting easier for me now baby is getting older so I expect things will improve for you too. I also go upstairs at 7 to start bedtime routine and then stay upstairs cause my baby feeds on and off for hours before finally going to sleep HOWEVER my husband comes up too, we do bath together and he reads baby a story while I get ready for bed then he often comes to bed too and just watches youtube or something.
As for during the day making an effort to go for walks really helps me, as do online baby classes. I'd really recommend online baby classes, there are loads so try a few. Join local mum facebook groups and start trying to build your village. I've made quite a few local mum friends I hope to be able to meet in person soon.