To really wish I hadn’t had a baby during lockdown?

[luckyinblue]

Of course I couldn’t have foreseen it and at any rate at my age couldn’t really wait to TTC but it is rubbish.

I am on my own with baby from waking (about 7am) to DH finishing work (6ish) and then maybe an hour before have to get the baby into bed and stay with him. So about an hour of adult interaction every day.

I am finding myself dreading the days because I just don’t know what to do with them and I really didn’t ever think maternity leave would be this lonely or miserable.

I wish I had my baby in lockdown.

So much less social pressure and parenting pressure from competitive parents.

Apart from being quite lonely it's more for the NHS to do, so really needs to be necessary, ie age, or an accident as it's a bit irresponsible to get pregnant on purpose during a pandemic!! Its like the students, would be a much better experience without a pandemic and best to put off a while, until situation improves. It's also better for babies socialisation skills to go to nursery, toddler groups etc.

@amispeakingenglish you realise people who had babies during any of the lockdowns were pregnant before the pandemic hit, right? Or is math just not your strong point? Clearly being a judgemental tosser is a strong point of yours though.

Just wanted to say I completely empathise with you. I have a 5 month old and some days, I feel so trapped. She's currently going through a really whingy stage and there's been lots of tears because I just don't know what to do. I can't go out and I can't go and see anyone, it's so hard. Sending you hugs

You aren’t being unreasonable and you can’t help how you feel but my advice is to try to just enjoy being a new parent.

I completely understand how you feel OP. I had my LO in September & after a very traumatic birth & a week in hospital alone I’ve really struggled! I find I dwell so much on his birth as I have so much time on my hands & it makes me so sad I didn’t get to have my water birth or skin to skin. I miss seeing other people & getting different chat. I really don’t want my maternity to be spent in the house & would just love to go to a baby class or a swimming lesson my DP works from 9am until midnight sometimes 4 days a week so apart from around an hour interaction in the morning, I don’t see another adult until the following day 😭 I’m so over lockdown & I worry how much longer my mental health can take this

Use a baby monitor or put your baby in a Moses basket downstairs.

Get a sling and a baby wearing coat, wrap up warm and go for long walks with a friend or headphones & audio book.

Join one of the 100s of zoom baby groups, it’s absolutely not the same as face to face but it’s better than none.

@Chloemol

Why do you stay with the baby, put him down, then go and talk to your husband

I’ve heard it all now !!!

Most people either keep the baby downstairs in the evening in a pram top or moses basket in a quiet corner, or have it upstairs with a baby monitor, or their partner comes up with them and maybe watches tv/on a tablet for a bit before going to sleep, I do think that extra hour or two of adult company with your husband does help.

It is crap OP. New mums have had it really rough, and it's why before Christmas support groups for mums and babies were allowed to continue in person throughout the last lockdown.

We cant change that, all we cam do is say do try to hold it together a few more weeks, I really do think more and more will open up by easter as so many of the most at risk people have been vaccinated.i think babies activities could be among the earliest to restart as age wise most mums and babies will be very low risk

It’s a bit concerning how many people think an eight week old should be left alone or kept awake and exhausted for an adult man, isn’t it?

@amispeakingenglish

Apart from being quite lonely it's more for the NHS to do, so really needs to be necessary, ie age, or an accident as it's a bit irresponsible to get pregnant on purpose during a pandemic!! Its like the students, would be a much better experience without a pandemic and best to put off a while, until situation improves. It's also better for babies socialisation skills to go to nursery, toddler groups etc.

My daughter found out she was expecting August 2019. How would she know there would be a pandemic?

Her baby was born 6 wks prematurely at the start of the first lockdown.

She is now in the process of a return to work.

Her baby doesn't 'know' any family.

Her maternity leave was dire.

[quote TwirpingBird]@amispeakingenglish you realise people who had babies during any of the lockdowns were pregnant before the pandemic hit, right? Or is math just not your strong point? Clearly being a judgemental tosser is a strong point of yours though.[/quote]
Not true of all the lockdowns, covid was in the uk in January so this last one it’s perfectly possible babies were conceived during the pandemic.

I agree I find it strange people chose it knowing it puts more pressure on hospitals and puts staff at risk for something that’s a personal want.

Covid was in the U.K. when my baby was conceived but lockdown hadn’t happened.

I do think it’s a bit off to ‘blame’ parents for having the tenacity to have children. My age meant waiting wasn’t really an option. I didn’t expect to conceive on the first try either.

It must be difficult. And dull. And, no, it isn't fair and it has robbed you of a maternity leave. I don't really know why people on here can't acknowledge that instead of prattling on about bedtime. At 8 weeks, I seem to remember i did whatever worked!

It will pass. Hopefully, you'll be able to get out for coffees with friends soon. I think we'd all love an afternoon on a friend's sofa with a brew!

