To, in actual fact, be grieving life before Covid and our collective lost future?

[StarsAndsunbeams]

Just that. I'm a ball of knots, despite trying my best to deal with this all.

I'm starting to doubt my inner reserves and my ability to adapt to change.

Please cast your vote. I need to know that I'm definitely not alone in this feeling. Advice greatly appreciated too.

You’re not alone.

I’m just fucking angry. Angry with everyone and everything. I keep finding myself saying “I just really hate people”. I hate the anti-vaxxer wankers. I hate the gleeful “This is life for the next eleventy billion years/don’t you understand this is a pandemic” wankers. I hate that the only thing that’s ever mentioned in the news is covid. I hate the other shit outside of covid like Brexit that’s being buried by it. I hate the jingoistic clapping for the NHS by government wankers. I hate having to make small talk with people- because it always ends up being about fucking covid. I don’t care when you’re getting your vaccination or why you think you deserve it first. I hate being alone and isolated. I hate talking to my family on zoom because they’ll only ask if I’ve found a house/job (of course I fucking haven’t!). I hate that they don’t ask to zoom - no doubt because they’re having to deal with their own shit too. I hate that I won’t even be able to hang out in my garden with them, when lockdown eases, because we’ll be 7, not 6.

I think the past fortnight has been really, really shit for a lot of people. Lockdown without the sunshine or the early Christmas lights is awful. A lot of us have got a wall with it. The first one I was all pro-active with exercise, outdoor time, DIY, helping neighbours with shopping etc. There was a novelty to it. November, I threw myself into Christmas preparations, ordering presents, meal planning (for the 3 of us!) etc. This time... nothing. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to plan for. I can’t even exercise because I have some shitty neurological crap going on that leaves me constantly bloody falling over. It understandably isn’t going to be a priority for the NHS right now, but running was previously the most effective anti-depressant for me.

Thank you, needed to get that off my chest!

I've hit a wall now. I feel like a caged animal over the lack of control I have about my own life. I need to have something to look forward to, or something to make the weekends different to the weekdays. No timescale for if and when that will ever return. Beside myself.

I feel exactly the same as this, thank you for articulating it so well.

I'm also a pretty resilient person, been through a lot, and am finding this period right now the hardest of the pandemic so far. It's the lack of any seeming plan, any proper leadership and anything to look forward to

@peachgreen I'm so very sorry for your DH's passing. Sending you so much love

Thank you to everyone who has shared their feelings on this thread. It's horrible that so many of us feel so low at the moment, but at least we know we are not alone and are not in some way lacking (as a few unkind posters have tried to imply). That helps, at least for me it does.

@peachgreen, I cannot imagine your loss. So so sorry .

A 70% majority would be nothing short of a monumental landslide in a general election.

I'm glad that I have helped others by sharing my thoughts and feelings on this. It is okay to feel sad. Especially about something so completely out of our control.

I'm not feeling this way, but to give that some context, my work environment would have been pretty horrific this year without the pandemic.

We're in a nasty dispute with a supplier who used to be part of the business and is a horrible bully and control freak. I can't imagine how hard it would have been to drag myself into the office to deal with everything.

As it is, we've been able to maintain operational distance with home working. I've had a third of the migraines I usually get though in theory I should be more stressed.

@EleanorRigbyWasReal so sorry to hear what you're dealing with! omg that sounds really hard.

@AsMuchUseAsAMarzipanDildo I hear you!

I dont think we have a "collective lost future".

Things will return to normal. This has been a period of change, and some peoples professions will have been hit worse than others, just as the digital revolution changed the workplace forever. But for most people life will go on as usual. Many of those hit hard will adapt and retrain. Some will be worse off, others may do better - that's life.

Op -You can only take one day at a time and try to avoid lots of negative websites/posts. Every day is a little closer to the end of this with new treatments, vaccination etc . We are in the beginning of the end. Perhaps that's the hardest bit though.

You can't grieve for a lost future either because there was no such thing 'promised' only an expectation of status quo perhaps. Illness or other misfortune can happen to anyone at anytime regardless of Covid. There is no use in mourning for a collective future you expected- because logically you would be taking into account everybodys futures! Some even might be better off because of Covid .

@StarsAndsunbeams you’ve just articulated how i’ve Been feeling for nearly a year.

