What to say to the childminder

[Hyggemama]

I just don't know what to do... myself partner and DS1 have never ever ever suffered from a cold sore. My DS2 has been going to a childminder for a few months though. When I collected him on Monday I noticed the childminder had a cold sore. Now he has what looks like a cold sore forming on his top lip. I am so upset. He will have this recurring for life and it must only be from her or her kids because lockdown means this is the only other family he has seen. I feel like taking him out of her care because the hygiene is clearly not good enough and she should have let us know so we made a choice to expose him or not. We would have still paid the bill. AIBU to say he won't be going back there?

[quote PricklesAndSpikes]@Toilenstripes
They might be a normal part of your life but trust me not for me or anyone I know. 🤨 Far too many on this thread acting like it’s no big deal when it’s actually rank.

Well, you're just lovely aren't you? Are you seriously calling someone, who through no fault of their own may suffer from cold sores "rank"? Are you one of those that also think people who get spots are either dirty or eat too much chocolate? You're the reason kids get bullied at school (and out of it into adult life for that matter) for something out of their control.[/quote]
Yes, I am lovely, and no, I’m not the reason kids get bullied at school. Dial yourself down.

I totally understand why you are upset, but when 89% ish of the population carry herpes orally you or your partner almost definitely have the virus asymptomatically anyway.

Look on the bright side, having HSV1 protects somewhat against HSV2 . So while it’s unsightly your boy is now less likely to contract the genital version in the future which people brand as truly vile.

I really really wish people would understand Herpes more.

@MrMeSeeks

Yes op take him out, also do not let him in school, you never know what he may pick up there! Take him out, for the childminder’s sake

Oh, as a person who has never had a cold sore, i still do not think they are ‘rank’ are you twelve?)

Just to clarify, I never said they were "rank". But I do know they can really knock children's and adult's confidence.

@MrMeSeeks

My point was that she should've let me know. And I am upset, not for fear that he might get HSE, but that he will have to live with this now

No, she does not need to let you know
Will you expect teachers, parents of school friends to let you know?

But it's different when they are older and not in their house surely? If my child was having a sleepover with a friend who suffers from them then yes I would expect them to tell me if they have an outbreak.

I will from now on if mine gets another.

Just to clarify, I never said they were "rank". But I do know they can really knock children's and adult's confidence.

yes, because people (like you, starting this thread) think that sufferers are dirty and that the only possible explanation for transmission is because of these dirty people's poor hygiene (like you, starting this thread).

So, Op have you got over feeling the need to speak to CM about it and leave them?

You did start off looking to blame, but have you now moved towards seeing there really is no blame? If that’s the case, then that’s definite progress.

If your CM displayed a possible cold sore last time you saw them and your son displayed a possible cold sore soon after, it sounds like any cold sore was probably new for the CM. Your son might or might not have picked it up from her or as other posters have said, it takes ages and ages for it to incubate and the timescale between when you saw the CM had a possible cold sore and your son did is likely to be too small....coincidence??

I guess there have been lots of cases of a CM suddenly getting Covid symptoms lately. They tell the parents and then go for a test. When they get their positive result, they tell the parents. In some cases the child will also develop symptoms (or not) and be tested positive. Is the CM to blame and negligent and should the parents be angry or annoyed with the CM? It’s a current risk isn’t it if going into the world and for small children and their carers, social distancing just doesn’t and can’t happen.

I’m encouraged if we’re moving towards recognition there really isn’t blame to be apportioned here.

I've suffered from cold sores since I was a young child, I'm now 47, and to my knowledge I've never passed it on as none of my family have ever had one so I've no idea where it came from originally

I'm certainly not rank

Just to clarify, I never said they were "rank". But I do know they can really knock children's and adult's confidence.

Because of people like you who blame them on poor hygiene...

I caught nits from one of the dc I minded - none of my dc or I have ever had them before
We had to be very careful about telling other parents because (apparently) because it contravenes privacy. & we were told (on course) we couldn't nit comb dc without written permission
Cold sores can be inactive most of the time & come out only when the person is under the weather (stress lack of sunlight? too maybe?)
She may have caught it off one of the dc & not recognised what it was either on them or herself for same reason as me (not having one before) or it could be acne it her case.
Be polite & tell her your dc has caught a cold sore & say you are concerned.
My dh has one that reoccurs 10 years or so. Actaully I think it maybe longer time periods than that!
db are tactile & with the best will in the world keeping their environment sterile is impossible. Db touch each other & even if they have separate towels or whatever they will mouth toys & many strange objects! before you can stop them.
if dc was in nursery they would be even more likely to catch things - bigger pool of cross infection. Wait till they get to school!
PP advice on medication is good & always talk to pharmacist to check its safe for his age & condition.

Trying to imagine a world in which my son's friends Mum invites him for a sleepover but says' By the way I've got a cold sore, so you probably won't want him to come'.

