To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

[luckyinblue]

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable.

I know what you mean, luckily I've been able to bubble with my mother, except for the last three weeks they've been infected and so I've been lonely, and not really knowing what to do; so eating. We go for walks, if its warm enough for her, but sometimes just finding the motivation, and walking alone isnt hugely stimulating. I've been doing duolingo at baby just to stimulate my brain.

I have a husband but nights like today he's still out and i'll be in bed before he gets home. Its only in the last 2 months i've been going to bed later than baby.

I did the same as op for months..not everyone has a perfectly sleepy baby they can just ‘put down’ and walk away from! Some babies have colic some babies need their mothers close. It’s shit op, I found it hard enough with family, friends and baby groups around, don’t know how I would have coped in this situation. Hopefully the warm spring weather will come soon and that will make things seem a bit better. I hope things get easier soon.

@luckyinblue

Because he’d be awake? I feel like we aren’t really understanding one another too well here, sorry?

I asked how old baby was and wondered if he was young enough to sleep downstairs for a bit.

Where does he nap in the day? If downstairs why can’t he sleep downstairs from say 7-9 or whatever? If he naps upstairs does that mean that you’re up there with him every time he sleeps?

Did you not get the memo that misery is a competition on MN OP? Ignore it, you're allowed to feel down about your situation, just because others also feel down or may be worse off doesn't mean you aren't. It's a race to the bottom on here these days.

I feel you, it would be so beneficial if you could find someone to bubble with, it's such a shame you can't. Is there not even someone you can just meet for a walk every now and then? You don't need to be bubbled with them for that? I know it's cold but honestly, just wrap up, wrap baby up and get some fresh air and some conversation. Even just once in a while will surely lift the mood a little?

Hope you find a solution to help you muddle through this whole thing. It's rubbish.

It really is tough OP I feel for you

If it’s any consolation I felt just like this when I had my DD 2 years ago, obviously nothing to do with covid but completely different reasons. I had a very difficult baby and terrible PND which made it feel like I’d wasted so much time, and not enjoyed maternity leave etc. We barely went anywhere even though we could back then. But it hasn’t changed anything and fast forward to now I’m so happy with DD and the time we spend together, all the funny things we get up to. It will all feel like a distant memory, and most importantly your baby will feel so loved being with you all day! That’s all they need those early months/year

Just take each day (or hour!) as it comes and things will get better xx

He doesn’t nap in the day unless we are out on a walk.

ging I have always secretly found ‘going for a walk’ a bit boring, I now bloody HATE it!

Yanbu, it’s hard work and rubbish with baby classes and just talking to other mums going through the same stuff. Our local children centre still did some virtual classes might be worth having a look. I cried loads it’s completely rubbish and not what any of us had planned!

Another lockdown baby here who was new born last March. I found getting in a routine every day helped. This is roughly what I did every day to fill the time.

7-9am potter about, watch telly, breakfast, shower get everyone dressed
9am tidy up downstairs if possible (baby in sling)
10am -12 feed / play / nap
12 lunch
1 try to get out for a walk every day even if I hated it. I think this saved my mental health at times
2-4 play, nap, feeds, bit more cleaning, house chores (cuddle in bed with a movie if I was feeling off)
5ish OH finished work

I did put baby down asleep in the evening in their Moses basket till I went to bed and did a dream feed. Good luck, you have got this!!

@luckyinblue

He doesn’t nap in the day unless we are out on a walk.

ging I have always secretly found ‘going for a walk’ a bit boring, I now bloody HATE it!

I hate walking too, even before all this. Baby shouldn't be crying all the time they are awake though?

Also I was recommended the Peanut app, I think it helps you find other mums in your area. Maybe you could find someone to meet up on walks as the weather improves xx

I know how you feel I had my dd in lockdown 1 op and it’s hard. I have zero mum friends, all my other family and friends are working full time too so it’s not just as easy as meet someone for a walk and I can’t bubble up with anyone as they don’t work in Scotland the way they do in England. I don’t have fb either so no way of getting to know other new mums on there but there are some positives it’s just sometimes hard to see. As for the responses you’ve had about how other people have it worse I know you weren’t saying you have it worse than anyone else in the world but your down and I get that. That does not make your feelings or anyone else’s invalid but it seems like your not allowed to moan about it like others are. In fact a similar poster feeling the same as you started a thread a few weeks ago and got this response too and eventually she got it removed because of some of the comments were shocking. A bit crap considering it’s a site for mums. Hang in there op we will get there we all will x

No but he would be if I kept him in the lounge as he’d be tired. Anyway we are going round in circles a bit with this I think 😂

I’ve got a 10 month old (born the first week of the first lockdown) along with a 9 year old, 8 year old and a 2 year old - it’s been the best time to have a baby out of all of them! No visitors overstaying their welcome, know where to have to be at a certain time it’s been so nice!

It’s awful having your first as it is isolating and different and I hated my maternity leave with my first baby, have definitely enjoyed this one the most!!!

@luckyinblue

He doesn’t nap in the day unless we are out on a walk.

ging I have always secretly found ‘going for a walk’ a bit boring, I now bloody HATE it!

