What to say to the childminder

[Hyggemama]

I just don't know what to do... myself partner and DS1 have never ever ever suffered from a cold sore. My DS2 has been going to a childminder for a few months though. When I collected him on Monday I noticed the childminder had a cold sore. Now he has what looks like a cold sore forming on his top lip. I am so upset. He will have this recurring for life and it must only be from her or her kids because lockdown means this is the only other family he has seen. I feel like taking him out of her care because the hygiene is clearly not good enough and she should have let us know so we made a choice to expose him or not. We would have still paid the bill. AIBU to say he won't be going back there?

By brain infection I think you mean you’re worried about encephalitis. The virus that causes cold sores is v common whereas complications are rare. Encephalitis website says
Around 90% of adults become infected with HSV1 during their life. The virus attaches to, and enters sensory nerves in the throat and moves to nerve cells called ‘ganglia’ (e.g. the trigeminal ganglia). Here the virus establishes a latent (hidden) and life-long infection. In some people, from time to time, the virus may reactivate to produce recognisable lesions such as cold sores around the lips and nose.

While the virus is widespread, HSE is rare.

My DH gets them occasionally and despite him not giving them a moments thought and never being particularly careful neither me, or my DCs have ever had them (or at least never had an outbreak - like PPs have said, most of us are likely to have the virus!)

YABVU and nasty really blaming the poor woman's hygiene - let's hope your son doesn't come across attitudes like yours when he grows up!

It hadn't occurred to me on my first post about the kissing on lips
Im not precious at all about my kids, cold sore wouldn't stress me at all but are posters not concerned at all about ppl kissing theirs kids on lips? Have to say its a bit of a pet hate of mine...
Maybe i am precious

@Etotheipiplus1equals0

Why are so many people ignoring the actual science on this thread? Just because your mum had them and you didn’t doesn’t mean it was due to hygiene! It is highly likely you are now just one of these people who carries the virus but just doesn’t develop cold sores. I used to suffer really badly with cold sores though rarely get them now. I developed them as a teenager and no one else in my family ever got them. Neither my husband or kids get them. They are lucky! Yes I am careful to avoid sharing cups etc when I have one but there were several times my kids grabbed at my face as babies when I had one. It is very likely they have been exposed. Also you get properly ill the first time you get the virus. If he just has a cold sore and no other symptoms that suggests this isn’t his first exposure anyway.

I'm sceptical of the claims that most people are infected but are asymptomatic . Is it really likely that one person would suffer from cold sores quite badly all their lives and yet everyone they are in contact with didn't even get symptoms despite being infected too. If my mother had infected me and my siblings and father that would mean we could infect our partners and children too and yet they also don't get cold sores.

YANBU for feeling upset seeing your child unwell (if he is), who wouldn't be?

YaBU for attributing this to poor hygiene and laying blame with, im asssuming, no actual proof. Unless you have had pervious concerns that the CM hygiene was not up to scratch. Most people dealing with young ch are constantly washing hands and surfaces and that is without being in the middle of a global pandemic. You also cannot be sure where it came from. As many have already said a large percentage of people are carriers so ut may have come from a family member.

You have soft plays, swimming pools, nursery, school, playdates to contend with in the future, so it might be good to try and gain a little perspective. You cannot avoid your child catching bugs and viruses (unfortunately) and risks of rare complications are just that, rare.

of course they are, they spread through touch... either they are kissing this kid with a sore or more likely (because kissing other people kids on the lips would be a whole other issue) they have bad hygene where they are touching the sore then not washing their hands and spreding it round.

But that's like accusing someone of having bad hygiene because you've caught their cold. These things just happen, it's not anyone's fault .

Omg yaNbu at all how ridiculous yet again from posters 🙄

Jeez, are you going to be like this for his entire childhood? Unless you have him in a bubble, he will be picking up colds, nits and everything else in between. That’s life I’m afraid. You can only control what your family does, not what everyone else does. It’s a big over reaction on your part.

You or husband can also be carriers with no symptoms. YABU

@Etotheipiplus1equals0

Why are so many people ignoring the actual science on this thread? Just because your mum had them and you didn’t doesn’t mean it was due to hygiene! It is highly likely you are now just one of these people who carries the virus but just doesn’t develop cold sores. I used to suffer really badly with cold sores though rarely get them now. I developed them as a teenager and no one else in my family ever got them. Neither my husband or kids get them. They are lucky! Yes I am careful to avoid sharing cups etc when I have one but there were several times my kids grabbed at my face as babies when I had one. It is very likely they have been exposed. Also you get properly ill the first time you get the virus. If he just has a cold sore and no other symptoms that suggests this isn’t his first exposure anyway.