(I might have secretly loved an excuse not to go to baby classes! I hated it. I went because I had it in my head it was best for my baby. )

@IceCreamandCandyFloss

It takes a special type of person to judge someone for giving birth.

You knew how this would pan out did you? You knew we would be in this position now? Because when I got pregnant this week last year, we had no clue what this was going to be like. You must have just been so much more clued up than all us irresponsible people who wanted a child and didnt have a crystal ball. I mean, any mother who wants a baby is just a selfish cow who doesnt think of the NHS and do her part for the greater good, clearly.

Ugh. People like you boil my blood. Disgustingly judgemental.

So you think I should either leave an 8 week old alone or stay up with an exhausted crying baby. Right then.

It's ridiculous for an adult to go up to bed at the same time as a baby and there is absolutely zero need for it. You get a baby monitor, leave the doors open in between the baby's rooma and where you are.

How do you think parents have managed for years and years? Sitting upstairs with your 8 week old is not the way to do it. If you want the baby with you have a Moses basket in the lounge or lie him/her on a play mat with blankets.

@cherryolives I don't know about you but my baby does his longest uninterrupted sleep when he first goes down for the night, and I've heard that's very common. When my baby was 8 weeks old, my best chance of 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep was to go to bed when he did at about 8. I was an absolute zombie at that stage anyway because having a new baby and recovering from birth is exhausting, so I was more than happy to go to bed at 8! Lots of my friends who are moms have said the same, so I completely disagree with you that, at that early stage, it's weird that OP might go to bed with the baby?

Nobody could foresee how long restrictions and lockdowns would be. If she’s really your friend try having a bit more compassion!!🙄

Agree - just get a monitor and go downstairs - honestly, your baby will be fine. You can always buy a breathing mat if you're worried - the alarm will go off if your baby stops breathing xxx

I detest people posting who’ve already had children yet blame others for daring to get pregnant during a pandemic! Should pregnant women get abortions to get a head pat from a random person on Mumsnet? It’s always the same people posting this crap too.

@cherryolives if you'd bothered to even just read the OP's posts, or (god forbid) the whole thread, you would see that she is talking about during the day. Not at at night time, when she also goes to sleep when the baby sleeps!

Most parents do not put an 8 week old baby upstairs to sleep alone, even with a monitor on and doors open!

NHS maternity pressures have been there forever, so anybody posting “how dare you get pregnant during a pandemic” should look at their own behaviour for “daring to get pregnant when the NHS is in crisis.”

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2880319/amp/NHS-crisis-Hospitals-breaking-point-record-number-admissions-week-despite-public-urged-stay-away.html - 2014

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-scotland-scotland-politics-38628343 - 2017

www.nursingtimes.net/news/reviews-and-reports/damning-inquiry-finds-cwm-taf-midwives-at-breaking-point-01-05-2019/

Booming birth rate 'a strain on NHS midwifery services' www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-21120593 - 2013

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/who-d-be-midwife-6267307.html%3famp - 2011

It’s a bit concerning how many people think an eight week old should be left alone or kept awake and exhausted for an adult man, isn’t it?

But that's not what they're suggesting. They're suggesting ways for you to get a bit more time in the company of another adult.

What is it you actually want, OP, because so far you want adult company but any suggestion regarding evening routine (fine, it's only been 8 weeks I am totally on board with going to bed early), Zoom chats, DH being around during the day, have all been brushed off. Why don't you want his help? Even if he doesn't do anything with the baby in that lunch time it's a bit of adult conversation. Again, as I said before, he's not going to learn if he doesn't get left to do it. Does he take turn of changing, rocking etc at the weekend at all?

Hi, I really feel for you. I only had to experience the end of my maternity leave in lockdown and that was hard enough. With my first child I didn’t know anyone until baby groups and without them I don’t know where I would be. One place that definitely kept me going was the local children’s centre, I could not rate them highly enough, have you reached out to them? I would even mention this to your health visitor. I’m sure you are not alone in this position and many parents are feeling alone with a newborn. You can still meet another mum for a walk. Not only that your bubble doesn’t have to be family, it can be friends. So if you find someone local with a baby the same age I believe you can bubble with them. I would definitely reach out to the children’s centre, look for local groups on Facebook. The activities are all different, but they should help a little. Good luck to you and try and enjoy this magical ( if very fuzzy) time with your beautiful bundle.

Oh I feel you OP it’s hard. My daughter was born two weeks before first lockdown and it’s hard. Waited so long for her then this.
Just a tip, when my daughter was that young, she slept in the living room with us in her Moses or on us until we went to bed so we could still watch tv.
You are absolutely right though you baby can’t be left along even with a monitor.
Maybe then you could have a bit of an evening? You may have already tried this so apologies if that’s the case. Sending you lots of love and solidarity. It’s bloody hard xx