What to say to the childminder

[Hyggemama]

I just don't know what to do... myself partner and DS1 have never ever ever suffered from a cold sore. My DS2 has been going to a childminder for a few months though. When I collected him on Monday I noticed the childminder had a cold sore. Now he has what looks like a cold sore forming on his top lip. I am so upset. He will have this recurring for life and it must only be from her or her kids because lockdown means this is the only other family he has seen. I feel like taking him out of her care because the hygiene is clearly not good enough and she should have let us know so we made a choice to expose him or not. We would have still paid the bill. AIBU to say he won't be going back there?

Just take him out - clearly you want to?

for me - you can't be 100% sure where the cold sore virus has come from as it can lay dormant etc so I wouldn't blame the childminder.

I've only had cold sores a couple of times - I'm lucky - my DM has had them far more and it's not nice, so I know what they're like.

I have worked with viruses in a previous job and had to wear full ppe when wearing to prevent both contaminant transmission. Good hygiene will certainly reduce the risk of transmission but it certainly won't eliminate the risk of transmission so it is 100% not related to poor hygiene.

People on average touch their face 23 times an hour so that is another factor for transmission. To be honest op its horrible for your child however more than half the population carry it theyre just asymptomatic your son unfortunately has visible signs of it. To be honest the virus is unavoidable however in a healthy person outbreaks are rare.

I think some posters on this thread need to get a grip with one mentioning gbh and another insinuating that the childminder is kissing the child on the lips!

Op I suffer from cold sores and am often scared to pass them onto my kids, I never have luckily, but sometimes my kids get little
Spots that I think are cold sores but they turn out not to be, so just really make sure it is a cold sore before you go guns a blazing.

Ps I do think you’re overreacting, if he dies have it chances are he won’t go blind, there is probably more risk to your son just travelling to the childcare (car crash, hit by bus etc) than going blind from a cold sore.

@HaveringWavering, its ok you're not breaking anything to me. You're just stating your opinion based on your anecdotal experience, as did I. Because like the majority of people, I'm not an expert in every subject, I base my opinions on my lived experience.

@Lelophants

I genuinely had no idea this was a thing. I assumed everyone got them at one point. 🤷‍♀️

People started getting hysterical about them when the pharmaceutical companies produced aciclovir and started publicising first genital herpes and then moved on to herpes on the lip/face. For some reason getting them on your finger (whitlows) never seems to cause the same reaction and you know who get lots of those? Those people who take no hygiene measures but put their fingers in your mouth, yes the dentists. Obviously dentists actually have high standards of hygiene but they still catch it.

OP if it is a cold sore he might never get another one, if he is more prone to them then topical aciclovir (Zovirax) is good particularly when he is old enough to identify prodrome. When he's older if it is a problem he can take aciclovir as a tablet. My sister and I got them as young children from a relative, sister had one outbreak I had many. Since I discovered aciclovir tablets I've never had an outbreak, as soon as I feel the tingle/prodrome I take a tablet and that is the end of it.

Could you explain that your child seems to have picked up a cold sore. Is it possible for paper towels to be used or separate towels for them to dry their hands on? As you dont want it to spread.

I would feel slightly annoyed too OP.

I have never had a cold sore but if I did I would cover it with a patch (plaster) of some sort of I was looking after children.

I don’t think I would remove my child but I would be annoyed for a while.

I personally think your over reacting. So what it's a cold sore.

I have had cold sores and didn't suffer terribly. I haven't had one in coming up 20 years though.

[quote SharedLife]@HaveringWavering, its ok you're not breaking anything to me. You're just stating your opinion based on your anecdotal experience, as did I. Because like the majority of people, I'm not an expert in every subject, I base my opinions on my lived experience.[/quote]
You’re totally missing my point! It’s impossible to prevent transmission of herpes simplex in a family environment. Some people don’t develop cold sores, that is just luck. Your Mum thought she was doing something to stop it but she was deluded. Lucky, but deluded.

*But it's different when they are older and not in their house surely? If my child was having a sleepover with a friend who suffers from them then yes I would expect them to tell me if they have an outbreak.

