To, in actual fact, be grieving life before Covid and our collective lost future?

[StarsAndsunbeams]

Just that. I'm a ball of knots, despite trying my best to deal with this all.

I'm starting to doubt my inner reserves and my ability to adapt to change.

Please cast your vote. I need to know that I'm definitely not alone in this feeling. Advice greatly appreciated too.

I wish everyone would calm the fuck down. I know it's stressful but really, keep calm and carry on. We'll get through it. We still have a collective future.

@Blessex Exactly. We’ve been strung out for so long without information. I think the red mist really will descend for many people if all we get is a load of piffle waffle, telling us the usual absolutely nothing. It would at least be nice to know what ORDER we might have things back in. We need SOMETHING to hope for!!!!!! And not just the merry men saying “there is hope”.

The public really need to rise up and shout loudly if we are fobbed off yet again with no information on 22nd Feb.

@wanderings yes piffle waffle will tip a lot of us over the edge. By Mon 22 Feb there should be a roadmap out. If there isn’t a lot of people will get

I can understand them wanting to wait until Mon 22 Feb. By then we really should be seeing the effects of vaccination and the numbers coming down substantially. We then need to put the kids first again and get them back to school.

Yanbu...i was just thinking today if i had a chance to come back to this planet as someone else i'd say no thanks and give it a wide swerve. Not keen on being here as me either...mind you life was tough before covid.

@FangsForTheMemory - zeynep.substack.com/p/why-you-should-take-any-vaccine?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&utm_source=copy

Have a read.

@Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow

I had the exact same feeling on being trapped in a dystopian nightmare. All along I've felt the closure of schools was disproportionate. I supported the first lockdown initially but since then it's been lie after lie after misinformation after propaganda after lie. The media won't challenge it. I keep thinking if many years in the future I tell my children about this last year they'll say "mum, how many people in our family died, did you lose many friends?" and the truth will be that I know noone, not even through friends or friends who has died or been hospitalised of Covid. I don't know how to process the discrepancy between what the media tells me and what I see around me.
My biggest fear last week was that my children (3 and 1) will be deprived of a normal life and education through closures of everything we deem normal. My pro-lockdown, Covid-petrified friends were shocked last year when I expressed concern about our 3 year olds not being able to start school in Sept '21. I mean absolutely looking at me like I had two heads as it would never happen, but they are just sailing with the tide, accepting anything. Now I've moved on to worrying about my children not being allowed an education unless forcibly injected with experimental drugs. What if they do it at school without my permission? I can't believe I'm writing this in England in 2021. I'm not a conspiracy theorist (never had time to read any) and quite possibly the vaccines are safe but it's a fact that it's new technology with no long term ssfety testing. I'd want about 10 years or so to be ressured. Before Covid most people would have agreed. Now it's a baying mob calling the police on their neighbours for having a cup of tea with a depressed lonely relative in otherwise perfect health.
I'm also scared that rights like protest and voting are being questioned or stopped- they are so fundamental.

There was a question about following the rules if they're in place in May. The majority said they will. A lot of people are happy. Also, there are posters saying about how great the lockdown has been to them and they're praised for their positive attitude.

My life isn’t too different to how it was before. I’m a SAHM and carer for my adult son who has severe learning disabilities. He’s very difficult so going out, holidays etc haven't been a thing for over 20 years, we’ve actually been out twice in 22 years. However I’m still desperate for life before covid. Just to have friends over and have a wander round the shops even.

struggling mentally in a clinically meaningful way

This describes me., I was already extremely isolated and alone own and my world has got smaller. I have begged for help with my mental health and got absolutely nothing. My GP said "this is outside the scope of my experience" ended the appointment. I know damn well if I had chest pains or symptoms of another serious illness I would not call for help.

Where do you go when the care you are entitled to is not available anymore?

It's been awful not being able to see my DP since Christmas. We also grieve for all the holidays and events we have missed as we do something different every weekend and in normal times, live life to the fullest and have a lot of friends who we see. Losing that has been so upsetting and missing him has been painful. Also,losing my job has been horrendous.
I relate to the person who is fed up of being asked if they have a job yet. As if it's that straightforward. Every morning I wake up in fear of whether I will actually work again as there are ridiculous amounts of people all going for the same role. It's terrifying.

I am physically disabled and have been cooped up in the house much of the time for almost 6 years now and I used to get upset, even angry, when people moaned about being stuck at home during the first wave. I guess it's not much different to how I grieved for the loss of a normal life, though, once my conditions worsened and I was forced to give up work.

Please do make the most of being able to go for walks, spend time outside etc. I'm not able to do this much and I'm sure it has affected my mental health.

I'm really hoping that once all the people in the priority groups 1 to 9 are vaccinated (I'm group 9, those 50 - 59) we'll see some relaxation in the restrictions. Let's hope we get no more nasty mutations to derail us in the meantime.

Totally agree. I didn’t really mind the first lockdown, perhaps because it was spring/summer time so the weather was absolutely beautiful most of the time. I enjoyed homeschooling for the most part, enjoyed seeing my DC spend so much time together bonding and having fun, loved the endless baking and Netflix binges and loved having my DH around so much too. Then the rules were relaxed a lot at the height of summer, we made the most of the EOTHO scheme and life finally started to feel normal again by September when they returned to school.