Ah ok. I assumed he was young so mostly sleeping all day!

Walking is shit.

I would definitely look into DH taking some breaks - even accompanying you on the dreaded walk! I just think it would be good for the monotony and it’s so easy to let being a parent get in the way sometimes so might be nice for you both to spend some time together?

I really feel for you @luckyinblue. My children are teenagers now but it was the social interaction with other new mums that kept me going when they were babies. I can’t really suggest anything other than getting out for some fresh air if you can. Perhaps your HV could help with finding you another mum who could walk with you. Hopefully Spring will arrive soon and give us all a much needed boost.

He is young, just doesn’t really nap.

I’m assuming you know that you can form a support bubble with any other household and that isn’t possible? Do form a bubble if it is. My sister formed a bubble with a friend from her church. They see each other a couple of times a week for cuppa and chat but makes all the difference I think.

Otherwise, you have my sympathy and you are fully entitled to moan about it being hard, it is hard. It’s always hard and it is hard in unique ways now.

@VinterKvinna mine did most of the time! He had reflux and colic so I feel op’s pain! Also he didn’t nap in the day unless in the pram which made all walks an exhausting chore. Op it did get easier at 6 months, and said baby is 5 years old now. He is hilarious and fun and sweet. You have so many fun times ahead. It won’t always be like this. Hang in there!

@Matilda1981 I wish I’d had my DD during lockdown, no visitors sounds like bliss 😂

How old is baby? I've never found my mat leaves particularly exciting but I've never liked going to groups either anyway.
The only group I went to before was TinyTalk (baby signing) and I'm doing it this time around again except it's on zoom.
Have you looked at baby groups online?

Otherwise I watch Netflix and chill. My baby is 7months and with some additional needs but overall my mat leave, whilst not exciting, is ok. I wish I hadn't had to put up with her being in hospital for her first 11 weeks and I am spending far too much time worrying about her, her weight etc but that's by the by. It has certainly meant that being in lockdown is the least of my worries (except for the fact that I'm unsure if my parents will be able to come and help with the other kids next month when my LG has an operation, they are abroad and currently not allowed to come over.).

Anyway in your shoes I'd try to get DH to take a few breaks during the day at least to have a chat and look at online groups or sth.

My toddler goes to bed at 9.30pm & my partner not long after her whereas I stay up watching TV. I actually find it fine so I’m glad it works for you too OP. I also co-sleep. I’ve stopped telling people as they say we should make her go to bed earlier so I get a break. I still feel I get a break & I’ve just accepted that my partner & I don’t have a huge amount of quality time but it’s ok for us. Our daughter seems to be a night owl & a late riser. Anyway the point is if that works for you then that’s good but people always have opinions on these things & I just ignore them now- ha ha. But yes it’s a crap time to be on mat leave. It just is. And it doesn’t have to be a race to the bottom. The thing that annoys me most is the WW2 comparisons to put it in ‘perspective.’

I totally understand your routine, especially if the baby is still very young.
You are allowed to meet one person for exercise and whilst you don’t like walking I imagine if you had someone to chat to it would be more enjoyable and break up your day. If your friends are busy working you could reach out on a local Facebook group. I’m sure you are not the only new mum in your area finding lockdown difficult.
Otherwise I would try to get out everyday, either for a walk or a pop round the shops that are open. You need to break up the monotony of being home all day.

My adoption leave has not gone at all the way I planned - DD joined us in April aged 9 months. I am really struggling to think how DD, DS(7) and I are going to entertain ourselves over half term as I'm all out of ideas.
I would recommend trying to find people to go on walks with. I think fresh air, exercise and company all help. Most of my friends are working and the weather is against us but we have managed to fit a few in. I tend to go to them so it can just be a 30 min break from work for them. I also joined a Facebook group for the baby and toddler group which normally runs along the road. My DS has special needs and is at school so we get out twice a day any way. I find when I am out for a walk if I see another parent (that I don't know) we often get chatting as nearly everyone in our situation is desperate for adult conversation!

I've only read through your comments OP. But it sounds like a lot of people are judging your evenings! My baby is 4.5 months and I'm still going up to bed and staying there while I put baby down for the night. OH doesn't mind he sits and watches a movie as he's not tired. It'll change once baby is in their own room.

I'm sorry you don't have anyone to go for a walk with to socialise or someone to bubble with and I completely get the frustration of not being able to go for swimming sessions or groups. I'm hoping that they'll start lifting restrictions soon as people are getting vaccinated and warmer weather is on its way. All I want to do is share my baby with family! Nobody predicted this was going to happen and life happens and people get pregnant. We can't just stop the human race for a virus 🤷

My babies couldn't be left to sleep reliably for a long time, so I let them sleep on me or my dh on the sofa then put them to bed when we went to bed. Or we used to all get in bed and watch something on the ipad.
If you have an evening to look forward to the days will be easier. I know its cold but get out walking, just seeing people and smiling will make you feel a bit better.

Oh and yes you can meet 1 person for a walk and form a support bubble if you have someone nearby who is up for this.