Friend says boyfriend has been suspended for having a threesome

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AIBU to think that there must be more to this? Friend phoned me because her partner has been suspended (he works in a professional job - think police). They have an open relationship and both sleep with other people. I have been considering having a threesome recently, or starting a fwb relationship, and am well and truly put off by this whole debacle! Apparently he disclosed to a colleague that he had a threesome before lockdown and this made its way to management and he's been suspended for this and this alone! Surely he is entitled to a private sex life? My friend knows I've posted this here and is also curious to know if he's hiding something from her... Thoughts? Is he lying?

Yes possibly someone else from work involved.

I agree with @Monsterjam

I bet he's said if to somebody who didn't want to know.

If he's socialising with colleagues and making them feel uncomfortable by regaling them with tales of channel 5 documentary type behaviour then yeah I could see how that could be misconduct, same as any other sex pestery during work drinks would be.

It's pretty easy to sort. If he's been suspended he'll have likely received a letter explaining why he's been suspended. He will definitely receive one if he's called to a disciplinary - it's the law. She asks to see it.

I suspect it’s a complaint from the person he shared with, and the nature of the conversation. Totally inappropriate to share with a work colleague, and could be harassment.

If your friend is suspicious he is not telling the truth then he probably isn’t telling the truth.

It sounds suspect to me and I don’t even know him.

Bet he ends up drip feeding bit of truth a little at a time.

Three different households, no social distancing, and could potentially transmit covid via behaviour outside of work. I can see why it would be grounds for gross misconduct in some jobs.

I think you should seek further advice on this. Perhaps Dear Deidre?

Could also be a security thing - it shows bad judgment etc. It may well be they don't want him working the sort of job he currently does if they can't trust his judgment.

Is he a vicar?

Lol. I'm totally getting Nighty Night vibes from this thread.

You certainly don’t get suspended from the police for having a threesome. I know people in the police who are swingers... and of course it’s discussed. What do you think gets discussed in the cars when you’re working closely with people for hours. It certainly could be about “who” he was with or “ when” he was with them... so someone who he’d had dealings with professionally for example. They’re also very hot about social media so advertising the fact would be seen as bringing the force into disrepute in some circumstances

@Squarepigeon

I think you should seek further advice on this. Perhaps Dear Deidre?

Jeremy Kyle?

Of course everyone is entitled to a private sex life. Sharing details of it with your colleague makes it not private anymore.
Maybe he shared it with the wrong colleague and made them feel uncomfortable.
I'm pretty certain this isn't happening just because he had a threesome. There's more to it.

There’s lots of professional jobs and industries where how you live your private life or lifestyle out in public can lead to be to be suspended or severely reprimanded at work, especially if you don’t exercise discretion in public and in the workplace. Teachers, emergency workers, pilots, lots of other jobs etc. are advised not to be seen drunk/heavily, drinking/swearing outside work for example. Family companies or companies with a certain image or values they want to promote can let people go for bringing the company into disrepute (affairs, adultery, sexual acts, drinking, drugs).

Normally people don’t care if it’s done in the privacy of your homes and no-one knows about it and it’s legal, but once it gets into the public domain, the optics can be humiliating for the employer. And the press just loves crucifying a public sector worker indulging in a bit of hedonism.

my guess is

1. he's not allowed relationships with people he works with.
2. he's mentioned it in an email and they've got him for inappropriate use of work email system 3)its been deemed an inappropriate conversation during work/been overheard and a complaints been made
3. he's been harassing someone to join in
4. he's making shit up and been suspended for something else entirely.

*Surely he is entitled to a private sex life?

If some bloke at work started talking to me about threesomes I'd report it as an HR issues.

Yuk.

Also, could it leave him open to bribery and corruption. Or involved a client, criminal, or patient (depending on his actual job)?

Anyone got a shovel?

He must have broke some law or work based rules.

This could be anything such as an underage partner, a rape or abuse accusation, an abuse of power (junior staff member feeling pressurised into a threesome with him eg), bragging or sharing photos of another (particularly if a partner is also a colleague) or it has been deemed his actions have brought the service/organisation into disrepute.

You are right that his private sex life is his business. There must be some accusation of wrongdoing for his employers to want to get involved in this way.

Jeremy Kyle?

There's only take a break or channel 5 now, sadly.

"My horny hubby's gleesome threesome COST HIM HIS JOB" etc.

Of course he is entitled to a private sex life

But then he needs to keep his fucking mouth shut

Just thinking, depending on his job, this type of behaviour might leave him vulnerable to blackmail. Could that be it?

Daily Mail journalist again?

Could be that it happened with someone who he had been dealing with in his capacity of doing his job. I’m sure I read somewhere once that a police guy had had to arrest a prostitute, who he then had sex with after the fact, and as sacked when his superiors found out. I guess if it was a situation like this it might be classed as exploitation.