Could live with the short semi- lockdown in November too, it didn’t really affect much in my life and we had a solid end date too. It’s just this lockdown I’ve struggled with so much. Homeschooling definitely isn’t fun now, I’m struggling with it and most days feel like a battle. I get annoyed easily, I’m constantly exhausted and snappy, my body has literally been aching with the sheer tension and I’m just an anxious mess. I’m totally on the edge most of the time, I don’t really know how I’m keeping it together.

I don't feel the way you do.

Lots of people do.

Things will improve with the vaccination; people gradually returning to work, leisure activities etc. so really all is not lost at all.

I honestly felt a bit unhappy reading the title of this thread as so many people are genuinely grieving for their Mums, Dads, husbands/wives, brothers and sisters that I feel that 'grieving' is the wrong word. Their loss will never be fixed; this Pandemic in its current form is a short-lived thing.

@Lovely1a2b3c - grieving is not the wrong word to use though. To grieve is to feel great sadness or sorrow about something or someone. The word is obviously most synonymous with death but is also appropriate in other situations. I have grieved for both my parents and my only sister but I also completely understand the word being used in this situation.

[quote Inastatus]@Lovely1a2b3c - grieving is not the wrong word to use though. To grieve is to feel great sadness or sorrow about something or someone. The word is obviously most synonymous with death but is also appropriate in other situations. I have grieved for both my parents and my only sister but I also completely understand the word being used in this situation.[/quote]
Hmm I know it can be used in other contexts- you can grieve for a lost job etc. but it just feels inappropriate here somehow.

Grief seems to be for something permanently lost; this is a temporary state of affairs.

@AdaFuckingShelby

I wish everyone would calm the fuck down. I know it's stressful but really, keep calm and carry on. We'll get through it. We still have a collective future.

Hollow words at the moment for so many people and completely lacking in empathy. ‘Calm the fuck down’ - are you for real ?! I am in a massively fortunate position lovely house, happy marriage , no school age children and secure job. I fully appreciate how lucky I am but I still have a d dad who has undergone Chemotherapy over the last year and whom I have seen 4 times in the garden when it was allowed in 12 months. I have a dd who is at Uni but has not been allowed back this term and who said tonight that she could have paid 1/3 of what she will pay in fees to do an online Uni course which is what she is effectively doing and who broke down in tears a week ago and said she would rather be dead if this was going to be her life and this is an incredibly motivated strong girl who has never had any mental health issues. I have heard from several friends/ acquaintances whose children are now actively self harming or are in counselling so you can keep telling people to ‘calm the fuck down’ and I and many others will tell you to ‘fuck right off’. I am realistic enough to know I have it a damn sight better than so many other people but I genuinely can’t comprehend how so many people appear to have a complete lack of empathy or compassion.

I'm afraid I agree with @Lovely1a2b3c. I'm sad about our lives being on hold for a year, and I'm sad my daughter has spent half her life in lockdown, and I'm sad I haven't met my 9 month old neice, or been able to be there for my brother through his cancer diagnosis and treatment, or do any of the things that make life enjoyable. It's been hard and exhausting and demoralising. But it's not anything like the grief of losing my husband. That is a different emotion. It's a knock-you-down, leave-you-winded, agonising pain that will be with me, in waves, for the rest of my life. This pandemic will pass. Things will slowly return to normal for most. But not for those of us who have lost someone. There is no normal any more.

Thank you all for your kind words. So much love to anyone else who has lost someone. This is a horrendous time to be grieving.

@hastingsandchips

I've hit a wall now. I feel like a caged animal over the lack of control I have about my own life. I need to have something to look forward to, or something to make the weekends different to the weekdays. No timescale for if and when that will ever return. Beside myself.

I feel exactly the same as this, thank you for articulating it so well.

I'm also a pretty resilient person, been through a lot, and am finding this period right now the hardest of the pandemic so far. It's the lack of any seeming plan, any proper leadership and anything to look forward to

Same here, exactly the same. Not sure why it's just suddenly become so difficult to bear.. but these days I'm panicking inside... just becoming a nightmare.

I agree it has been shit but our collective future is not lost. COVID was a virus that fucked with us all, but we shouldnt forget we are humankind. We are literally the apex parasite of the world. We are not going anywhere and we we will back to full strength in no time. Whether thats a good thing for the planet or not is another debate.

Makes you think how utterly soft and useless the average British person has become.

You have 1 year with slightly less luxury but still all the necessities and people are falling apart.

How would any of these people cope in the majority of the world?

@goldielockdown2

Could one of the oh so condescending posters who insist this is a blip in time please give a rough date as to when reckon things will suddenly go back to normal? You seem very sure of it. Thanks in advance.

2027 is my industries prediction for return to 2019 levels of normality if that helps?

This is probably outing but whatever.

I have recently bought my children back to my home country for a few months. It's essentially Covid free, and life as normal; not Covid normal but normal normal.

The first time I went out after we had finished quarantine, I came home again and sobbed. Proper racking sobs of grief. It was one thing to have known logically what we and our children had lost, but to be thrust back into life as it was in 2019 was totally confronting and overwhelming.
I didn't realise just how much I was living in a fight or flight trauma headspace until the threat was removed and I could collapse and take stock. I don't know if the effect will be as pronounced in the U.K. as life will go back to normal in increments so we will be adjusted back, but being thrust back into a world of cafes and family and friends and no masks, whilst absolutely wonderful, has also been really difficult. Seeing people here living their lives has made me so angry at the government for what they've done to the people of the U.K.