I will from now on if mine gets another.*

Why only if they get another? Surely you should tell everyone now? What's the rationale?

@Greendoonan

I love how people are minimising this by saying it’s just a coldsore. The child has been infected with herpes. HERPES! It’s not a minor thing.

You are going to have a field day when you find out about chickenpox.

Look on the bright side, having HSV1 protects somewhat against HSV2 . So while it’s unsightly your boy is now less likely to contract the genital version in the future which people brand as truly vile.

I never knew this!
They say you learn something new every day - although I have never had a cold sore so now I wish I had

I genuinely had no idea this was a thing. I assumed everyone got them at one point

Most people do as I think it is something like every 2/3 people will have the virus but not everyone shows the cold sore.

I am just upset that my son now has an incurable disease.

I can’t believe you wrote that about your child having what might be a cold sore.

But it's different when they are older and not in their house surely? If my child was having a sleepover with a friend who suffers from them then yes I would expect them to tell me if they have an outbreak.

I will from now on if mine gets another

What are you going to do for the next 2 weeks without any childcare?

Surely you can't take 2 weeks off work because your son has a cold sore but obviously you can't have anyone else looking after him in his condition?

Are coldsores a sign of poor hygiene?

@Bleepers It's a bit of a coincidence that the childminder and OP's DS got one at the same time.

Maybe she gave him a peck, or some of the kids are using cups etc that haven't been cleaned adequately so they have the virus on them.

I love how people are minimising this by saying it’s just a coldsore. The child has been infected with herpes. HERPES! It’s not a minor thing.

This is from John Hopkins:

"Fifty percent to 80 percent of U.S. adults have oral herpes. According to the National Institutes of Health, about 90 percent of adults have been exposed to the virus by age 50."

99.99% of the time it absolutely is a minor thing. You are being ridiculous and scaremongering.

The kid will be fine

😂😂😂😂 first world problems

@HaveringWavering ha thanks, I have genital herpes gifted to me by my rapist. Although as the science says I could have had it for years and only the stress of the rape brought one out.

Wish I’d had it orally because while having a coldsore orally is unsightly having one genitally to some people on this thread clearly brands you an unhygienic rank person unworthy of love who needs to be living in a bubble!

Few key facts for people on this thread reacting with horror:

A - It is a fact the majority of people carry some form of herpes virus. Either orally or genitally

B - 80% of people have no symptoms, ie never get a coldsore, but that doesn’t mean your husband/gran/mum never gave you them. You still carry Herpes. Statistically only 10% of people on this thread don’t.

C - wether you get symptoms or not herpes sheds randomly throughout the year so you are all happily passing it around unless you are wrapped in cellophane.

D - it is only when big pharma got involved in realising it was a money making cash cow we were fed the fear mongering line. Mild symptoms or serious complications are still very rare

E - the majority of genital herpes cases now are caused to women by men upping their game on oral sex. Herpes can live anywhere, eyes, arms, anywhere there is “broken” skin, it really is very very common.

F - it’s not the only one, glandular fever, Epstein Barr, Chicken Pox and many others are still hanging around your nerves and shedding now and then. So either stay home forever or accept this is a part of life not bad hygiene.

G - be kind. It is an awful thing for a child to “have” something, my DD got oral coldsores from somewhere and she was quite poorly the first time with infected herpatic gingivitis. But also be kind because the type of judgement on this thread is also the kind of judgement that makes me regularly want to commit suicide. The virus itself gives me no real symptoms. The stigma and hatred and lack of understanding makes me want to not be here anymore.

I’ll shut up now!

Some of these comments are peak mumsnet.

I would.be furious about it. None of us get them and if she had active cold sore she should have got plaster things to go over lips. Someone where i.usef to work had them and she always used them. They are see through.

I would not be happy at all. Then again I have actually also bothered to pay for my daughter to have the chicken pox vaccine. The childminder should have been open and honest it suggests poor hygiene at home. Find a new childminder. Both DM and MIL were childminders and transparency is key. Why have you not used a nursery? Having been witness to what other childminders were doing i would opt for a nursery.

Never ever ever, I think you need an extra ever.