To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

[luckyinblue]

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable.

@BeHappyAndSmile I literally had no idea this advice had changed, thank you for letting me know.

How old is your lo it’s been asked a few times but can’t see a response?

I am in the same situation as you. 3 month old, was 6 weeks pregnant when we went into lockdown, no family, have a 2 year old toddler. Its miserable sometimes.

However, I do put her upstairs once she is asleep at night and watch her on the monitor so me and DH can sit together and chat. I go on a walk every day. Yes, its freezing, so I wear 2 jumpers, tights under my jeans, I have a pair of sketches that I invested in, and I just walk very fast. It does wonders for the head. If you want to be brave you can join an app called MUSH and see if any local mums want to walk with you. You are allowed do that.

I try to see mat leave as a time for my baby to have me at home. Yes I am cripplingly lonely, hence why I am on MN, but i try to just give my kids my attention and think i will never have this time with them again, so i will enjoy cuddles and playtime .... or some days I might just have a wine at 5PM because it's been bloody relentless. I want my softplay, my baby groups, my church group, my NCT meetups that I had with DD1. But, I cant, so I have to make the best of it.

Put the baby upstairs or in a cot in the sitting room, sit with your DH, make it a priority. Go for the walks, even if it's cold. Get the app if you like. Try to hold out for spring and organise a picnic or more walks, anything with anyone you know who has a young baby. I promise, they are all craving social interaction. Be brave, ask them when the time comes. But I know it's tough. Very tough, and very lonely

What is wrong with people?

Why are people berating the OP for following guidance, which is that baby should be in the same room for six months?

Why are people paying suffering top trumps? It’s not SO MUCH HARDER with older children - it’s hard in a different way. Christ, I’ve got twins who are both disabled and I could be telling you that you have no right to complain because I have it so much harder, but I have empathy and know that me having a hard time doesn’t mean others aren’t also having a hard time for different reasons.

I’m sure it’s really tough OP. I would definitely suggest getting involved in some local groups online for new parents, it will really help to find others going through the same and at least have video calls with them.

Let’s hope things get easier soon

@Happycat1212

How old is your lo it’s been asked a few times but can’t see a response?

Same.... I’m confused about how a young baby can go all day without a nap

@luckyinblue I hope you’re okay. I feel like people aren’t being very kind tonight! Maternity leave is lonely at the best of times but during lockdown with no baby groups, coffee shop meet ups, swimming classes, meeting friends or family who are further than your local area, the days are so so long. My baby is 5 months and I completely understand how you feel. I’ve just started leaving her in bed in evenings in the last few weeks but prior to that I couldn’t leave her or she’d wake. I watch her on the baby monitor and go downstairs even for just half an hour. I joined some apps to meet local moms when DD was tiny, maybe have a look at those? I have met one mom who I get on really well with and we’ve met for walks. Other than that I go for a walk every morning which takes up some time and makes the day not feel as long, I know it’s cold but we wrap up warm and go unless there’s torrential rain. Hope you’re okay

It confuses me too. 8 and a half weeks.

I’ll try and find some apps to meet others. It’s hard as the rules don’t seem very clear. And a lot of people are a bit anxious about mixing households anyway even if ‘only’ outside.

@luckyinblue

It confuses me too. 8 and a half weeks.

Have you spoken to your HV about it?

Yes but this isn’t what the threads about

My boy is 14 months so I had him in the December before lockdown. Partner is out 6am til 7am and I don't have anyone to bubble with either. I'm slowly going mad.

Little routines help me I think, although I used to plan the library for one day and now these are shut again. I plan certain days for certain parks, asda day 😂.

It is lonely tho. Plenty of books, plenty of games for the little one.

And I agree with your nighttime routine. I used to love going to bed when he was smaller at 8pm with him and only stopped when he turned 6 months

God, this thread is the epitome of MN missing the point.

OP - yes, it is shit. The only thing that kept me sane through mat leave was the opportunity to chat to other mums and try different activities with the baby. When you're knackered and out of sorts knowing that you need to be at the library at 10am for rhyme time, or whatever, makes a massive difference.

I'd echo what others say about a FB post asking for other people in the same situation to join a WhatsApp group, and arrange walks in pairs. I'd also find one or two (or more) local walks with coffee along the way where you can put the baby in a sling or pram, get headphones in, listen to a podcast and just walk walk walk.

I hear you re not leaving the baby to sleep Alone - when DS was tiny I’d sleep him In a Moses basket in the lounge with us until I was ready to go to sleep myself. Could you try that. I’d either wait until he woke ( was BF and fed very regularly) or I’d just carry the whole Moses basket to the bedroom with me and I’d transfer him into the cot / side sleeping thingy when he fed next. Perhaps try this so you can spend time with DH. Try white noise and swaddling.