Nope. Both my parents get coldsores, neither my nor my brother do. I've honestly never given them any thought until this completely bonkers thread.

Because of people like you who blame them on poor hygiene...

I think more so because they are painful and don't look very nice rather than a poor hygiene issue tbh.

(I gave all the parents permission slips to sign for doing nit combing after this!)

I’m sure she loves having you as client and would be devastated to lose your custom do her a favour and find a new cold sore free CM by all means.

OP you’re sounding worse the more you post.

Cold sores are a virus .. end of. No need to blame. No need to ostracise people for them. No need to call them rank. No need to catastrophise (sp?) about them. A simple virus that most of the population carry.

pink ... she can’t find a new cm .. her own ds will now spread his vile rank germy cold sore everywhere 🙄he will now be forever confined to home with no kisses or cuddles ever, if this idiotic thread is anything to go by ... 🙄

@SharedLife

I'd feel the same way OP. My mum gets cold sores but my brother and I don't because she was very careful and cautious when we were growing up. I'm very happy for her to look after my DC even if she has one because I know she takes it seriously and has great hygiene.

Why wouldn't you be upset that, if it has come from the CM, she has at best passed on a virus that will cause recurring uncomfortable, contagious sores that he has to deal with for the rest of his life and at worse a virus that could cause life changing problems?! Because, in a professional capacity, she's failed to follow good hygiene practices, during a pandemic.

I'd feel the same way OP. My mum gets cold sores but my brother and I don't because she was very careful and cautious when we were growing up. I'm very happy for her to look after my DC even if she has one because I know she takes it seriously and has great hygiene.

I hate to break it to you @SharedLife but your Mum’s perceived “good hygiene” had nothing to do with your brother and you not getting cold sores. My Dad and I get them, my Mum and brother never did. Nobody took any extra precautions during a flare-up. My husband has never had one and I have definitely kissed him when I have been contagious.

I would be upset too. Have tried very hard not to get them and would’ve certainly had more risk and adventure if that fear hadn’t guided my choices. Understand how you feel completely. Yes it’s not the end of the world, but it could’ve been prevented and he most likely got it from her. Poor baby!

what happens when he goes to school or plays with other kids on a playdate

The op didn't call them rank for goodness sake. She's worried about it understandably. I would care if my child had got them too. It's not something to be pleased about is it.

years ago I started a nursing course & I vividly remember that the gp for the nurses first question was "what ward are you working on?" not because he thought we caught something from the patients but because we were reading up on the conditions & self diagnosed! (well known on medical courses!)
It not nice & anything db gets is worrying because they are so precious to you. The conditions you see on courses are usually the worst examples & undiagnosed & untreated for along time.

I think the OP's point was that her childminder didn't have good hygiene as expected with someone having cold sores. Herpes virus isn't airborne.

@PPNC

I totally understand why you are upset, but when 89% ish of the population carry herpes orally you or your partner almost definitely have the virus asymptomatically anyway.

Look on the bright side, having HSV1 protects somewhat against HSV2 . So while it’s unsightly your boy is now less likely to contract the genital version in the future which people brand as truly vile.

I really really wish people would understand Herpes more.

Re herpes..I had what I thought was a 'Plant allergy' on my leg.... {A pharmacist at the time said it looked like a plant allergy, a strip of blisters, as if I'd brushed against a plant}

Last year, during first lockdown, I noticed on my other leg a very red patch, and it turned into blisters.
As I'd been gardening in warm weather, assumed plant allergy, until blisters began to track to area not possible to be hit by plants.
Different pharmacist said ''Shingles''

{I showed him a photo}
The pain was intense.
I delayed seeking treatment {Antiviral drugs} because of lockdown and thinking it was a plant allergy.

I was ignorant as to how herpes works .... I had chickenpox as a child, and the virus hides out in a nerve root, to be re-activated years later.

Stress can lower immune response.

The pain is like an appalling sunburn combined with wasp stings, with a deep gnawing ache.

If any of you have a very red looking {Caucasian} slightly raised area that then goes into small blisters...Get advice and antivirals as soon as possible.

Not experienced cold sores or other types of Herpes.

Look on the bright side, having HSV1 protects somewhat against HSV2 . So while it’s unsightly your boy is now less likely to contract the genital version in the future which people brand as truly vile.

Love this answer!

Sorry OP but you are being unreasonable, and, to be honest, rather ridiculous.

People get cold sores -it happens. Complications from them are exceedingly rare.

I get them -have done since I was a kid. Haven't a fucking clue where I first caught one and tbh, I don't care - why would I? It could be anywhere.

FWIW, I have survived 35 years with no ill effects. My husband has slept in the same bed as me for 12 years -he's never caught one off me.

I would seriously suggest speaking to your GP about your anxiety levels.

I genuinely had no idea this was a thing. I assumed everyone got them at one point. 🤷‍♀️