Because they think they know more than actual science proves. I suffer from cold sores my son has never had one, my mum and dad both don't get them nor do my siblings. It's just one of those things. I've lived with all of the above obviously and they've never once had one. It's not a hygiene issue at all, the majority of people will carry the virus but not all will have outbreaks of cold sores.

My dad gets cold sores, and yes it's unpleasant for him. Whenever he had one, he wouldn't let us kiss him, and he was extra careful not sharing stuff.

However, we all have the virus and none of us have ever had a cold sore. I will admit I freaked when I first found out about how bad this virus could be, but after learning that this is a virus present in most of us and that it is harmless or dormant in almost all infected, this level of anxiety is not warranted IMHO.

The good news is that those who get cold sores from Herpes Simplex Type 1 are more likely to have acquired some immunity to Herpes Simplex Type 2 (i.e. are less likely to get genital warts).

The NHS says that it is impossible to avoid infection and does not recommend staying off school or work when you get a cold sore (which remains infectious until it has healed). It does recommend not sharing towels, utensils and handwashing when you have an outbreak.

I agree with you OP. Some people seem to be implying there's no way the childminder could have prevented your son catching it and that it's not down to poor hygiene and lack of consideration/care. I disagree. My mom has suffered with them for most of her life having picked them up from someone as a child. She had always been incredibly careful when she gets one, not to kiss us or share towels, cups, cutlery anything just to make absolutely certain she didn't pass it on. She never passed them on to her 3 children, grandchildren or husband. It's completely possible to avoid spreading them if you're careful. I would be very upset like you are as well.

I'm with you op. I wouldn't be happy and shows poor hygiene.

As others have said you are being ridiculous! Also Id like to know what precautions you will be taking to keep others safe now your child has a virus that is so easily spread and so dangerous? Yabu

@Hyggemama

Really?! The virus can cause blindness / brain damage and will be with him for life.

Get some Zovirax or whatever on it quick

I ONCE had a tingle and treated it immediately and never had one again. There is a chance you can nip this in the bud

You are reacting a bit OTT, but my ex was the same when he saw someone with a cold sore all over our ds

Ex had them from time to time, and he knew that he doesn’t want that for ds.

Agree with the poor hygiene thing tho, that’s a worry.

Be as skeptics as you like Belladonna it’s what the science says is true... some people just react differently to the virus. Most people exposed do not get cold sores so it’s not surprising that none of your family do, even if they have it. This covers both types of herpes and their prevalence www.who.int/news/item/01-05-2020-massive-proportion-world-population-living-with-herpes-infection

@Hyggemama

Really?! The virus can cause blindness / brain damage and will be with him for life.

98% of the population have it.

You almost certainly do just like your child were too young to remember the last outbreak

Poor hygiene and lack of respecting space from the child is more likely the cause (as is common with all children). I expect the childminder was extra careful but these things happen.

glitterelf I mentioned the first two of the other things on your list . I do think though that while it could be something much rarer it’s more than likely a cold sore.

Life has risks full stop - you can't eradicate them all. Herpes sheds when it is not present in form of a sore as well as the first few days of a sore. Google is fine until its serious and you need proper researched information, A small part of a degree course can of course cover things only in brief and will deal with the extremis of a disease. Did you look at how many people in the general population carry the herpes 2 virus, in fact H2 seems to prevent H1 if exposed later in life according to actual medical research. Its unfortunate that he has developed cold sores but it doesn't mean she has exposed him to death and brain damage and should be jailed for attempted murder.

Flu can be far more dangerous. Chicken pox (another herpes virus) can so can a range of other childhood diseases.

It is worth raising with her in terms of keeping her distance from the kids (ie keeping her mouth away from them) and handwashing when she has a cold sore being more active. But what is done further exposure doesn't mean it will get worse.

@Squidgling please look at the science. Good hygiene is of course important. But a lot of whether you get cold sores is luck- 2/3 of people get the virus but far, far fewer get coldsores.

I'd be upset too. If my family and I didn't get cold sores I'd be very upset if one of us suddenly picked them up.

You are being ridiculous OP!
Literally, anything can give you a virus and kill you - do you know how many people die from cat scratches but chances are you're going to get scratched at least once in your life.

My DD picked up a cold sore from school, I had never had one so it wasn't from me - but she has never had one since and that was over 10 years ago.
What happens if your DC gets one in school are you going to remove them from there?

OP I’d be gutted too!

If you are really worried you could call your GP and ask for aciclovir.

My first reaction would have been a bit ick if she clearly has a cold sore and now your DS does, but it would have more to do with it indicating (to me anyway) an unhealthy lifestyle or lack of cleanliness (probably unreasonably).

You can't blame her for not telling you though!