To, in actual fact, be grieving life before Covid and our collective lost future?

[StarsAndsunbeams]

Just that. I'm a ball of knots, despite trying my best to deal with this all.

I'm starting to doubt my inner reserves and my ability to adapt to change.

Please cast your vote. I need to know that I'm definitely not alone in this feeling. Advice greatly appreciated too.

Honestly, nothing - none of the restrictions, the losses, the changes - are anything compared to the fact that DH died. It was from a heart condition so we'll never know if it could have been prevented if it weren't for Covid. I try not to dwell on that. But I'd go through this lockdown ten times over if I could have him back.

I feel exactly the same. Was chatting with a friend (on wretched Zoom!) a few days ago and she referenced something we did 'last year'. I thought for a moment and then remembered it was actually 2 years ago. It's just that the whole of the past year is like a blur. As though it never happened. And I guess in a way it didn't.

And then we talked about how last summer we had to be apart and not enjoying any of the things we normall do, 'but at least we'll have a great summer next year to make up for it'. Well, it's February already and summer is not that far away, but looks like it'll be another wash out, which depresses me.

I had a nice pre-lockdown life. Not perfect by any means, but it suited me. Now, I wonder if either of the jobs I loved, and which were also a major part of my social life, will ever return, at least in the form I knew and loved. People here who say that we must 'accept a new normal' send a shiver down my spine. I don't want a new normal. I liked things the way they were.

What risks hester maybe we can all join in!

Also interested. Whatever it is, I'm in.

peach so sorry.

@peachgreen, I am just so sorry to hear that
and @Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow hope you feel better soon
...and bloody everyone on here having a tough time

I want to scream at the world and tell it to fuck off. Instead I’m watching Emmerdale thinking glad my life isn’t that bad

@VinylDetective I'm certain I've posted on the right thread. I take it you said 'thanks' to be sarcastic. Not sure why since I wasn't specifically replying to you. It's in the nature of threads like this that we may not agree with everything we read. HTH.

I’ve read your threads @peachgreen. I don’t know how you’re still standing. Respect. 💐

@peachgreen

Honestly, nothing - none of the restrictions, the losses, the changes - are anything compared to the fact that DH died. It was from a heart condition so we'll never know if it could have been prevented if it weren't for Covid. I try not to dwell on that. But I'd go through this lockdown ten times over if I could have him back.

So sorry for your loss.

@5128gap

The people saying it will never be the same again, why do you think this? Genuinely curious.

I do think that in general, life will more or less return to 'normal'.

However, some professions won't. Mine is probably one of them.

I find even watching the tele depressing, everyone social distancing, wearing masks on property shows and the like, interviews being done over video with an unreliable connection. The advert of 'look them in the eye' it's relentless.

Thank you all. @VinylDetective you're so kind, thank you. I have amazing friends and a beautiful little girl who have pulled me through. But it's been incredibly tough. Grieving in lockdown is absolutely hellish. My heart goes out to anyone else who has experienced it.

I am sitting in the kitchen by myself my RBF was enough to scare everyone off with popcorn and a glass of wine watching Schitts Creek.

It was leftover night and everyone fend for themselves. (DH and DC in 20's)

I quit

agree with pp who said we are not sympathetic enough to those others in the world who have been struggling. its not all about us, life has been pretty tough for refugees, those living in poverty and oppression. maybe this will help us build a better world.

Thank you for this thread. I needed to know I'm not alone.

I'm finding this thread comforting in a way - just to know others are feeling as grief stricken and as angry as I am. I'm sure it will all end at some point but I, for one, wont be springing back emotionally- it's taken a long time to get this low and I know it will take a long time to climb back up and shake off the gloom and despair. Just hope holistically and globally it's all been worth the torture of lockdown.

last year has been a complete blur apart from the month before when my family visited. It feels surreal now that we were just enjoying things without a thought about what was happening in China. I have a happy photograph taken with all of us. It feels like years ago.