@luckyinblue I’ve used peanut and mush, I downloaded them in a fit of despair when newborn DD wasn’t sleeping and I was really struggling with the loneliness.

Op it's so hard just now my second is due to start school this year and I'm so sad my last year with him has been taken I done so much with my first before he went to school and it's sad we won't have the same this time.

Just think it's a short amount of time you have so many years to fill that will be amazing. The baby bit is rubbish anyways they are much better bigger soon you will be able to do the best bits.

And for what its worth my kids were 4ish before I left them to go to sleep.

If baby is 2months old then yes absolutely keep baby with you during sleep, that is safe guidance and best practice. But do look at some online baby groups to keep yourself occupied during the day and if you're not too tired you could keep baby with you during the evening and spend time with DH. That's worked well with me and my kids. My 7m old still stays with us in the evening, she snoozes and we watch TV :) as baby gets older things will change again and not be that boring (well not exciting but still).

It is hard in the beginning. Getting out for a walk will at least get you some fresh air, put on headphones and on you go. I appreciate you might not fancy it so much now depending on where you live and the weather but it is good for you mental and physical health.

I used to put mine down to sleep in their crib even for naps and watch them on the monitor so I could get a cup of tea in peace, do my chores or just browse the Internet. If baby is glued to you or you to him/her it does make life harder. Maybe try sleeping an hour later so you can have a chat with a family member or friends. I have young kids so am often busy during the day but normally reach out to friends in the evening when they are free and my two are asleep. Is there any chance your oh could do compressed days for a while just so that you can work on yourself and he can build his bond with baby?

I feel for you x

Why are people still going on about the evenings?! OP has said the evenings are not the problem!

OP - for some reason MN has never been particularly nice to the mothers of tiny babies (I honestly don't know why - pregnant women get loads of sympathy and leeway by comparison) but this thread is particularly bad. As you said, it isn't a competition so I don't know why people are trying to tell you how much worse they have it than you. It sounds like you're having a really tough time and I hope it starts to ease for you soon, either as baby gets a bit older or as restrictions lift a bit or as the weather improves - fingers very much crossed for all three!

I feel your pain OP! I’m on mat leave with my second one, who is 7 months now. It’s pretty awful, but I found it particularly hard in the November lockdown when the baby was even smaller, so if you’re really early days now then it must be dreadful. The few things I’ve done that have helped:

• the woman who ran the buggy fit class I was going to when it was allowed now does a personal training session for me in the park once a week (with the buggy). I appreciate this is a massive luxury that many couldn’t afford, but I chose to use some savings on it as I was so down about lack of interaction. It is absolutely the highlight of my week.
• I’ve found lots of baby classes on happity.co.uk. As they’re all online now, even if they are out of your area you could find loads of things. There’s obvs only so many nursery rhymes/baby sensory/yoga you can bear, but I find it adds a bit of structure.
• lots of walks to destination coffee and cake takeaways.

Aside from those suggestions I completely sympathise - it’s rubbish!

@luckyinblue

I think the people saying it would be the same whether lockdown or not perhaps wouldn’t be thinking of things like swimming, library, playgroups, baby groups, a ‘live’ NCT and so on.

Not everyone is happy to meet for walks. And not many friends are local. I understand it’s hard for other people as well but I don’t really see the point of bringing this up, it isn’t a competition. Or is it?

It must be extra tough at the moment, but I think people are just trying to reassure you OP. Honestly, the first year of a baby’s life can be pretty tough and lonely regardless of lockdown. Like a previous poster, I had just moved house when we had our first DC. I had no friends or family locally and had missed out on NCT group. It doesn’t matter how many swimming pools, libraries etc are open, I did all those things, but it was still fairly soul destroying and I couldn’t wait to get back to work. My DH was also out all day and didn’t do anything much the baby when he returned from work. It will get easier! I know it’s hard (I can remember back to how I felt in those days) but maybe it would help you to try and think of the positives. Your baby won’t remember this time - at least they aren’t a few years older and missing out on friends and school etc. There must be other positives if you search for them.

it must be really really hard, massive sympathy to all parents of babies and young children- to not have play groups, baby classes, coffee with friends, visitors etc must be really tough 💐

there is light at the end of the tunnel now- you're on the home stretch, things will be better soon.

Thanks, I was hesitant about zoom classes as I couldn’t see how I’d be able to settle baby and go on zoom as well but worth a shot!

4.5 month old here, it’s really rubbish, my dd hasn’t seen another baby

This freezing weather really doesn’t help either. Hopefully in a few weeks you’ll feel much more positive when we move into Spring and have lighter evenings.

enid I do get that. Just the same, it’s very difficult getting through the days at the moment. That’s all. That’s literally alll I am
Saying.