Yes grieving for the lost life, but so much more the future. DS was 15 in March, it is likely he will be 18 before he can go to a "normal" teenage party. His first drink, first kiss, first gig, all on hold. We bought him tickets to Reading for his 16th birthday.

@AsMuchUseAsAMarzipanDildo I totally hear you. This lock down really is the worst. You summed up very eloquently- I dont have the brain cells to articulate my own thoughts/anger any more so thank you.x🍧

He told me tonight Christmas 2019 was the last time he was happy and carefree.

@babyyodaxmas

Just gone to give him your flowers Starssunsandbeams he told me ig wasn't that bad !

It wasn't that bad

Feel the same here.

On paper, I should be okay. New home, DH in a well-paid, very secure job, no children.

But I feel absolutely flat and lonely. We have absolutely no plans, nothing to look forward to, no break in the monotony on the horizon. I was quite isolated before all of this, but now I feel even more lonely (especially with DH doing nights this week).

We only moved a week ago, and I should be so happy, but i'm sat, surrounded by boxes, with no drive to do anything. Nobody can come round and see the house, we can't have a housewarming, can't even get to the bloody charity shops to source some knickknacks for it.

I feel like it will never end. I was made redundant in October but have zero motivation to find work which has a lot to do with the fact I'm shielding so that has put me off.
I have a liver condition which is worsening so I've started exercising again & trying to eat better but then I think what's the point? I just don't care.
I hate that nothing can be questioned or talked about properly without people being labelled. The media aren't doing a very good job of asking questions. I hate the emotional blackmail & this unwritten rule that the focus has to be on covid & nothing else as if people are not capable of dealing with multiple things. I hate the way people are turning against each other. I hate that the future of the NHS has become the responsibility of the public when it has been criminally underfunded for decades- when it goes private the public will be blamed. I hate that nothing is being done about the dodgy Tory contracts. I hate that the rich have got richer & most have no fucking clue about how dire life is for people. Universal Credit is not enough yet they think they've done good by adding an extra £20 a week! I hate this attitude of "it only effects the sick & the elderly" like they're all worthless. I hate that people don't give a fuck as long as they're alright.

According to pandemic & public health expert Bill Gates the next one will be much worse & will come in a few years so why bother! I really see no point in continuing.

THIS

“... I hate the way people are turning against each other. I hate that the future of the NHS has become the responsibility of the public when it has been criminally underfunded for decades- when it goes private the public will be blamed...”

EXACTLY

Do we need a covid moaning and support thread?

I have good days and bad days. I’m not a covid sceptic but I think we need some debate about the way things are going. We need to be able to moan without being told we are lucky because we aren’t living in a roofless tin hut in Pangolia

I feel this way too OP. My life hasnt actually changed all that much in that both me and my DH still go out to work, and my DD has still got a nursery place and so far no one close to me has died from covid. But i was supposed to see my DSis and fam who live in different continent last summer, and its looking less and less likely for this year either. I havent seen them since xmas 2018. We video chat.almost every day but it just sucks knowing i cant see her possibly for another year(s) I have a 1 year old she hasnt met yet and will have completely missed her baby years when this is all over. She was also going to help.support me with my elderly DF care.but im on my own with that too. I live in Scotland so international travel is even less likely this year than for england as sturgeon always top trumps Boris. We dont have.the 6k it would cost them/us to isolate in a hotel either so can't entertain the quarantine by going to see them. Feels like Scotland has been cut off indefinitely but to question it brings the 'we all have to stay safe' shrieks. It was only supposed to be for 3 weeks and yet here we are. Im not anti vax or covid denying - Im NHS so had my jabs already, practice social distance etc in an area that was tier 1 at xmas. So it just seems madness. If the travel ban was to avoid the new strains then how the hell can we ever travel again? I just get so sad and i need support with the care duties I have here and the neverendingness of it all is starting to mount. Im sure someone will get on here.to say how ridiculous Im being because you know, COVID.

Hmmm I am holding out for the announcements on Monday 22nd Feb. If they are a load of incomprehensible drivel I think there may well be a mass pushback.

I dont know anyone who has died however I am grieving/feeling very sad for the friend who has debilitating Long Covid, the friends who have lost businesses and jobs, the children and teens in my family really suffering from missing their friends and proper education, the nursery struggling so hard to make ends meet.

he list goes on. It's not just about feeling sorry for ourselves because we cant do this.or that. That was not the OPs point.
The consequences of this long term are not going to be good. It does feel life as we knew it has changed.