Today, DH is waiting for news which he thinks is inevitable about a colleague. I heard this morning about the death (non covid related but still upsetting) of a person I knew, and know his DSIL and DGCs very well. We heard our prime minister this morning effectively announce that lockdown will continue until after Easter (so the plans I had started to put in place for a Cub camp out for 1 night are now shelved, yet again!). DD's sports group have announced the cancellation of the inter-provincial tournament for the year. Our big family reunion which was cancelled last summer is looking increasingly unlikely to happen as rebooked for this summer (haven't seen my DPs since last July, but was also looking forward to seeing DSiblings and their families coming home from overseas for the event - some I haven't seen in person for 3 years now).

I think, after almost of year of dealing with all this health stuff and uncertainty and stress of trying to keep well and ensure we had what we needed when we needed it despite both covid and Brexit issues with logistics, DH and I both WFH and under increasing pressures with that, no breaks due to work pressures, DD starting to lose the plot and take it out on us (as her sports, which helped regulate her ASD/ADHD, are all now cancelled again), …..it's all just getting to us this week in particular. We'd been mostly, not enjoying it but managing and muddling through - and we've hit the low point. And not just with the weather but the sense that any hope is not increasing but disappearing fast about any respite coming or even a vague sense of normality returning.

To think i bought a mask way back, feeling ridiculous. Everyone laughed...

@FangsForTheMemory - your post wasn’t helpful on a thread where people are clearly struggling.

Regarding the vaccines, many of the top scientists have stated that it is highly unlikely that the virus would mutate so far as to completely escape vaccine. The efficacy might be slightly reduced in terms of the initial antibody response but they don’t believe the T cell response will be compromised and it is still likely that the vaccine will be at least equivalent to the current flu vaccine. I can’t ever remember a situation where the scientists haven’t managed to create an effective flu vaccine to deal with the different mutations. They expect the covid vaccine to be similar and are already working on tweaking it to deal more effectively with any mutations which do occur.

Added to the mix are all the new treatments for covid which will prevent people from getting seriously ill/hospitalised and we are certainly not going to be back to square one!

@FangsForTheMemory I don't think your posts are particularly helpful on a thread where posters are sharing their grief. Just having the opportunity to say something doesn't mean it is the right time to say it.

I get you, totally @StarsAndsunbeams

I’m thinking nothing will be “right” for a very long time. Maybe, in my lifetime. I’m 60 next year. I just think this will go on and on.

I’m at the age where things (healthwise) are going wrong. I’m waiting for heart investigations and have been put on meds which have dreadful side effects, while I wait. My sister had heart stents done last month and this morning has seen her gp because she’s found a breast lump. (We've a strong family history of breast cancer). DH found a testicular lump in December and he’s still waiting to be seen for a scan. Lost my mum and dad in the past 13 months. And all the while, we cannot do anything except shop for necessities and work. Work if we’re lucky. I’m furloughed at present. There seems so little comfort.

I’m sad. Really angry....Furious actually, with the Govt. Trying to be upbeat for DS who’s autistic and very anxious about it all (he’s 20 now). He can’t see his PAs and his world is basically his bedroom.

Sorry to bang on but it’s all such a mess.

Oh @peachgreen I am so very sorry.

I've been taking St. john's Wort for about 4 weeks now. Can heartily recommend it. Makes me pleasantly numb to things - so don't book a holiday in the UK - oh well shrug shoulders, don't know when my DS will get a face to face education again but do know that pointless divisive election will take place in May ( Scotland) - oh well there we go.

On paper I should be fine without it. No money worries, lucky enough to be able to wfh, DSs school providing decent online education this time ( although DS struggling to engage with it), but I just felt so empty all the time that it's nice to blur any strong emotions a bit.

@FangsForTheMemory There are plenty of other threads where your comments would be better suited. Maybe better to read the room prior to posting.